Wednesday, September 19, 2012        Edition: #4833

Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

It’s only Week 1 of Mariah Carey & Nicki Minaj working together on “American Idol” and already there are reports of them ‘at each other’s throat’ (this could make this show watchable again – catfight!) . . . “Glee” star Lea Michele has reportedly landed a huge beauty contract with L’Oréal, following in the footsteps of Beyoncé, Eva Longoria, and Jennifer Lopez as the face of the French cosmetics giant (they’re about 2 seasons too late with this) . . . “Modern Family” star Eric Stonestreet was escorted out of an LA Dodgers game after getting into a verbal altercation with a St Louis Cardinals fan (great idea for an episode – were cameras rolling?) . . . Actress Reese Witherspoon has put her Ojai, California ranch up for sale, at circa $10 million (Robert Pattinson’s tear-soaked pillow not included) . . . According to a poll by daytime talk show “Katie”, Alexis Bledel & Ian Somerhalder are the fan favorites to play the sexually-charged leads in the upcoming film adaptation of EL James’ spicy novel “Fifty Shades of Grey” (think ‘Beth Dawes’ on “Mad Men”, not ‘Rory’ on “Gilmore Girls”) . . . Sorta actress Amanda Bynes’ erratic behavior isn’t subsiding, reports saying she went shopping in West Hollywood this week and ended up spending close to 2 hours in a boutique’s dressing room (stuck inside a too-small dress?) . . . And according to a new article in “Newsweek” magazine, Arnold Schwarzenegger once told his neighbor: “I think things will work out OK with Maria (Shriver), but if they don’t I’m getting me a 20-year-old honey” (how endearing).

• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Melissa Etheridge (“4th Street Feeling”).
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – P!nk (“The Truth About Love”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – PSY (“Gangnam Style”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Afghan Whigs (“Lovecrimes”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kasabian (“Velociraptor”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Avett Bros (“The Carpenter”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Band of Horses (“Mirage Rock”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Neon Trees (“Picture Show”).
• “Survivor: Philippines” (CBS/Global) – In the 25th season premiere, 3 former castaways and 15 new contestants are introduced to the competition
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Big & Rich (“Hillbilly Jedi”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – P!nk (“The Truth About Love”); TI (“Trouble Man”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – As auditions continue, the coaches select vocalists for their teams.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV) – Auditions continue.

• Christina Aguilera – She’s refusing to enter the war of words between the producers of “The Voice” and rival talent show “The X Factor”, saying ‘there’s plenty of room for both me and Britney on TV’.
• Deadmau5 – The electro-house music DJ (real name Joel Zimmerman) has confirmed he’s in a relationship with TV tattoo artist Kat Von D. She called off her engagement to Jesse James last year, 6 months after Sandra Bullock’s former husband proposed.
• James Taylor – The 1970s troubadour, best known for his hit “You’ve Got A Friend”, is suing former label Warner Bros for $2 million in a dispute over royalties on digital downloads and use of his songs on compilation albums.
• Maroon 5 – They’re asking fans to submit clips for the music video for their next single, “Daylight”. ‘The Daylight Project’ is open for submissions of any kind through October 1st.
• Martina McBride – She’s upset her former record label RCA is releasing the compilation album “The Essential Martina McBride”, claiming she wasn’t consulted and only heard about it on Twitter. The country star left the label in 2010 and signed a new deal with Republic Nashville.
• Rihanna – She tops the list of nominees for MTV’s 19th annual “Europe Music Awards” with 6, including ‘Best Song’ (“We Found Love”), ‘Best Female Artist’, and ‘Best Pop Artist’. The winners are announced November 11th in Frankfurt, Germany.
• Usher – A source tells “Us Weekly” he’s set to replace Cee-Lo on the next season of “The Voice” (NBC), while Shakira will reportedly take over Christina Aguilera’s seat.
• Wyclef Jean – In his upcoming memoir, titled “Purpose”, he accuses former Fugees bandmate and ex-lover Lauryn Hill of misleading him about fathering her son. He claims she lied about the paternity of her child in a bid to convince him it was his and not Rohan Marley’s. That was apparently the catalyst for the group’s split in 1997.

University of Southern California engineers are working on tactile technology that allows robots to identify objects simply by touching them. After developing a robotic hand modeled after a human’s, scientists have overlaid rubberized ‘skin’ that’s capable of gripping delicate objects without crushing them. The robot can then be trained to identify items based on how they feel, using feedback from its fingertips. The technology could someday be used to test consumer goods, judging the softness of your clothing or how ripe your fruits & vegetables are, before you ever see them in the store. (What’s with the holes in this melon? Looks like a bowling ball.)
– Yahoo! News

• You’ve already dated around.
• You share similar goals.
• You don’t want to change him/her.
• Your connection is tight out of bed, too.
• You’re not living out a fantasy.
• You both try to resolve fights.
• Your friends and family dig him/her.
– Condensed from

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 67% of women say they’re more likely to date a guy who’s in the same career field.
• 60% of women admit they’ve stolen items at work.
• 40% of men & 22% of women admit to drinking milk and/or juice straight from the carton.
• 27% of women say snoring causes big arguments in the home; 5% have broken up over it.
• 25% of drivers have driven while searching phone contacts.
• 15% of us actually prefer our pizza cold.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Amazeballs’ – A new slang word giving approval to something. (“I get a paid ‘personal day’ every month with this job? That’s amazeballs!”)
• ‘Floordrobe’ – A pile of clothes left on the floor of a room. (“I’ll be ready to go out for dinner in 5 minutes. I just gotta check the floordrobe for something to wear.”)
• ‘Thrillax’ – To do something that is both stimulating and relaxing. (“My fave way to thrillax on weekends is to do a bit of rock climbing after finishing a triathlon.”)

Spain is the Euro-zone’s 4th-largest economy, however 1-in-4 people in the country are currently unemployed. In August, Spain’s unemployment rate reached 24.4%, twice the Euro-zone average. That puts the country about where the USA was during the 1930s ‘Great Depression’. Even more shocking is the unemployment rate for Spaniards under age 25 … a staggering 53%. As of September 2012, there are 4.6 million people without jobs in Spain, the highest unemployment rate anywhere in the world. (Except down at the motor license bureau.)

You thought it was only for drinking? Uh-uh. Check it out …
✓ Clothes Cleaner – Put a little vodka in a spray bottle and squirt your clothing before a wash to help clean and deodorize. Vodka kills bacteria but won’t leave a smell.
✓ Moisturizer – Beer is a wonderful skin conditioner. Add a good amount of brew to your bath, then soak. If you want to get fancy, head over to Germany or Czech Republic to a ‘beer spa’.
✓ Mouthwash – Vodka is a powerful germ-killer, so you can simply swish it around in your mouth, then spit it out. Add mint leaves or tea tree oil to give your mouth that zesty feeling.
✓ Toothache Relief – Put a few dabs of whiskey on your fingertips, and gently rub them around your sore tooth for relief. You can also dampen a cotton swab and work it around the tooth.
✓ Shampoo – The carbohydrates, proteins, and vitamins in beer will hydrate your hair, giving it a much fuller feel. First boil the beer, let it cool, and then mix it in with normal shampoo.
– Excerpted from

The US Army Research Center has contracted a Virginia firm, Barron Associates, to look into training rats to accompany American soldiers. If successful, the program promises a more aggressive use for rodents, transforming them from peacetime work detecting mines to a soldier’s tool, searching out IEDs with patrols. Currently the army uses dogs. By comparison, rats cost far less to train and weigh only 3 lbs, small enough to fit in a soldier’s backpack. It’s also thought soldiers are less likely to become emotionally attached to a rat. (On the other hand, remember your first husband?)
– “Pacific Standard Magazine”

What is the most extreme thing you’ve done to your hair to make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex? The results of a recent poll on the topic …
● Highlighted (24% of women, 9% of men)
● Permed (20% of women, 5% of men)
● Grew long (7% of women, 20% of men)
● Cut Short (5% of women, 19% of men)
● Ponytail (0% of women, 8% of men)
● Curled (0% of women, 4% of men)
– “Glamour Magazine”

A chemistry teacher from Linden, Texas has been busted by police for selling home-cooked meth in the parking lot of his junior high school. William Duncan has been arrested and charged with delivery of a controlled substance in a drug-free zone after cops set up a drug buy that capped a 5-month undercover operation. Meth was later discovered in Duncan’s truck, which was parked on school property. The one silver lining for the cooker … cops don’t suspect he sold meth to students. (‘Walter White’ lives!)

You shed about 1.5 grams of skin per day but the turnover is much faster on your palms than, say, your eyelids. Overall it takes 28-to-50 days to completely renew your skin, slowing as you grow older.
– “Focus”


1926 [86] James Lipton, Detroit MI, TV host (“Inside the Actor’s Studio” since 1994, some 250 episodes over 18 years)

1948 [64] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (Academy Award-“Reversal of Fortune”, ‘Scar’ in “The Lion King”)/TV actor (“The Borgias”)

1951 [61] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer-songwriter-music producer (U2, The Killers, Neil Young)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)

1964 [48] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, TV personality (“Trisha’s Southern Kitchen”)/country singer (“Perfect Love”, “She’s in Love With the Boy”)/Mrs Garth Brooks since 2005

1974 [38] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (host of NBC-TV’s “Late Night” since 2009, “Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006)/movie actor (“Almost Famous”)

1980 [32] Tegan & Sara Quin, Calgary AB, twin sister singer-songwriters (Tegan & Sara-“Alligator”, “Back In Your Head”)  BS FACTOID: They’re the opening act for The Killers’ “Battle Born” North American tour, beginning November 30th in Orem UT.

• “Butterscotch Pudding Day”, apparently because every single thing in existence deserves its own holiday.

• “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers!

1986 [26] 17-minute 3-D film, “Captain EO” starring Michael Jackson, debuts at Disneyland in Anaheim CA and Walt Disney World in Orlando FL (the most expensive movie to date, production costs $1 million … per minute)

2004 [08] With their latest hit “You’ll Come Around”, Status Quo becomes the artist with most all-time hits in the UK, 61 charted singles dating from 1968’s “Pictures of Matchstick Men” (their only North American hit)

1982 [30] Carnegie Mellon University professor Scott Fahlman produces 1st ‘smiley face’ to punctuate humorous computer messages by employing a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis [:-)]

[Thurs] Gibberish Day
[Fri] POW-MIA Recognition Day
[Fri] World Alzheimer’s Day
[Fri] Car-Free Day
[Sat] Farm Aid 2012 (Hershey PA)
[Sat] Hunting & Fishing Day
This Week Is … Clean Hands Week
This Month Is … Coupon Month


What will we be talking about in a decade? How about …
• “Rolling Stones’ New Tour Ready to Roll”
• “Best Ways to Tell Your Parents That You’re Straight”
• “Dermatologists Recommending 250 SPF Sunblock”
• “Benefits Of the European Union/Facebook Merger”
• “What May Be Hidden in Your Dinner Pill”
• “Apple Recalls Millions of Sexdroids”

☎ Fast-food chain Twisted Root Burger in the greater Dallas TX area is awarding customers discounts on their cash register bills in some 20 different categories, including ‘Best Butt’ and ‘Best Looking’. Harmless fun or tasteless discrimination?

According to a coffee industry poll, which is the most common way to order coffee?
a. Black.
b. With cream.
c. With sugar.
d. With cream & sugar. [CORRECT. The choice of 37%; the reason it’s called ‘regular’.]

A good day is when you wake up without a chalk outline around your body.

Question: Stats show twice as many women now do THIS for a living compared to 10 years ago.
Answer: Rob banks.

No one is a complete failure. They can always serve as a bad example.

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