Tuesday, September 26, 2017 – Edition: #6063

Sheet Happens!

★ ‘Fuller House’ fans, you’d better stop holding your breath.  Executives have apparently given up on getting Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to appear on the show.  The twins began their acting careers at the age of nine months, sharing the role of Michelle Tanner on ‘Full House’ from 1987 to 1995, and though the door is “always open” for them to reprise the role on the spin-off show, producers will no longer be reaching out directly to the twin fashion designers and have stopped making reference to their absence on the show.  According to Creator Jeff Franklin, “It’s been three years of invitations”.
(New title: ‘Emptier House’)
★ Audrina Patridge claims that her estranged husband abused her.  After filing for divorce from Corey Boham,  Patridge took to social media to share a cute vid of her 1-year-old daughter with Boham and also thanked her fans for their support.  Last week, the reality TV star filed for divorce after previously obtaining a restraining order against Boham.
★ ABC and the owners of ‘American Idol’ are in conflict over the racial composition of the judge’s panel.  Now that Katy Perry is in place and Luke Bryan is just days from signing, ABC and Fremantle are trying to settle on a third judge. Sources connected to the production say that Fremantle wants Charlie Puth, but ABC believes there must be racial diversity on the panel. Apparently the network continues to have its eye on Lionel Richie, who has been in the running for several months.
★ David Hasselhoff says that he has received death threats, but he’s never been involved in anything like the plot of his latest movie, ‘Killing Hasselhoff’ – in which a struggling nightclub actor decides to kill the ‘Baywatch’ star in order to secure $567,000 in prize money from a celebrity death pool – but he has been the target of an attempted kidnapping and has had threats made against his life.
(Of course most attempts at killing his career have been self-inflicted…)
★ Prince Harry made an emotional speech at the opening ceremony of the 2017 Invictus Games in Toronto, speaking out about what the competition means not only to him, but to the competitors. The former army officer, who created the games specifically for wounded, injured and sick armed services personnel after serving in Afghanistan in 2008, gave a touching tribute to the hundreds of competitors, saying, “Invictus is about the dedication of the men and women who served their countries, confronted hardship and refused to be defined by their injuries”.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Andy Samberg, Brandon Micheal Hall, Macklemore featuring Offset
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kate Winslet, Milo Ventimiglia, G-Eazy featuring Cardi B
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sofia Vergara, David Boreanaz, Ken Burns
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Larry David, Kiefer Sutherland, Josh Earnest, Gregg Bissonette
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Channing Tatum, Adam Scott, Diego Luna
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Ellen Page, Impractical Jokers
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Fergie
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Judi Dench, Ali Fazal, Cameron Mathison, guest co-host Sabrina Soto
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Michael Weatherly, Katy Mixon, Chris Janson
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jane Fonda, Taye Diggs, Bleachers
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): Remaining celebrities perform a samba, rumba, cha cha, Paso Dobl‚ Argentine Tango, or salsa dance.
• “The Voice” (NBC): “The Blind Auditions Premiere, Part 2”
• “This Is Us” (NBC): “A Father’s Advice” Season 2 Premiere.
• “Law & Order True Crime: The Menendez Murders” (NBC): Season Premiere. Lyle and Erik appear to be coping differently after their parents are found murdered.

• Neil Young – he and Bruce Cockburn were ushered into the Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame on Saturday.  Neil quote: “I’m terribly proud to be Canadian. I know I’ve travelled a lot … but I’ve always been a Canadian citizen.”
• Steely Dan – some friends have been commenting on the health battles of late guitarist Walter Becker.  Singer Krishna Das went on record as saying: “The last time I saw him he was going to try another round of treatments for hep C.” Bassist and producer Larry Klein says that “If we went out to dinner he couldn’t order a glass of wine.  He had to have a real clean liver.”  No cause of death has been officially announced.  Becker died September 3.
• Mel B – Simon Cowell may be the lifeline she needs.  He is poised to hand her a TV contract worth almost $2.7million(U.S.) for another year as a judge on ‘America’s Got Talent’.  She was reported to be facing the axe because of the lurid details of her marriage to film producer Stephen Belafonte expected to emerge in court.
• Fergie – In the mid-1980s, she was the voice of Charlie Brown’s sister Sally.
• John Legend – wife Chrissy Teigen has revealed why she’d never divorce him.  According to her, the number one reason has to do with their daughter Luna: …“because I refuse to see another woman with my baby.”
• Sam Smith – is among the announced musical guests for the new season of Saturday Night Live.  JAY-Z is set to open the season on September 30, with Smith scheduled for October 7.  P!nk will take the stage October 14.
• Harry Styles – has finally met Shania Twain.  They posed for a photo together looking like old friends, and their fans went over the moon on social media, demanding the two work together.  The most popular request?  A duet on ‘You’re Still the One’.
• Luke Bryan – has reportedly landed the second seat as a judge on the rebooted ‘American Idol’ alongside Katy Perry, but the deal is NOT officially done.  Details of his payment and perks are unclear, but he is expected to sign on within days.
• Eric Church – Eric Church has released the next 30 recordings of his collection, ‘61 Days in Church’. The collection includes a variety of catalogue cuts, singles and cover songs. For now, it is only available via Apple Music.

Get ‘em wherever you get your movies…
• “Transformers: The Last Knight” (PG-13, Action/Adventure): Autobots and Decepticons are at war, with humans on the sidelines. Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth. (Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel)
• “47 Meters Down” (PG-13, Mystery/Suspense): Two sisters vacationing in Mexico are trapped in a shark cage at the bottom of the ocean. With less than an hour of oxygen left and great white sharks circling nearby, they must fight to survive. (Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Matthew Modine)
• “The Beguiled” (R-Rated, Drama): The unexpected arrival of a wounded Union soldier at a girls’ school in Virginia during the American Civil War leads to jealousy and betrayal. (Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning)
• “It Stains the Sand Red” (R-Rated, Horror): In the throes of a zombie apocalypse, a troubled woman from Las Vegas with a dark past finds herself stranded in the desert with a lone and ravenous zombie on her tail. (Brittany Allen, Juan Riedinger)
• “Crash Pad” (R-Rated, Comedy): A hopeless romantic, who thinks he’s found true love with an older woman, learns that she’s married and that the fling is merely an instrument of revenge against her neglectful husband. (Nina Dobrev, Domhnall Gleeson, Christina Applegate)

Most grandparents love to be involved in the care of their grandchildren. Now, a new study shows it’s also good for their health.  The ‘Berlin Aging Study’ shows that those who babysat young’uns lived longer, and it didn’t matter whether they were caring for their own grandkids or someone else’s.  Why?  Taking care of kids keeps them physically active and helps relieve stress.
Another benefit is the social interaction, which helps to keep the brain healthy.  And on the flip side, spending time with grandma and grandpa is also great for kids. It gives them extra stability and emotional support.  Researchers do point out, though, that overdoing it can cross a line and cancel out those health benefits.
(I think the real benefit here is from all the dancing and hi-fiving they do after they give the kids back!)
(This is in direct contrast to parenting, which I have found to accelerate the aging process dramatically…especially if you have teenage girls!)
(Then why did my Grandad always tell me, “You’re killin’ me, kid”?)

Let’s see the fancy new Apple Watch do THIS!  The ‘Aircon Watch’ – the world’s first personal A/C watch – claims to be able to regulate your body temperature.  Using “ClimaCon” technology, the Aircon Watch gives off an influx of hot or cold directly onto the wearer’s wrist, which supposedly causes the whole body to regulate its temperature, delivering a cool or warm sensation regardless of the climate they are in at the time. Its inventors claim that humans can “change the signal that our nervous system sends to the brain by using the Aircon Watch to generate pulses of heat or cold. By this method we can trick our brain into thinking that we are cooler or warmer than we really are.”  But you can’t get one quite yet.  Aircon is still looking for investors and has started a crowdfunding campaign on KickStarter to make their idea a reality.
(So…the watch is fooling me into thinking that I’m quite comfortable as I try to run a 5K in 110 degree humidity….just before I collapse and melt all over the pavement?  But at least I FELT cool…)
(Get in early before you miss your chance to lose all your money on this scam!  It has ‘Con’ right in its name!)
(I’d rather have a watch that makes me feel warm so I can scrape my windshield in winter without gloves!)

Oddball highlights from the new “2018 Guinness World Records” …
✓ Longest fingernails on a pair of female hands: Ayanna Williams of Houston, Texas, has nails measuring 576.4 cm (18-feet and 10.9-inches). The 60-year-old has been growing her fingernails for about 23 years.  (And not doing much else, apparently…)
✓ Oldest bodybuilder: Jim Arrington of Venice, Calif., set a record at 83 years old and six days in 2015 for his career in bodybuilding. The great-grandfather has been lifting weights for 70 years. (And then ‘wait’ed 2 years to report it…)
✓ Longest eyelash: You Jianxia of Changzhou, Jiangsu, China, has an eyelash on her upper lid that is 4.88-inches-long.  (You’ve got something in your….Oh.  Never mind…)
✓ Longest tail on a domestic living cat: Cygnus, a Silver Maine Coon cat from Ferndale, Mich., has a 17.58-inch-long tail.  His brother, Arcturus Aldebaran, holds the title for tallest domestic living cat at 19.05-inches.  (No rocking chairs allowed at that house!)
✓ Largest collection of teddy bears: Jackie Miley, of Rapid City, S.D., has a total of 8,026 cuddly friends. (Single, by chance?)


1948 [69] Olivia Newton-John, Cambridge England, pop singer (‘Physical’, ‘Hopelessly Devoted to You’), movie actress (‘Grease’, ‘Xanadu’)

1968 [49] Jim Caviezel, Mount Vernon WA, TV actor (‘Person of Interest’ 2011-16)/movie actor (‘The Count of Monte Cristo’, ‘The Passion Of the Christ’)

1972 [45] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, oldies singer (Boyz II Men-‘I’ll Make Love to You’, ‘The End Of the Road’)

1981 [36] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, #1-ranked women’s tennis player who’s considered one of the greatest all-time/23 Grand Slam singles championships

1981 [36] Christina Milian, Jersey City NJ, pop singer (‘Say I’, ‘Dip It Low’)/movie actress (‘Be Cool’, ‘American Pie’)

• “Better Breakfast Day”, to create awareness that eating a healthy breakfast can get you and your family on track to making healthier choices throughout the day and help curb overeating at other meals.  (I’m such a big proponent of eating a good breakfast that I usually have two!)

• “Lumberjack Day”, honoring a tough job that’s become a popular sport … logging games.

• “National Pancake Day”, serve with a variety of syrups, jams, chocolate sauce or even Nutella. Slice fresh, seasonal fruit and serve on the side of your pancakes.  Make Cinnamon Butter by whipping unsalted butter with cinnamon and serving over pancakes. (Not to be confused with “Pancake Tuesday” in February…)

• “World Contraception Day”, to raise awareness about contraception and safe sex. Odd contraceptives used throughout history have included: crocodile dung, animal intestines, blacksmith water, lemon diaphragms, and – ew – brewed tea with beaver testicles.

• “Johnny Appleseed Day”, celebrated on the anniversary of his death. His real name was John Chapman when he was born in Massachusetts in 1774. He was a serious nurseryman who introduced apples to many orchards in the wilderness of the American Midwest. He then gave or sold trees to pioneers.

[Wed] Chocolate Milk Day
[Wed] Women’s Health and Fitness Day
[Thurs] Ask a Stupid Question Day
[Thurs] Drink Beer Day

1964 [53] ‘Gilligan’s Island’, starring Bob Denver as Gilligan, debuts on CBS

2008 [09] Screen legend Paul Newman dies from cancer at age 83 at his home in Westport CT

2003 [14] Brit rock singer Robert Palmer (“Addicted to Love”, “Simply Irresistible”) dies from a heart attack at age 54 in Paris, France

2007 [10] Music producer Phil Spector’s trial for the murder of actress Lana Clarkson ends in a mistrial (2 years later he’s convicted and sentenced to 19 years-to-life)

2012 [05] P!nk scores her first #1 album on the ‘Billboard 200  chart with “The Truth About Love”

2014 [03] Bill & Hillary Clinton become first-time grandparents as Chelsea Clinton & husband Marc Mezvinsky announce the birth of their first child, Charlotte

1926 [91] Shortest MLB double-header ever played as NY Yankees lose 6-1 in 72 minutes and lose again 6-2 in 55 minutes to St Louis Browns (Yanks had already clinched the pennant)


✓ Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas.
✓ The average human adult has 2-9 pounds of bacteria in their body.
✓ In 30 minutes, the human body gives off enough heat to bring a gallon of water to a boil.
✓ Airplane food isn’t very tasty because our sense of smell and taste decrease by 20 to 50 percent during flights.
✓ Jupiter and Saturn have diamond rain.
✓ All of the gold mined in the history of the world would fit into a 20x20x20 meter cube.

• Flannel clothing is popping up everywhere.  Even in church.
• You’ve just taken a selfie in a pumpkin patch.
• Food stores contain sufficient wheat, oats, and cured meats to see your entire town through the next three winters.
• A temporary Halloween shop has moved into every vacant strip mall store.
• Finally!  New episodes of your favorite 16 TV shows.
• You have lost one of your children for at least 30 minutes in your local corn maze.
• You put away your entire summer wardrobe, only to be immediately hit by a major heatwave.
• You experience an overwhelming compulsion to go apple-picking.
• Pumpkin-spice.  Everyfreakingwhere.
-Adapted from McSweeney’s

Which human body organ weighs about 2 kilos?
a. liver [CORRECT]
b. brain
c. appendix

What is the substance produced by hard exercise and oxygen debt, causing stiffness in the muscles?
a. endorphins
b. lactic acid [CORRECT]
c. adrenaline

You know you’re getting old when you crouch to tie up your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

☎ What’s the most statistically improbable thing that’s ever happened to you?

Question:   43% of us have gone for at least one week without using THIS.  What?
Answer: Cash

There are no facts, only interpretations.

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