Friday, September 21, 2012       Edition: #4835

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

“Bridesmaids” star Melissa McCarthy is said to be considering joining “The Hangover” franchise after being offered a role in the upcoming 3rd movie (don’t do it – the 2nd was awful, the 3rd could be embarrassing) . . . Trouble-prone actress Amanda Bynes, who’s currently facing a DUI charge & 2 counts of hit-and-run, tells she’s doing ‘amazing’ and is in the midst of planning a move to NYC (nicer jail cells) . . . Actor Channing Tatum may step behind the camera to direct a planned sequel to his male stripper movie “Magic Mike”, but says he’ll first make his directorial debut with a smaller, less high-profile project (what he really wants is to direct – how unusual) . . . Newly engaged to wed: “Modern Family” star Jesse Tyler Ferguson and his 2-year partner, Justin Mikita, a 27-year-old lawyer; 22-year-old “90210” star Shenae Grimes and her Brit model-boyfriend Josh Beech (that puts engagements slightly ahead of divorces this week in Hollywood) . . . And Mariah Carey has yet to debut on “American Idol” and already she’s reportedly ruffling a few feathers, suggesting to stylists it might be a good idea to ‘update’ host Ryan Seacrest’s look by dying his hair a funky color and dressing him more casually (we give her 1 season – maybe).

• “ALMA Awards” (NBC) – Tonight Eva Longoria & George Lopez host the annual salute to the artistic achievements of Latinos in entertainment.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – Tonight Alicia Keys asks the models to participate in a fashion show that raises money for her charity.
• DeLuna Fest (Pensacola Beach FL) – This weekend’s 3rd annual 3-day beach bash is headlined by Florence & The Machine, Foo Fighters, and Pearl Jam.
• Farm Aid 2012 (Hershey PA) – Saturday Willie Nelson and fellow board members John Mellencamp, Neil Young, and Dave Matthews perform at Hersheypark Stadium with a full slate of fellow artists, including Jack Johnson.
• iHeartRadio Music Festival (Las Vegas NV) – Tonight & tomorrow Ryan Seacrest hosts Clear Channel’s annual music gala that features 20 artists over 2 nights, including Aerosmith, Brad Paisley, Green Day, Jason Aldean, Lil Wayne, P!nk, Rihanna, Taylor Swift, and Usher.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Dave Matthews Band (“Away From The World”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Laura Marling “A Creature I Don’t Know”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight R&B vet Bobby Womack f/Damon Albarn & Richard Russell.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight The Heavy (“The Glorious Dead”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Richie Sambora (“Aftermath Of the Lowdown”).
• Midtown Music Festival (Atlanta GA) – Tonight & tomorrow Foo Fighters, Pearl Jam, and TI are the headliners at Atlanta’s Piedmont Park. Also on the bill: Avett Bros, Florence & The Machine, Ludacris and many others.
• “Primetime Emmy Awards” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday Jimmy Kimmel hosts the 64th edition of self-congratulation by the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences at LA’s Nokia Theater. “American Horror Story” and “Mad Men” lead nominations with 17 apiece, followed by “Downton Abbey” with 16. “Modern Family” leads all comedy shows, with 14 nominations.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“Looper”, opening September 28th); musical guest Mumford & Sons, making their “SNL” debut (“Babel”, out September 25th).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight ZZ Top (“La Futura”).

• Lady Gaga – After a concert in Amsterdam this week, observers are saying the normally skinny singer has suddenly fattened up. One estimate suggests the 5’-1” pop star has gained at least 30 lbs. (Maybe she chowed down on her meat dress?)
• Neil Young – The 66-year-old tells “NY Times” he’s given up drugs & alcohol for good after 40 years. He retired both habits last year but it was no easy feat, as he’ll detail in his upcoming memoir “Waging Heavy Peace”.
• Shakira – She’s just revealed she’s pregnant and has bowed out of this weekend’s iHeartRadio Music Festival in Vegas. It will be the first child for the 35-year-old and her 25-year-old soccer player-boyfriend Gerard Piqué (FC Barcelona).
• Smashing Pumpkins – Billy Corgan & company kick off their “Oceania” tour with shows in Mexico City and Monterrey, Mexico on Saturday & Sunday before heading north to Canada.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Saturday they headline the Epicenter Festival in Irvine CA, then move on to the inaugural Monster Energy Aftershock Festival in Sacramento CA on Sunday.
• Theory Of a Deadman – Tonight their new leg of touring begins in Honolulu HI, running through November 14th in Rochester NY.
• Zac Brown Band – Tonight & tomorrow, the first of their 2 “Southern Ground Music & Food Festivals” takes place in Nashville TN, with participation from the Avett Brothers, David Gray, and Gregg Allman. Round 2 is coming to Charleston SC October 20-21.

• “Dredd 3-D” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Thriller ) – In a violent, futuristic city, a cop teams with a trainee to take down a gang that deals the reality-altering drug ‘SLO-MO’. Stars Karl Urban, Olivia Thirlby, Rachel Wood. Shot in Cape Town, South Africa.
• “End of Watch” ( R-Rated Crime Drama ): Two young police officers are marked for death after confiscating a small cache of money and firearms from the members of a notorious cartel during a routine traffic stop. Stars Jake Gyllenhaal, Michael Pena, Anna Kendrick.
• “House At the End Of the Street” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): A mother & daughter find out they’re living next door to a house where a young girl murdered her parents. They soon learn the story is far from over. Stars Jennifer Lawrence, Elisabeth Shue, Gil Bellows. Shot in Ottawa, Ontario.
• “Trouble With the Curve” ( PG-13 Drama ): Clint Eastwood stars as an ailing baseball scout in his twilight years who takes his daughter (Amy Adamas) along for one last recruiting trip. Co-stars John Goodman, Justin Timberlake, Matthew Lillard. Filmed in Atlanta, Georgia.
• Opening in limited release: “About Cherry” (Drama); “Backwards” (Romance); “The Brooklyn Brothers Beat the Best” (Comedy); “Diana Vreeland: The Eye Has to Travel” (Documentary); “How to Survive a Plague” (Documentary); “The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Romance); “17 Girls” (Drama); and “Unconditional” (Drama).

London’s “Closer” magazine has been on major damage control since topless Kate Middleton pics appeared in the Paris version of the publication. But then, while the uproar about the French mag exposing the Duchess of Cambridge has been going on, the English edition’s big feature story has been about a 532-lb woman who charges £500 for men whose sexual fetish is to experience an ‘extreme squashing’ by her ‘15-foot stomach’. Charming. Seems ‘trashy’ runs in the family when it comes to these publications. (One detail lost amongst the hoopla over the Middleton pics … how much she was seen smoking.)

Brain-based tips that can work wonders at helping you concentrate on-the-job …
✓ Buy a really good office chair or get a standing desk. The latest configuration uses a position between sitting and standing, which allows lots of movement and helps you remain attentive.
✓ Do not multitask. Someone whose attention is interrupted not only takes 50% longer to accomplish a task but also makes up to 50% more errors.
✓ Engage all your senses to make work more entertaining for your brain. Use colored paper & pens. Experiment with aromatherapy, such as peppermint. Try playing background music.
✓ Don’t make too many decisions of any kind in one day. It depletes your mental system that’s involved in abstract thinking, planning, and focusing on one thing instead of another.
✓ Take frequent breaks. A study in the journal “Cognition” reveals you can maintain your focus much longer if your brain is given something else to think about every 20 minutes.
✓ Take power naps. Researchers have found the human ability to learn declines as the day wears on. But an afternoon power nap increases scores on memory tests by 20%.
✓ Take a vacation. One CEO recommends mountain biking, because it forces you to stop thinking about the office and to instead concentrate on … staying alive.

According to a new survey, most men and women have similar attitudes about their pets. One exception is that women are much more likely to sleep with their dog or cat. The poll of “Consumer Reports” subscribers who own a cat or dog – or both – finds that 70% of women regularly sleep with their pet, compared with 57% of men. The results also show that women are a lot more likely to sign birthday or holiday cards with a pet’s name and/or picture, and to give holiday gifts to ‘Max’ or ‘Fluffy’. (You should never sleep with your pet if you collect tropical fish.)

A pregnant goldfish is called a ‘twit’.


1931 [81] Larry Hagman, Forth Worth TX, TV actor (‘JR’ on “Dallas” 2012, “Dallas” 1978-91, “I Dream of Jeannie” 1965-70)

1934 [78] Leonard Cohen, Montréal QC, Canadian icon-singer-songwriter-poet (“Hallelujah”, “Bird On a Wire”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1991)

1947 [65] Stephen King, Portland ME, scary author (“Cell”, “The Shining”)  COMING UP: “Doctor Sleep” (September 2013).

1950 [62] Bill Murray, Wilmette IL, movie actor (“Lost in Translation”, “Groundhog Day”)  UP NEXT: Plays FDR in “Hyde Park On Hudson”, opening December 7th.

1957 [55] Ethan Coen, St Louis Park MN, filmmaker (Coen Bros-“True Grit”, “No Country For Old Men”)

1967 [45] Faith Hill, Ridgeland MS, country singer (“NBC Sunday Night Football Theme”, “This Kiss”)/Mrs Tim McGraw since 1996

1968 [44] Ricki Lake, Hastings-on-Hudson NY, TV talk show host (“The Ricki Lake Show” 2012, “Ricki Lake” 1993-2004)/movie actress (“Hairspray”, “Serial Mom”)

1971 [41] Luke Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“3:10 to Yuma”, “Blades of Glory”)/brother of actor Owen Wilson  COMING UP: “Anchorman 2”, “ Elvis & Nixon” (2013).

1972 [40] Liam Gallagher, Manchester UK, outspoken rock singer (Beady Eye-“The Roller”, ex-Oasis-“Wonderwall”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger”)

1989 [23] Jason Derulo, Miami FL, R&B singer-songwriter (“In My Head”, “Whatcha Say”)

Classic rocker Joan Jett (“I Love Rock & Roll”) is 54; Operatic singer Andrea Bocelli (“The Prayer”) is 54; Rock bassist-guitarist Dave Hernandez (The Shins) is 42; Movie actor Tom Felton (“Harry Potter”) is 25.

Rock singer Bruce Springsteen (E Street Band) is 63; Rapper-producer Jermaine Dupri is 40.

• “Last Full Day of Summer” in the Northern Hemisphere (sniff!) as Autumn officially arrives Saturday.
• “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the ‘Tom Thumb Golf Course’ built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the ‘PMGA Championship’ each year.
• “POW/MIA Recognition Day”, a day of remembrance and hope for the safe return of Prisoners of War and those Missing in Action, observed annually on the 3rd Friday of September.
• “Second Breakfast”, an invitation to celebrate Hobbit-style on the occasion of the 75th anniversary of the publication of JRR Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” (1937). Wherever you are at 11 am, you’re encouraged to partake of the ideals cherished by Hobbits: camaraderie, companionship and, of course, a love of good food.
• “World Alzheimer’s Day”, an annual observance when related organizations try to raise awareness about Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

• “Autumn” begins at 10:49 am EDT in the Northern Hemisphere.
• “Centenarians Day”, honoring those who’ve lived 100 years or more.
• “Fish Amnesty Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday in September when PETA urges anglers to toss their tackle and try activities that don’t involve impaling small animals for fun.
• “Hunting & Fishing Day”, an annual celebration of the joys of the outdoors and a salute to the conservation and economic benefits provided by sportsmen & women. NASCAR driver Tony Stewart is the 2012 Honorary Chairman of National Hunting & Fishing Day.
• “International Rabbit Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday of September to encourage protection of rabbits as pets and in the wild. Considering the previous event, good luck bunnies!
• “Oktoberfest”, through October 7th in Munich, Germany, the 179th edition with rides, exhibits and – of course – festhallen full of bazillions of barrels of beer! This year, a ‘mass’ (liter of beer) costs about 9.50 euros, a little over $12.
• “OneWebDay”, the 6th annual global celebration of online life. The goal is to create and make visible a global constituency that cares about the future of the Internet.
• “White Chocolate Day”, honoring the tasty confection of sugar, cocoa butter, and milk solids. It first appeared in Switzerland in the 1930s when Nestlé invented it to use up excess cocoa butter. To qualify as real ‘white chocolate’, it must be at least 20% cocoa butter by weight.
• “World Car-Free Day”. Wow, free cars? No silly, it’s an annual effort to help create permanent change to benefit pedestrians, cyclists, and other people who do not drive cars.

• “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”, initiated in 1999 and now observed in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the USA, and some European countries. Who should the ‘poster person’ be?
• “Good Neighbor Day”, observed annually on the 4th Sunday of September to encourage development of positive relationships with those next door.

2001 [11] 27 TV networks air “America: A Tribute to Heroes”, a star-studded benefit for families of 9/11 victims that’s broadcast live from NYC & LA

2004 [08] Singer Cat Stevens, known as Yusuf Islam since the late ‘70s, is taken off a London-to-Washington United Airlines flight because his name appears on a government ‘no-fly’ list

1985 [27] Little-known 24-year-old actor George Clooney makes his 1st appearance as a handyman on the popular TV sitcom “The Facts of Life” (goes on to appear in 17 episodes)

1982 [30] Albert McReynolds catches a record 78-and-a-half pound striped bass off Atlantic City, New Jersey

[Mon] “Dancing With The Stars: All Stars” premieres (ABC)
[Mon] Canadian Polaris Music Prize announced
[Mon] A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids
[Tues] One-Hit Wonder Day
[Tues] Yom Kippur begins at sundown (Jewish)
This Week Is … Pollution Prevention Week
This Month Is … Apple Month


• Framed degree on the wall reads ‘Doctor of Swingology’.
• He has a nude picture of your wife on his desk.
• Her latest book: “Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin’ Bastards”.
• After you’ve earned enough session points, you get to choose either a Louisville Slugger or a Taser.
• He sums up by saying “Ms Klum, I believe your husband is correct. You are a whiny bitch.”
• Her last name has 6 hyphens.
– Adapted from

I like work. I can sit and watch it for hours.

In ancient Rome, it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with which?
a. A hooked nose. [CORRECT. Hence the description a ‘Roman nose’.]
b. A loud voice.
c. Big feet.

☎ What is the most extreme thing you’ve done in an attempt to appear more attractive?

Question: Here’s a sign of the times; a new study finds that 43% of us have gone for at least one week without using THIS.
Answer: Cash.

You never find time, but you can always make it.

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