Monday, September 22, 2014        Edition: #5310

100% Grade A Bull!

★ Avril Lavigne, Hayden Panettiere, Kaley Cuoco, Kim Kardashian, Mary-Kate Olsen, and Vanessa Hudgens are the latest celebs whose nude photos have leaked online. Racy photos that at least resemble them were posted Saturday morning. They were immediately removed by Reddit and image-sharing site 4chan as part of their new copyright infringement policies. This comes less than a month after revealing pics of Jennifer Lawrence and others were stolen from their personal Apple iCloud accounts and posted online. (At this point the list of show biz women who HAVEN’T appeared nude online would be shorter.)
★ Rockers The Strokes, Arcade Fire, and Bon Iver formed a sort of supergroup for a one-off performance on Saturday. The Strokes bassist Nikolai Fraiture and Bon Iver frontman Justin Vernon joined brothers Win and Will Butler from Arcade Fire for the show in Montréal QC, styling themselves as the ‘Pop All Star Band’. The performance was a short set during the halftime break of the “Pop vs Jock III” charity basketball game at McGill University Sports Centre, staged as part of the Pop Montréal festival. (What band mash-up would you wanna see?)
★ And multi-millionaire British actor Daniel Radcliffe has finally made good on a 2-year promise to pay back members of an Irish youth soccer team after borrowing money from them for cab fare. The former ‘Harry Potter’ actor reportedly partied with the Dublin Minor Football team back in 2012 after a big win, but found himself without cash to get home after the bash. Seems, like many celebs, he travels without funds. He was loaned the taxi fare by generous soccer team members, and last week they were finally reimbursed. (Uh … what took ya, dude?)

• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS) – TV’s top-rated comedy opens its 8th season with back-to-back episodes before moving to Thursdays to anchor a 2-hour comedy block starting October 30th.
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central) – Tweedy (Wilco frontman Jeff Tweedy’s side project, whose debut solo album, “Sukierae” [‘sue-key-ray’], is out tomorrow).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – All this week the late George Harrison (The Beatles) is saluted with performances of his music by Beck, Dhani Harrison & Friends, Norah Jones and others. The celebration coincides with tomorrow’s release of “George Harrison: The Apple Years 1968-75”.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The couples perform a variety of dances.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jason Aldean (“Old Boots, New Dirt”, out October 7th).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Mary Lambert (“Welcome To the Age of My Body”).
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Josh Groban (“All That Echoes”).
• “Polaris Music Prize” (AUX TV) – Arcade Fire’s “Reflektor” and Drake’s “Nothing Was the Same” are among the 10-album shortlist for Canada’s annual cash prize for music. The ‘Canadian Album Of the Year’ winner is announced at tonight’s gala in Toronto.
• “Scorpion” (CBS) – In the pilot episode of this new action drama, the government brings in a group of misfit geniuses to deal with a crisis at LAX. Stars Elyes Gabel, Katharine McPhee, Robert Patrick. (Katharine McPhee as a genius … now that’s acting!)
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Black Keys (“Turn Blue”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – In the 7th season premiere Gwen Stefani takes over as a coach (joining regulars Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, and Pharrell Williams) as hopefuls perform in the blind auditions round. This season Taylor Swift acts as an advisor for all 4 teams.

• Dr Dre – Fans have been waiting over a decade for his new album “Detox”; so long that it’s apparently not even called that anymore. Producer Dawaun Parker says Dre scrapped “Detox” a couple years ago and came up with a new project with another title. It’s still unclear when it will be released. (BS translation: He don’t need the money.)
• ELO – 66-year-old Jeff Lynne has emerged from a hermit-like existence as a studio-bound producer to lead Electric Light Orchestra back on stage for the 1st time in nearly 30 years. The extraordinary reception they received in London’s Hyde Park has him thinking of a comeback.
• Garth Brooks – Latest dates added to “The Garth Brooks World Tour with Trisha Yearwood”: October 31st and November 1st in Lexington KY.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s released the video for a remix of her single “Booty” f/Iggy Azalea. On her album “AKA”, the track features Pitbull. (At last a tune that focuses on her true ‘talent’.)
• Kanye West – He’s back in the States after his tour of Australia and is set to hit the studio with Lorde. She’s previously cited Kanye as an influence and covered his songs on tour, including “Flashing Lights” and “Hold My Liquor”.
• Lee Brice – He’s debuted at #1 on the ‘Billboard Top Country Albums’ chart for this week with “I Don’t Dance”.
• Lenny Kravitz – He’s been living in Paris, France on-and-off for 9 years and his latest video, from his new album “Strut”, is set in the city. Quote: “I think it’s a pretty sexy city, aesthetically it’s gorgeous … the architecture, the design … it’s very inspiring.” (We agree.)
• Motörhead – Today their 1st annual 5-day Caribbean cruise leaves Miami FL en route to Key West and eventually Cozumel, Mexico. The metal rock fan cruise also includes performances by Anthrax, Danko Jones, Fireball Ministry, Zakk Wylde, and surprise guests.
• Nicole Scherzinger – She’s said to be considering a role in a new UK production of “Cats”, coming soon to the London Palladium.

These celebrity couples barely finished their honeymoons before heading to divorce court. Here are some of Hollywood’s shortest marriages …
✗ 2 Days … Britney Spears & Jason Alexander.
✗ 6 Days … Carmen Electra & Dennis Rodman.
✗ 2 Weeks … Mario Lopez & Ali Landry; Eddie Murphy & Tracey Edmonds.
✗ 72 Days … Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries.
✗ 4 Months … Renée Zellweger & Kenny Chesney; Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock; Jennifer Lopez & Chris Judd.
✗ 5 Months … Tom Green & Drew Barrymore.
✗ 9 Months … Jim Carrey & Lauren Holly.
(Soon to be added: Avril Lavigne & Chad Kroeger … 14 months?)
– Adapted from

This year’s Ig Nobel Awards have been handed out at Harvard University. The satirical alternative to the Nobel Prizes honors thinkers who are either eccentrically brilliant or brilliantly eccentric. In other words, it honors truly wacky research. Among 2014’s top 10 honorees …
• Arctic Studies – A German-Norwegian project that tested how reindeer react to seeing humans … disguised as polar bears.
• Art – Award to an Italian researcher for measuring the relative pain people suffer while looking at an ugly painting vs a pretty painting … while being zapped by a laser beam.
• Biology – The discovery that when dogs defecate or urinate, they prefer to align their bodies along north-south lines. This comes thanks to a study by researchers in the Czech Republic.
• Economics – Italy’s National Institute of Statistics wins for improving the country’s economic stats by including revenues from prostitution, illegal drug sales, smuggling, etc.
• Medicine – A joint USA-India endeavor that treats ‘uncontrollable nosebleeds’ using the truly unusual method of nasal-packing … with strips of cured pork.
• Neuroscience – A Canadian-Chinese initiative that attempts to understand what happens in the brains of people who think they see the face of Jesus … on a piece of toast.
• Nutrition – A Spanish study that isolated lactic acid bacteria from infant feces as a potential probiotic starter culture for – mmm! – fermented sausages.
• Physics – A Japanese team for measuring the friction between a shoe and a banana skin, and between a banana skin and the floor, when a person steps on a banana skin that’s on the floor.
• Psychology – A cooperative Australia-UK-USA study that’s found that night owls are, on average, more self-admiring, more manipulative, and more psychopathic than early risers.
• Public Health – Another Czech award-winner is an investigation on whether it is ‘mentally hazardous’ for a human being to own a cat.
– Condensed from

A new ranking of the best musical duos ever recorded …
5. Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell, “Ain’t Nothing Like the Real Thing” (1968).
4. Beyoncé & Jay Z, “Crazy in Love” (2003).
3. Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton, “Islands In the Stream” (1983).
2. Peter Gabriel & Kate Bush, “Don’t Give Up” (1986).
1. David Bowie & Freddie Mercury, “Under Pressure” (1981).
Honorary mention: Jay-Z & Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind” (2009). And the worst ever? Could it be John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John, “You’re the One that I Want” (1978)? (Which would you pick?)

Two ‘James Bonds’, Timothy Dalton and Daniel Craig, live on the same street in Chiswick UK.


1958 [56] Andrea Bocelli, Lajatico, Italy, operatic singer (“Time to Say Goodbye” w/Sarah Brightman, “The Prayer” w/Celine Dion)

1958 [56] Joan Jett (Larkin), Philadelphia PA, classic rock singer (“I Love Rock & Roll”)

1961 [53] Bonnie Hunt, Chicago IL, movie actress (“Cars” movies, “Cheaper By the Dozen” films)

1978 [36] Daniella Alonso, NYC, TV actress (‘Dr Landry De La Cruz’ on “The Night Shift” 2014, ‘Nora Clayton’ on “Revolution” 2012-14)/movie actress (“Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2”, coming 2015)

1987 [27] Tom Felton, London UK, movie actor (‘Draco Malfoy’ in “Harry Potter” films)

• “Autumnal Equinox” in the Northern Hemisphere, as Fall officially arrives tonight at 10:29 pm EDT. So, for all intents and purposes, tomorrow is the 1st day of Autumn.

• “Business Women’s Day”, celebrating the important contribution of working women and women business owners.

• “Centenarians Day”, honoring those who’ve lived 100 years or more … which will soon be most of us!

• “Dear Diary Day”, a day to ‘put it on paper because it’ll make you feel better’. (Until someone sneaky finds your diary and laughs at all your deepest, darkest secrets.)

• “Elephant Appreciation Day”, to celebrate the world’s most interesting and noble endangered land animal.

• “Hobbit Day”, celebrating author JRR Tolkien and the birthdays of his characters ‘Frodo’ and ‘Bilbo Baggins’. “The Hobbit” was 1st published 77 years ago today (1937).

• “OneWebDay”, the 8th annual global celebration of online life. The goal is to create and make visible a global constituency that cares about the future of the Internet.

• “White Chocolate Day”, honoring the tasty confection of sugar, cocoa butter, and milk solids. It 1st appeared in Switzerland in the 1930s when Nestlé invented it to use up excess cocoa butter. To qualify as real ‘white chocolate’, it must be at least 20% cocoa butter by weight.

• “World Car-Free Day”. Wow, free cars? No silly, it’s an annual effort to help create permanent change to benefit pedestrians, cyclists, and other people who do not drive cars.

1994 [20] NBC-TV sitcom “Friends” debuts with the episode “The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate” (the show is originally called “Friends Like Us”, but is temporarily changed to “Six of One” to avoid confusion with “These Friends of Mine” … which later becomes “Ellen”)

2004 [10] Yusuf Islam, the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens, is refused entry into the USA when his name is found on a watch list of ‘suspected terrorists’ (aka scary-sounding names)  BS FACTOID: December 1st he returns to North America for his 1st concert tour in 35 years, playing Toronto, Boston, NYC, Chicago, San Francisco, and LA.

1985 [29] 1st ‘Farm Aid’ benefit concert is held (Champaign, Illinois) as founders Willie Nelson, Neil Young, and John Mellencamp help raise $10 million to aid the farming community

2003 [11] Detroit Tigers set an American League record with their 118th loss of the season (12-6 to KC Royals), beating the previous mark by the Philadelphia Athletics … in 1915 (how times have changed)

[Tues] “NCIS”; “NCIS: New Orleans”; “Person of Interest” season debuts (CBS)
[Tues] Celebrate Bisexuality Day
[Tues] Restless Legs Awareness Day
[Wed] “Survivor” season debut (CBS)
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] Rosh Hashanah begins (Jewish)

Build a Better Image Week / Clean Hands Week / Deaf Dog Awareness Week / Farm & Ranch Safety Week / Farm Animal Awareness Week / Indoor Plant Week / International Interpreters & Translators Week / Rehabilitation Awareness Week / Tolkien Week / World Reflexology Week


Highlight bits culled from 21 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Wakes up looking for a little hair o’ the human that bit him.
• Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in ‘dog beers’.
• He used to bark; now he just belches the chorus to “Who Let the Dogs Out?”.
• Lately, you’ve noticed that he’ll even hump a really UGLY leg.
• Won’t drink out of the toilet unless there’s an olive in it.
– First published in “BS” 1997.

• Not enough hours in the day to rinse, lather, and repeat.
• Getting caught in the rain means you stink like a Labrador.
• You keep a Weed Whacker in the medicine cabinet.
• Another guy in the sauna asks, “Isn’t it a little hot for the sweater?”
• Discovery Channel wants to shoot blurry footage of you naked for their ‘Bigfoot’ story.
• Your doctor tells you you’ve got mange.
• As your wife runs her fingers over your hairy chest, your missing monkey wrench turns up.
– First published in “BS” 2011.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

Which does a new study suggest that the largest of the hunting dinosaurs likely ate?
a. Entire trees.
b. Whole sharks. [CORRECT. Sorta like sushi … only bigger.]
c. Raptor rump roast.

☎ What incorrect (or invented) words for everyday objects did you, your siblings, or your kids dream up?

Question: THIS is thought to be the most frequently-spoken word in the world.
Answer: Okay. (More correctly, ‘OK’.)

Never do today what will become someone else’s responsibility tomorrow.

Gavin Watson @ Hit Music Network, Corhampton UK; Jodie Kramer @ KTVC-FM Medford OR; Nadine Perritti @ 96.1 Star FM Mt Gambier, Australia; and Helena Hrzenjak @ Radio Free Balkan, Ljubljana, Slovenia. Welcome, all!

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