Monday, September 24, 2012        Edition: #4836

Can You Believe This Sheet?

• Saturday “Late Show with David Letterman” musical director Paul Shaffer hosted the gala as new inductees were added to Canada’s Walk of Fame at the annual ceremony in Toronto. Among them: Singer-songwriter Sarah McLachlan, rock musician Randy Bachman (BTO, Guess Who), late “Saturday Night Live” comedian Phil Hartman, and all of the Team Canada hockey players who won the 1972 Summit Series vs Russia 40 years ago. (Only in Canada could a group of geezer puck-chasers get a show biz award.)
– QMI Agency
• Nicolas Cage is facing legal action from a former security guard who alleges the Hollywood actor owes him wages from last year. Richard Brun filed a lawsuit in Orange County, California claiming he was hired by Cage last September, but let go ‘without any valid reason’ just 2 weeks later. Brun claims he is owed wages from his contract amounting to $115,000. ($57,500 a week? Where do we sign up for this gig?)
• Former Spice Girls star Melanie Chisholm struggled through opening night of Andrew Lloyd Webber’s big budget revival of “Jesus Christ Superstar” on Friday after spraining her ankle in dress rehearsal just hours before she was due onstage at London’s O2 Arena. But she refused to let the injury slow her down and performed as planned with a bandage strapped to her ankle. She was later seen leaving the opening night party on crutches. (Wasn’t ‘Sporty Spice’ supposed to be the athletic one?)
• A friend of 25-year-old Casper Smart says the back-up dancer has fallen head-over-heels for 43-year-old singer-girlfriend Jennifer Lopez and has told friends he is ‘madly in love’ with her and that she’s also his ‘best friend’. Casper is said to be so serious about J-Lo that he’s been putting in a massive effort to relate to her 4-year-old twins Max & Emme. (Well that’s easy … they’re closer to his age.)
• At a press conference for her new novel, “The Casual Vacancy”, Edinburgh-based author JK Rowling has revealed that, following the worldwide mega-success of her “Harry Potter” books, she underwent therapy to cope with the pressure fame and fortune brought. She says the sudden success was ‘incredibly disorienting’, but after receiving professional help she felt much better. She says she’s now a ‘big fan’ of therapy. ($1 billion can be very therapeutic.)

• ACM Honors (Nashville TN) – Tonight Ricky Skaggs, Dwight Yoakam, Emmylou Harris, and Billy Sherrill are honored with the ‘Cliffie Stone Pioneer Award’ at the 6th annual ceremony at Ryman Auditorium. Each year the Academy of Country Music presents the award to pioneers of the country music genre.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Animal Collective (“Centipede Hz”).
• “Dancing With The Stars: All Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The 15th season premiere finds Pamela Anderson joined by Kirstie Alley, Bristol Palin, and other alumni from previous seasons.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – The Killers (“Battle Born”).
• “Katie” (syndicated) – Demi Lovato (“The X Factor”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – We Are Augustines (“Rise Ye Sunken Ships”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Blake Shelton (“The Voice”); David Byrne & St Vincent (“Love This Giant”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Gotye (“Making Mirrors”).
• Polaris Music Prize – The $30,000 annual award for best Canadian album is announced today. Drake’s “Take Care”, Feist’s “Metals”, and Kathleen Edwards “Voyageur” are on the short list.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Rebecca Ferguson (“Heaven”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Nicki Minaj (“American Idol”).

• Brad Paisley – The new single “Southern Comfort Zone” is the first from his as-yet-untitled new album that’s set for release on April 9th. Meantime, his “Virtual Reality Tour 2012” resumes this week with stops in Jacksonville, Tampa, and West Palm Beach, Florida.
• Hunter Hayes – This week he’s scored his first #1 on the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart with “Wanted”.
• LMFAO – They’re taking a hiatus from music to explore other interests. For Redfoo, that includes tennis. He’s been spending time coaching junior player Ayaka Okuno, planning a line of tennis clothing, and sponsoring the USTA’s “Party Rock Open”, on this week in Las Vegas.
• Led Zeppelin – They made a rare public appearance in London on Friday to launch “Celebration Day”, the new concert film of their 2007 reunion show. It screens in 1,500 theaters worldwide on October 17th, then gets released in multiple video formats on November 19th.
• Mumford & Sons – They were the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live” over the weekend, where they also participated in a skit playing a Beatles tribute band.
• Pearl Jam – They’ve announced that ‘due to overwhelming demand’ the “Pearl Jam Twenty” deluxe box set is being re-packaged as “Pearl Jam Twenty: 3 Disc Deluxe Edition”, which essentially contains the same video, but in a streamlined package with a new 20-page booklet.
• Prince – Tonight he begins a residency in Chicago at the United Center. Proceeds from his “Welcome 2 Chicago” run of shows will support Rebuild the Dream, an organization that seeks to build strong vibrant communities and to fix the economy from the ground up.
• – He’s delaying the release of his new solo album “#willpower”, originally slated for October 15th. He’s tweeted that he has to ‘make new songs because of all the leaks’, many of which were ‘incomplete’ and ‘unfinished’. A collaboration with Justin Bieber surfaced online last week.

If you struggle to get out of bed on Monday morning, you can blame yourself for sleeping in over the weekend, according to a new University of Texas Southwestern study. Researchers contend the idea that staying in bed longer on Saturday and Sunday helps us ‘catch up’ on sleep missed during the week is a total myth. The study suggests that extra hours in bed on weekends actually disrupt our circadian cycles, which governs the internal body clock and triggers when to wake up in the morning. (Help, I’ve fallen off my cycle and I can’t get up!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

Science humor magazine “Annals of Improbable Research” has handed out it’s 22nd annual ‘Ig Nobel Prizes’ for dubious achievement in scientific research over the past year. 2012 winners include …
• Acoustics Prize – To the Japanese scientists who invented the the ‘SpeechJammer’, a machine that shuts people up by playing them their own words a few hundred milliseconds later.
• Anatomy Prize – A Dutch researcher for discovering that chimpanzees can identify other chimps individually from seeing photographs … of their rear ends.
• Neuroscience Prize – US researchers who proved that brain researchers, using instruments and statisitics, can find meaningful brain activity anywhere … even in a dead salmon.
• Fluid Dynamics Prize – An American-Canadian-Russian study on the dynamics of liquid-sloshing, to learn what happens when a person walks while carrying a cup of coffee.
• Literature Prize – US General Accountability Office for issuing a report about reports about reports that recommends the preparation of a report about the report about reports about reports.
• Medicine Prize – A French team for advising doctors who perform colonoscopies how to minimize the chance that their patients will explode.
• Psychology Prize – A Netherlands-Peru-Russia study entitled, “Leaning To the Left Makes the Eiffel Tower Seem Smaller”.
• Physics Prize – A joint American-British team for calculating the balance of forces that shape and move the hair in a human ponytail.

Because our minds unconsciously link warmth with affection, we’re more sensitive to cold temperatures than we think. Research shows that when we experience cold temperatures, we’re especially likely to feel isolated. In fact, countering the experience of isolation is one reason we spend more time in the shower when we’re feeling down. The unconscious desire for physical warmth is thought to be the reason lonely people bathe longer, more frequently, and using higher temperatures. (Hey loners, let’s all meet on a sweaty beach in Barbados, ‘k?)

According to the new QS World University Rankings, these are the best places to attend university, based on a variety of factors including tuition, student mix, international student volume, and quality of living …
5. Vienna, Austria
4. Melbourne, Australia
3. Boston, Massachusetts
2. London, England
1. Paris, France
Canadian cities making the list include Montréal (10); Toronto (26); and Vancouver (31).

• The average Mexican eats 430 eggs each year, the highest per capita amount of any nation.
• The oldest dental filling has been found in a Stone Age tooth.
• Cod get more fertile as they get older.
– “The Sunday Times”
• China’s fertility would have declined at a similar rate without the 1-child policy and would continue to decline even if the policy was discarded.
– BBC News


1959 [53] Steve Whitmire, Atlanta GA, Muppet voice actor (since Jim Henson died in 1990, voice of ‘Ernie’, ‘Kermit the Frog’, ‘Rizzo the Rat’, ‘Beaker’, ‘Bean Bunny’, ‘Doozer’, etc)

1962 [50] Nia Vardalos, Winnipeg MB, movie actress/screenwriter (“My Life in Ruins”, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”)

1969 [43] Shawn ‘Clown’ Crahan, Des Moines IA, metal rock percussionist/vocalist (Slipknot-“Dead Memories”, “Duality”)

• “A Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids”, an initiative begun in 2001 to encourage families to develop the habit of sitting down to a meal together once a day.

• “Cherries Jubilee Day”, celebrating the decadent dessert that’s always served flambée. Wanna make a home version easily? All you need is a can of cherry pie filling, some cognac (or brandy), vanilla ice cream, and … a match.

• “Do Impressions of Famous People Around the Office Day”, to encourage a little levity in the workplace. (Just remember, a little Elvis goes a long way.)

• “Punctuation” Day!”, the 9th annual celebrating the traffic signs of written language. (Wow! Eh?)

1968 [44] TV’s longest running news magazine, “60 Minutes” debuts (CBS), with corespondents Harry Reasoner & Mike Wallace

1991 [21] Children’s author Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as ‘Dr Seuss’, dies in La Jolla, California at age 87  FACTOID: Dr Seuss’s German-derived name is properly pronounced ‘zoice’ (rhymes with ‘voice’).

2007 [05] Aerosmith cancels the biggest concert ever scheduled for Maui, Hawaii because their equipment purportedly can’t be transported from Chicago in time (leads to a class action lawsuit that results in 2 free concerts later)

1927 [85] Conn Smythe changes the name of the NHL’s Toronto St Patricks hockey team to the ‘Maple Leafs’ (Conn never got to Grade 2 to learn about ‘leaves’)

1984 [28] ‘Longest Recorded Kiss’ sets “Guinness Record” at 17 days, 10.5 hours (Eddie Levin & Delphine Crha in Chicago IL)

1992 [20] 1st 40-year-old Major League Baseball player to knock in 100 RBIs (Dave Winfield of the Toronto Blue Jays)

[Tues] One-Hit Wonder Day
[Tues] Yom Kippur begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] World Maritime Day
[Thurs] “Two-And-a-Half Men” season debut (CBS)
[Thurs] JK Rowling publishes “The Casual Vacancy”
[Thurs] World Tourism Day
[Thurs] Ancestor Appreciation Day

Adult Immunization Awareness Week / Banned Books Week / Dog Week / International Women’s e-Commerce Days / Keep Kids Creative Week


A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
(A salute to “National Dog Week”, celebrating mankind’s best friend.)
• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
• Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you’ve had enough.
• If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
•.When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
– First published in “BS” 1999.

I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.

How do you tell the age of a horse?
a. Examine its teeth. [CORRECT. The origin of the saying ‘Never look a gift horse in the mouth’.]
b. Measure its hooves.
c. Check the expiration date on the hot dog package.

☎ What book changed your life?

Question: A poll of parents finds THIS is the #1 thing they regret doing when their children were young.
Answer: Working too much.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Amanda Pearl @ 92.3 The Tide [WTYD] Williamsburg VA; Lindsey Young @ Fly FM [CFLY] Kingston ON; Stephen Cenatiempo @ 2NM Muswellbrook NSW, Australia; Chris ‘Dice’ Hix @ Power 99.5 [KPXP] Saipan CNMI; Patti Arroyo @ NewsTalk 57 [KGUM] Agana, Guam; Kurt Flesher @ The Port [CFNI] Port Hardy BC.

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