Friday, September 23, 2011        Edition: #4593
Bully For You!

Disgraced Colorado pastor Ted Haggard (the adamantly homophobic evangelist found to have a relationship with his masseur) & actor-loose cannon Gary Busey (“Celebrity Apprentice”, “Celebrity Rehab”) will trade partners on the 1st season of ABC-TV’s planned reality show “Celebrity Wife Swap” (no premiere date as yet, though it’s never too soon to stock up on Purell for your TV screen) . . . Odd couple rumor of the week: 26-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson & 28-year-old Kieran Culkin (actor Macauley Culkin’s younger brother), spotted strolling the Champs-Elysees in Paris (does he know how to hack phones?) . . . Movie star Brad Pitt is still back-peddling from his recent comments about ex-wife Jennifer Aniston, telling “Today” that she remains a ‘dear friend’ and ‘valuable person’ (whatever the heck that means) . . . “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy says he’s writing an original movie musical for Maya Rudolph (“Bridesmaids”, ex-“SNL”) & Gwyneth Paltrow (“Country Strong”) to star in, both of whom he’s great friends with (entitled “Two Out of Three ain’t Bad”?) . . . After more than 3 decades, the final episode of the daytime drama “All My Children” (ABC) airs today, after which the soap opera goes off-the-air for good (meaning once again Susan Lucci won’t be winning a Daytime Emmy next year) . . . And here’s what’s replacing it Monday – a new talk show called … “The Chew” (we’ll lay 1000-to-1 odds right now that it ain’t gonna be around for 30 years).

• “CBS Sunday Morning” (CBS) – Lady Antebellum (“Own the Night”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight “Rolling Stone” best new act contest winner The Sheepdogs (“Five Easy Pieces”).
• iHeartRadio Music Festival – Tonight the 2-day event hosted by Ryan Seacrest gets underway at the MGM Grand Garden in Las Vegas. Billed as ‘the biggest live music event in radio history’, it features Black Eyed Peas, Carrie Underwood, Coldplay, Jane’s Addiction, Jay-Z, Lady Gaga, Kenny Chesney, Rascal Flatts, and Usher among others. Live audio-video streams online.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Cake (“Showroom Of Compassion”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Thievery Corporation (“Culture of Fear”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Beyoncé (“4”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight the Jayhawks (“Mockingbird Time”).
• Music Midtown 2011 (Atlanta, Georgia) – On hiatus since 2005, the Piedmont Park festival returns Saturday with Black Keys, Cage The Elephant, Coldplay, Young the Giant and more.
• “Pan Am” (ABC/CTV) – Sunday another “Mad Men”-style retro show debuts, starring Christina Ricci , Kelli Garner, and Margot Robbie as 1960s-era flight attendants on the now defunct airline.
• Rock In Rio (Rio de Janeiro, Brazil) – Tonight through October 1st, the 10th edition of ‘the biggest festival of music & entertainment in the world’ features a lineup to back-up the hype: Coldplay, Elton John, Guns ‘N Roses, Katy Perry, Maroon 5, Metallica, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Rihanna, System Of a Down and lots more.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Alec Baldwin hosts the season premiere; musical guest Radiohead (first appearance on the show since 2000).
• Soundwave Revolution (Brisbane, Australia) – Saturday the 2-weekend, 5-city spring version of Australia’s Soundwave Festival kicks off. Acts include Bullet for My Valentine, Coheed & Cambria, Panic! At the Disco, Stone Sour, Sum 41 and about 70 others.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Tonight Sonny Rollins (“Road Shows 2”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Tony Bennett (“Duets II”).
• Tonight’s TV season debuts also include “Blue Bloods” (CBS/CTV); “CSI:NY” (CBS/CTV); “Dateline” (NBC/CTV); “Fringe” (FOX/CityTV); “Nikita” (CW); “Supernatural” (CW); Sunday’s debuts include The Amazing Race” (CBS/CTV);  “Boardwalk Empire” (HBO); “Desperate Housewives” (ABC/CTV); “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” (ABC); “Family Guy” (FOX/Global); “The Good Wife” (CBS/Global); and “The Simpsons” (FOX/Global).

• Alice Cooper – Today a new horror maze attraction called “Alice Cooper: Welcome to My Nightmare” opens at Universal Studios Hollywood for select nights through October 31st.
• Daryl Hall – His popular web series “Live From Daryl’s House” has been picked up as a syndicated broadcast TV series that debuts Saturday with guests Train and Fitz & The Tantrums. The informal music webcasts were originally shot with an inexpensive flip-cam.
• Jane’s Addiction – Saturday & Sunday they play Chicago’s legendary Metro, where they launched their debut album “Nothing’s Shocking” (1988). This time they’re promoting “The Great Escape Artist”, out October 18th.
• Justin Bieber – Will the flagrant marketing never cease? Now there’s a ‘Justin Bieber Singing Toothbrush’. Just press the button and you can hear him sing “Baby” or “U Smile”.
• Lady Antebellum – After its first week of release, “Own the Night” tops both the “Billboard” magazine ‘Country Albums’ chart and the all-genre ‘Billboard 200’.
• Neil Young – His autobiography “Waging Heavy Peace” is scheduled to be released in the fall of 2012. He says he ‘started on it and just kept going’, the way his daddy used to do it (longtime “Globe & Mail” newspaper columnist Scott Young).
• Pearl Jam – They’ve been celebrating their 20th anniversary all month long, but they are also working away on a new album that they hope to finish by early next year.
• REM – They’ve announced on their website that they are ‘calling it a day’ after over 30 years. Quote: “To anyone who ever felt touched by our music, our deepest thanks for listening.” They formed in Athens, Georgia in 1980; and released their debut album “Murmur” in 1983.

• “Abduction” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Taylor Lautner (“Twilight Saga”) plays a young man who sets out to uncover the truth about his life after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website. It’s thought the storyline, which has been described as ‘Bourne lite’, could be turned into a series.
• “Dolphin Tale 3-D” ( PG Family ): A boy befriends a dolphin whose tail was torn off in a crab trap. The ensuing effort to create a prosthetic appendage for the dolphin becomes an inspiration to people with special needs. Co-stars Ashley Judd, Harry Connick Jr, Morgan Freeman.
• “Killer Elite” ( R-Rated Action ): Jason Statham plays a retired member of Britain’s elite Special Air Service who’s forced back into action when his mentor (Robert De Niro) is taken captive. His mission –kill 3 assassins dispatched by their cunning leader (Clive Owen).
• “Moneyball”  ( PG-13 Sports Bio ): Brad Pitt stars as Oakland A’s general manager Billy Beane, who has won in the majors despite a minor budget. His secret: using computer-generated analysis to draft his players. Jonah Hill,  Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Robin Wright co-star.

This Sunday, Discovery Communications is launching a TV network for rich guys and their toys. Called ‘Velocity’, the new channel replaces HD Theater. The target audience is men with incomes of $150,000 a year and more. Programs will focus on cars, travel to upscale locations, adventure sports, and ‘real-life adrenaline shows’. (Unfortunately, there are no plans for a network to appeal to rich women.)
– AP

• The ‘Puppoose’ is a sling to carry pampered pooches. It enables small-dog owners to take their pets for a walk without their paws ever touching the ground. Professional dancer Shannon Beach invented it for her Shih Tzu after her vet told her the best way to carry a small dog is on your forearm with legs hanging on either side. The ‘Puppoose’ recreates that position … for $80.
• Army tanks could soon get night-time invisibility thanks to a cloaking device that masks their infrared signature. Developed by BAE Systems, the Adaptiv technology allows vehicles to mimic the temperature of their surroundings. It can also make a tank look like other objects, such as a  car or a cow, when seen through heat-sensitive scopes. (“Let’s surrender. We’re surrounded by Holsteins!”)

A sophisticated new camera system can detect lies just by watching our faces as we talk. The computerized system uses a video camera in conjunction with a hi-res thermal imaging sensor. In testing at Britain’s Bradford University, it has successfully discriminated between truth and lies in about 2-thirds of cases. How? We give our emotions away through eye movements, pressing together our lips, wrinkling our noses, breathing heavily, swallowing, and blinking. Even swelling blood vessels around our eyes betray us … and the thermal sensor spots them, too. (Let’s hook some of these up at political debates!)
– BBC News

• A new Duke University study has found that ‘extreme optimists’ (those who predict they’ll live 20 years longer than their health data suggests) work fewer hours, save less money, and plan less for the future.
– “Psychology Today”
• According to Dr Herbert Terrace at NYC’s Columbia University, rats have been taught to count up to 45.
– “Harper’s Index”


1949 [62] Bruce Springsteen, Freehold NJ, rock singer (20 Grammy Awards, including Dancing In the Dark”, “Tunnel of Love”)/Academy Award (“Streets of Philadelphia”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)

1972 [39] Jermaine Dupri (Mauldin), Asheville NC, music producer/recording exec/Janet Jackson’s ex

Movie actress-screenwriter Nia Vardalos (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) is 49; Metal rock percussionist-vocalist Shawn Crahan (Slipknot) is 42.

TV personality Barbara Walters (“The View”) is 82; Movie actor Michael Douglas (“Wall Street” films) is 67; Movie actor Will Smith (“Hancock”) is 43; Movie actress Catherine Zeta-Jones (“Chicago”) is 42; NFL quarterback Matt Hasselbeck (Tennessee Titans) is 36; Rapper TI (“Live Your Life”) is 31.

• “Autumn” begins today at 5:04 am EDT in the Northern Hemisphere.
• “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”, initiated in 1999 and now observed in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the USA, and some European countries. Who should the ‘poster person’ be?
• “Hug a Vegetarian Day”. Well, we would but you’ve got celery breath.
• “Love Note Day”, which falls annually on the 4th Friday in September, encourages us to share feelings for loved ones with written words.
• “Native American Day”, observed annually on the 4th Friday in September.

• “Cherries Jubilee Day”, celebrating the decadent dessert that’s always served flambée. Wanna make a home version easily? All you need is a can of cherry pie filling, some cognac (or brandy), vanilla ice cream and … a match.
• “Family Health & Fitness Day”, the 15th annual promoting family involvement in physical activity. (Hey Junior, hand me the remote, will ya?)
• “Fish Amnesty Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday in September when PETA urges anglers to toss their tackle and try activities that don’t involve impaling small animals for fun.
• “Hunting & Fishing Day”, an annual celebration of the joys of the outdoors and a salute to the conservation and economic benefits provided by sportsmen & women.
• “International Rabbit Day”, observed on the 4th Saturday of September to encourage protection of rabbits as pets and in the wild. Considering the previous event, good luck bunnies!
• “Punctuation Day!”, the 8th annual celebrating the traffic signs of written language. Wow! Eh?

• “Good Neighbor Day”, observed annually on the 4th Sunday of September to encourage development of positive relationships with those next door. (Including their friggin’ dog that won’t quit barking, barking, barking.)
• “One-Hit Wonder Day”, honoring artists who made it big only once before fading into obscurity. There’s nothing like a one-hit wonder to zap some spice into the bland regimen of playlist radio.

2002 [09] “CSI: Miami”, starring David Caruso, premieres on CBS-TV (10th season debut is this Sunday)


1997 [14] One-hit-wonder Chumbawamba releases mega-hit “Tubthumper”

1999 [12] A husband & wife in Szekesfehervar, Hungary decide to trade places – literally – each undergoing a sex-change operation


1980 [31] George Adrian of Indianapolis, Indiana sets a world record by picking 365.5 bushels of apples in 8 hours (15,830 lbs)


[Mon] Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids
[Mon] World Heart Day
[Mon] Season debuts of “Gossip Girl” (CW); “Hart of Dixie” (CW); “Mike & Molly” (CBS/CTV2)
[Tues] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Tues] World Tourism Day
[Tues] 20th anniversary edition of Nirvana’s “Nevermind” released
This Week Is … Clean Hands Week
This Month Is … Backpack Safety Month


• Two words: bugs gone!
• You can start keeping the beer in the garage again.
• Enjoying the fall color changes by opening the fridge and watching last week’s meatloaf.
• No more pathetically pasty shins sticking out of short pants.
• With the right cable package, you can watch 262 hours of football per week.
• At least 2 full-on turkey dinners and a few pies guaranteed over the next 4 months.
– Adapted from

You know you’re poor when you start to envy people with bus passes.


• Whyzit ‘tug’ boats push their barges?
• Whyzit the least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish?
• Whyzit there is always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray?
• Whyzit ‘palindrome’ isn’t spelled the same way backwards?
• Whyzit the bus is always late … unless you are?

“Eternal Ink” is the official newsletter of which organization?
a. IIMC, the Indelible Ink Manufacturers Consortium.
b. NANC, the National Alliance of Newspaper Columnists.
c. CTA, the Christian Tattoo Association. [CORRECT, based in Willmar, Minnesota.]

If you could do something dangerous just once with no risk, what would you do?


Question: According to “Prevention Magazine”, doing THIS for just a few seconds will increase your feel-good hormones.
Answer: Locking eyes with your pet.


The real problem with your leisure time is how to keep other people from using it.

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