Monday, September 26, 2011        Edition: #4594
Sheet Happens!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Mary J Blige (Foundation For the Advancement of Women), Eva Longoria (Eva’s Heroes) and Lea Michele (PETA) were among the female stars honored for their charity work at “Variety” magazine’s 3rd annual ‘Power of Women’ event Friday night. Actresses Olivia Wilde and Annette Bening were also feted for their contributions to a variety of causes.
– ContactMusic.com
• Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband Jesse James has split from celebrity tattoo artist Kat Von D – again – just a month after announcing their engagement. The couple first broke up in July but then rekindled their romance and planned to marry. But now Von D says it’s become clear they’re on ‘two different paths in life’ and the wedding is off.
– People.com
• Alec Baldwin was back at the helm of “Saturday Night Live” for the NBC-TV show’s 37th season premiere on the weekend. For the 53-year-old “30 Rock” actor it was the 16th time he’s hosted the show, setting a new record. He previously shared the record at 15 with Steve Martin. Others who’ve made numerous “SNL” appearances include John Goodman, who’s hosted 12 times, and Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl, who’s performed 10 times on the show.
– “The Atlantic”
• A new documentary film about punk rock dads, titled “The Other F Word”, will hit theaters in November, featuring the likes of Blink-182’s Mark Hoppus, Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Flea, and Rise Against’s Tim McIlrath. The doc follows Jim Lindberg, a 20-year veteran of the band Pennywise, on his hysterical and moving journey from belting out his band’s anthem “F— Authority” to embracing his role as a father. Other dads featured in the film include Art Alexakis (Everclear), Mark Mothersbaugh (Devo), skater Tony Hawk and many others.
– FMQB.net
• Kim Kardashian has been named the ‘Most Annoying Celebrity’ in a new magazine poll, beating out Charlie Sheen, Jersey Shore” star Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, and Donald Trump. The ‘Pop Culture Poll’ also places Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon atop the ‘Craziest Baby Names’ listing for naming their twins Monroe and Moroccan. Actress Emma Watson has been voted ‘Most Likely to Succeed After Harry Potter’, and Ryan Reynolds tops the list for ‘Royal Sister’s Suitor’, the readers’ pick for the perfect boyfriend for Prince William’s sister-in-law Pippa Middleton.
– “Parade”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – In a 1-hour special, Radiohead plays music from “The King Of Limbs”, as well as an as-yet-unreleased new song.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Joe Jonas (“Fastlife”); Julianne Hough (“Wildfire”, no release date scheduled as yet).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Kelly Rowland (“Here I Am”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Decemberists (“The King is Dead”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Chris Young (“Neon”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Nick Mason (“Pink Floyd”) as various artists (Dierks Bentley, Foo Fighters, Pearl Jam) pay tribute to the classic rockers during ‘Floyd Week’. Tonight The Shins perform “Breathe”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Fleet Foxes (“Helplessness Blues”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Blake Shelton (“Red River Blue”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Chris Cornell (Soundgarden).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Arctic Monkeys (“Suck It & See”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Gloria Estefan (“The Essential 3.0 Gloria Estefan”).
• TV season debuts tonight include “Gossip Girl” (CW); “Hart of Dixie” (CW); “Mike & Molly” (CBS/CTV2).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Kenny Chesney – “Hemingway’s Whiskey” has just become his 10th album to be certified platinum by the RIAA for shipments of 1 million copies.
• Luke Bryan – Tonight he appears on  “Access Hollywood Live”, promoting his upcoming 6-day run of “Farm Tour” shows in small towns. The first is Thursday in Clemson SC.
• Michael Jackson – “Hollywood Reporter” confirms Black Eyed Peas have been added to “Michael Forever: The Tribute Concert” at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales October 8th. The line-up already includes Cee Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, Leona Lewis, and Smokey Robinson.
• Motley Crue – A statement on their website warns fans they have no plans to play a concert in Jakarta, Indonesia next month or anywhere else in Indonesia. Reports of the bogus event could be part of some kind of ticket scam.
• Paul McCartney – He’s failed to impress critics with the premiere of his first-ever ballet score,  which he penned for the NYC Ballet production “Ocean’s Kingdom”. The “New York Times” says it isn’t offensive, just ‘harmless, forgettable, bland, thin and occasionally incompetent’. Ouch!
• Rihanna – “We Found Love” is the first single from her upcoming 6th album, due on November 21st according to Billboard.com.
• Taylor Swift – Her new fragrance, ‘Wonderstruck’, is now on the market. For about $60, you can get 3.4 ounces of the Swift scent from Macy’s.

YOUR DREAM – THE MOVIE:
Now this is some potentially creepy technology – scientists at the University of California at Berkeley have managed to decode and reconstruct people’s dynamic visual experiences. What does that mean? Essentially, they can scan people’s brains and get a fair copy of whatever it is they’re looking at. At the moment, the technology can only reproduce images people have already seen, but in future it may be capable of reproducing dreams and memories, according to researchers. Watch examples of some ‘thought movies’ here …
NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsjDnYxJ0bo
– CBC.ca

TIME TO RETHINK INK?
Although sleazy ‘scratcher shops’ with unskilled artists and dubious safety records are largely a thing of the past, scientists are growing concerned about what’s going into tattooed skin. New research has turned up troubling findings about toxic chemicals in inks, including carcinogens and hormone disrupters. It’s already known tattoo ink can cause allergic rashes, chronic skin reactions, infection, and inflammation from sun exposure. Recently, the US Food & Drug Administration launched new studies to investigate their long-term safety, including what happens when they break down in the body or interact with light. (Ew, look! Your ankle’s rotting!)
– “San Francisco Chronicle”

LIFE BY THE NUMBERS:
A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 71% of smokers don’t believe they have a higher-than-average risk of heart attack (60% don’t believe they have a higher-than-average risk of cancer).
• 55% of us say our least favorite game to play as a kid was ‘tag’.
• 45% of men forget their wedding anniversary.
• 40% of employees who go to happy hour with co-workers eventually get a promotion.
• 33% of women say putting on makeup is the most important personal thing they do all day.
• 18% of pet owners mention their pets in their wills.

THINGS YOU CAN’T WEAR AFTER YOU HAVE KIDS:
There are some things you can’t wear once you become a parent, not because you suddenly look bad in them but rather because your kids won’t let you. Among them …
• Earrings – Dangling shiny objects right at eye level just waiting to be turned into bloody wounds.
• High-heels – You can’t chase runaways and you run the risk of skewering little fingers that always seem to be hovering around your feet.
• Mittens – Try buckling a little one into a car seat, tying teeny-weeny shoelaces, or opening a granola bar with them on. (Although they are great for impromptu nose wiping!)
• Rings with Stones – They end up scratching tender skin, snagging on little clothes, and getting poo-encrusted during blowouts.
• White – Anything white. Otherwise you’re a spit-up away from looking like a human Kleenex.
– “Redbook”

THOSE THREE WORDS:
There are few phrases more loaded than ‘I love you’. New research examines who says it first, how it’s received, and just what it might mean …
• In more than 62% of relationships, men normally say ‘I love you’ first.
• Most men are happier if they receive confessions of love before a relationship turns sexual.
• However, men interested in long-term relationships prefer to hear ‘I love you’ afterward.
• Most women are happier if declarations of love come after sexual intimacy in the relationship.
• Men start thinking about professing their love about 3 months into a relationship.
• Women start thinking about it at the 5-month mark.
– Psychology Today

JUST FRIGGIN’ GREAT:
Shoppers in Germany might feel a little embarrassed about asking for ‘Ficken’ schnapps by name – after all, the drink is named after the German word for the ‘f-bomb’. But the brand name is now legally protected as Germany’s Federal Patent Court has ruled the word ‘ficken’ can, in fact, be registered as a trademark despite the fact that it’s in poor taste. Following its legal victory, liquor manufacturer EFAG can now use the ‘Ficken’ trademark for clothing, mineral water and fruit drinks, as well as alcoholic drinks. (So pass the ficken orange juice … you dumb fick.)
– “Der Spiegel”

DID YOU KNOW?
• The average American is now 23 lbs overweight.
– TTP
• Facebook now hosts 140 billion photos, estimated to be roughly 4% of all the photos ever taken.
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 09.26.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [63] Olivia Newton-John, Cambridge UK (raised Melbourne, Australia), oldies singer (“I Honestly Love You”)/movie actress (“Grease”)

1968 [43] Jim Caviezel, Mount Vernon WA, movie actor (“The Count of Monte Cristo”, “The Passion Of the Christ”)

1972 [39] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, R&B-pop singer (Boyz II Men-“The End Of the Road”) who had 6 #1 hits in the ‘90s, including some of the longest-charted singles of all-time

1980 [31] Daniel & Henrik Sedin, Ornskoldsvik, Sweden, twin brother NHL hockey players (Vancouver Canucks)

1981 [30] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, 5-time #1-ranked women’s tennis player considered  one of the greatest of all-time/13 Grand Slam championships

1981 [30] Christina Milian, Jersey City NJ, pop singer (“Say I”, “Dip It Low”)/sometime movie actress (“Be Cool”, “American Pie”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Day to Eat Dinner With Your Kids”, launched in 2001 as an excuse for families to get together around the table.
NET: http://casafamilyday.org/familyday

• “International Tool Day”. So who do you think qualifies? Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi? Simon Cowell?

• “Search for Your Baseball Cards Again Day”, that collection that you had as a kid that may be worth a fortune today. (Your mom didn’t throw it out … did she? Oh no!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1975 [36] “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” premieres in Westwood CA and rapidly becomes a cult movie classic

2008 [03] Screen legend Paul Newman dies from cancer at age 83 at his home in Westport, Connecticut

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2003 [08] British rock singer Robert Palmer (“Addicted to Love”, “Simply Irresistible”) dies from a heart attack at age 54 in Paris, France

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1892 [119] 1st ‘Matchbook’ (Diamond Match Co)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1926 [85] Shortest MLB double-header ever played in as NY Yankees lose 6-1 in 72 minutes and lose again 6-2 in 55 minutes to St Louis Browns (Yanks had already clinched the pennant)

1983 [28] ‘Longest Winning Streak in Sports’ (132 years) comes to an end as challenger “Australia II” defeats the USA in “America’s Cup” yacht racing

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Tues] World Tourism Day
[Tues] 20th anniversary edition of Nirvana’s “Nevermind” released
[Wed] Elton John’s “The Million Dollar Piano” show debuts (Las Vegas)
[Wed] Fish Tank Floorshow Night
[Wed] Rosh Hashanah (Jewish)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Banned Books Week / Chimney Safety Week / Fall Astronomy Week / Keep Kids Creative Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
WORLD’S THINNEST BS BOOKS:
• “Stephen Harper: The Wild Years”
• “A Guide to the Fine Wines of Saskatchewan”
• “The Hansard Report on Parliamentary Accomplishments on Fridays”
• “Career Opportunities for Philosophy Majors”
• “The Great Cars of Russia”
• “Everything Men Know About Women”
• “Stuff I Can’t Afford “ by Mark Zuckerberg
– First published in “BS” 2000.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandmother, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in her car.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
According to research, termites eat wood twice as fast as normal when listening to what?
a. Country Music
b. Latin Music
c. Heavy Metal Music [CORRECT]
– Halife.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
Facebook’s ‘Like’ button is getting some new buddies. “TechCrunch” reports that the first new button coming down the pipeline is ‘Read’, with ‘Watched’ and ‘Listened’ possibly following. Developers will also be able to create their own buttons, so what button would you add? How about ‘Dislike’ or ‘Meh’?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: More men than women do THIS while driving.
Answer: Drive with the gas gauge on ‘empty’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
For a longer, happier life, say nothing as often as possible.