Wednesday, September 15, 2010        Edition: #4343
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

It appears singer/actress Jennifer Lopez and “American Idol” are finally seeing eye-to-eye, “Deadline Hollywood” reporting she’s signed a whopping $12-million deal to become a judge next season (if true, that’s close to Ryan Seacrest’s $15-mill annual take) . . . Moviemaker James Cameron is reportedly developing a TV series based on his 1994 Arnold Schwarzenegger movie “True Lies”, about a family man living a double-life as a spy (his last foray into episodic TV was the 2000 series “Dark Angel”, starring Jessica Alba) . . . 29-year-old actor Ryan Gosling (“Blue Valentine”, screening tonight at the Toronto International Film Festival) tells “W” magazine he’s consciously tried to erase his Canadian accent and is going for the ‘Madonna, Lady Gaga thing’ – a phony accent that becomes your trademark (rully?) . . . The doctors who prescribed the drugs that landed Lindsay Lohan in trouble this Summer are under investigation by the Medical Board of California, reports also suggesting she was misdiagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Disorder? More likely Adderall, Ambien, Dilaudid, Nexium, Trazodone, and Zoloft disorder) . . . 19-year-old wannabe adult film star Montana Fishburne, daughter of “CSI” actor Laurence Fishburne, has reportedly checked herself into a Southern California facility to undergo a 30-day treatment program for ‘anger management and mental issues’ (there’s a lot going on here we’re not being told about) . . . And 38-year-old “Modern Family” actress Sofia Vergara tells “Self” magazine that there was a time when she wished someone would come and ‘take her boobs away’ (how much does it cost to rent a forklift?).

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – Special guest stars perform on the finalé; and after a seemingly endless season that began June 1st, the winner is announced.
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Usher (“Versus”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Daughtry (“Leave This Town”); Jane Lynch (“Glee”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Trace Adkins (“Cowboy’s Back in Town”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Nas & Damian Marley (“Distant Relatives”).
• “Survivor: Nicaragua” (CBS/Global) – The debut of the 21st season pits 10 older players (including legendary football coach Jimmy Johnson) vs 10 younger players. Another new twist is the ‘Medallion of Power’, which the possessor can exchange for an advantage in a challenge.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Weezer (“Hurley”).

• Black Crowes – They’ve just been inducted into the Georgia Music Hall of Fame in Atlanta. Chris Robinson says the occasion was the first time in 20 years they’d all washed their hair on the same day.
• Britney Spears – She’s working on a new album that her producer promises will be ‘freaky’.
• Coldplay – Chris Martin says the band is close to finishing a lot of new songs, but haven’t completed anything yet. That means there’s no chance of a new album coming out before the end of 2010.
• Garth Brooks – His tune “Unanswered Prayers” has inspired a Lifetime TV movie that premieres in November. The story follows the trials of a married couple as the husband’s high school crush comes back to town.
• John Mayer – As he suggested he would a while back, he’s quit Twitter, quietly shutting down his account even though he had  3.1 million followers.
• Lady Antebellum – “Our Kind Of Love” has become the 3rd consecutive #1 country hit from their double-Platinum album “Need You Now”.
• Lady Gaga – Maureen Callahan’s new biography “Poker Face: The Rise & Rise of Lady Gaga”, published yesterday, claims Gaga is a control freak who’s fired over 150 people in the last 2 years. The book also says she hates to be alone and often beckoned a former assistant to snuggle and take showers with her. She was originally contracted with Interscope as a songwriter because she was ‘not pretty enough to be a pop star’ which, the book suggests, is what her wacky costumes and crazy image were originally intended to conceal.
• Shakira – Tonight her “Sun Comes Out World Tour” begins in Montréal. She releases the new album, “Sale el Sol/The Sun Comes Out”, October 19th.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Bunnyhug’ — A hooded sweatshirt, aka a ‘hoodie’. (“The armed and dangerous suspect is described as 6-foot-5, covered in tattoos, and wearing jeans, jackboots … and a bunnyhug.”)
• ‘Condive’ – A contrived dive; a new bar attempting to appear to be a dive bar by way of retro artifacts and the sale of obscure, old-school canned beers. (The litmus test for these places is the jukebox and the bathrooms: One should be dirty, the other broken.)
• ‘Hallcest’ (aka ‘Dormcest’ or ‘Floorcest’) – College slang for hooking up with others on your floor/hall. (If it turns into a regular thing, it’s called a ‘hall-call’.)
• ‘Super Wi-Fi’ – High-bandwidth wireless broadband operating in ‘white spaces’ between TV channels. The FCC will soon decide whether the technology will be allowed in the USA and, if so, develop regulations for it. (Something tells us Internet access is about to cost more.)

A firm handshake could be a sign of a longer life. Scientists at the UK’s Medical Research Council have found that seniors who can still give a firm grip and walk at a brisk pace are likely to outlive their slower peers. It’s thought that simple measures of physical capability like shaking hands, walking, getting up from a chair, and balancing on one leg are related to lifespan. For instance, the death rate over the period of the study for people with weak handshakes was 67% higher than those with a firm grip. (So how come used car salesmen live so long?)

For some 20 years radio stations in Russia have been beaming out a strange, non-stop transmission that nobody on the outside seems to understand. It’s a seemingly random series of letters and numbers that are looped and playing continuously. Recently the audio output of one of these ‘Numbers Stations’ has changed. This might mean something bad is about to happen, or simply that someone finally remembered to switch tapes. The true purpose of the bizarre transmissions has never been understood. They may be spy messages, encryption codes, or perhaps a technical requirement to keep a frequency open for future emergency use. (Sports scores? Long-term viral marketing for “Lost 2”?)

Put down the weights and grab a hamburger! Researchers in Turkey have finished a year-long study that correlates Body Mass Index with male sexual performance. Their findings may surprise you: Heavier men are able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slender men last an average of … 108 seconds. The study shows that overweight men have higher levels of the female estradiol hormone, which blocks male hormones and delays climax. (108 seconds equals 3 commercials plus a station ID … a typical break in a football game. Coincidence?)

A way-cool invention called the ‘Park Spark’ has just been unveiled in a Cambridge, Massachusetts dog park. The methane digester converts dog poop into energy, and that energy is now powering a gas-burning lamp in the park. Because of this, people can now see where their dogs poop at night, and continuously feed the machine, for a sort of eternal flame. (It’s kind of like an Olympic torch, only with more humble, odiferous roots.)

British scientists are set to implant fish with computerized sensors similar to those used in game consoles to better understand their movements under water. Researchers at the Center for Environment, Fisheries & Aquaculture Science are looking to pilot the technology as part of their study of fish habits, which will ultimately help with predictions about future fish stocks. (Now if we could just get a monitor for our bass boat …)

Perhaps one of the greatest breakthroughs in drunken feasting has arrived … ‘Deep Fried Beer’. The invention of Mark Zable will debut at the State Fair of Texas, opening September 24th in Dallas. The tasty treat is made by pouring a small amount of beer (preferably Guinness) inside a pretzel-y dough ravioli pouch, then deep-frying the concoction for 20 seconds. The alcohol doesn’t burn, it just remains inside of the pouch for consumption. That’s why fair-goers will need to prove they’re of legal drinking age in order to indulge. (“Honest officer, I only ate two!”)

• Snakebites cause at least 100,000 deaths and up to 400,000 amputations worldwide each year.
• Artificial-intelligence researcher David Levy of Maastricht University in the Netherlands predicts that around 2050, the US state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with … robots.
– “Smithsonian Magazine”
• Over 90% of Hong Kong inhabitants’ daily journeys are via public transport – the highest rate worldwide – meaning car dependency (and the shocking carbon stats that come with it) are now a thing of the past.


1946 [64] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“W”, “World Trade Center”)/3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born On the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)  COMING UP: “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”, opening September 24th.

1946 [64] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [49] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2005)

1976 [34] Paul Thomson, Glasgow, Scotland, rock drummer (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1978 [32] Zach Filkins, IA, rock guitarist (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

1984 [26] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 3rd in line to the British throne (but 1st in line at a pub or party)

1986 [24] Heidi Montag, Crested Butte CO, reality TV personality (“I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here” 2009, “The Hills” 2006-08, “Laguna Beach” 2005)/cosmetic surgery showcase sample   BS FACTOID: Although Heidi insists she’s divorcing fellow famous-for-nothing person Spencer Pratt, they participated together at the weekend Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in Carpinteria CA.

• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?

• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through October 15th. Felicitaciones, amigos!

• “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua.

• “International Day of Democracy”, a UN observance since 2007 encouraging the freely-expressed will of people to determine their own political, economic, social, and cultural systems, and their full participation in all aspects of life.

• “School Psychology Day”, a day of recognition for the field of school psychology and its contribution to education. (“Alright Amy, we CAN talk about your test scores but first you have to put down the ax.”)

2008 [02] Richard Wright, keyboardist and founding member of Pink Floyd, dies at age 65

1971 [39] 12 members of Vancouver’s ‘Don’t Make a Wave Committee’ found the environmental organization ‘Greenpeace’

1982 [28] 1st edition of “USA Today” newspaper features lead story about Princess Grace of Monaco dying in an auto accident

2008 [02] NYC-based financial services firm Lehman Brothers files the largest bankruptcy filing in US history, eventually contributing to a global financial meltdown and recession

[Thurs] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Thurs] Stepfamily Day
[Fri] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Fri] Oktoberfest begins (Munich, Germany)
[Fri] US Citizenship Day
[Fri] US Constitution Day
[Sat] US Air Force Birthday
[Sat] Hug a Greeting Card Writer Day
[Sat] International Coastal Cleanup Day
[Sat] Responsible Dog Ownership Day
This Week Is … Balance Awareness Week
This Month Is … Organic Harvest Month


You won’t find these at your local children’s library …
• “Fox in Detox”
• “Horton Hires a Ho”
• “Your Colon Can Moo – Can You?”
• “Are You My Proctologist?”
• “My Pocket Rocket Needs A Socket”
• “The Grinch’s Ten Inches”
• “Salmonella-Infected Eggs & Ham”
• “Who Shat In the Hat?”

If you could be directly related to a celebrity, which would you pick?

• According to cleaning service employees, which is the messiest room in the typical home?
a. Family Room. [CORRECT; children’s room #2; kitchen #3.]
b. Kitchen.
c. Bedroom.
– “USA Today”

• In ancient Rome, eating woodpecker meat was considered to be …
a. Poisonous.
b. A delicacy.
c. Sinful. [CORRECT]

Those who can’t write, write manuals.

Today’s Question: The average adult uses 85 of THESE per day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Swear words. (“Psychology Today”)

He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonderful.

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