Tuesday, September 20, 2011        Edition: #4590
Sheet, Featuring Bull

“30 Rock” actor Alec Baldwin is now saying he DIDN’T skip the “Emmy Awards” in LA because his opening skit making fun of News Corp was cut, but because he wanted to attend singer Tony Bennett’s 85th birthday gala in NYC (BS translation: Chuck you, FOX!) . . . Madonna’s bigscreen directorial debut “WE” will be cut by as much as 10 minutes ahead of its theatrical release in December after being panned by critics at both the Venice Film Festival and Toronto International Film Festival (ironically, it’s expected to last in theaters about 10 minutes) . . . 23-year-old Kevin Jonas, oldest of the Jonas Bros, is set to star in his own reality TV show about life with his wife Danielle Deleasa (like “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and its spin-offs, you can blame this on schmaltz TV producer Ryan Seacrest) . . . 92% of film-goers who’ve gone to see the re-release of “The Lion King” (surprisingly the weekend’s #1 movie) have opted for the 3-D version (the 3-D Blu-ray disc is set for release next month) . . . Reps for Justin Timberlake & Mila Kunis have issued a statement to People.com denying the existence of any ‘inappropriate’ text messages between the two, as well as rumored ‘intimate photos’ (after co-starring in “Friends With Benefits”, what could possible seem ‘inappropriate’?) . . . An auction of items belonging to late screen star Tony Curtis has raised more than $1 million, a portion of which will be donated to his Shiloh Horse Rescue charity (the remainder donated to his actress-daughter Jamie Lee) . . . And veteran actress Jane Fonda has revealed in “Daily Express” that she once got her containers mixed up and, instead of bath salts, ended up bathing in – her late dog Roxy’s ashes (well, she is 73 now).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Matt Nathanson (“Modern Love”).
• “Dancing With the Stars (ABC/CTV) – The couple with the lowest score faces elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Demi Lovato (“Unbroken”, out today).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – In the 3rd season debut, ‘Sue Sylvester’ starts her congressional campaign.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Gavin DeGraw (“Chariot”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The 11th season launches with ‘Greek Week’, performances from LA’s legendary Greek Theatre, celebrating its 80th anniversary. Tonight The Decemberists (“The King Is Dead”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Harry Connick Jr (“In Concert on Broadway”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Clap Your Hands Say Yeah (“Hysterical”, released today).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Coldplay (“Mylo Xyloto”, out October 24th).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Paula Abdul (“The X Factor”).
• “New Girl” (FOX/CityTV) – Debut of a new comedy series starring Zooey Deschanel as a late-20s woman coming off a breakup who moves in with 3 single guys. (“Three’s Company” … backwards.)
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tori Amos (“Night of Hunters”, out today).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Kelly Clarkson (“Stronger”, out October 25th).
• Tonight’s other TV season debuts include “The Biggest Loser” (NBC/CityTV);  “Body of Proof” (ABC/CityTV); “NCIS” (CBS); “NCIS: LA” (CBS/Global); “Raising Hope” (FOX/CityTV); and “Unforgettable” (CBS/CTV).

• Christina Aguilera – She tells “Hello!” magazine she will never put movies ahead of her music career. After “Burlesque”, that’s likely not a choice.
• Lady Gaga – She leads nomination for the 2011 “MTV Europe Music Awards”, landing a total of 6.The winners will be announced at a gala in Belfast, Northern Ireland on November 6th.
• Mary J Blige – Today she releases “My Life II, The Journey Continues”, featuring collaborations with Diddy and Lil Wayne.
• Pearl Jam – Tonight “Pearl Jam Twenty”, their 20th anniversary documentary, screens in movie theaters for one-night only, then gets a limited run in select locations. The soundtrack (out today) is a 2-disc package that also includes a compilation of rarities and demos. The doc is out on DVD October 24th.
• R Kelly – He tells WGCI Chicago his 11th album will be titled “Black Panties”, but there’s no release date as yet.
• Snoop Dogg – He’s working on a family sitcom for Warner Bros, playing the head of a household loosely based on his own. His real-life family has already been featured on the E! reality series “Snoop Dogg’s Father Hood”.
• SuperHeavy – Today is the release of the self-titled debut album from the unlikely supergroup consisting of Mick Jagger (Rolling Stones), soul singer Joss Stone, Dave Stewart (Eurythmics), reggae artist Damian Marley, and composer AR Rahman (“Slumdog Millionaire”). Producer Stewart refers to the project as ‘a mad alchemist type experiment’.
• Taylor Swift – She tells the October issue of “Glamour” she has a fondness for layers of red lipstick, the scent of vanilla, night cream day & night, and side braids on bad hair days. Her three-quarter-inch spiral curling iron is apparently her BFF.
• Tony Bennett – Today the 85-year-old crooner releases “Duets II”, a new album featuring some surprising collaborations like “The Lady Is a Tramp” w/Lady Gaga; “It Had to Be You” w/Carrie Underwood; “The Way You Look Tonight” w/Faith Hill; and – in her final recording – Amy Winehouse on “Body And Soul”.

• “Bridesmaids” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Kristen Wiig (“Saturday Night Live”) stars as a  lovelorn and broke maid-of-honor trying to bluff her way through expensive wedding rituals with an oddball group of bridesmaids. Co-stars Rose Byrne, Maya Rudolph. A surprise blockbuster.
• “Set Up” ( R-Rated Crime Drama) – Bruce Willis, Ryan Phillippe, and 50 Cent star in this story about a group of friends who become involved in a potentially deadly diamond heist. When one takes off with the goods, another teams with a dangerous mob boss to get them back.
• Also released today: “Castle: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “The Dick Van Dyke Show: Fan Favorites 50th Anniversary Edition” (Classic TV); “Dumbo 70th Anniversary Edition” (Animation); “Gettysburg” (Documentary); “The Mentalist: The Complete 3rd Season” (TV); “Mike & Molly: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Modern Family: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); and “Raising Hope: Season 1” (TV).

Hong Kong is now home to ‘celebrity tutors’. 47-year-old Richard Eng was the first to realize he could become rich and famous by packaging himself like a teen idol, and now an entire industry of after-school instructors has followed suit. They appear on the backs and sides of buses, on billboards, in radio spots, on TV shows, and in full-page newspaper ads. (We have reality TV stars … they have superstar teachers. Do this help explain the increasing gap?)
– “Globe & Mail”

If you really don’t want to get the gig try …
• Being late.
• Arriving unprepared.
• Assuming you know everything.
• Focusing on irrelevant issues.
• Forgetting where you are.
• Offering TMI (too much information, particularly personal).
• Name-dropping.
• Trashing your former employer.
– ListsoPlenty.com

In a world first, Australians will soon be able to choose from 3 gender options when they apply for a passport … male, female, and indeterminate. The revamped guidelines are intended to reduce discrimination against transgender and intersex Australians abroad. Instead of identifying gender with the traditional ‘M’ or ‘F’, intersex people – those who do not identify as completely male or female biologically – can list their gender as ‘X’. Transgender people – whose biological gender doesn’t match the way they see themselves – can choose ‘M’ or ‘F’ if they have a doctor’s statement that says they’re transitioning. (Can you pick ‘All’?)
– CBC.ca

Actual things that occur every 60 seconds and continue 24/7 …
• 250 babies are born, 113 born into poverty.
• The average person in the world makes $0.013.
• 55,757 barrels of oil are used.
• Lightning strikes the Earth 360 times.
• There are 5 earthquakes.
• 107 people die, 18 from starvation.
– OnlineEducation.net

Women remember men with a deep voice more than those with a high voice, according to scientists at Scotland’s University of Aberdeen. That’s because the pitch of a voice is important to women looking for a long-term partner. They use it to assess genetic quality as well as behavioral traits such as antisocial behavior and lack of emotional warmth. In experiments, it’s also been found that women’s memory is enhanced by lower-pitch male voices. The researchers think this is evidence that evolution has shaped women’s ability to remember information associated with desirable men. (This is also the reason radio personalities are considered the world’s sexiest people … we’re sure it says that here somewhere …)
– DailyMail.co.uk

A look at who we are and the things we do …
• 89% of us admit to regularly driving faster than the posted speed limit.
• 75% of people who can be psychologically defined as ‘narcissists’ are men.
• 67% of pet owners insist they can ‘understand’ their pet’s bark or meow.
• 47% of pet owners have dumped someone because their pet didn’t like them.
• 31% of us only make our beds on the weekend.
• 20% of us admit to going through a neighbor’s trash.

• Anna Dello Russo, the flamboyant, self-styled ‘Lady Gaga of fashion’ and fashion director-at-large of “Vogue Japan”, has 2 apartments in Milan, Italy. One is for her, and one for … her clothes. (“I won’t be home this afternoon … I’m visiting my shoes.”)
– “Intelligent Life”
• Some firms in China train their customer service staff to smile using a chopstick. Here’s how to do that: Keep it between your teeth; don’t touch it with your lips; and above all, don’t drop it. (You. Will. Smile. Understood?)
– “American Digest”


1934 [77] Sophia Loren (Scicolone), Rome, Italy, movie star (1962 Academy Award-“Two Women”, 1991 Honorary Career Achievement Oscar)

1968 [43] Ben Shepherd, Okinawa, Japan, rock bassist (Soundgarden-“Live on I-5”)

1979 [32] Rick Woolstenhulme, Gilbert AZ, rock drummer (Lifehouse-“You & Me”, “Hanging By a Moment”)

• “Gibberish Day”, highlighting the uselessness of the convoluted terminology and gobbledy-gook spouted by those who are masking their lack of knowledge and expertise or who are just too spineless to make a clear statement. Some samples from the ‘Gibberish Generator’ …
NET: http://www.andrewdavidson.com/gibberish/

• “International Student Day”, honoring the ‘diligence & hard work’ of students everywhere.

• “Make Your Own Junk Food at Home Day”. So what’s your specialty? World’s best burger? Double-dipped homemade fries? Microwaved wieners?

1946 [65] “Cannes Film Festival” debuts on the French Riviera (world’s top-ranked)

2006 [05] A memorial for late “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin is held at the Australia Zoo in Brisbane (3,000 tickets are snapped up in 15 minutes)

2010 [01] Leonard Skinner dies at age 77, former high school gym teacher and namesake of Southern rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd

1921 [90] First ‘Radio Newscast’ airs (KDKA Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)

1998 [13] After playing in a Major League Baseball-record 2,632 consecutive games over 16 seasons, Cal Ripken of the Baltimore Orioles finally sits out a game vs NY Yankees

[Wed] World Alzheimer’s Day
[Wed] Series debut of “The X-Factor” (FOX/CTV)
[Thurs] Last Day of Summer
[Thurs] International Day of Peace
[Thurs] Business Women’s Day
[Thurs] Car-Free Day
[Thurs] White Chocolate Day
This Week Is … Adult Immunization Awareness Week
This Month Is … Library Card Sign-up Month


• You have made a prank call with a Speak ‘n Spell.
• You have stored gummy worms in an empty tape case.
• You have temporarily blinded a guinea pig with a laser pointer.
• You have drawn a face on an apple or orange with a Sharpie.
• You have made out with someone who was dressed as ‘Ms Pac-Man’.
• You have filled every square on a Lite Brite.
• You have accidentally swallowed a Lego head.
• You have taken a birth-control pill with Zima.
• You have put out a menthol cigarette in a bottle of Crystal Pepsi.
• You have positioned a ‘Han Solo’ toy on top of a ‘Princess Leia’ toy.
– Thanks to John Peck

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

• According to Iowa State University research, you’ll consume 32% less fatty foods if you …
a. Watch yourself eating in a mirror. [CORRECT]
b. Tighten your belt by 3 notches.
c. Stand on a scale while eating.

• “USA Today” reports that the average man laughs 69 times a day. How many times does the average woman laugh?
a. 25.
b. 55. [CORRECT]
c. 95.

European teams do it all the time … should NFL, MLB, and NHL teams allow advertising on jerseys? (6 NHL teams are now renting out a small piece of advertising on their practice jerseys, but not their game uniforms.)

Question: According to a study, average women spend 16 months of their lives doing THIS.
Answer: Crying.


What the world needs is fewer rules and more good examples.

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