Monday, September 13, 2010        Edition: #4341
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Simon Cowell has lashed out at wrinkle-rocker Lou Reed for allegedly refusing permission for Scottish singer Susan Boyle to perform his tune “Perfect Day” on Cowell’s “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) last week. Boyle had already rehearsed the song and was said to be crushed by the last-minute cancellation. During an interview with BBC Radio, Cowell calls the decision ‘so petty, so pathetic’. (Say it with a Brit accent to get the full effect.)
– WENN.com
• “Glee” star Matthew Morrison (New Directions conductor ‘Will Schuester’) tells “Vogue” his TV character isn’t that much of a stretch for him as he’s taught master singing classes in college and high school. He insists, however, that he’s otherwise nothing like the ‘nice guy’ he portrays on the show. Quote: “If only [fans] knew that I was a f–ing a–hole.” (We knew day one … just from the hairdo.)
– ContactMusic.com
• Former “Seinfeld” star Michael Richards (‘Kramer’) is in trouble … again. Photographer Brendon O’Neal is suing, claiming the actor lashed out at him in Los Angeles last month, punching him in the face and knocking him to the ground before proceeding to kick him numerous times. The snapper is seeking unspecified damages for ‘great mental, physical, and nervous pain and suffering’ plus medical expenses. (There are oodles of paparazzi-weary celebs who’d be glad to chip in.)
– TMZ.com.
• David Carradine’s ex-wife Marina Anderson says she’s sure the late actor is trying to give her clues from beyond the grave as she continues to investigate his bizarre death. She claims his spirit is struggling to ‘cross over’ because the true facts are yet uncovered. Thai authorities ruled the actor died of accidental asphyxiation while performing a solo sex act in a Bangkok hotel room, but some who knew him remain convinced he was murdered. (People, if you want the family embarrassment to go away … quit bringing it up!)
– BlogTalkRadio.com
• And Jennifer Aniston has beaten out Jessica Biel and Kim Kardashian to be selected ‘Sexiest Bikini Body’ in an end-of-Summer magazine poll; while Matthew McConaughey has been named ‘Best Male Beach Bod’, ahead of Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron. Also cited for the season’s ‘accomplishments’: Mel Gibson (‘Most Tarnished Reputation’); Lindsay Lohan (‘Most  Overexposed Celeb’); and “Sex & The City 2” (‘Biggest Box-Office Disappointment’), just ahead of “The A-Team” and “The Karate Kid”. (What was the best of Summer ‘10?)
– “Parade Magazine”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Usher.
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) – The 4th season debut returns to Paris.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Green Day (“American Idiot Soundtrack”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Janelle Monae (“The ArchAndroid”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Robert Plant (“Band of Joy”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Something For the Rest Of Us”).
• “Monday Night Football” (ESPN/TSN)  – Green Day performs at the new Meadowlands Stadium to kick off the NY Jets’ 2010 NFL season vs the Baltimore Ravens, playing “Last Of the American Girls” alongside the cast of the “American Idiot” Broadway musical at halftime. Slash performs a pre-game tailgate concert; Nicole Scherzinger sings the anthem.
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – After more than 4,400 episodes and 28,000 guests, Oprah begins her 25th and final season on daytime TV. The ‘Farewell Season Premiere’ guest is John Travolta.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Brandon Flowers (“Flamingo”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Jay-Z & Eminem – Tonight & tomorrow night, the 2nd leg of their “Home & Home” stadium gigs plays NYC’s Yankee Stadium.
• John Lennon – A handwritten note he penned on the day of his murder has gone on sale online for $154,000. The day before his death, he’d borrowed a guitar string while recording at NYC’s Record Plant Studio. He returned the next day and wrote a note for a sound technician reading: “For Karl, who strung me along, thanx, John Lennon, 1980.” See it here …
NET: http://bit.ly/bdLKNE
• Ting Tings – The as-yet-untitled 2nd album from Katie White & Jules De Martino promises some unusual sounds. After keyboards broke down during a recording session, they made their own synthesizer sounds … using their mouths. They also played guitars with sanded down drumsticks so they had ‘rough edges’. The first single, “Hands”, is out October 11th.

FACEBOOK FRIENDS AREN’T:
Having a large network of online buddies does not mean that you have any more close friends than other people, according to evolutionary psychologist Will Reader of Sheffield Hallam University in Britain. Nearly all close friends require face-to-face contact, he says, and the weird experience of laughing together when people find they have similar goals and experiences is necessary to developing that closeness. (It’s called ‘having a life’.)
– “Social Studies”

ICKY FLAVORS:
Why anyone would want to eat ‘Vomit’ or ‘Baby Wipes’ flavor – even for a joke – is beyond us, but jelly bean-maker Jelly Belly has released its ‘Beanboozled 2nd Edition’ of gross flavors that also includes ‘Toothpaste’, ‘Rotten Egg’, ‘Booger’, and … ‘Canned Dog Food’. (Ralph!)
NET: http://bit.ly/cfTUiO
– Hecklerspray.com

BIG HEAD, LITTLE TALENT:
A University of Florida study finds that people who have a high opinion of themselves get little admiration on-the-job. Conceited, vain, and self-absorbed employees might have an overinflated opinion about their skills but are often sub-par performers in the view of their supervisors and co-workers. Bottom line – not recognizing your own limitations prevents you from developing skills that would help you improve and make your company more effective. (For more information, see “The Office”.)
– “Journal of Applied Psychology”

HI-TECH FOOTWEAR:
Sometime later this Fall or next Spring the first GPS-equipped shoe, the ‘Aetrex Ambulator’, will go on sale. Originally designed for children by Los Angeles-based GTX Corp, the new shoes are expected to retail for about $250. They enable caregivers to track those afflicted with dementia or Alzheimer’s thanks to GPS and cellular technology that will relay their whereabouts back to a monitoring center.
NET: http://www.gpsshoe.com
– HealthZone.ca

OLDSTERS AREN’T RUDE, JUST IMPULSIVE:
According to an Australian study, seniors who ask others embarrassing questions in public aren’t trying to be rude, it’s just that aging has caused changes in brain function. Tests carried out by researchers at Australia’s University of New South Wales found that people aged 65-to-93 are far more likely to ask others personal questions than younger age groups. (Don’t be fooled – they’re just messing with our minds.)
– “Psychology & Aging”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Some spiders eat birds.
• A hand dryer can actually increase exposure to germs.
• The trapped miners in Chile are recycling.
• People who rise from their chairs quickly are more likely to live longer.
• Diners pay more for desserts when they’re on a trolley.
• Happy people give more to charity.
• The salary with optimum happiness is said to be $75,000.
– BBC Magazine Monitor

BS CHRONOMETER 09.13.10

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [46] Tavis Smiley, Gulfport MS, TV personality (“Tavis Smiley” on PBS since 2004, “BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley” 1996-2001)/radio personality (“Tavis Smiley Show” on PRI)

1969 [41] Tyler Perry, New Orleans LA, movie actor/director (“Why Did I Get Married Too?”, “Madea’s Family Reunion”)

1971 [39] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter/PETA advocate

1975 [35] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-“Here Comes Goodbye”, “Take Me There”)  BS FACTOID: He & wife Tiffany Fallon welcomed their 2nd child last Tuesday, a daughter named ‘Raquel Blue’ (great name! … for a hunting dog).

1977 [33] Fiona Apple (McAfee), NYC, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Criminal”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Boss/Employee Exchange Day”, to help employees and their bosses to appreciate each others’ point-of-view. (A good excuse to take the afternoon off and go golfing.)

• “Computer Programmers Day”, honoring all the geeks who keep coming up with ever innovative ways of freezing up our PCs.

• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the creation of the tasty little treats with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s fairly clear that the fortune cookie did not originate in China. It was more likely invented in San Francisco CA around 1914.
WORST BS FORTUNE COOKIES:
– What, 3 servings of moo shoo pork weren’t enough for you, tubby?
– Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.
– Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.
– Patron who mocks waiter’s accent will unwittingly consume chef’s bodily fluids.
– A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.
– Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.
– Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck.
– Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup.

• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’! It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scales tomorrow morning).

• “Peanut Day”. Peanuts are not really nuts at all but legumes (edible seeds enclosed in pods). As a group, legumes provide the best source of concentrated protein in the plant kingdom. Research shows that peanuts & peanut butter help reduce heart disease risk by 14%. And a Harvard study suggests that peanuts & peanut butter may also reduce risk of type 2 diabetes.

• “Positive Thinking Day”, thanks to some eager-beaver keener somewhere.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1990 [20] TV drama “Law & Order” debuts (eventually spawns the spin-off shows “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”)

1993 [17]  “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” debuts on NBC-TV, with first guest John Goodman (his new late night show, “Conan”, premieres on TBS November 8)

2000 [10] 1st night of 2-episode special Canadian edition of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” on CTV, hosted by Pamela Wallin (about $60,000 is given away after Canadians spend well over a million bucks on $2-phone calls attempting to qualify)

2008 [02] Writer/performer Tina Fey returns to “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) to portray Sarah Palin opposite Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1996 [14] Rapper Tupac Shakur dies at age 25 in a Las Vegas hospital, 6 days after a drive-by shooting

1997 [13] Best-selling single recording of all-time is released (Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle In the Wind 1997”, sells over 35 million copies worldwide)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2001 [09] 1st time most of us hear the name Osama Bin Laden as he’s fingered by the US government as mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1922 [88] Maximum outdoor shade temperature ever recorded (58 C/136 F at Al’azizyah, Libya)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Cream-Filled Donut Day
[Wed] International Day of Democracy
[Wed] “Survivor: Nicaragua” debuts (CBS/Global)
[Thurs] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Thurs] Stepfamily Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Assisted Living Week / Balance Awareness Week / Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness / Line Dance Week / Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
‘Celebrity Skin & Bodily Fluids’ of Los Angeles offers numerous body samples purportedly culled from the rich & famous. Among them: Bacteria from Van Halen singer David Lee Roth @ $6.75; skin cells from actor Jack Black @ only $14.75; and a 3-cubic-cm section of former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson’s stool, packed in a hermetically-sealed transparent plastic cylinder for $31.
NET: http://www.blackpitchpress.com/celebrityskin/film.htm

WHAT WOMEN ARE READING:
• ‘What He’s Really Thinking the First Time You Have Sex’ – “Cosmopolitan”
• ‘The Sexiest Hobbies a Woman Can Have’ – “Glamour”
• ‘I Can’t Turn Him On!’ – “Ladies’ Home Journal”
• ‘8 Sexy Ways to Burn Calories’ – “Woman’s Day”
• ‘10 Kick-Butt Chick Flicks’ – “Chatelaine”
• ‘Life Before Facebook’ – “Redbook”

WHAT MEN ARE READING:
• ‘How Often Do Men Really Think About Sex?’ – AskMen.com
• ‘50 Beers to Try Right Now’ – “GQ”
• ‘When Do You Fall in Love?’ – “Esquire”
• ‘The Ultimate Male Addiction: The Crazy Girl’ – “Details”
• ‘Are You a Real Man?’ – “Men’s Health”
• ‘Cheerleaders on Trampolines!’ – “Maxim”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
According to legend, what did Cleopatra have her mattress stuffed with each night?
a. Cat Fur
b. Fresh Roses [CORRECT]
c. Camel Eyelashes
– Halife.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the most revolting thing you have ever eaten?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Stats show females do 34% more of THIS than males.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Sending text messages.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Whether one lie or one peanut … one leads to another.


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