Wednesday, September 10, 2014         Edition: #5302

Sweet Sheet!

★ The “2015 Guinness World Book of Records” is out today, and it includes a number of new musical feats, such as …
✓ Eminem has been cited for squeezing the most words into a song (1,560 in the track “Rap God”).
✓ Katy Perry has the record for ‘Most Twitter Followers’.
✓ Metallica is honored for being the 1st and only band to tour all 7 continents, an achievement completed last year after playing a gig in Antarctica.
✓ Miley Cyrus is listed as ‘Most Searched Pop Star On the Internet’.
✓ One Direction has earned the distinction of being the 1st act to debut at #1 with its first 3 albums.
✓ Shakira has ousted Rihanna as ‘Most Liked Person on Facebook’.
(Not listed: Sam Smith, ‘Loneliest Loser in Show Biz’.)
★ KISS star Gene Simmons has taken aim at record industry chiefs for failing to support the next generation of rockers, boldly declaring: “Rock is finally dead”. In a candid interview with his son Nick for “Esquire” magazine, the veteran bassist says he believes there is a serious lack of real talent on the charts and blames bosses at big labels for not nurturing aspiring musicians like they did in his 1970s heyday. (Somebody’s sounding like a 65-year-old.)
★ “Glee” star Lea Michele is reportedly setting up home with her boyfriend Matthew Paetz after just 4 months together. Paetz, a ‘Dating & Lifestyle Coach’, reportedly cleared out his apartment over the weekend to move into the actress’ $1.4-million Los Angeles mansion. The relationship with Paetz is Michele’s 1st public romance since the death of her boyfriend and “Glee” co-star Cory Monteith in July last year. (Is this a good idea … moving in with your life coach?)
★ And Kendall Jenner wants everyone to know she’s not a little girl anymore. The reality star-turned-fashion model, age 18, has posed completely naked for a new portrait by photographer Russell James. Her big sister Kourtney has proudly shared a snap of the session on her Instagram account. (Seems everyone in this extended Jenner-Kardashian brood intends to seek fame and fortune the old fashioned way … getting naked.)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The final 6 acts are revealed; Jackie Evancho performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nicki Minaj (“The Pink Print”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Panama Wedding (“Parallel Play”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Semi Precious Weapons (“Aviation”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Vance Joy (“Dream Your Life Away”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Death from Above 1979 (“The Physical World”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Kem (“Promise to Love”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Luke Bryan (“Crash My Party”).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Nick Jonas (“Jealous”, from upcoming self-titled album).

• David Bowie – He’s set to release a new song later this year. The track “Sue (Or In a Season Of Crime)” is from his forthcoming retrospective album “Nothing Has Changed”. The album, which marks Bowie’s 50 years in the music biz, is released November 17th.
• Glen Campbell – The 78-year-old country music veteran, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, has recorded his last song. “I’m Not Gonna Miss You” was written specifically for a new documentary film, “Glen Campbell … I’ll Be Me.”
• Iggy Azalea – An expanded version of her hit album “The New Classic” will boast 6 new tracks, including a collaboration with Brit songstress Ellie Goulding. The new song titles and drop date for the album re-release have yet to be announced.
• Lady Antebellum – Dave Haywood is now a dad. A Twitter post from the band confirms that his wife Kelli gave birth to their 1st child, son Cash Van Haywood, on Sunday.
• Little Mix – Tonight their 1st North American headlining tour, the dance-intensive “Salute Tour”, begins in Boca Raton FL and runs through October 11th in Toronto ON.
• One Direction – They’ve announced the global release of their eagerly anticipated 4th studio album, cleverly titled “Four”, on November 17th.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “Rolling Stone” she hasn’t been on a date since she split from One Direction frontman Harry Styles last year, because she’s sick of giving comedians joke topics. Quote: “I don’t like it when headlines read ‘Careful, Bro, She’ll Write a Song About You!'”

Vacuum cleaner-maker Dyson is launching the world’s 1st smart robot vacuum with live cameras to map your house. The ‘Dyson 360 Eye’s panoramic lens features 360° vision from cameras that capture 30 images per second to build a picture of each room. It then uses mapping software to plot its route around the house, and sensors to stop it from bumping into obstacles. As it operates on caterpillar tracks, it can move between different floor types. Owners can also remotely control the Eye with a Dyson Link smartphone app; and you gotta love this … it even puts itself away. It ain’t cheap though, costing approx $1,200 when it goes on sale next Summer. (Well that er … sucks.)

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Acquihire’ – The purchase of a company for the skills and talents of its employees rather than for its products or other assets. (Google recently acquired music streaming service Songza, admitting that it coveted Songza employee’s abilities in compiling mood- and activity-themed playlists.)
• ‘School Poor’ – Having little ready cash due to the cost of sending one’s children to expensive private schools. (“We’re surviving on cat food but it’s worth it … we got our little Gavin into the Snooty School for Snots!”)
• ‘Stacking’ – Simultaneously performing multiple tasks using multiple screened devices. We’re quickly becoming a world of multitaskers. While you’re listening to this, you might be using another device … smartphone, tablet, or laptop. (Please, put down the phone.)

Putting a plant on your desk can make you happier and more productive. In fact, results of a new study in the UK and The Netherlands suggest that plants around the office can boost productivity by 15%. How so? One reason my be that greenery causes employees to feel more physically, cognitively, and emotionally involved in their work. It also significantly increases workplace satisfaction, self-reported levels of concentration, and perceived air quality. The researchers say their study is the first to examine the effects of ‘green’ vs ‘lean’ … minimalist offices with little furniture. (To get the full effect of plants, try and keep them alive.)
– @MailOnline

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 79% of kids admit they’ve lied to their parents about brushing their teeth.
• 78% of us have stayed up later than normal to binge-watch a TV series.
• 72% of us won’t buy a new car if we don’t like the name of the model.
• 43% admit to eating ice cream straight out of the container.
• 15% of married couples under age 35 eat dinner together every night.
• 13% of airline passengers say they’d happily give up restrooms for a strong wi-fi connection.

Don’t bother talking to your Great Dane, pet him! Dogs prefer physical contact over vocal praise, a new University of Florida study claims. Not only are dogs more satisfied by physical contact, the study shows they never tire of being petted. The results have proven true whether dogs are petted by their owners or by total strangers. And after they’re petted they prefer to stay in the proximity of the ‘petter’; not so with a ‘praiser’. Experiments show that dogs will only respond to vocal praise when they are very familiar with an owner’s voice. Previous research has found that one thing is even more attractive to dogs than petting … food. (Never stand between a Pit Bull and his bowl.)

• Red underwear is popular in Wales. (Someone got a grant for this research?)
– “The Economist”
•  The complexity of a 4-year-old’s drawings can predict intelligence a decade later. (Is this a giraffe … or did you just sneeze?)
– King’s College London
• Walking in formation makes people feel stronger and leads them to make different decisions. (The reason soldiers [and North Koreans] go on parade?)
– “Inside Science”


1949 [65] Bill O’Reilly, NYC, right-wing conservative TV personality (“The O’Reilly Factor”)/author (“Killing Jesus: A History”)

1950 [64] Joe Perry, Lawrence MA, rock guitarist (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)

1960 [54] Colin Firth, Grayshott UK, movie actor (“The King’s Speech”, “Mamma Mia!”)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (2011)

1966 [48] Stevie D, Chicago IL, rock guitarist (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Crazy Bitch”)

1968 [46] Guy Ritchie, Hatfield UK, movie director (“Sherlock Holmes” films, “Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels”)  COMING UP: “The Man from UNCLE” (2015).

1974 [40] Ryan Phillippe (FIL-uh-pee), New Castle DE, movie actor (“The Lincoln Lawyer”, “Crash”)/ex-Mr Reese Witherspoon (1999-2007)

1984 [30] Matthew Followill, Oklahoma City OK, rock guitarist (Kings of Leon-“Use Somebody”, “Sex on Fire”)

1986 [28] Ashley Monroe, Knoxville TN, country singer (Pistol Annies-“Hush Hush”, “Hell on Heels”)

• “International Make Up Day”, but it’s nothing to do with face paint. If there’s someone you’re estranged from, this is an excuse to talk to them to see if the relationship can be salvaged.

• “Make Your Bed Day”, an annual observance encouraging us to make tidying up the bedroom part of our daily routine. A recent study found that those who make their beds daily describe themselves as happier overall than those who don’t.

• “Sewing Machine Day”, on the date that the sewing machine was patented in 1846. The first sewing machines were actually made in France in the 1830s. (What’s the ugliest thing mom ever whipped up on hers for you to wear?)

• “Swap Ideas Day”, set aside to encourage us to collaborate on creative thinking and new solutions to old problems. (So your co-workers can take all the credit.)

• “World Suicide Prevention Day”, the 10th annual as declared by the International Association for Suicide Prevention. The idea is to raise awareness of one of our biggest killers.

2000 [14] Halle Berry wins an Emmy Award for ‘Outstanding Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie’ for her portrayal of actress Dorothy Dandridge in HBO’s “Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”

1991 [23] Nirvana’s landmark track “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is released as a single

1897 [117] A 25-year-old UK taxi driver named George Smith becomes the 1st person ever arrested for drunk driving after slamming his cab into a London building (he is fined 25 shillings)

2008 [06] The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) particle accelerator, ‘Biggest Scientific Experiment in History’, is powered up beneath Geneva, Switzerland (leads to the ‘god particle’)

[Thurs] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Thurs] Day Of the Working Parent
[Fri] “Dolphin Tale 2”; “No Good Deed” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Chocolate Milkshake Day
[Sat] Aftershock Festival begins (Sacramento CA)
[Sat] Iguana Awareness Day
[Sun] Hug Your Hound Day
This Week Is … Housekeepers Week
This month Is … Prostate Cancer Awareness Month


• “Bob the Builder” – The story of a smalltown handyman, careless scarecrow, and an ex-field hockey player with huge boobs, who convince an insecure backhoe to do all their dirty work.
• “Caillou” – A 4-year-old boy attempts to send his parents into a mental institution so he can steal from his sister with impunity.
• “Dora the Explorer” – The relentless saga of a runaway girl’s quest for various trinkets (Vicodin) which she imagines while high on cocaine and mushrooms.
• “Go, Diego, Go” – A cousin of ‘Dora the Explorer’ attempts to compensate for his inferiority complex by learning how to speak Jaguar.
• “My Little Pony” – “Mean Girls”, only with horses.
• “Power Rangers” – 5 high school kids fight the thrash metal band GWAR using plastic swords they bought at Target.
• “Wonder Pets” – A hamster, turtle, and baby chicken band together to think of incredibly dangerous ways to transport armadillos and elephants while singing.
• “Yo Gabba Gabba” – In an alternate universe, a rail-thin DJ dressed like Bjork tricks 5 innocent monsters into hanging out with Sarah Silverman.
– Thanks to

☎ If you were put in charge of music for your office, what would be on the playlist? Name 3 songs that best reflect the mood of the place.

• What does a ‘Two-Bit Moon’ refer to?
a. The Moon in its First Quarter. [CORRECT]
b. The Moon in its Last Quarter.
c. A bar bet in which the loser must drop his pants.
– “Trivia Quest”

• What is rated on the ‘Scoville Scale’?
a. The heat of bath water.
b. The heat of a barbecue grill.
c. The heat of hot peppers. [CORRECT]
– “Land o’ Useless Facts”

Never let your wife go to bed angry … you’re defenseless when you sleep.

Take calls to find the listener with the longest daily commute to work and award them limo service for a  day/week/month. Then have them check in with regular traffic updates from their luxury ride.

Question: If you try THIS, you have a 1-in-3 chance of getting away with it.
Answer: Lie on your résumé.

While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

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