Tuesday, September 28, 2010        Edition: #4352
Sheet Rocks!

Stand-up comedian Greg Giraldo, a judge on the most recent season of “Last Comic Standing” (NBC), is in critical but stable condition in a New Jersey hospital after suffering an ‘accidental overdose from mixing up prescription medication’ (BS translation: Next stop rehab) . . . No one really asked, but 30-year-old actress Kristen Bell has found it necessary to tell us Matthew Morrison (‘Will Schuester’) is her favorite actor on “Glee” (FOX) because she used to go out with him when they were in college (hoping a little star luster will rub off, are we?) . . . 25-year-old British actress Carey Mulligan recently introduced her 24-year-old “Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps” co-star Shia Labeouf to her parents, indicating their on-set relationship seems to be carrying on (until the next film shoot) . . . An Indian government official says actor Leonardo DiCaprio is planning a trip to India to support the World Wildlife Fund’s ‘Save Tigers Now’ initiative, which aims to double the number of tigers in the world by 2022 (Indian tigers not Tamil) . . . 24-year-old Zimbabwe-born socialite Chelsy Davy has reportedly dumped 26-year-old British royal Prince Harry for a second time, becoming tired of him pestering her to move back to London and for them to get back together (lady, have you checked his bank account?) . . . And Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher are attempting to silence recent gossip about the state of their marriage by tweeting an intimate picture of themselves cuddled up under a duvet together on the day of their recent 5th wedding anniversary (wow, that Photoshop truly is amazing).

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – The 2nd celebrity is eliminated. Is Hasselhoff off?
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Vampire Weekend (“Contra”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – Creator-producer Ryan Murphy says he’s so pleased with tonight’s guest appearance by Britney Spears on the show, he’d like her to do an encore.
• “The Good Wife” (CBS) – Actor Michael J Fox, who is battling Parkinson’s disease, guest stars on the 2nd season premiere of the Julianna Margulies legal drama, playing a cynical lawyer who’s fronting a class action lawsuit.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Maroon 5 (“Hands All Over”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Teenage Fanclub (“Shadows”)
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – NERD (“Nothing”, out November 2nd).
• “No Ordinary Family” (ABC/CTV) – Series debut of a new comedy about a family that discovers new and unique superpowers after surviving a plane crash. Stars Michael Chiklis (“The Shield” 2002-08).
• Paris Fashion Week – One of the biggest annual events in fashion gets underway today and runs through October 6th, showcasing Spring/Summer 2011 collections.
NET: http://www.modeaparis.com
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Train (“Save Me, San Francisco”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – John Legend (“Wake Up!”) performs.

• Brad Paisley – After being forced to move due to the floods in Nashville in May, the Grand Ole Opry returns to its permanent location tonight with a show headlined by him, Blake Shelton, Dierks Bentley, Jason Aldean, Trace Adkins, and many others.
• Eric Clapton – Today the 65-year-old guitar legend releases a new album simply titled “Clapton”, his first solo effort in 5 years, which includes contributions from Sheryl Crow, Steve Winwood, and Wynton Marsalis.
• Kenny Chesney – His much-hyped new album “Hemingway’s Whiskey” drops today. It contains the single “The Boys of Fall” and a duet with country legend George Jones. In addition to the regular release, a double disc CD/DVD edition is out, including bonus tracks and videos.
• Luke Bryan – Tonight in Valdosta GA he embarks on a 2nd “Farm Tour”, his way to give back to local farming communities, with proceeds going to local charities.
• Montgomery Gentry – Today they release an 8-song album titled “Hits & More: Life Beside a Gravel Road”.
• Neil Young – Today his new album “Le Noise” is out on CD, vinyl, and iTunes.
• Rush — Today their albums “2112” and “Moving Pictures” are the focus of a dual DVD/Blu-Ray release as part of Eagle Rock Entertainment’s ongoing ‘Classic Albums’ series.
• Seal – His 6th studio album, “Seal 6: Commitment”, is released today.
• Snow Patrol – Today Tired Pony,  frontman Gary Lightbody’s new side project with REM guitarist Peter Buck, debuts. The initial album is entitled “The Place We Ran From”.
• Soundgarden – Their new best-of and rarities collection, “Telephantasm”, is out today.

• “Babies” ( PG Documentary ): A look at one year in the life of 4 babies living on different continents: Ponijao (Opuwo, Namibia), Bayar (Bayanchandmani, Mongolia), Mari (Tokyo, Japan), and Hattie (San Francisco, California). Guaranteed to get every woman’s biological clock ticking, ticking, ticking.
• “Get Him To the Greek” ( R-Rated Comedy ): In this Judd Apatow production, Jonah Hill plays a record company intern tasked with accompanying an out-of-control British rock star (Russell Brand revisiting his ‘Aldous Snow’ character from “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”). The goal is to get him to a concert at LA’s Greek Theater. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Unrated Collector’s Edition’.
• “Iron Man 2” ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): In director Jon Favreau’s follow-up to the 2008 hit, billionaire inventor ‘Tony Stark’ (Robert Downey Jr) faces pressure to share his technology with the military. Gwyneth Paltrow returns as PA ‘Pepper Potts’; Scarlett Johansson plays superspy ‘Black Widow’; and Mickey Rourke portrays bad-guy ‘Ivan Vanko’. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Digital Copy Edition’
• Also released today: “The Cleveland Show: Season 1” (TV); “Legend Of the Seeker: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “Magic & Bird: A Courtship of Rivals” (Sports); “NFL’s Greatest Rivalries: Chicago vs Green Bay (Sports); “Nightmares in Red, White & Blue: The Evolution of the American Horror Film” (Documentary); and “Scrubs: The Complete Collection” (TV).

According to a University of Chicago study on online dating, men are 3.9% more likely to contact a woman and women are nearly 9% more likely to contact a man who lists an above-average income in their profile. For men looking for an online connection, a woman with an income in the range $150,000-to-$200,000 is far more attractive than a woman who earns $35,000-to-$50,000 per year. (Well duh …)
– AP

Highlights of a poll by the makers of “Glad” bags …
• 49% of us have rooted through the trash to make sure something of ours wasn’t thrown away.
• 27% of us have retrieved something from the garbage that a family member threw away.
• 6% of us admit to taking something from a neighbor’s or stranger’s trash.
– PR Wire

If you think ‘knock-off’ products are harmless, “Scientific American” has a study in its latest issue that may make you reconsider. Researchers at University of North Carolina, Harvard, and Duke U have conducted a series of experiments that show that people who wear (or believe they’re wearing) counterfeit goods are significantly more likely to cheat and lie. The study concludes that ‘faking it’ makes us feel like phonies and cheaters on the inside, and that leads to cheating and cynicism in the outside world. (Is that real Wal-Mart you’re wearing or fake?)
– Gawker.com

Highlights of a study on voices at the State University of New York, Albany …
• Men considered to have the sexiest voices are usually men with broad shoulders and narrow hips, physical features that are associated with testosterone and growth.
• Women with the most attractive voices often have the so-called ‘ideal feminine figure’ … a narrow waist and broad hips.
• And here’s an idea for a studio experiment: People whose voices rate most attractive tend to have little fingers that measure the same length on both hands.
– BBC News

A recent study suggests that smarter children are more likely to become alcoholics as adults. Researchers at Scotland’s University of Glasgow studied intelligence assessments of over 8,000 subjects (taken when they were 10-years-old) and compared those with the drinking behaviors they developed by age 30. The results: For every 15-point increase in IQ, the likelihood of adult drinking problems increased by 1.4 times for women and 1.2 times for men. (Keep that in mind next visit to your local … those people with one cheek on the bar are the intelligencia!)
– AskMen.com

New stats show that “The Simpsons” is the most successful TV brand of all time, with global DVD and merchandising sales of more than $8 billion. Despite more than 20 years onscreen and 450-plus episodes, the continuing appetite for T-shirts, books, games, toys, calendars, and other products makes it the most successfully licensed TV show in history. “Sesame Street” is the runner-up.
– “The Guardian”


1967 [43] Mira Sorvino, Tenafly NJ, movie actress (“The Last Templar”, 1996 Oscar-“Mighty Aphrodite”)

1968 [42] Naomi Watts, Shoreham UK (raised Australia), movie actress (“The Ring” movies, “King Kong”)

1977 [33] Young Jeezy (Jay Jenkins), Columbia SC, rapper (f/Plies-Lose My Mind”, f/Akon-“Soul Survivor”)

1978 [32] Peter Cambor, Houston TX, TV actor (‘Nate Getz’ on “NCIS: Los Angeles” since 2009)

1987 [23] Hilary Duff, Houston TX, pop singer (“Wake Up”, “So Yesterday”)/movie actress (“Cheaper By the Dozen” films)/wed to NHL player Mike Comrie (August 14th, 2010)

• “Ask a Stupid Question Day”, created by some unknown keener who decided that ‘asking a stupid question is better than repairing a stupid mistake’. It’s a good excuse to pose perplexing questions like …
– How do you get off a ‘non-stop’ flight?
– Why doesn’t ‘Tarzan’ have a beard?
– If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
– How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
– What happens if you get scared half to death … twice?

• “Read a Child a Book You Like Day”. So which one would that be?

• “Teacher’s Day” in Taiwan and Chinese communities worldwide, celebrating the birth date of  the most venerated of all teachers, Confucius (Kung-futzu), born in 551 BC. You might remember him as the great philosopher who never once said …
– Marriage is like game of poker. You start with pair and end with full house.
– Man who run behind car get exhausted.
– Man who run in front of car get tired.
– Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
– A shotgun wedding is case of wife or death.

• “World Rabies Day”, observed annually to raise awareness about the continuing burden of rabies and how the disease can be prevented.

1997 [13] The ‘DVD’ format is unveiled at the 103rd convention of the Audio Engineering Society in NYC (thereby turning your VCR into a $300 doorstop)

1991 [19] Garth Brooks’ “Ropin’ the Wind” album debuts at #1 on both country & pop charts

1995 [15] 1st MLB pitcher to pitch with both hands (not at the same time) as Montréal Expo Greg Harris faces 4 Cincinnati batters, throwing to 2 of them right-handed and 2 left-handed

1919 [91] Quickest-ever Major League Baseball game as Giants beat Phillies 6-1 in just 51 minutes

[Wed] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Thurs] Mud Pack Day
[Thurs] Chewing Gum Day
[Thurs] Do Something Wacky With a Grandparent Day
This Week Is … Banned Books Week
This Month Is … Alcohol & Drug Addiction Recovery Month


All those home reno tips on TV are time-consuming and expensive, so why not try …
• Restricting use of aluminum foil to baking potatoes instead of a window dressing.
• Using clear packing tape instead of duct tape for upholstery repairs.
• Trying to get your driveway re-classified so it’s no longer a part of the local ‘Dangerous Goods Route’.
• Building a backyard hutch for all your ‘dust bunnies’.
• Taking down the yellow police tape from your bedroom door.
• Removing any bathroom fixtures that are not in working order … from the front yard.

You run down the list while your guest/caller decides which choice is more palatable …
• Give up movies OR music?
• Be mechanically induced to scream at the top of your lungs for an hour OR have your eyes glued shut for a day?
• Lick 500 payphones OR lick a toilet rim at a gas station?
• Find true love OR find $1 million?
• Be able to stop time while you sleep OR never need to do laundry?
• Be eaten by a family member OR eat your family member?
• Be gossiped about OR never talked about at all?
• Have exceptional physical ability OR have exceptional persuasive ability?
• Iron your shirt while still in it OR launder your shirt in a washing machine while still in it?
• Have a foot-long eyebrow you can never pluck OR an earlobe the size of a basketball?

Whose life would you like to live for one day?

Sex is like air … it’s not important until you aren’t getting any.

• “That’s Not Love” (Abstinence Film)
• “Will You Still Love Me?” (‘80s Song)
• “So Much More Than Sexy” (Abstinence Film)
• “Relax, Don’t Do It” (‘80s Song)
• “Nobody’s Fool” (‘80s Song)
• “Why Do I Hurt Inside?” (Abstinence Film)
• “Heart Protection” (Abstinence Film)
• “We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off” (‘80s Song)
• “Heat Of the Moment” (‘80s Song)
• “Dang!” (Abstinence Film)
– Thanks to Jackson Grant

Today’s Question: The men most likely to have one of THESE are white, heterosexual, and middle class.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A genital piercing. (“Los Angeles Times”)

He who laughs, lasts.

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