Thursday, September 13, 2012    Edition: #4829

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

Tonight actor Beau Bridges is honored at the inaugural “Betty Garrett Lifetime Achievement Awards” by long-time Hollywood arts organization Theater West (the trophy will be engraved: ‘Congratulations on Being Jeff’s Brother’) . . . “Dancing With the Stars” judge Carrie Ann Inaba has just ended her engagement with Jesse Sloan, that dude who popped the question on “Live! With Kelly” (shouldn’t they have to go on “Jerry Springer” or “Maury Povich” to announce that?) . . . “Magic Mike” actor Channing Tatum is opening a restaurant in New Orleans called Saints & Sinners, touted as the spot ‘where the red light is always on’ (no word on whether or not there’ll be male strippers) . . . A rep for movie star George Clooney is denying a new report suggesting the actor has split with girlfriend Stacy Keibler, calling the story a ‘total fabrication designed to sell newspapers’ (still though, after 13 months the sand on the old hourglass has gotta be running out) . . . After firing barrages at each other on TV talk shows, Heidi Klum says she & estranged husband Seal held a peace summit over the weekend but still have ‘a long way to go to be friends’ (in the meantime, shhh!) . . . Some couples exchange cards on their wedding anniversaries but Ellen DeGeneres & Portia DeRossi go with something bigger – a skywriting airplane annually writes out the number of years they’ve been married (this Sunday it will be ‘F-O-U-R’) . . . Prince William & Kate Middleton are in Singapore as part of their Diamond Jubilee Tour and Brits are all abuzz because at a state dinner, she conspicuously toasted – with water (well you know what that means, doncha?).

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Host Nick Cannon reveals the winner; performances by Blue Man Group, Green Day, Justin Bieber, and Ne-Yo.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Walkmen (“Heaven”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection”); Little Big Town (“Tornado”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Father John Misty (“Fear Fun”); Rachael Yamagata (“Elephants … Teeth Sinking Into Heart”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Neon Trees (“Picture Show”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Norah Jones (“Little Broken Hearts”). Rerun.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – More hopefuls perform for the judges. (Simon Cowell’s 2 shows are competing against one another tonight.)

• Avril Lavigne – Her next album, which she recorded & wrote with fiancé Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, should be out at the end of 2012 or early in 2013. It’s currently in the mixing process. BTW, for NY Fashion Week she shaved part of her head, dyed her hair pink & green, then added metal studs to it. Oooo, attractive!
• Cee Lo Green – Beginning tonight, he’s featured on the NFL Network’s “Thursday Night Football” theme song. Each week a 90-second fan-sourced video will accompany his rendition of “I Love Football”, set to the tune of The Ramones’ “Blitzkrieg Bop”.
• Chris Brown – He’s sporting a new half-face, half-skull tattoo on his neck that is undeniably reminiscent of the widely circulated photo of Rihanna after he assaulted her. He claims it’s inspired by Mexico’s “Day Of the Dead” celebration. The guy still doesn’t get it, does he?
• Eric Church – Tonight he begins the Fall leg of his “Blood, Sweat & Beers Tour” in Amherst, Massachusetts. The show may be recorded as he’ll be releasing his first-ever live album in 2013.
• Florence & The Machine – Italian design house Gucci will once again create Florence Welch’s outfits for her band’s upcoming tour.
• Frank Ocean – He’s revealed on Twitter that John Mayer will perform with him on this weekend’s season premiere of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC). Mayer played on Ocean’s song “White” on the critically acclaimed new album “Channel Ocean”.
• Ne-Yo – He’s the latest to be lined up for a cameo on the CW’s “90210” this season, joining already announced Carly Rae Jepsen, Nelly Furtado, and Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte.
• Sheryl Crow – She tells Katie Couric she thinks she got her (benign) brain tumor from using ‘old archaic cellphones’, but admits there are no doctors that will confirm that. Thanks for starting a panic based on … nada.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Frank” – 35-year-old German-born actor Michael Fassbender is on board to play the title character in this new British comedy. ‘Frank’ is the leader of an over-the-top rock band that recruits an aspiring musician, played by Domhnall Gleeson. Fassbender has some direct experience, forming a heavy metal band when he lived in a small Irish town as a teenager.
• “Her” – Joaquin Phoenix will star in Spike Jonze’s new movie about a lonely writer who falls in love with the female voice of his computer’s operation system (similar to the iPhone’s voice-activated device, Siri). The cast also includes Samantha Morton, Olivia Wilde, Amy Adams, and Rooney Mara. It’s due for release sometime next year.
• “Noah” – Oscar-winning actor Russell Crowe is said to be shunning modern conveniences in order to get into character for this Darren Aronofky biblical epic. That includes not showering nor using deodorant, which has not gone down well with other members of the cast and crew. One insider says he ‘totally reeks’. “Noah” is due in theaters in March 2014.
• “Paterno” – Al Pacino has been asked to take on the role of Penn State football coach Joe Paterno, who passed away in January at age 85. The long-time head coach racked up 18 bowl victories but his legacy has been tarnished by the infamous child abuse scandal. The film will be based on Joe Posnanski’s biography “Paterno”, now atop the ‘New York Times Bestseller List’.
• “Star Trek Into Darkness” – Fans believe JJ Abrams’ “Star Trek” sequel now has a name, as this title has just been registered on various websites. Due for release in May 2013, the 2nd movie in the series will see all of the leading cast of the 2009 film return, including Chris Pine, Karl Urban, Zachary Quinto, and Zoe Saldana.

1-in-4 adults have an inherited tendency to sneeze around bright light, a phenomenon called the ‘Photic Sneeze Reflex’. Some say light-induced sneezing is a meaningless neurological quirk, but Robert Provine, author of “Curious Behavior: Yawning, Laughing, Hiccupping & Beyond”, contends it may have evolved as a ‘daybreak ritual’ that provides daily nasal cleansing, a health-promoting function triggered by sunlight. The benefit, however, may be offset by the dangers inherent in the closed-eye nature of the sneeze … car accidents among them. (“My client pleads innocent, your honor, on account of PSR.”)

Originally published in 1976 by Italian economist and professor Carlo Cipolla …
• Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.
• The probability that a certain person be stupid is independent of any other characteristic of that person.
• A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.
• Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.

What should parents do to help their children grow up into happy, successful adults? According to University of Chicago economist James Heckman, the answer is … nothing. That’s because we have to develop skills like motivation and perseverance on our own. Heckman says when it comes to non-cognitive skills, the best approach may be to back off a bit; let our kids face some adversity on their own; fall down and not be helped back up. One of the greatest concerns of educators today is that students are so overly protected from adversity, in their homes and at school, that they never develop the ability to overcome setbacks and develop strength of character in the process. (In 4 words: You learn through failure.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

Well, don’t. According to a new research paper, the taboo of regifting is all in the mind of the giftee. A series of studies shows that people who regift something consistently harbor thoughts that the original giver would be offended the object is being passed on. In fact, regifters worry the action is similar in offensiveness to throwing the gift away. However, the research shows that those who give gifts which are eventually regifted are actually not that concerned. Researchers think that’s because most of us believe the act of gift-giving passes title to the gift on to the receiver, so the receiver is free to decide what to do with it. (This is why you should demand quality … you don’t want to appear cheap when passing a gift along.)
– Excerpted from “Psychological Science”

Cheap ways to entertain your children on ‘Family Fun Night’ …
✓ Camp-In: Kids love camping indoors, whether it’s a blanket draped over the dining room table or an actual tent with sleeping bags. You can stay up late eating treats and telling ghost stories like a real camping trip, but still get to sleep in your bed at the end of the night.
✓ Indoor Scavenger Hunt: Turn your tots into little detectives searching for odd-ball items throughout your home … a blue crayon, a striped washcloth, a stuffed animal with whiskers, a Hawaiian shirt, etc.
✓ Kid/Parent Date Night: Calling one-on-one time with Mom & Dad ‘date night’ makes it even more special. It can be the excuse for everything from miniature golf to laser tag to watching the latest movie at a theater.
✓ Lego-Building Party: The idea here is to come up with a theme with the kids, like a medieval dungeon or ninjas in battle, then the whole family works on Lego creations to fit the theme. Someone can even be elected storyteller to weave all the Lego creations together.
✓ Nature Night Walk: Look at constellations, observe phases of the Moon, watch cars go by with their lights on, and listen to the cacophony of crickets, frogs, and other creatures. When it gets cooler, opt for a night drive instead.
– Condensed from “Redbook”

In 1939, Columbia University professor Frank Cyr organized a conference to create school bus construction standards, including the color. Paint experts from DuPont and Pittsburgh Paints created a shade of yellow that provided the greatest visibility in the semi-darkness of early morning. They then chose the most obvious name for it – ‘School Bus Yellow’ – which is still being used today.


1964 [48] Tavis Smiley, Gulfport MS, TV personality (“Tavis Smiley” on PBS since 2004, “BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley” 1996-2001)/radio personality (“Tavis Smiley Show” on PRI)

1967 [45] Stephen Perkins, LA CA, alt-rock drummer (Jane’s Addiction-“Irresistible Force”, “Been Caught Stealing”)

1971 [41] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter/PETA advocate

1975 [37] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-“Banjo”, “Bless the Broken Road”)

1977 [35] Fiona Apple (McAfee), NYC, pop singer (“Criminal”)

1993 [19] Niall Horan, Mullingar, Ireland, boy-band pop singer (One Direction-“One Thing”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)

• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the creation of the tasty little treats with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s fairly clear that the fortune cookie did not originate in China. It was likely invented in San Francisco, California around 1914. (See BULL’S BITS.)

• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’. It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scales tomorrow morning).

• “Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day”, with the objective of empowering children & teens to become more actively involved in the planning, preparation, and cooking of meals. (To that end, we suggest it should also be ‘Kids Clean Up the Kitchen Day’).

• “Peanut Day”. Peanuts are not really nuts at all but legumes (edible seeds enclosed in pods). As a group, legumes provide the best source of concentrated protein in the plant kingdom.

• “Positive Thinking Day”. It’s all about attitude … a positive attitude.

2008 [04] Writer/performer Tina Fey returns to “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) to portray Sarah Palin opposite Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton (leads to a series of Palin portrayals)

2005 [07] Jimi Hendrix’s boyhood home in Seattle WA is saved from destruction after his estate and the city agree to renovate the building and turn it into a community center

2001 [11] 1st time most of us hear the name ‘Osama Bin Laden’ as he’s fingered by the US government as mastermind behind the 9/11 terrorist attacks

1922 [90] Maximum outdoor shade temperature ever recorded (58 C/136 F at Al’azizyah, Libya)

[Fri] Cream-Filled Doughnut
[Fri] “Finding Nemo 3-D”; “Resident Evil: Retribution” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Greenpeace Day
[Sat] Boys & Girls Club Day
[Sat] International Coastal Cleanup Day
[Sat] Puppy Mill Awareness Day
[Sun] Wife Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Balance Awareness Week
This Month Is … Mold Awareness Month


• “What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren’t enough for you, tubby?”
• “Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.”
• “It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.”
• “Spouse mad at you. No get special ‘wonton pork’ tonight.”
• “Patron who mocks waiter’s accent will unwittingly consume chef’s body fluids.”
• “A wise man tips 25% to avoid severe tire damage.”
• “Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application.”

When the going gets tough, the tough use duct tape.

☎ What health benefits should every insurance plan be required to cover? Chiropractic? Massage therapy? Acupuncture? Naturopath? Hypnotism? Beer?

Question: THIS is the office activity that’s most-disliked by women.
Answer: Staff photos.

Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.

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