Monday, September 15, 2014        Edition: #5305

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

★ Newlyweds Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie are reportedly commissioning a top-of-the-line luxury yacht that’s costing – whoa! – a hard-to-believe $400 million. And “Sunday Mirror” reports they plan to spend a further $300,000 or so to make sure the big boat fits their personal specs, from custom woodwork by yacht-builder Razzardi to Italian marble throughout. There’s also said to be jamming technology to interfere with digital cameras, thereby keeping the paparazzi at bay.
– Bang Showbiz
★ One of the screenwriters behind the hit Netflix prison dramedy “Orange Is the New Black” has filed for divorce from her husband and struck up a relationship with one of the show’s stars. Lauren Morelli has separated from her spouse of 2 years, Steve Basilone, and is now reportedly dating actress Samira Wiley, who plays ‘Poussey Washington’ in the series. The former couple have reportedly filed a joint petition for divorce and agreed on an amicable settlement.
★ And – not surprisingly – a new series of “Frozen”-themed attractions are being built at Walt Disney World in Orlando, which promise to immerse guests in their favorite moments and music from the mega-hit animated Disney film. Although details are sketchy, there will apparently be a ‘Royal Greeting Area’ where fans can formally meet ‘Anna’, ‘Elsa’ and other characters from the movie. There are also plans for a large play area with real snow … in Florida!
– MTV News

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Passenger (“Whispers”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Season 19 premiere. The new ‘celeb’ cast includes sports figures Randy Couture (MMA), Lolo Jones (track & field), Michael Waltrip (NASCAR); actors Alfonso Ribeiro, Antonio Sabato Jr, Janel Parrish, Jonathan Bennett, Lea Thompson; TV personalities Sadie Robertson, Tavis Smiley; fashion designer Betsey Johnson; and 76-year-old comedian Tommy Chong.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Nico & Vinz (“The Magic Soup & The Bittersweet Faces”); Usher (“UR”, coming later this year).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Mastodon (“Once More ‘Round the Sun”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – LP (“Into the Wild”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS/Omni 1) – The Bacon Bros (“Philadelphia Road”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Walk the Moon (“Tightrope”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – New Pornographers (“Brill Bruisers”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Legendary 72-year-old singer/actress Barbra Streisand.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today’s season premiere unveils a new lineup for the 17-year-old daytime talk show. Barbra Walters has retired; Sherri Shepherd & Jenny McCarthy have also exited; leaving 7-year veteran Whoopi Goldberg as the sole returning panelist. She’s joined by  previous cast member Rosie O’Donnell, actress Rosie Perez, and former MSNBC analyst Nicolle Wallace.

• Coldplay – 37-year-old frontman Chris Martin has introduced his 24-year-old actress-girlfriend Jennifer Lawrence to friends during a dinner at Chateau Marmont in West Hollywood. A source tells E! News: ”They seem very comfortable in each other’s company … and happy!”
• Jack Johnson – Loads of celebs pull off ethical green talk but have no follow-through. You can’t accuse Johnson of that. He’s so committed that he will pull a gig if a venue’s recycling policy is not up to scratch. Pull the appearance and still expect to get paid, mind you.
• Jay Z – He reportedly made a surprise announcement that wife Beyoncé is expecting their 2nd child during their “On the Run” tour stop in Paris, France on the weekend. According to concert-goers, he changed the lyrics in his song “Beach is Better” to say “’cause she pregnant with another one”. The married couple of 6 years welcomed daughter Blue Ivy in January 2012.
• Keith Urban – His concert at the Washington State Fair on Saturday was postponed until next year due to the death of wife Nicole Kidman’s father. 76-year-old Dr Antony Kidman died in Singapore while visiting another daughter.
• The Lumineers – Lead singer-guitarist Wesley Schultz has confirmed they’ve returned to their home studio in Denver CO to begin writing their sophomore album. They’ve also been working on both the upcoming soundtrack to AMC-TV’s “The Walking Dead”, and the movie soundtrack to “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” (opening November 21st).
• Paul McCartney – “Rolling Stone” reports that Alice Cooper, Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Brian Wilson (Beach Boys), KISS, Roger Daltrey, Smokey Robinson and others are singing their favorite McCartney songs on a tribute compilation album, “The Art of Paul McCartney”, featuring covers of songs written by McCartney during his tenures in The Beatles and Wings as well as a solo artist. The album is due out later this Fall.
• Slipknot – The son of E Street Band drummer Max Weinberg has reportedly replaced Joey Jordison in the masked heavy rock act. Insiders say Jay Weinberg, who’s often sat in for his dad on Bruce Springsteen dates, is the band’s new drummer; and former Mastodon road crew member Alessandro Venturella has stepped in to replace the late Paul Gray on bass.
• Spice Girls – Talent wranglers working on “The X Factor UK” this year were reportedly dreading finding out who’d have to look after judge Mel B. Not because she’s not nice to them. She is. But because she talks absolutely non-stop, and in great detail, about her sex life.

Those dreams about flying, teeth falling out, and showing up somewhere naked are not as common as you might think, according to the new DreamsCloud Index. The most popular dream topics …
• Children, babies, and pregnancy … 24%
• Houses and other dwellings … 22%
• School or the classroom … 19%
• Water … 11%
• Cars … 9%
• An ex or person of interest … 8%
Jean-Marc Emden, co-founder of the DreamsCloud website that provides dream interpretation, notes that dreams about babies and even sex may mean different things to different people based on their backgrounds and personal experience. (What about the dream with the goat wearing rubber overalls and a diving snorkel … no, you don’t have that one?)

At a whopping 31-years-old, model Miranda Kerr is apparently past it; while at 22, Kate Upton is in the bracket men find most attractive. A new book based on relationship data claims that men find women ‘not as hot’ after they pass the age of 21. In his book “Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking)”,  Christian Rudder uses stats pulled from his dating site OkCupid that suggest men up to the age of 50 find women aged 20-to-24 most attractive. On the flip-side, the data show that women tend to prefer men who are the same age or a year younger than they are. So while a 50-year-old woman might find a 49-year-old’s appearance most attractive, that man would prefer a woman less than half her age. Rudder, however, is quick to point out that the numbers only measure opinion, not what men actually do. (And keep in mind these ‘statistics’ come from middle-aged losers on a dating site.)

● Laughing 100 times per day provides the same cardiovascular benefits as 10 minutes of rowing. (But it won’t get you across the lake.)
● Studies show that 1-in-6 couples has problems conceiving. (The rest are teenagers.)
● Americans spend about 70 times as much on lotteries and gambling as they do on movies. (Finding a decent movie is a gamble in itself.)

The world’s tallest dog has died. ‘Zeus’, a Great Dane from Otsego, Michigan, was the same size as an average donkey, with a height of 3 ft-7 in (1.1 m) at the shoulder and 7 ft-4 in (2.2 m) on his hind legs. The colossal canine, who was a certified therapy dog, died last week from old age just 2 months shy of his 6th birthday. He first entered the “Guinness Book of World Records” in 2012. The ‘gentle giant’ apparently loved to … sit on people’s laps.
– “Metro”

• At least 3 Google employees have lived for months in their vehicles on the firm’s California campus, eating in the staff cafeteria and showering in company gyms.
– BBC News
• If everyone had only 1 soul-mate, true love would be found only in 1 lifetime out of 10,000.
– “The Guardian”


1946 [68] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director-producer-screenwriter with 3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born On the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)

1946 [68] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [53] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2005)

1976 [38] Paul Thomson, Glasgow, Scotland, rock drummer (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1977 [37] Tom Hardy, London UK, movie actor (“The Dark Knight Rises”, “Inception”)  COMING UP: The lead role in “Mad Max: Fury Road” (2015).

1978 [36] Zach Filkins, Colorado Springs CO, pop-rock guitarist (OneRepublic-“Counting Stars”, “Apologize”)

1984 [30] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 4th in line to the British throne (soon to be 5th)

• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?

• “Greenpeace Day”, honoring the 1971 founding of the now internationally renowned environmental organization. A group of 17 activists initially formed in Vancouver BC to protest offshore nuclear testing in Alaska.

• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through October 15th. Today is “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua. ¡Felicitaciones, amigos!

• “International Day of Democracy”, a UN observance since 2007 encouraging the freely-expressed will of people to determine their own political, economic, social, and cultural systems.

• “World Lymphoma Awareness Day”, initiated in 2004 to raise awareness of this increasingly common form of cancer.

1954 [60] Famous photo of screen siren Marilyn Monroe, laughing as her skirt is blown up by the blast from a subway vent, is shot during the filming of “The Seven Year Itch” (it infuriates her husband, Joe DiMaggio, and they divorce shortly afterward)

1994 [20] Earliest known recording of John Lennon, a performance by the Quarry Men at a St Peter’s parish garden party in 1957 Liverpool, fetches $125,000 at a Sotheby’s auction

2004 [20] National Hockey League commissioner Gary Bettman announces a lockout of the players union and cessation of operations by the NHL head office

2008 [06] NYC-based financial services firm Lehman Bros files the largest bankruptcy filing in US history, eventually contributing to a global financial meltdown and recession

[Tues] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Tues] Guacamole Day
[Tues] Stepfamily Day
[Wed] 2014 Americana Honors & Awards (Nashville TN)
[Wed] International Country Music Day
[Wed] Rehabilitation Day
[Wed] School Backpack Awareness Day

Balance Awareness Week / Child Passenger Safety Week / Dating & Life Coach Recognition Week / Environmental Services Week / Health Information & Technology Week / Love Your Files Week / Pollution Prevention Week / Prostate Cancer Awareness Week / Truck Driver Appreciation Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Newborn Babies … They’re cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.
• Computers … Hard to figure out and never enough memory.
• Power Tools … They make a lot of noise, but it’s hard to get them to work.
• Remote Controls … Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.
• Soap Operas … They’re fun to watch, but don’t believe everything you hear.
• Plastic Wrap … Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.
• Coolers … Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
• Horoscopes … They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
• Coffee … The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night.
• Plungers … They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

2 of the following statements are absolutely true; one is complete hooey. But which one?
• Donald Duck’s middle name is ‘The’. [BS. It’s ‘Fauntleroy’.]
• The TV sitcom “Friends” was originally titled “The Six of Us”. [TRUE. For most of the actors, it’s known as ‘The Last Decent Work I Ever Did’.]
• Mosquitoes like people who have recently eaten bananas. [TRUE. It seems for bugs, they have ‘appeal’.]
– First published in “BS” 2006.

☎ A woman in Los Angeles is so angry at neighbors who let their dogs defecate on her yard that she’s posted a sign warning that she’ll retaliate … herself. Does she have a good point?

Here are a few primers, then ask listeners to call in more …
• Here comes the boss!
• This doesn’t taste right.
• Let me handle this.
• It’s your mother, dear.
• Do you smell something?

Which was originally called “The Customer’s Afternoon Letter”?
a. Bloomberg News
b. “Wall Street Journal” [CORRECT]
c. Dow-Jones Average
–  “Land O’ Useless Facts”

My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Question: Whenever you do THIS, you do it for about 8 minutes on average.
Answer: Take a shower.

If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

Jagoda Vukovic @ Hone FM Lusaka, Zambia; Kimberly Ray @ Radio 95.1 [WQBW] Rochester NY; Jessica Rankin @ 101.3 The River [CKKN] Prince George BC; Faith Msibi @ Rise FM Mpumalanga, South Africa; Stevie Kay @ 102.8 Chorley FM Chorley UK; Ben Carrel @ Superstation KZNN 105.3 Rolla MO; Harvey Knight @ Lite Rock Favorites 105.9 [KGBX] Springfield MO; and Harrison Jennings @ 88.3 CJIQ FM Cambridge ON.

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