Tuesday, September 19, 2017        Edition: #6058

Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

★ Kevin Hart has taken to social media to apologize to his wife and family for “bad behavior.”  Hart didn’t allude to the actual nature of the incident he is apologizing for, but he did confirm that someone was trying to obtain money from him and wanted to “make financial gains” over his “mistake.”  There have been reports that someone had been trying to extort money from Hart following the release of a steamy video of him and another woman in July.  He concluded his Instagram video by saying, “At the end of the day, I just have to do better.”
★ Leah Remini insists that Jada Pinkett Smith is a Scientologist.  According to Remini, she never saw Will Smith at the Scientology Celebrity Centre, but she saw Jada there “all the time.” Raised as a member of the Church of Scientology from childhood, Remini has since dedicated herself to exposing, in her opinion, all the dark issues going on in the religion.
★ You know what they say: there are no original ideas in Hollywood. Whether you agree or not, there’s no denying that Tinseltown is obsessed with reboots and remakes at the moment. The latest reboot announcement is that James Cameron’s 1994 film, ‘True Lies’, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis, will be adapted into a big-budget television series on FOX. Schwarzenegger and Curtis are not expected to be involved, but James Cameron, who wrote and directed the movie, is attached as executive producer for the new TV version.
★ WWE Hall of Famer Bobby “The Brain” Heenan died on Sunday at the age of 73.  No official cause of death has been confirmed, though Heenan had previously been diagnosed with throat and tongue cancer. Heenan, born Raymond Louis Heenan, is considered by most experts to be the greatest pro wrestling manager of all time, managing Andre the Giant, Rick Rude, Mr. Perfect, Big John Studd and The Brain Busters, among others.
★ Gal Gadot has given us an idea of Wonder Woman’s mindset in the new ‘Justice League’ movie.  A century has gone by following the events of the solo ‘Wonder Woman’ film.  By now, she has had time to hone her skills.  According to Gadot, “She’s grown up… She’ll bring her specific qualities to a group dynamic, and she understands the enemy better than anyone else.” ‘Justice League’ comes out on November 17.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kirsten Dunst, Nathan Fielder, Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kevin James, Ilana Glazer, Rudimental featuring James Arthur
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Hillary Clinton, Emma Stone
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Mariska Hargitay, Gilbert Gottfried, Celeste Ng
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Alicia Vikander, Luke Wilson, Zach Woods, Sir Sly
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Sharon Osbourne, Frankie Muniz
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Jax Taylor, Captain Lee Rosbach
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Clayne Crawford, Damon Wayans, Dax Holt, guest co-host Garcelle Beauvais
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Demi Moore, David Muir
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Paulson, Nick Jonas
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): “Live Show Finale” The top 10 acts compete one final time.
• “The Paley Center Salutes the Best of Will & Grace” (NBC): Interviews with actors Debra Messing, Eric McCormack, Sean Hayes and Megan Mullally, and more.

• Lady Gaga – has dubbed Selena Gomez a “warrior princess” after her recent kidney transplant.  Gaga has sent her love and support to Gomez as she continues to recover.
• Lana Del Rey – has split from her beau G-Eazy after five months of dating.  According to reports, G-Eazy initially begged Lana to be the singer on his new song ‘Him and I’ but then they split and he changed his mind.  Instead, he teamed up with Halsey on the song and he’s now  dating her.
• Miley Cyrus – is working on another album – before her new one has even been released. She is scheduled to release her sixth studio album ‘Younger Now’ at the end of the month, but she is already busy working on the follow up. (You can get a lot done when you don’t spend all day ‘twerking’ anymore!)
• Christina Aguilera – performed at what may be the most extravagant and expensive L.A. wedding of the year when real estate agent to-the-stars Kurt Rappaport got hitched to Canadian model Sarah Mutch at his Malibu mansion.  Among the guests:  Diddy, Ryan Seacrest, DJ Khaled and Larry King.
• George Michael – The woman who had her IVF treatment paid for by the late George Michael has given birth to a baby boy.  Lynette Gillard was sent a donation by Michael after she discussed her struggle to get pregnant after several failed attempts at IVF on an episode of ‘Deal Or No Deal’ in 2008. The baby, born two weeks ago, has been given the middle name ‘George’.
• Ronnie Wood – says he has sex every day. The 70-year-old, who has four adult children from previous relationships and 15-month-old twins with third wife Sally – insists he has ”got to” get intimate on a very regular basis. (All together now:   “Ewwwwwww!”)
• Neil Young – has made his first appearance since canceling all of his 2017 live commitments. He delivered a 45-minute set of classics at the Farm Aid festival in Burgettstown, Pennsylvania.  According to reports, his blistering set that should completely put to bed any notion that he’s still battling whatever illness caused him to pull out of earlier shows.
• Van Morrison – his complete speech when awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award for Songwriting at the Americana Music Honors and Awards: “Thank You”.
• Thomas Rhett –  is wasting no time getting his daughters acclimated to life on the road. At his Friday night show at the York Fair in Pennsylvania, his one-month-old daughter Ada James made her onstage debut.  His wife Lauren brought Ada and daughter Willa Gray onstage to say hello to the crowd.  Rhett’s instagram photo caption: “Love when the fam comes out”.
• Big & Rich – When asked what their No. 1 goal was when making their latest release ‘Did It for the Party’, Big Kenny Alphin had one word to say: “Hits!”  He went on to say that “it’s always been a big mission of ours to make music that is a celebration.”

Get ‘em wherever you get your movies…
• “Wonder Woman” (PG-13, Action/Adventure):  When a pilot crashes and tells of conflict in the outside world, Diana, an Amazonian warrior in training, leaves home to fight a war, discovering her full powers and true destiny. (Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, Robin Wright)
• “The Hero” (R-Rated, Drama):  An ailing movie star comes to terms with his past and mortality. (Sam Elliott, Laura Prepon, Krysten Ritter)
• “Jerry Before Seinfeld” (Not Rated, Comedy):  Jerry Seinfeld returns to The Comic Strip in New York City for a stand-up set at the club that helped launched his career. (Jerry Seinfeld)
• “The Devils’s Candy” (Not Rated, Horror):  A struggling painter is possessed by satanic forces after he and his young family move into their dream home in rural Texas, in this creepy haunted-house tale.  (Ethan Embry, Shiri Appleby)
• “Second Nature” (Not Rated, Comedy):  A woman and man compete in an unusual race for mayor when gender roles magically reverse. (Collette Wolfe, Sam Huntington)

With so much talk these days about self-driving cars, you have to wonder what’s next.  How about self driving boats?  They are already working on it.  A number of marine innovators are focusing on building boats that can handle their own navigation.  Work has already begun on automated ferry boats for Amsterdam canals, cargo ships that can steer themselves, and remote-controlled ships to carry containers across the Atlantic and Pacific.  The first of these autonomous vessels could be in operation within three years.
(I actually saw that they are already testing these things.  Or was that a self-driving car gone wrong?)
(Autonomous?  Shouldn’t that be ‘yachtonomous?)
(They just aren’t going to stop until no one has a job, are they?)

With the announcement of the new iPhone X (10), you might be wondering what to do with your old phone (because you absolutely HAVE to get the new iPhone, right? They said so.)  Here is what to do with your antiquated iPhone 8 (or whatever):
☎ Donate to Charity:  Several charities accept old phones as a donation. These groups probably won’t physically give your old phones to people in need. Instead, they’ll often sell your phone to recyclers to raise money.
☎ Sell Your Cell:  Once new models come out, older ones will flood onto eBay and other resale sites, so it might make sense to wait a little.  How much money you can make off your old phone depends on its brand and condition.
☎ Reuse, Repurpose: Even without cellular service, you old phone will be able to get on Wi-Fi, so you can use it to stream music, post on Facebook or do pretty much anything else you want provided you are in Wi-Fi range. Keep it for yourself, give it to a broke friend, or load it up with kid-friendly apps and games and hand it down to your children.
☎ What Upgrade?  There’s no rule saying you must upgrade your phone each year, as much as manufacturers would like you to.  Is your phone still in fairly good condition? Could you, perhaps, get that cracked screen fixed, delete some videos and apps to free up memory, and clean out accumulated pocket lint in the charging or headphone port?
(How un-consumeristic!)
(Just do what I do.  Lose it.  Problem solved.)

So your selfies always look horrible.  You got a new phone with a fancy camera and it still didn’t help.  Oh, no.  Maybe the problem is you.  Here is the number one way to instantly make you more photogenic, according to a professional celebrity photographer.   All you have to do is tilt your head slightly to your best side and lower your chin.  The angling softens any unflattering shadows and brings out your jawline so your face looks slimmer overall.  Which is your best side?  According to a study at Wake Forest University, most people are more emotionally expressive on their left side.  Oh, and DON’T say cheese.  Say ‘money’.    The hard “ey” sound will force the corners of your mouth up and give the you a crinkle around your eye, which gives you a more sincere smile.
(Problem: I don’t seem to have a ‘best side’.)
(I don’t tilt.  I look up.  Fewer chins.)
-ReadersDigest, PureWow

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Neighbor spoofing’ – Using a false caller ID to make a scam phone call appear to originate in the callee’s local area.  (Because they know that if the number doesn’t look familiar, I’m not answering it!)
• ‘Tree blindness’ – The disregard of the trees in one’s environment.  (My dog hasn’t disregarded one yet!)
• ‘Witness tree’ – An extremely old tree, particularly one that was present at one or more important historical events.  (I think I have some ‘witness celery’ in my fridge!)
• ‘Hatfishing’ – Tricking a potential dating partner by wearing a hat to hide one’s baldness or receding hairline.  (Or if you’re really ugly….paperbagfishing!)


1948 [69] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (“Reversal of Fortune”, “The Lion King”)/TV actor (“The Borgias”)  COMING UP…Justice League, 2017

1951 [66] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer-songwriter-music producer (U2, The Killers, Neil Young)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)

1958 [59] Lita Ford, London England, guitarist/singer (Lead guitarist of “The Runaways”, solo artist (w/Ozzy Osbourne: ‘Close My Eyes Forever’)

1964 [53] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, TV personality (“Trisha’s Southern Kitchen”)/country singer (“Perfect Love”, “She’s in Love With the Boy”)/Mrs Garth Brooks since 2005

1974 [43] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (“Tonight Show” host 2014-present, “Late Night” host 2009-14, “Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006)/movie actor (“Fever Pitch”)

1976 [41] Alison Sweeney, Los Angeles CA, soap opera actress (“Days of Our Lives” 1993-2015), TV host (“The Biggest Loser” 2006-2015)

1980 [37] Tegan & Sara Quin, Calgary AB, twin sister indie-rock singer-songwriters (Tegan & Sara-“Closer”, “I Was a Fool”)

• “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers!
NET: http://www.talklikeapirate.com
Change the language settings on your station Facebook page to ‘pirate’: https://searchenginewatch.com/sew/how-to/2109984/avast-ye-talk-scurvy-pirate-wit-facebook-twitter-google

• “Butterscotch Pudding Day”, because apparently every single thing in existence deserves its own holiday.

• “Woman Road Warrior Day”, a day to honor women who travel for business. While men were the main business travelers in the past, women now account for half of all work-related travel.
(As opposed to my mother, who is a ‘Road Worrier’.)
What ‘Woman Road Warrior” do you know?

• “Take a Loved One to the Doctor Day”, it’s important for people of all ages to see a doctor regularly.  People age 50 and over should see a doctor at least once a year.

[Wed] Punch Day
[Wed] Gibberish Day
[Thurs] Start of Rosh Hashanah
[Thurs] Gratitude Day

1988 [29] Bon Jovi release their 4th album ‘New Jersey’ – most top ten hits of any rock/glam metal album (5)

2004 [13] With their latest hit ‘You’ll Come Around’, Status Quo becomes the artist with most all-time hits in the UK, 61 charted singles dating from 1968’s ‘Pictures of Matchstick Men’ (their only North American hit)

1982 [35] Carnegie Mellon University professor Scott Fahlman produces 1st ‘smiley face’ to punctuate humorous computer messages by employing a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis [:-)]     (the first emoji?)

2011 [06] Relief pitcher Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees surpasses Trevor Hoffman to become Major League Baseball’s all-time saves leader with 602 (retired in 2013 with 652)


✓ An earthquake on Dec. 16, 1811 caused parts of the Mississippi River to flow backwards.
✓ A person uses approximately fifty-seven sheets of toilet paper each day.
✓ More money is spent on gardening than on any other hobby.
✓ The opposite sides of a dice cube always add up to seven.
✓ Rice paper does not have any rice in it.
✓ In England, in the 1880’s, ‘pants’ was considered a dirty word!

• Silly Idol
• Filth Harmony
• Poo Fighters
• The Honkees
• The Wussycat Dolls
• Sister Sludge
• Depeche Mole
• The Residents of the United States of America
• Stink
• Lice Cooper
• Cosby, Stills, Nash & Young
• Nickelback (No letter change needed)


☎ What movie title best describes your boss?

Every semicolon I have ever used; has been purely a shot in the dark.

Question: According to a new study, if you don’t like THIS, it’s because your parents didn’t like it either. What?
Answer: Exercising.

You have to be odd to be number one.

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