Wednesday, September 11, 2013       Edition: #5066

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“The Bull Sheet” will be on hiatus September 16-27 inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

✶ TV personality Sharon Osbourne has announced on her daytime show “The Talk” that she had a fling with “Tonight Show” host Jay Leno …. 35 years ago. Osbourne was 25 and new to Hollywood; Leno was 28 and working comedy clubs. Neither was yet married. The big reveal came as a shock to Osbourne’s co-hosts. (Old people admitting to sexual trysts … kinda creepy. What next, Betty White & Regis Philbin?)
✶ “Give Your Heart a Break” singer Demi Lovato has inked a multi-book deal and will be opening up about her struggles with addiction. At just 21, she’s already battled drug addiction, depression, and been in rehab. Her first tome, which hits stores in November, is entitled “Staying Strong: 365 Days a Year”. It features a collection of her inspirational posts from Twitter. The 2nd book will apparently be more of a memoir. (Wha’? Inspirational tweets?!?!)
✶ What are you going to watch when “Breaking Bad” is over? HBO is hoping it’s “True Detective”, a new drama that follows a pair of quirky cops as they hunt a Louisiana serial killer over a period of 17 years. Matthew McConaughey & Woody Harrelson star as the outside-the-box detectives. Unfortunately, the show runs just 8 episodes. If there is a Season 2, it’ll tell a different story in a different place at a different time. (Always leave ‘em wanting more!)
✶ And acting couple Daniel Craig & Rachel Weisz have banned all gadgets from the bedroom … tech gadgets that is. The Brit actors wed in 2011 and now live in NYC where they are co-starring in the Broadway “Betrayal” (opening October 1st). In a new interview Craig reveals that their agreement to keep laptops, smartphones, and tablets away from their bedroom is a bid to keep the marriage healthy. Technology, he says, is ‘a complete anti-aphrodisiac’. (Especially if you’re watching the icky new Miley Cyrus video.)
– “New York Times”

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 6 acts advance to the final round.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Sheryl Crow (“Feels Like Home”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Gov’t Mule (“Shout!”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Celine Dion (“Loved Me Back to Life”, out November 5th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Preservation Hall Jazz Band (“That’s It!”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Joshua James (“Joshua James”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – MGMT (“MGMT”); Simon Townshend (“Looking Out Looking In”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Keith Urban (“Fuse”).
• “MasterChef” (FOX/CTV) – In the 4th season finalé, the final 2 cooks prepare 3-course meals; the judges choose the winner.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Night 2 with blues legend BB King.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Trombone Shorty (“Say That to This”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Keith Urban again.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”). Rerun.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – In the 3rd season debut, solo artists & vocal groups audition for the judges. Mario Lopez hosts; Simon Cowell is joined on the judging panel by Demi Lovato, Kelly Rowland, and Paulina Rubio.

• Arcade Fire – “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) has announced they’ll be the musical guest on the show’s 39th season premiere September 28th, hosted by Tina Fey.
• Ed Sheeran – The Brit singer-songwriter tells “Rolling Stone” that he recently demo-ed a massive 70 songs and he’s hoping to release 3 new albums within 3 years.
• Eminem – His new video for “Berzerk” features an array of guests, including Kendrick Lamar, Rick Rubin, and Kid Rock. The track is from “The Marshall Mathers LP 2”, due November 5th.
• Gym Class Heroes – Frontman Travie McCoy’s next full length solo album is expected to come out next year. He’s just released the 1st track, “Rough Water” (f/Jason Mraz).
• Jay Z – “Magna Carta Holy Grail” has now officially been certified Platinum by the RIAA. The North American leg of his “Magna Carter World Tour” begins November 30th in St Paul MN.
• Kanye West – He’ll launch his 1st solo tour in 5 years in support of his latest opus, “Yeezus”. The 23-city trek opens October 19th in Seattle WA.
• Katy Perry – In a new “Roar” contest, fans can submit videos of themselves singing the song, and on Katy’s birthday (October 25th) she will perform it at the winner’s school.
• KISS – The veteran rockers have launched a public appeal to encourage NFL-reject Tim Tebow to quarterback their new LA KISS Arena Football League team. Word has it he’s being offered a 3-year deal.
• One Direction – They’ll roll out their 3rd album in 2 years on November 25th. It’s titled “Midnight Memories” and includes the group’s latest single “Best Song Ever”.
• Rihanna – She’s recognized as the Most ‘Liked’ Person on Facebook in the new “2014 Guinness Book of World Records”.
• Susan Boyle – It’s been announced the Scottish mezzo-soprano is using recordings of the voice of Elvis Presley on her upcoming Christmas duet “O Come All Ye Faithful”.
• Taylor Swift – E! News confirms she & Jennifer Lopez are set to collaborate on a track for J-Lo’s next album, which is due early next year. The deal was reportedly finalized after Lopez performed onstage with Swift at her final “Red Tour” show in LA on August 25th.

A few common beliefs about finding bliss that Shawn Achor, author of “Before Happiness: The 5 Hidden Keys to Achieving Success, Spreading Happiness, and Sustaining Positive Change”, says are simply not true …
✗ Happiness is Genetic – The truth is you can teach yourself optimism and happiness just like you teach yourself a new language.
✗ Career Success Makes You Happier – Happiness actually fuels success, not the other way around.
✗ It’s Based on External Circumstances – A study shows that 90% of happiness is based on how your brain processes the world.
✗ Achieving a Goal Will Make You Happy – Every time you reach a certain milestone, your brain just starts looking toward a new one.
✗ You Can’t Buy Happiness – According to research, spending money on experiences (taking a trip, bringing friends together, supporting a charity) rather than material things is, in fact, associated with greater happiness.
– Condensed from ABC News

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 81% of all vegetarians are women.
• 63% of speeding tickets are handed out to men.
• 41% of women say their idea of the perfect romantic getaway is an isolated mountain cabin.
• 40% of men have not given flowers to their significant other in the past year.
• 33% of us sleep on our right sides.
• 20% of us say we almost never sit down when we eat.

✓ It’s totally fine if you’re lousy at sports.
✓ Learn to cook and clean and wash those stinky clothes.
✓ Always aim carefully when you pee.
✓ Don’t be a bully.
✓ Don’t knock anyone up.
✓ You are not your job.
✓ Be a good guy.
✓ No means No.
✓ Life is not a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
✓ Don’t stop dancing.

Happiest nations on Earth, according to the 2nd annual UN poll based on life expectancy, average income, freedom to make life choices, generosity of citizens, etc …
10. Australia
9. Iceland
8. Austria
7. Finland
6. Canada
5. Sweden
4. Netherlands
3. Switzerland
2. Norway
1. Denmark
New Zealand ranks 13th, UAE 14th, USA 17th, UK 22nd. The globe’s least happy people reside in the West African countries of Benin and Togo.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Digital Globe’ – A sphere-shaped display screen. Like the old-school globes once common in classrooms, digital globes vary in size. But unlike those originals, the image on a digital globe can be changed with the touch of a button.
• ‘Inline Tweet’ – A snippet of text in an online article that’s deemed suitable for Twitter and so is formatted as a special link. The ready-made tweetable nugget is prepackaged and highlighted, and is activated with a single click.
• ‘The Mushroom Diet’ (aka ‘the M-Plan’) – A new weight-loss craze that began in Britain whereby you swap out your regular lunch or dinner with a mushroom-based dish for 2 weeks. Adherents claim it allows women to trim down problem areas such as the waist and upper arms while leaving their bosom intact. Katy Perry and Kelly Osbourne are advocates.

September is “Humor in Business Month”. A few ways to achieve that …
• Laugh for 5 minutes in your car on the way to work.
• Develop a ritualized, playful way of turning on your computer.
• Give your projects comical names like ‘Quasimodo’ or ‘Thumper’.
• Have mindless toys on your desk and take short breaks to play with them.
• Wear a funny hat to express or change your attitude.
• Use cartoons to help with communication.
• Wear light-hearted, temporary tattoos that help you cope.
• Under your clothes, wear a T-shirt with a saying that lightens you up.
• Wear funny underwear to counteract a serious day or meeting.
• Incorporate elements of a game into your work, for example giving yourself a prize for completing a project.

Our average ‘Personal Space Boundary’ is between 8-and-16 inches (20-to-40 cm) from another person’s face.


1965 [48] Moby (Richard Melville Hall), NYC, techno/rock musician-producer (“Disco Lies”, “Move”)

1967 [46] Harry Connick Jr, New Orleans LA, jazz/pop singer-composer (“In Concert on Broadway”)/movie actor (“Dolphin Tale”, “Hope Floats”)/TV actor (“Will & Grace” 2002-06)

1977 [36] Jonny Buckland, London UK, rock guitarist (Coldplay-“Paradise”, “Viva La Vida”)  BS FACTOID: Coldplay has just released the new song “Atlas”, which will appear on the soundtrack to “The Hunger Games: Catching Fire”. It’s the first time they’ve recorded an original song for a motion picture.

1977 [36] Ludacris (Christopher Bridges), Champaign IL, rapper (f/Pharrell-“Money Maker”, f/Shawnna-“Stand Up”)/movie actor (“Fast & Furious 6”, “Crash”)

1981 [32] Charles Kelley, Augusta GA, country singer (Lady Antebellum-“Goodbye Town”, “Need You Now”)

• “Emergency Number Day”, saluting the direct-dial 9-1-1 emergency system. (In the UK it’s 9-9-9; in Australia 0-0-0, in New Zealand 1-1-1, in much of Europe 1-1-2.)

• “9/11 Remembrance Day”. 12 years ago at 8:46 am EDT, terrorists began the attack on NYC’s World Trade Center using hijacked commercial airliners. The Pentagon in Arlington VA was subsequently targeted. As of August 2013 a total of 1,140 emergency responders to 9/11 and people who worked, lived, or studied in lower Manhattan have been certified to have cancer directly related to toxins released during the World Trade Center disaster. Experts believe that number will continue to grow.

• “No News is Good News Day”, whose proponents claim if you don’t listen, read or watch any news for the day, you’ll feel better. (Annual observance by the ‘Head-In-the-Sand Association’.)

• “Tricky Handshake Day”. Remember they only count if you spit on your hand first!

2003 [10] TV star John Ritter (“8 Simple Rules”, “Three’s Company”) dies of an aneurysm at Providence St Joseph Medical Center in Burbank, California … the same hospital where he was born in 1948

1996 [17] 1st recording by a major artist released exclusively on the Internet (David Bowie-“Telling Lies”)

1997 [16] Mother Teresa receives the 1st state funeral accorded a private citizen of India since the death of Mohandas Gandhi in 1948

[Thurs] Policewoman Day
[Thurs] Day of the Working Parent
[Fri] Friday the 13th
[Fri] Blame Someone Else Day
[Fri] Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day
[Fri] Stand Up to Cancer Day
This Week Is … Emergency Preparedness Week
This Month Is … Impotence Month


• If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
• Do mealworms ever just snack?
• Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say ‘Do Not Pass’?
• Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
• Is there life before coffee?

☎ In an effort to combat childhood obesity, schools in California have begun sending out what are being called ‘fat letters’ to the parents of overweight children. Students are evaluated by a registered dietician, who decides which qualify as obese. Good idea or bad?

Before the toaster pops in 15 seconds (SFX), name 5 …
• Things you buy in a can.
• Reasons for turning up to work naked.
• Reasons to get fired from a job.
• Excuses for taking a sick day.
• Celebrities who’ve been in re-hab.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

Question: Relationship experts say THIS is the most important thing a man needs to know about his wife.
Answer: Her best friend’s name.

Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.

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