Friday, September 13, 2013        Edition: #5068

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

“The Bull Sheet” is on hiatus September 16-27 inclusive. All subscribers are receiving account credits for missed service days. Next edition of “The Bull Sheet”: Monday, September 30th.

✶ NBA superstar Lebron James is reportedly set to wed this weekend. The Miami Heat star proposed to longtime partner Savannah Brinson on New Year’s Eve in 2011 and a report says the couple will tie the knot in San Diego tomorrow. The celebrations will apparently last 3 days, kicking off with a welcome BBQ tonight, followed by the nuptials on Saturday, and a farewell brunch on Sunday. (It’s a wedding three-pointer.)
✶ 83-year-old Clint Eastwood’s 2nd wife has filed for legal separation. 48-year-old Dina Eastwood filed a petition in Monterey County Superior Court this week seeking spousal support and physical custody of their 16-year-old daughter, Morgan. The move comes after a bizarre twist, with Eastwood taking up with 40-something Erica Tomlinson-Fisher, ex-wife of the man Dina has turned to in the wake of the split, University of Hawaii basketball coach Scott Fisher. (They’re doing the ‘Shania Twain Swap’.)
✶ Golfer Tiger Woods’ girlfriend Lindsey Vonn has apparently been caught cheating. The 28-year-old Olympic skier was spotted in a hot ‘n heavy make-out session backstage at a concert in Miami FL. The mystery man was tall, good-looking, and said to be in his mid-40s. An inside source suggests there’s a good chance the secret smooch will be the kiss of death for Lindsey and Tiger’s romance. (Dose. Of. Own. Medicine.)
– “National Enquirer”
✶ San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick just made a bet with Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson. Whoever loses when they face off this weekend on “Sunday Night Football” has to … shave off an eyebrow. The wager was captured on video in a commercial for EA Sports – they even shook hands – and Colin warned Wilson, “Hope you don’t like your eyebrow.” (He’s unafraid ‘cause he can just tattoo a new one on and no one will notice.)
✶ And Wayne Newton’s Las Vegas compound is up for sale …. for $70 million! The 36-acre ranch has hit the market just months after Wayne & wife moved out following years of legal battles over money (or lack thereof). The now-dilapidated property includes a car museum, empty stables, even a jumbo jet terminal. After blowing millions on upgrades, including the removal of 7,000 cubic yards of horse manure, the developer who bought it in 2010 now just wants to unload it. (Dude, you just gave away the most valuable part!)

• Aftershock Festival (Sacramento CA) – Saturday-Sunday this 2nd annual metal event features Avenged Sevenfold, Five Finger Death Punch, KoRn, Megadeth, Shinedown, and many others.
• Breakaway Music Festival (Columbus OH) – Saturday this inaugural multi-genre concert includes Empire Of the Sun, Kendrick Lamar, Tokyo Police Club and others. Next weekend the same event moves to Dallas TX with a new lineup.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today Earth, Wind & Fire (“Now, Then & Forever”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Dolly Parton.(“Dream More”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Alpine (“A Is for Alpine”). Rerun.
• Laneway Festival (Detroit MI) – Founded in 2004 in Melbourne, Australia, the event has since expanded to 8 locations. This first one in North America has The National and Sigur Ros topping this weekend’s bill.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Foals (“Holy Fire”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Johnnyswim (“Heartbeats”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Drake (“Nothing Was the Same”, out September 24th).
• Riot Fest (Chicago IL) – The line-up for this year’s 3-day punk & alternative-rock festival has a retro feel with Blink-182, Blondie, Fall Out Boy, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, and The Pixies slotted to appear.
• Rock in Rio 2013 (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil) – It’s the first of a 2-weekend event that boasts an impressive line-up: Alice In Chains, Alicia Keys, Beyoncé, Bon Jovi, Justin Timberlake, Metallica, and Muse, just to name-drop a few.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host/musical performer Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV2) – The winner is chosen; guest judges Adam Shankman, tWitch, and Paula Abdul. Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Buena Vista Social Club (“Buena Vista Social Club at Carnegie Hall”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Today Kelly Rowland (“Talk a Good Game”). Rerun.

• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – He’s ending his “Wrecking Ball” tour in South America. The 4-gig trek begins Saturday in Buenos Aires, Argentina and concludes with a performance at Rock in Rio on September 24th. The tour started March 2012 in Atlanta GA.
• Justin Bieber – His manager, Scooter Braun, is reportedly fed up with Bieb’s housemates, Lil Twist and Lil Za, and is giving them the boot. The terrible twosome has wreaked havoc in the upscale Calabasas CA neighborhood with wild parties and reckless driving. One report suggests Bieb’s ‘Lil’ BFFs are looking to land a reality TV show. That ‘splains it.
• Kylie Minogue – She’s confirmed as the newest coach on “The X Factor UK” (ITV), taking over from Jessie J. She’ll join present panelists and Tom Jones when the 3rd season begins in January.
• The Lumineers – This weekend they kick off an additional round of North American tour dates with a 2-night stand at Colorado’s Red Rocks Amphitheatre. The trek runs through October 20th in Boca Raton FL.
• Mumford & Sons – Tonight-tomorrow the last of their 2013 series of “Gentlemen Of the Road Stopovers” takes place in St Augustine FL. Also on the bill: Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros, The Walkmen plus more.
• Sheryl Crow / Gary Allan – Their co-headlining “Free & Easy” tour kicks off tonight at the Santa Barbara Bowl in Santa Barbara CA. Crow just released her first country disc, “Feels Like Home”, this week.

• “The Family” ( R-Rated Crime Comedy ): Director Luc Besson’s latest follows a notorious mafia clan that is relocated to Normandy, France under the Witness Protection Program. There they find fitting in becomes a real challenge when their old habits die hard. Stars Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Dianna Agron, John D’Leo.
• “Insidious Chapter 2” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): In this sequel to the 2010 commercial and critical hit, the haunted ‘Lambert’ family seeks to uncover the mysterious childhood secret that has left them dangerously connected to the spirit world. Stars Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Barbara Hershey, Lin Shaye.
• Opening in limited release: “Blue Caprice” (Crime Drama); “Herb & Dorothy 50X50” (Documentary); “Informant” (Documentary); “Jayne Mansfield’s Car” (Drama); and “Mademoiselle C” (Documentary).

Coca-Cola Japan is introducing … hot Canada Dry Ginger Ale. While canned hot beverages are popular in Japan during cold weather, warm soda pop is a new twist. The self-heating cans warm the contents via a chemical reaction. The piping-hot product manages to maintain carbonation during the process to produce a spicy cinnamon-and-apple-flavored beverage. The 1st-ever hot ginger ale will be in vending machines October 21st. A 6-ounce can costs about $1.20. So far there are no plans to introduce the product elsewhere. (Too bad. Nothing like a warm can of Pepsi on the morning after … with a couple of floating cigarette butts.)
– “Atlanta Journal-Constitution”

Does a shorter name make you more attractive to online daters? New research from dating website has found that women named ‘Jennifer’ and ‘Catherine’ have more luck as ‘Jenny’ and ‘Cathy’, while men named ‘Michael’ and ‘Christopher’ seems to be more successful as ‘Mike’ and ‘Chris’. How so? A behavioral psychologist suggests that may be because a diminutive name gives a sense of warmth and informality. People with abbreviated names appear more approachable and friendlier; less intimidating. (Think how much more attractive she’d be as ‘Jenny’ Aniston.)

Broccoli as sunscreen? Yup. Wearing the vegetable may help prevent skin cancer, new research suggests. It’s the compound sulforaphane, found in broccoli, that appears to help protect skin from sunburn and the harmful effects of UV rays. Researchers from the University of Arizona and Johns Hopkins University are set to team up for a pilot study to see if a broccoli-based ointment will effectively protect skin exposed to sunlight. (As well as a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth, now you gotta worry about a hunk of broccoli on your back.)
– “Medical News Today”

• A Great Dane dog was awarded the Blue Cross Medal in 1941 after she extinguished an incendiary bomb by … peeing on it.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Whales get tan lines.
– BBC News


1964 [49] Tavis Smiley, Gulfport MS, TV personality (“Tavis Smiley” on PBS since 2004, “BET Tonight with Tavis Smiley” 1996-2001)/radio personality (“Tavis Smiley Show” on PRI)

1967 [46] Stephen Perkins, LA CA, alt-rock drummer (Jane’s Addiction-“Irresistible Force”, “Been Caught Stealing”)

1971 [42] Stella McCartney, London UK, fashion designer (Gucci, Chloe, CARE)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter/PETA advocate

1975 [38] Joe Don Rooney, Baxter Springs KS, country guitarist (Rascal Flatts-“Banjo”, “Bless the Broken Road”)

1993 [20] Niall Horan, Mullingar, Ireland, boy-band pop singer (One Direction-“Best Song Ever”, “What Makes You Beautiful”)

Movie actor Sam Neill (“The Piano”) is 66; Producer-director-actor Tyler Perry (“Madea” movies) is 44; TV actor Andrew Lincoln (“The Walking Dead”) is 40; Rapper Nas (“Street Dreams”) is 40; TV actress Jessica Brown Findlay (“Downton Abbey”) is 26; TV actor-singer Logan Henderson (“Big Time Rush”) is 24.

Movie actor Tommy Lee Jones (“Men in Black”) is 67; Movie director Oliver Stone (“Wall Street”) is 67; NFL analyst Dan Marino (“NFL Today on CBS”) is 52; Rock drummer Paul Thomson (Franz Ferdinand) is 37; Movie actor Tom Hardy (“Dark Knight Rises”) is 36; Pop-rock guitarist Zach Filkins (OneRepublic) is 35; British royal Prince Harry is 29.

• “Blame Someone Else Day”, always on Friday the 13th, it’s a day to saddle others with the responsibility for the mess we’re in.
• “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to stare down fear of Friday the 13th. So walk under a ladder, break a mirror, let a black cat cross your path, open an umbrella indoors, and do all those other things that many think are bad luck.
• “Fortune Cookie Day”, celebrating the tasty little treats with a slip of paper inside that brings you good luck, a whimsical saying, or a philosophical thought. It’s thought they were likely invented in San Francisco, California around 1914.
• “Friday the 13th”, a bad day for those who suffer ‘triskaidekaphobia’ (fear of number 13) or ‘paraskevidekatriaphobia’ (fear of Friday the 13th). Every year has at least 1, but never more than 3.
• “International Chocolate Day”, celebrating ‘the greatest substance known to humanity’. It’s a day for indulgence that should be free of guilt (until you get on the scales tomorrow morning).
• “International Shellfish Festival” through Sunday in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, known as the ‘Biggest Kitchen Party in Atlantic Canada’.
• “Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day”, with the objective of empowering children & teens to become more actively involved in the planning, preparation, and cooking of meals. (To that end, we suggest it should also be ‘Kids Clean Up the Kitchen Day’).
• “World Hearing Voices Day”, celebrating 26 years of the Hearing Voices Movement for those who receive advice, encouragement, and even laughter from others … who aren’t really there.
• “Yom Kippur” begins at sunset, the Jewish “Day of Atonement”.

• “Cream-Filled Donut Day” … a holiday for cops? The most popular cream-filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream.
• “International Drive Your Studebaker Day”, honoring the vintage vehicle that was stylistically ahead of it’s time. First manufactured in South Bend, Indiana in 1902, the last Studebaker rolled off the Hamilton, Ontario assembly plant in 1966.
• “National Hollerin’ Contest”, the 45th annual on the 2nd Saturday in September in Spivey’s Corner NC, part of the “Hollerin’ Heritage Festival”. Hollerin’ was the original form of communication in them thar’ hills.

• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through October 15th. It correlates to today’s “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua. Felicitaciones, amigos!
• “Woman Road Warrior Day”, celebrating traveling businesswomen on the 3rd Sunday in September.
• “Women’s Friendship Day 2013”, celebrated on the 3rd Sunday of September each year. It was created in 1999 by the Kappa Delta Sorority, who remind us: “Men come and go, but girlfriends are forever!”

1993 [20] “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” premieres on NBC-TV (and Max Weinberg, drummer with Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, begins his new job as bandleader)

2008 [05] Writer/performer Tina Fey returns to “Saturday Night Live” (NBC) to portray Sarah Palin opposite Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton (leads to a series of Palin portrayals)

1996 [17] Rapper Tupac Shakur dies at age 25 of gunshot wounds suffered in a Las Vegas drive-by shooting (makes more money after death than during life)

2008 [05] “Come Dancing”, a stage musical devoted to and featuring the music of ‘60s band The Kinks, opens in London’s West End

1998 [15] At the Emmy Awards, “Frasier” is named ‘Best TV Comedy’ for a record 5th time (in-a-row)

2004 [09] TV talk-show host Oprah Winfrey gives a brand-new Pontiac G-6 sedan, worth $28,500, to everyone in her studio audience … a total of 276 cars in all

1922 [91] Maximum outdoor shade temperature ever recorded (58 C/136 F at Al’azizyah, Libya)

[Mon] “The Amazing Race Canada” finalé (CTV)
[Mon] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Tues] Apple Dumpling Day
[Wed] Cheeseburger Day
[Thurs] Talk Like a Pirate Day
This Week Is … Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Coupon Month


✗ Sells pants to thrift store for a buck. Forgets there was $20 in the pocket.
✗ Mother surprises him with a new pair of shoes. Crocs.
✗ Receives note from crush. Restraining Order.
✗ Plans his own birthday party. Isn’t invited.
✗ Gets hit by a car; looks up and sees a bright light. Another car.
✗ Finally gets picked to be on a team. Hunger Games.
✗ Gets dumped by Taylor. Doesn’t get a break-up song.
✗ Puts eyedrops in. Super Glue.
✗ Goes to Hooters. Male waiter.
✗ Texts ‘LMAO’. Ass falls off.
– Adapted from

☎ Should you be able to ask smartphone snappers NOT to post the pics they take of you online? What about photos of your kid(s)? And what about not being tagged in photos … shouldn’t that be an option?

Everyone needs to believe in something, I believe I’ll have another beer!

Question: If you add THIS to your diet, you’ll burn more calories.
Answer: Hot sauce.

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

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