Monday, September 2, 2013        Edition: #5059


Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
✶ The “Superman vs Batman” film will be shot in Detroit MI, the city standing in for the fictional comic book cities of ‘Metropolis’ and ‘Gotham City’ when filming on the “Man of Steel” sequel starts early next year. Ben Affleck has been cast as ‘Batman’ opposite the returning Henry Cavill as ‘Superman’. An official announcement reads: “Detroit is a great example of a quintessential American city, and we know it will make the perfect backdrop for our movie.” (BS translation: There are lots of vacant buildings they can use.)
– WENN.com
✶ Simon Cowell has hired new “Downton Abbey” castmember Nigel Harman to play him in a stage musical about “The X Factor”. The production, entitled “I Can’t Sing”, is currently in rehearsals and will debut in London’s West End next year. Cowell quote: “The hardest thing was: How do you find someone who’s good-looking, talented and can look like me?” Harman will also appear in the upcoming 4th season of “Downton Abbey”, playing a valet. (Surprisingly self-centered Simon didn’t want to play himself.)
– “Daily Mail”
✶ Actor Paul Giamatti is heading to the smallscreen to play an unhinged homicide detective in 1980s Miami FL. The “Sideways” star will shoot a pilot for “Hoke”, the main character in Charles Willeford’s series of novels about detective ‘Hoke Moseley’. Production begins next year and if FX picks up the series, it will be Giamatti’s first longterm TV role. Giamatti won acclaim for his 2008 TV miniseries “John Adams” and will be seen in “Downton Abbey” during the next season. (It seems everyone in show biz is going to be on “Downton Abbey”.)
– ContactMusic.com
✶ 39-year-old Spice Girl-turned-fashion designer Victoria Beckham is reportedly in the running to design costumes for the upcoming “Fifty Shades of Grey” movie. An insider says the adaptation of EL James’ racy novel is being planned as more than just a film, with spin-offs in fashion and music. In addition to Beckham, Universal Studios is also reportedly considering designers Dolce & Gabbana, Diane Von Furstenberg, Calvin Klein, and Marc Jacobs. (This film is going to be talked to death before it ever gets made.)
– “Daily Star”
✶ And according to the guy who invented the ‘#1 Foam Finger’, Miley Cyrus degraded his ‘honorable icon’ with her much-discussed performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. Steve Chmelar created the first giant hand out of cloth and paper maché in 1971 to cheer on Ottumwa High School at the Iowa State Basketball Finals. He says he was shocked to see the 20-year-old wagging her tongue at his creation, poking Robin Thicke, and generally using the foam finger in a sexually suggestive way. (In response, Miley’s likely to tweet her middle finger.)
– NYPost.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “The Comedy Central Roast” (Comedy Central) – Actor James Franco is skewered by the likes of Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and Bill Hader in this prerecorded ‘tribute’. Word has it he’s mocked for his movie flops, his sexuality, and his much-maligned co-hosting gig with Anne Hathaway at the 2011 Academy Awards.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Eve (“Lip Lock”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Joan Jett (“Unvarnished”, out October 1st). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Curtis Peoples (“Curtis Peoples”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) –  Jake Owen (“Barefoot Blue Jean Night”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Selena Gomez (“Stars Dance”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – KT Tunstall (“Invisible Empire/Crescent Moon”). Rerun.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – MCA Music in the Philippines (part of Universal Music) is planning to release a second Beatles anthology collecting previously unreleased recordings from their mid-1960s appearances on BBC Radio. “On Air – Live At the BBC Volume 2” is reportedly due in November.
• Black Eyed Peas – Fergie & her actor-hubby Josh Duhamel have decided to name their new baby ‘Axl Jack Duhamel’. Their first-born son weighed in at 7 pounds, 10 ounces.
• Elton John – Tonight at a special ceremony in London, he’s presented with the first-ever ‘Icon Award’, a standalone extension of the annual BRIT Awards. He’s expected to perform some of his hits as well as new material from his upcoming album “The Diving Board” (out September 16th).
• Lady Gaga – She’s set to showcase her acting skills with a cameo appearance in the 2014 sequel to cult-movie hit “Sin City”. Director Robert Rodriguez hired her for “Sin City: A Dame to Kill For” after already working with her in his upcoming film “Machete Kills” (out October 11th).
• Pet Shop Boys – They’ll end their “Electric” world tour at Edinburgh, Scotland’s “Hogmanay” celebration, the world famous street party which takes over the city on New Year’s Eve.
• Stone Temple Pilots – The new-look band have slightly changed their moniker as Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington officially joins them for upcoming tour dates and record releases. They’ll now be billed as ‘Stone Temple Pilots with Chester Bennington’.
• Timbaland – He’s revealed he’s working on a new project featuring lost recordings by Michael Jackson. Details about the venture remain sketchy, but one of the tracks is apparently titled “Chicago”.

PICKY EATERS DATING:
A slew of niche dating websites offer to match up people with specific dietary requirements. GlutenfreeSingles.com launched last month and has already lured 3,000 members with the promise of ‘wheatless romance’. That’s just one choice on the long menu of foodie-focused dating portals. VeggieDate.org has linked up vegans and vegetarians since 1999. ChocolateLoversPassions.com; CoffeePassions.com; and HotSaucePassions.com cater to couples who share favorite foods. There’s even the Swedish dating site Lantmannen.se, which pairs up singles based on … leftovers. (Be forewarned: The meet-up site Twinks.com has nothing to do with Twinkies.)
– “New York Daily News”

SMART SOCK:
For parents who just can’t get enough data on their newborn, developers have created a sock that lets you monitor your baby’s health while it sleeps. The ‘Smart Sock’ from Owlet Baby Care is designed to let parents monitor their infant’s vital signs throughout the night. The sensor-packed sock measures baby’s heart rate, blood oxygenation levels, sleep quality, skin temperature, and sleep position, which parents can access via a smarpthone app. The company hopes to bring the product to market via an independent crowdfunding campaign. (Alternatively, you could actually haul your ass off the couch and take a peek into the nursery.)
– “Business Standard”

MAN REALLY IS FROM MARS?
Life may have started on Mars before arriving on Earth. New research supports the idea that the Red Planet was a better place to kick-start biology billions of years ago than the early Earth. Details of the theory have been outlined by Dr Steven Benner of Florida’s Westheimer Institute for Science & Technology at a major scientific conference in Florence, Italy. The evidence seems to be building that we are actually all Martians; that life started on Mars and came to Earth on a rock cascading through space. (According to this guy, the ‘Martian Invasion’ has already occurred.)
– BBC News

WE CAN BE BOUGHT:
More vacation time? Not necessary. Better pay? Well, that would be OK. But experts says one of the best ways to boost employee morale is by making sure they get … freebies. For instance, if you have T-shirts with the corporate logo on them, instead of just giving them to customers and suppliers, you should make sure employees get them as well. (Yeah, we’re all excited here on the morning crew. We didn’t get a raise but we’re all getting station fridge magnets!)
– “Entrepreneur Magazine”

DID YOU KNOW:
• The average length of the school year in the USA is 180 days, while in Canada it’s 186 and in England 192. But in Japan, students are stuck in the classroom an average of 243 days.
– PA News
• London’s Sarm Studios, where “Stairway to Heaven” and “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” were recorded, is being closed down and turned into apartments.
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 09.02.13


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [65] Terry Bradshaw, Shreveport LA, sports analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday”)/Hall of Fame NFL QB (Pittsburgh Steelers 1970-83, 4 Super Bowl titles)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (1989)

1951 [62] Mark Harmon, Burbank CA, TV actor (‘Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ on “Navy NCIS” since 2003)/movie actor (“Freaky Friday”)

1959 [54] Guy Laliberté, Québec City QC, billionaire founder & CEO of Cirque du Soleil (“Love”, “Viva Elvis”)/space tourist to International Space Station (September 2009)

1964 [49] Keanu Reeves, Beirut, Lebanon [raised Toronto], movie actor (“The Lake House”, “The Matrix” trilogy)

1966 [47] Salma Hayek, Coatzacoalcos, Mexico, movie actress (“Grown Ups”, “Frida”)/TV producer (“Ugly Betty” 2006-10)

1987 [26] Spencer Smith, Summerlin NV, rock drummer (Panic At the Disco-“Nine In the Afternoon”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Blueberry Popsicle Day”, a celebration of the flavor that leaves your lips and tongue looking like some kind of purple-fleshed alien.

• “Labor Day” in Canada & the USA, a tribute to the contributions workers have made to our prosperity and well-being. It became a statutory holiday in both the US and Canada in 1894. In dozens of other countries, May 1st is “International Workers’ Day”, a day of celebration for labor.

• “National Beheading Day”. Not sure what you’re supposed to do to celebrate … just don’t lose your head over it!

• “National Day of Vietnam”, celebrating the country’s independence from Japan and France in 1945.

• “Pierce Your Ears Day”. At what age is it acceptable for a little girl to have hers done?

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2003 [10] TV finalé of “Buffy, the Vampire Slayer”, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [18] Grand opening of Cleveland’s “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” is celebrated with a 7-hour concert featuring Bruce Springsteen, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Martha & the Vandellas, John Mellencamp, and oodles more

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1995 [18] Michael Jackson’s “You Are Not Alone” becomes the 1st-ever single to debut at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Hot 100’

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1964 [49] Norman Manley scores 2 holes-in-one consecutively at Del Valley CA, the first recorded ‘Double Albatross’ (or ‘Double Ace’) in golf

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Wilderness Day
[Tues] Skyscraper Day
[Wed] Newspaper Carrier Day
[Thurs] Toronto International Film Festival opens (Toronto ON)
[Thurs] Be Late For Something Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
International Enthusiasm Week / Nutrition Week / Payroll Week / Play Days / Self-University Week / Waffle Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD VETERINARIAN:
• Big sign in front window reads “No Pets Allowed”.
• Waiting room has a lot of posters advertising cockfights.
• When you hand her your cat, she asks uncomfortably, “Monkey?”
• First question … “So what ails your varmint?”
• Scratches self with his left foot.
• She wears one of those big funnel-shaped dog collars.
• Sends you a card every Fall that says: “Time for your dog’s annual neutering!”
• He bites.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

BS WORDS THAT DON’T BELONG IN THE SAME SENTENCE:
• ‘Oops’ and ‘Prepare for Emergency Landing’.
• ‘Yeah, I Did Steal the Money’ and ‘Godfather’.
• ‘Big, Hungry Rottweiler’ and ‘Testicles’.
• ‘Climb Over the Fence’ and ‘That Bear Won’t Bite’.
• ‘This Child’ and ‘Surprise, its Yours’.
• ‘She Has One Big Eye in the Middle of Her Forehead’ and ‘Likes You’.
– First published in “BS” 2010.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Which trait did you find cute about your partner when you first met that now drives you nuts?

BS WEB GOODIE:
• Guessing house prices on Google Maps is surprisingly addictive …
NET: http://bit.ly/153aTku
• Selfies taken at serious places, some that are inappropriate …
NET: http://bit.ly/17luYXe
• Wow, now she has an entire website devoted to it!
NET: http://www.mileycyrustongue.com

BS RADIO JEOPARDY:
Just like on TV, contestants must answer in the form of a question. When they fail, as they always will, you provide ‘the correct question’ …
• The answer is … Peter Pan. (The correct question is … What do you use to fry a peter?)
• The Orient Express. (What do you call a drink made from soya sauce and prune juice?)
• Supervisor. (What does ‘Clark Kent’ wear to keep the sun out of his eyes?)
• Follow the yellow brick road. (What are good directions to a urologist’s office?)
• Kumquat. (What do you say when calling your ‘quat’?)
• Milk and honey. (What do you get from a bee that has an udder?)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Why were schoolhouses usually painted red in olden days?
a. It was considered a patriotic color.
b. So they could be seen in a snowstorm.
c. Red paint was cheap. [CORRECT. It was the least expensive color, the reason it was also used on barns.]
– Land O’ Useless Facts

BS RANDOM JOKE:
At school I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Experts say it’s best to do THIS with your pants zipped.
Answer: Launder them. Otherwise, the zipper’s teeth might rip other clothes in the washer. (Also a good idea when wearing pants.)
– “Mary Ellen’s Hints”

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There’s no one so wise as the person who says nothing at the right time.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Jeremy Lyons @ 89.9 WERS [Emerson College] Boston MA; Marco Trujillo @ Recuerdo 102.9 [KLQV] San Diego CA; Lesley Galbraith @ Valley Heritage Radio [CJHR] Renfrew ON.


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