Thursday, September 23, 2010        Edition: #4349
Bully For You!

Tonight a techno-first will occur as NBC-TV’s “Community” debuts the first-ever ‘Twittersode’ just prior to the comedy’s season opener, featuring the characters communicating back and forth in a series of 80 tweets in what’s described as a ‘prequel’ to the show (increasingly, Twitter is becoming more about marketing than social networking) . . . To the surprise of nobody, famous felon Lindsay Lohan is practically broke (but hey, you get paid to stamp out license plates in prison, so there’s hope!) . . . Former “Sopranos” actor James Gandolfini has had his truck impounded in the Hollywood Hills after being pulled over for 2 traffic violations – running a stop sign & talking on the phone – and then cops discovered he didn’t have a valid license (would you wanna confront ‘Tony’ with any of this?) . . . When she arrived at the after-party for the premiere of “Night Catches Us”, in which stars, actress Kerry Washington (“Ray”) was carded at the door but having no ID with her suggested “You can IMDb (Internet Movie Database) me, though” (she got in) . . . “The Office” star Mindy Kaling (‘Kelly Kapoor’) is considering quitting the series when her contract ends later this year to focus on ‘new adventures’, aka movies (this series will soon quality for euthanasia) . . . And “Jersey Shore’s” JWoww (Jeni Farley) has been offered $400,000 to pose au naturel for “Playboy” but MTV may block the deal due to her contractual obligations (don’t know about you but we’ve already seen way more of her than we ever wanted).

• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS/CTV) – The comedy’s 4th season premiere.
• “Bones” (FOX/Global) – 6th season debut of the crime drama.
• “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” (CBS/CTV) – In the 11th season premiere, the team investigates a bombing at a funeral.
• “Fringe” (FOX/CityTV) – 3rd season premiere for the Joshua Jackson sci-fi series.
• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC/CTV) – In the 7th season premiere, the staff tries to deal with physical and emotional trauma in the wake of a deadly rampage.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Trombone Shorty (“Backatown”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Pavement (“Terror Twilight”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Shakira (“Sale El Sol”).
• “Live From The Beacon Theatre” (Fuse) – Maroon 5 performs.
• “The Mentalist” – CBS/CTV) – The crime drama’s 3rd season debut.
• “My Generation” (ABC) – New series in which a documentary crew records the lives of members of a high school class 10 years after graduation.
• “The Office” (NBC/Global) – In the 7th season premiere, ‘Michael’ refuses to fire the new office assistant even though staffers complain about his bad attitude.
• “Outsourced” (NBC/Global) – Debut of new comedy series about life in a call center.
• “Private Practice” (ABC/A Channel) – In the 4th season debut, ‘Pete’ & ‘Violet’ prepare for their wedding day.
• “$#*! My Dad Says” (CTV, CBS) – William Shatner stars in this new comedy based on a popular online blog. (So we can talk about this on-air, we’re going to call it “Crap My Dad Says”.)
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Brian Wilson (Beach Boys).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Tina Fey guests as part of the show’s 3,000th episode celebration.

• Joe Nichols – Tonight the “Gimmie That Girl” singer takes on a team of smart kids on a celebrity edition of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader” (CMT), playing the game on behalf of the Camp Barnabas charity.
• John Legend & The Roots – Tonight filmmaker Spike Lee directs a webcast of a live concert in NYC as part of the “Unstaged” series, streaming live on VEVO.
• Lady Gaga – After a year of health scares, her label wants her to gain weight. (She could start by eating that meat dress.)
• REM – They’ve completed recording their as-yet-unnamed 15th studio album, due out in the Spring of 2011.
• Taylor Swift – Tonight she joins Emmylou Harris & Kris Kristofferson at Club Nokia in Los Angeles at an “All For the Hall” fundraising concert for the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum.
• Wyclef Jean – He’s now officially dropped out of Haiti’s presidential race. (Had he actually checked the requirements, he’d have never bother entering.)

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “’Contraband” – Mark Wahlberg is producing & starring in this remake of the Icelandic film “Reykjavik-Rotterdam”, about a security guard who is lured back to his old job of smuggling when he finds himself in financial trouble. Kate Beckinsale co-stars. The original movie was Iceland’s submission for the ‘Best Foreign Language Film’ Oscar in 2008.
• “Frankenweenie” – Winona Ryder & Martin Landau will voice the lead roles in Tim Burton’s new feature-length version of his 1984 animated short about a pet owner who manages to bring his dead dog back to life after it’s hit by a car. The voice cast also includes Martin Short & Catherine O’Hara, who’ll play 5 characters each. Disney Pictures will release the pic in 2012.
• “The Irishman” – Al Pacino & Joe Pesci are in talks to team up with Robert De Niro and their “Goodfellas” director Martin Scorsese for this new gangster film. De Niro has already signed up to play Frank ‘the Irishman’ Sheeran in the project, based on the book “I Heard You Paint Horses”.
• “The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner” – There are rumors a bigscreen adaptation of this “Twilight Saga” novella may be in the works after the main franchise finishes up with part 2 of “Breaking Dawn” in 2012. So far it’s just speculation and no casting has been announced. The character was played by actress Jodelle Ferland in the “Eclipse” installment of the series.
• “Three Musketeers” – 34-year-old actress Milla Jovovich, who plays ‘M’lady De Winter’ in the upcoming reboot of the original 1993 movie, says the new version has a different look and feel to it. She promises it’ll be the first time we’ve ever seen a woman doing high wire work … in a corset. Jovovich stars alongside Orlando Bloom in the adventure, due for release in 2011.

• Wenger, a maker of Swiss Army knives, is now offering the ‘Giant Knife’ that features 87 tools and serves 141 functions. Among them: Cigar Cutter, Divot Repair Tool, Fish Scaler, Fishhook Disgorger, Flashlight, Golf Club Face Cleaner, Laser Pointer, Tire Tread Gauge, and Toothpick. Two problems: The knife costs $1,400 … and it weighs a whopping 2 lbs.
• The new ‘Geek Trading Cards’ celebrate the less athletic among us. Cartoonist Len Peralta has created the cards which salute influential geeks of various disciplines, including the likes of film director Kevin Smith, “Daily Show” correspondent John Hodgman, and Edgar Wright, director of “Scott Pilgrim vs The World”. Trade you 2 Bill Gates for a Steve Jobs?
• Blucher Technologies has created ‘Saratech Permasorb’, a wallpaper that functions as an air filter. It’s a breathable, glass fiber/polyester covering containing absorbents that naturally capture toxins like PCB, pesticides, and radon, de rigueur byproducts of construction during the ‘60s and ‘70s. Now you can literally paper over problems in ‘this old house’.

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 75% of men believe they have a more natural ability to tell a joke than women.
• 44% of women wear a full face of makeup to bed at night.
• 40% of us have eaten raw cookie dough, even though it’s a potential source of salmonella.
• 16% of office workers blame their lack of productivity on the office temperature.
• 36% of employers say the first thing they look for when hiring is a positive attitude.
• 3% of us have never had a pet.

Based on more than a billion questions it’s been asked over the past decade, website Ask Jeeves has compiled the top ‘unanswerables’ – questions for which there is no simple answer. Among them …
• What is the meaning of life?
• Is there a God?
• Do blondes have more fun?
• What is the best way to lose weight?
• Is there anybody out there?
• Who is the most famous person in the world?
• What is love?
• What is the secret to happiness?
• Did ‘Tony Soprano’ die?
• How long will I live?
(And how about … what does Paris Hilton actually do?)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• Purchasing Wrong Size – Rather than buying the biggest TV or projection screen you can find, determine what the ideal size is for your viewing distance. You can find simple calculators online that will tell you what range of sizes will work best for the distance at which you view your TV.
• Mounting TV Too High – Plan on mounting your TV or projector screen at a level that doesn’t require you to crane your neck. Not only will you be more comfortable, but with a direct view of the display, you’ll enjoy better picture quality.
• Enclosing Speakers – Speakers already have their own cabinets. When you place them inside another cabinet, you essentially undo all the work the speaker designer put into making the speaker sound great.
• Cheaping Out On a Surge Protector – Most budget surge protectors aren’t capable of taking a real hit and none of them offer insurance for your connected components. A quality surge protector may cost a bit more, but it will do a more effective job of protecting your investment.

• In almost every human culture, people own pets. Humans are the only species in which adults purposely rear the young of another species and support them into old age.
– “Boston Globe”
• 0.3% of all road accidents in Canada involve a moose.
• Less than 2% of cats in animal shelters make it back to their owners, whereas over 15% of dogs are returned. One reason … more dogs wear collars.
– “New York Times”


1920 [90] Mickey Rooney (Joe Yule Jr), Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Night At the Museum”, ‘Andy Hardy’ movies)/Lifetime Achievement Academy Award (1983)

1949 [61] Bruce Springsteen, Freehold NJ, rock singer (20 Grammy Awards, including Dancing In the Dark”, “Tunnel of Love”)/Academy Award (“Streets of Philadelphia”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)

1972 [38] Jermaine Dupri (Mauldin), Asheville NC, producer/recording exec/Janet Jackson’s ex

• “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”, initiated in 1999 and now observed in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the USA, and some European countries. Who should the ‘poster person’ be?

• “Corn Moon”, the Full Moon of September, so-named because it traditionally marked the time when corn was due to be harvested.

• “National Food Service Workers Day”, in recognition of those dedicated folks who slop your plate full. So here’s a look at …
• After presenting food, says, “Good luck.”
• Asks if you want your fork ‘spit-shined’.
• You suddenly realize it’s the water that’s amber-colored, not the glass.
• You ask for a napkin and your server says, “Oooh, who’s Mister Fancy?”
• You discover one of your burritos is a rolled-up Ace bandage.
• When you order just a salad, says, “Hey, we got ourselves a sissy here!”
• You complain about a hair in your soup and she says, “That’s OK, it’s split pea & hamster.”

2002 [08] “CSI: Miami” premieres on CBS-TV

1997 [13] One-hit-wonder Chumbawamba releases mega-hit “Tubthumper”

1845 [165] 1st ‘Baseball Club’ organizes and adopts rules (NY Knickerbockers)

1980 [30] George Adrian of Indianapolis IN sets a world record by picking 365.5 bushels of apples in 8 hours (15,830 lbs)

[Fri] Love Note Day
[Fri] Punctuation! Day
[Fri] Hug a Vegetarian Day
[Sat] One-Hit Wonder Day
[Sat] Hunting & Fishing Day
This Week Is … Clean Hands Week
This Month Is … Backpack Safety Month


• Says she’s not a real meteorologist but her neighbor is a proctologist so … close enough.
• Blames El Nino for Minnesota Vikings’ lousy start to the season.
• He keeps asking the anchorwoman to switch clothes with him.
• The symbol on his weather map for a cold front is a snowman giving the finger.
• Uses expensive Doppler radar equipment to track Megan Fox.
• She keeps referring to viewers as ‘you poor buggers’.

He turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

• If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
• If you don’t slice the pizza, is it considered 1 piece?
• Do tire stores ever have blowout sales?
• Is it scientifically possible to keep a pair of sunglasses longer than 3 months?
• Who needs rhetorical questions?

• A surprising study has found the average Australian woman does what more than 120 times before getting married?
a. Shears a sheep.
b. Kisses different men. [CORRECT]
c. Plays with her didgeridoo.

• Which breakfast staple was first introduced in 1947?
a. Concentrated frozen orange juice. [CORRECT]
b. Instant coffee.
c. Twinkies.
– “Trivia World”

Kids are barely writing longhand anymore, as many are learning to type as early as kindergarten … if not before. What are some other lost arts? (How about: Sewing, contract bridge, thank-you notes, chivalry, dressing nicely for occasions?)

Today’s Question: Women spend, on average, a total of 3 years of their lives doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Shopping.

When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.

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