Tuesday, September 25, 2012        Edition: #4837

Sheet For Brains!

Troubled actress Amanda Bynes’ tough month continues as she’s just been dropped by her publicist, her agent, and her lawyer (and, presumably, her driving teacher) . . . Actor Alec Baldwin’s wife Hilaria Thomas is set to launch her own fitness/health TV show and he says he’s happy to let his yoga instructor partner ‘bring home the bacon’ now that “30 Rock” is coming to a close (a fitness show – with bacon?) . . . Maybe this is what Kanye West & Kim Kardashian have in common – his lawyers have fired off a cease & desist letter in an attempt to prevent a sex tape allegedly stolen from his computer from being shopped around (features him – and a mirror) . . . British actor Colin Firth has reportedly agreed to reprise his Oscar-winning role as King George VI in a follow-up film to “The King’s Speech”, which will be set during World War II (why there’s a sequel – the film cost just $15 million; earned over $400 million) . . . Poor Black Eyed Pea Fergie has been put in the embarrassing position of denying pregnancy rumors, admitting she’s gained a ‘couple of pounds’ (so Josh, seems the honeymoon’s over) . . . Actor John Travolta has revealed that he almost quit show biz after his son’s death (unfortunately he reconsidered) . . . And 89-year-old comic book legend Stan Lee has sparked fears over his health after pulling out of all upcoming personal appearances due to what a spokesperson says is a ‘very serious circumstance’ (no word on what’s up specifically, but it can’t be good).

• “Ben & Kate” (FOX/CityTV) – Series premiere of new family sitcom starring Nat Faxon & Dakota Johnson.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Band of Horses (“Mirage Rock”).
• “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – The all-stars discuss their decision to return; Justin Bieber performs; Pitbull performs; one elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – No Doubt (“Push & Shove”, out today).
• “Katie” (syndicated) – Barbra Streisand (“Release Me”, to be released October 9th).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Regina Spektor (“What We Saw From the Cheap Seats”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Two Door Cinema Club (“Beacon”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Whigs (“Enjoy the Company”).
• “The Mindy Project” (FOX/CityTV) – Premiere of new comedy created by Mindy Kaling (‘Kally Kapur’ on “The Office”), who plays a successful OB/GYN whose personal life is a mess.
• “New Girl” (FOX/CityTV) – Zooey Deschanel returns in the 2nd season debut.
• “NCIS” / “NCIS: Los Angeles” (CBS/Global) – The 10th and 4th season premieres respectively.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Bettye LaVette (“Thankful n’ Thoughtful”).
• “Vegas” (CBS) – Debut of new drama starring Dennis Quaid as a sheriff investigating the murder of a governor’s niece. Co-stars James Russo, Jason O’Mara.

• Beach Boys – Today they release remastered versions of 12 of their albums, most including both a stereo and a mono mix of each track. How retro.
• Deep Purple – Today “Re-Machined: Deep Purple Tribute”, a multi-artist salute to their 1972 album “Machine Head” is released to honor band founder Jon Lord, who died in July. The collection features covers by Chickenfoot, Flaming Lips, Iron Maiden, Metallica and more.
• Flo Rida – He’s being sued by ADT for failing to settle a bill for a state-of-the-art security system installed 3 years ago at his Miami, Florida home. The company’s demanding over $45,000 but the rapper claims he never authorized the deal.
• Green Day – Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has checked into rehab for substance abuse a day after trashing equipment and hurling abuse at promoters during what appeared to be a public meltdown at a show in Las Vegas. The incident perhaps sheds some light on Armstrong’s mysterious hospitalization in Italy September 2nd. The band’s new album “¡Uno!” is out today.
• Grouplove – They’ve added a new leg of Fall touring, starting tonight in Portland OR.
• Kimbra – Tonight the New Zealand native (best known for her vocals on Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know”) kicks off her first-ever headlining North American tour in Vancouver BC.
• Mumford & Sons – Today they release “Babel”, the 12-track follow-up to their multi-Platinum selling debut album “Sigh No More” (2009).
• Lady Antebellum – Tonight the final leg of their “Own The Night 2012 World Tour” rolls into Australia for a show in Melbourne. They’ll also play Brisbane and Sydney during their 2nd tour Down Under.
• No Doubt – As they’ve been working on today’s new album “Push & Shove” on-and-off since 2008, you’d think it was a meticulously planned opus. But Gwen Stefani tells MTV News that’s not the case. “We don’t know what we’re doing”, she says, “Everything’s basically a series of accidents and mistakes.” It’s their first release since 2001’s “Rock Steady”.
• REM – Today they release “REM: Document 25th Anniversary Deluxe Edition”, an expanded edition of their 1987 album that’s been digitally remastered. The 2-CD set includes a 1987 concert that was recorded in Holland.
• Taylor Swift – Her new album “Red” won’t be out until October 22nd but a new track will be available exclusively from the iTunes store for the next 4 weeks, starting today.

• “Marvel’s The Avengers” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure ): Joss Whedon’s superhero call-to-arms is basically an onscreen Marvel Comics convention, starring Chris Evans (‘Captain America’), Chris Hemsworth (‘Thor’), Jeremy Renner (‘Hawkeye’), Mark Ruffalo (‘The Hulk’), Robert Downey Jr (‘Iron Man’), and Scarlett Johansson (‘Black Widow’). Also available in a ‘2-Disc Blu-ray/DVD Combo’ and a ‘4-Disc Blu-ray 3D/Blu-ray/DVD Combo’.
• Also released today: “American Horror Story: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “Charlie’s Angels: The Complete Series” (Vintage TV); “CSI – The 12th Season” (TV); “CSI: Miami – The 10th & Final Season (TV); “CSI: NY – The 8th Season” (TV); “Desperate Housewives: The Complete Collection” (TV); “Family Guy: Volume 10” (TV Animation); “Freddie Mercury: The Great Pretender” (Documentary); “Law & Order: SVU – The 13th Year” (TV); “Occupy Unmasked” (Documentary); and “Paul Rodriguez: Just For the Record” (Comedy).

For over 125 years, the State Fair of Texas has been a major source of entertainment as well as some of the wackiest food choices on the planet. The event is nicknamed the ‘Fried Food Capital of Texas’ thanks to the wide spectrum of deep-fried concoctions it offers. Last year, the talk was all about Fried Bubblegum, a fluffy, pink deep-fried marshmallow treat that claimed top prize for ‘Most Creative’ dish at the Big Tex Choice Awards. This year’s awards have just been announced and the winners are Deep Fried Jambalaya (‘Best Taste’) and Fried Bacon Cinnamon Roll (‘Most Creative’). The annual orgy of food and fun opens Friday in Dallas.
– BigTex.com

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 90% of women but only 59% of men say they’d stay in a relationship if they won the lottery.
• 47% of women who wear push-up bras say they believe it makes them much more attractive.
• 43% of women and 6% of men admit they’d be loose-lipped about having an affair.
• 28% of us would rather eat dessert than make love.
• 22% of single women say the best place to meet someone is at the mall.
• 12% of us would rather wash the car than spend time with friends & family.

Brit scientists says a recognition system may soon help track individuals by analyzing the way they walk. A test system at London’s National Physical Laboratory uses feeds from CCTV cameras to record people’s ‘gait signature’ or specific walk. Measurements are taken of the rise and fall of the head height of each subject, developing a pattern of numbers that are unique to each individual. It’s thought the system could have many uses, including identifying crime suspects captured on security cameras, simply by the way they walk.
– UPI.com

Imagine children learning to read without a school, teachers, or books. Impossible? Nicholas Negroponte aims to find out. This year the One Laptop Per Child founder, with researchers at Tufts University and the MIT Media Lab, arranged for a bundle of solar-powered tablets to be dropped into the Ethiopian village of Wolenchite, where there is no electricity and essentially zero literacy. With no instruction, kids aged 4-through-12 began using the devices. It took the first child 15 minutes to figure out how to turn it on. Two weeks later the children were reciting the alphabet out loud. But can devices alone help kids go from A-B-Cs to critical reading and comprehension? Negroponte says we’ll know in 6 months to a year.
– Wired.com

• It’s estimated that Apple products will account for one-third of the projected Chinese export growth during the rest of this year.
– PopBitch.com
• There are approximately 23,000 competing and often contradictory protestant religious denominations worldwide, per the UN Information Center.


1929 [83] Barbara Walters, Boston MA, TV personality/producer (“The View” since 1997)/former TV news anchor (“20/20”1978-2004)/1st female network news anchor (“ABC Evening News” 1976-78)/TV Hall of Fame (1990)

1944 [68] Michael Douglas, New Brunswick NJ, movie actor/director/producer (“Wall Street” movies, “Traffic”)/Mr Catherine Zeta-Jones since 2000  COMING UP: “Last Vegas” (2013).

1961 [51] Heather Locklear, Westwood CA, TV actress (“Melrose Place” 2009-10 & 1993-99, “Spin City” 1999-2002)/Mrs Richie Samboro 1994-2006/Mrs Tommy Lee 1986-94  UP NEXT: “Scary Movie 5” (2013).

1968 [44] Will Smith, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Hancock”, “Men In Black” films)/sometime rapper (“Switch”, “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”)/Mr Jada Pinkett since 1997

1969 [43] Catherine Zeta-Jones, Swansea, Wales, movie actress (“Rock of Ages”, “Chicago”)/Mrs Michael Douglas since 2000 (she’s 25 years younger)

1976 [36] Santigold (Santi White), Philadelphia PA, pop-dub-electronica-hip hop singer/songwriter (“Disparate Youth”, “Brooklyn Go Hard”)

1980 [32] TI (Clifford Harris Jr), Atlanta GA, rapper/producer (“Live Your Life”, “Whatever You Like”)/movie actor (“Fast & Furious”, “American Gangster”)/ex-con

• “Comic Book Day”, honoring the books you ‘read’ by looking at pictures.

• “One-Hit Wonder Day”, honoring artists who made it big only once before fading into obscurity. There’s nothing like a one-hit wonder to zap some spice into the bland regimen of playlist radio.
NET: http://www.onehitwondercentral.com

• “Yom Kippur” or “Day of Atonement” beginning at sundown, one of the most solemn Jewish holidays. Those who don’t observe other holidays often make an exception for this one.

1997 [15] At the urging of “ER” star George Clooney, the NBC-TV show’s season premiere is performed live (the cast has to do it twice, once for each coast)

1962 [50] Country legend Loretta Lynn joins Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry  BS FACTOID: Tonight she celebrates her 50th anniversary by performing with sister Crystal Gayle, plus Lee Ann Womack, Miranda Lambert, Pistol Annies (making their Opry debut), and Trace Adkins.

1980 [32] Led Zeppelin drummer John ‘Bonzo’ Bonham is found dead at age 32 from asphyxiation on his own vomit after drinking 40 shots of vodka on the eve of the band’s US tour

1974 [38] Scientists 1st report Freon gas from aerosol spray cans is destroying the ozone layer (it’s banned in 1978)

1965 [47] 60-year-old Satchel Paige becomes the oldest-ever Major League Baseball player (pitches 3 scoreless innings for Kansas City)
[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Wed] World Maritime Day
[Thurs] World Tourism Day
[Thurs] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Fri] “Hotel Transylvania”; “Looper”; “Won’t Back Down” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Hug a Vegetarian Day
[Fri] New York Film Festival begins
This Week Is … Chimney Safety Week
This Month Is … Be Kind to Editors & Writers Month


• Toe tag paper cuts.
• Best makeup artist in the world but your models never make the cover of “Cosmo”.
• Only 3 hits this month on your World O’ Coffins website.
• Tough to convince anyone to let you place bodies in action poses.
• Working alone late at night inevitably results in an extreme attack of ‘the willies’.
• Nobody visits your booth at high school Career Day.
• At least once a month, Keith Richards gets mistakenly hauled in.
• Dying in each other’s arms may sound romantic, but once rigor mortis sets in it just means overtime.
• Hard to close the lid on autoerotic asphyxiation victims.
– Adapted from TopFive.com

Which of these comic marvels was not created by Stan Lee?
a. “The Punisher” [CORRECT. Cartoonist Lee has nothing to do with “The Punisher”.]
b. “The Fantastic Four”
c. “The Incredible Hulk”

You run down the list while a crew member/guest/phone caller decides which choice is more palatable …
• Would you rather be poor and work at a job you love or be rich and work at a job you hate?
• Would you rather take an ice cold shower and be clean or not shower at all?
• Would you rather be 4’-5” or 7’-7”?
• Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?
• Would you rather be in your pajamas all day or in a suit all day?
• Would you rather have to sit all day or stand all day?
• Would you rather lose half your hair or lose half your hearing?
• Would you rather go to jail for a year or live in your car for a year?
• Would you rather lick someone else’s armpit or have someone else lick your armpit?
• Would you rather be a parent or a child?

☎ If you could have the attention of the whole world for 10 seconds, what would you say?

She had her credit card stolen but decided not to report it because the thief is spending less than she did.

Question: THIS meal has 2,756 calories on average.
Answer: Final meal on death row.

It isn’t the whistle that moves the train.

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