Thursday, September 15, 2011        Edition: #4587
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

Actor Mark Wahlberg (“The Fighter”) has knocked $2 million off the $15.9 mil-asking price for his 9,000-sq-ft Beverly Hills mansion that features a movie theater and 2-story gym (he needs to unload before his new 33,000-sq-ft compound is completed in nearby Beverly Park) . . . Actress Reese Witherspoon has been spotted sporting a black eye and bandaged forehead following that accident last Wednesday when she was hit by a car while jogging (her lawyers are also recommending a neck-brace) . . . Actress Jennifer Aniston is being comforted by boyfriend Justin Theroux after her mother, 75-year-old Nancy Dow, recently suffered a serious stroke (they were estranged for a decade but have now reconciled – sickness will do that) . . . Despite rumors of being fired, it now looks like Christina Aguilera will return to “The Voice” (NBC) for another season to make inappropriate comments about wanting to see contestants naked (seems somebody found an iron-clad contract clause) . . . In the October issue of “GQ” magazine, filmmaker Clint Eastwood says he personally doesn’t care if same-sex couples get married, claiming it shouldn’t be such a controversial issue (is there too much love in the world?) . . . Reps for wannabe filmmaker Madonna (“WE”) have dismissed rumors of diva demands at the Toronto International Film Festival after it was reported her security guards ordered volunteers to ‘turn away’ as she walked past (actually, they were instructed to bow & scrape) . . . And on Anderson Cooper’s new syndicated talk show “Anderson”, 62-year-old French actor Gerard Depardieu (“Green Card”) has explained his recent headline-grabbing toilet trouble aboard a delayed airline flight, saying he was merely trying to discreetly pee in a bottle while remaining in his seat but the bottle was too small and overflowed (well then, that’s exactly the method Miss Manners would recommend, no?).

• “Angels Among Us” (CMT) – TV personality Elisabeth Hasselbeck (“The View”) hosts this new series about everyday people who believe they’ve been spared from tragedy through angelic intervention.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Foo Fighters (“Wasting Light”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Ziggy Marley (“Wild & Free”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Interpol (“Interpol”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Zooey Deschanel (She & Him).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Fountains Of Wayne (“Sky Full of Holes”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – LMFAO (“Sorry for Party Rocking”).
• “The Vampire Diaries” (CW) – In the season 3 debut, ‘Caroline’ plans a party for ‘Elena’s 18th birthday. In related news, co-stars Ian Somerhalder (32) & Nina Dobrev (22) have finally admitted they’re a couple in real life.

• Britney Spears – Even though her boyfriend Jason Trawick has been spotted shopping for jewelry, her rep insists she’s not getting engaged to wed. (BS translation: We haven’t sold the photo rights yet.)
• Florence & The Machine – Their 12-track sophomore album will be titled “Ceremonials” and is due out October 31st internationally, November 1st in North America.
• Lady Antebellum – They’re featured in the new ‘Country Special’ edition of “People” magazine that offers a peak at country stars’ homes. Considering their mega-success, they live relatively modestly: Hillary Scott in a 3,700-sq-ft bungalow full of ‘flea-market finds’; Charles Kelley in a 2,700-sq-ft colonial; and Dave Haywood in a wee 900-sq-ft urban loft.
• Luke Bryan – “CMT on Tour: Luke Bryan Tailgates & Tanlines” kicks off tonight in Huntington, West Virginia. The 22-show trek also includes special guests Lee Brice and Josh Thompson.
• Michael Jackson – Actor/singer Jamie Foxx will reportedly host “Michael Forever – The Tribute Concert” scheduled for October 8th in Cardiff, Wales. So far Cee Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, and Smokey Robinson are scheduled to perform at the event.
• Staind – Today they perform a special benefit show at the Best Buy Theater in NYC’s Times Square. Tickets sold for $9.11, with all revenue benefiting the families of 9/11 victims.
• Zac Brown Band – Brown may be taking his love for food to TV, having already filmed elements of what could become a cooking show. It would only seem fitting as the “Chicken Fried” group offers ‘eat and greets’ for fan-club members at most of their live shows.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Les Miserables” – “King’s Speech” director Tom Hooper’s new screen adaptation of the stage musical will star Hugh Jackman as ‘Jean Valjean’, Russell Crowe as ‘Inspector Javert’, and Helena Bonham Carter as ‘Mme Thenardier’. Shooting is expected to start in early 2012.
• “Point Break” – A remake of the 1991 surfing movie that starred Keanu Reeves and the late Patrick Swayze is in the works. The original cult film told the story of an undercover FBI agent infiltrating a gang of bank-robbing surfers. The reboot will center around extreme sports.
• “Sparkle” – Former “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks will make her movie debut in this remake of a 1976 film loosely based on the story of the Supremes. Whitney Houston is also in talks to make her bigscreen comeback. Her last film was 1996’s “The Preacher’s Wife”.
• “Things Fall Apart “ – 50 Cent (credited as Curtis Jackson) co-wrote and stars in this football drama directed by Mario Van Peebles. Fiddy plays an athlete diagnosed with a tumor just inches from his heart. Ray Liotta co-stars. The film is scheduled to open early next year.
• Untitled Howard Hughes Biography – Andrew Garfield (the new “Spider-Man”) has dropped out of 74-year-old Warren Beatty’s directorial movie comeback. He was reportedly signed to play the lead opposite actress Rooney Mara but the project was taking too long to get off the ground.

VIRTUAL LIBRARY: is planning to start an online book-borrowing service. The yet-to-be-named library would operate on a Netflix-type model, where subscribers would pay an annual fee to access a library of electronic books. With already the leading bookseller in the world ($6.9 billion in North America alone), an integrated lending service would further solidify its status as the biggest player in the game. Not everyone’s onboard with the idea: publishers are worried the program will devalue physical books, while real-world bricks-and-mortar public libraries are worried it will decrease their usage even further. (We’re still trying to adapt to paperbacks.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

Women compete better when they are in teams, according to new research published in the “Economic Journal”. The study finds nearly two-thirds of the ‘gender competition gap’ – the gap between the likelihood of men or women to enter a competition – disappears when people are offered the chance to compete in 2-person teams rather than as individuals. The researchers think the finding may help level the playing field in competitive environments, whether corporate careers or political elections, by encouraging a higher number of qualified women to take part and discouraging unqualified men. (So if Michele Bachmann joined up with Sarah Palin …)
– “The Observer”

Facebook has begun testing a new feature that allows active users to group their email notifications into ‘summary emails’. That allows the user to turn off individual email notifications, though a new control in ‘account settings’ would allow them to be turned back on. The feature is said to be ideal for users that receive dozens of daily friend requests or are frequent participants in Facebook conversations. These notifications, along with newsletters and advertising updates computer users sign up for, contribute much of the so-called ‘bacon’ junking up people’s inboxes. (Maybe eBay could follow suit? How many emails do you get before taking delivery of something after a winning bid … about 10, right?)

• 42% of total world income now goes to the richest 10% of the world’s population, while only 1% of income goes to the poorest 10%. Those shocking stats come from a new Conference Board of Canada study.
• Tens-of-millions of men across China face a future as bachelors, thanks to the current birth ratio of 118 males for every 100 females. That means 30 million-to-50 million Chinese men will fail to find wives over the next 2 decades.
– “The Guardian”


1946 [65] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“Wall Street” movies, “World Trade Center”)/3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born On the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)

1946 [65] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [50] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2005)

1976 [35] Paul Thomson, Glasgow, Scotland, rock drummer (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1978 [33] Zach Filkins, Colorado Springs CO, rock guitarist (OneRepublic-“Stop & Stare”, “Apologize”)

1984 [27] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 3rd in line to the British throne

1986 [25] Heidi Montag, Crested Butte CO, reality TV personality (“I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here” 2009, “The Hills” 2006-08, “Laguna Beach” 2005)/cosmetic surgery showcase sample

• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?

• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through October 15th. Felicitaciones, amigos!

• “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua.

• “International Day of Democracy”, a UN observance since 2007 encouraging the freely-expressed will of people to determine their own political, economic, social, and cultural systems, and their full participation in all aspects of life.

• “School Psychology Day”, a day of recognition for the field of school psychology and its contribution to education.

1954 [57] Famous photo of screen siren Marilyn Monroe, laughing as her skirt is blown up by the blast from a subway vent, is shot during the filming of “The Seven Year Itch” (it infuriates her husband, Joe DiMaggio, and they divorce shortly afterward)

2008 [03] Richard Wright, keyboardist and founding member of Pink Floyd, dies at age 65

1971 [40] 12 members of Vancouver’s ‘Don’t Make a Wave Committee’ found the environmental organization ‘Greenpeace’

1982 [29] 1st edition of “USA Today” newspaper features lead story about Princess Grace of Monaco dying in an auto accident

2008 [03] NYC-based financial services firm Lehman Brothers files the largest bankruptcy filing in US history, eventually contributing to a global financial meltdown and recession

[Fri] POW/MIA Recognition Day
[Fri] Stepfamily Day
[Fri] “Drive”; “I Don’t Know How She Does It”; “The Lion King 3D”; “Straw Dogs” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Responsible Dog Ownership Day
[Sun] “63rd Primetime Emmy Awards” (FOX)
[Sun] Wife Appreciation Day
This Week Is … Balance Awareness Week
This Month Is … Organic Harvest Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Good day to count your blessings. Both of them.
• Taurus – Walking down the street with a spring in your step is a great way to let the world know how insufferable you really are.
• Gemini – Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a pea.
• Cancer – Thinking and doing are two separate things. However, thinking about what you’re doing is always a good idea.
• Leo – Good day to bring doughnuts to a meeting. Later, ask people how their diets are going.
• Virgo – Today you will lose all self-control. You’ll find it again tomorrow though … it just rolled under the couch.
• Libra – Today will be mostly OK, except that you’ll learn to pay more attention in the future to the warning, “Careful, filling is hot!”
• Scorpio – You will be in a somewhat ornery mood when you go out to an Italian restaurant tonight and INSIST on chopsticks.
• Sagittarius – Everyone wants what’s best for you … especially in terms of reducing the amount of time you’re allowed to show your face outside of your house.
• Capricorn – The merry dance someone’s led you on during the last few months is finally going to come to an end … explaining why you’re dizzy as hell.
• Aquarius – Your face may become sore and chapped today due to all the slapping.
• Pisces – This Friday will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don’t have a lucky day this year.

Should girls’ skirts be outlawed in high schools? (Tired of trying to enforce appropriate hemlines, some schools in England are resorting to an outright ban on skirts in favor of trousers. Administrators and teachers say they’re tired of spending precious time forcing students to correct ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ such as rolled up waistbands that shorten skirt-length.)

• Some 45% of wives say their husbands snore. How many husbands will admit to it?
a. 5% [CORRECT]
b. 15%
c. 25%
– “USA Today”

• According to recent British research, which daily personal grooming activity may soon be no longer necessary?
a. Tooth Brushing. [CORRECT. A new generation of mouthwashes will prevent bacteria from sticking to teeth.]
b. Hair Combing.
c. Showering.
– “Popular Science”

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Question: In the average adult, THIS weighs about 1 ounce.
Answer: Eyeball.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

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