Wednesday, September 28, 2011        Edition: #4596
Sheet Rocks!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ: reports that paramedics were called to the studio near Los Angeles where Ellen DeGeneres (53) tapes her talk show this week after she complained of feeling a tightness and heaviness – like 2 cats sitting on her chest – but she now claims she is totally fine (maybe it really was cats?) . . . Angelina Jolie, U2’s Bono, and Madonna are among the most well-liked and trusted public figures in the world, according to a new international poll by the Reputation Institute that evaluates politicians, sports stars, and celebrities to determine who ranks best in the eyes of the public (topping the list: Nelson Mandela, followed by tennis ace Roger Federer) . . . Steven Spielberg’s new movie “War Horse” (opening December 28th) has emerged as the front-runner to land ‘Best Picture’ at the 2012 “Academy Awards”, according to a panel of movie critics and industry insiders (close behind are the George Clooney films “The Descendants” and “The Ides of March”) . . . Former “L-Word” actress Leisha Hailey is demanding an apology from Southwest Airlines after being kicked off a flight for kissing her partner Camila Grey (if kissing isn’t OK on the ‘family airline’, shouldn’t it apply to everyone?) . . . News that Lindsay Lohan has found gainful employment this week as a model for Milan fashion shows has now been tempered by a report that she’s hooking up with Philippe Plein, the designer who hired her (seems the fashion industry also has a casting couch) . . . New couple alert: sorta famous pop stars Jordin Sparks (21) & Jason Derulo (22) are said to be an item (might this inspire even more body art for the “Tattoo” singer?) . . . Here we go again alert: Joe Jonas (Jonas Bros) & Ashley Greene (“Twilight Saga”) have been spotted together in Las Vegas (the less tatted-up, tweener version of Jesse James & Kat Von D) . . . And fall TV’s premieres are still debuting but already a few new shows are said to be on the chopping block thanks to less than stellar ratings, including “Ringer” (CW); “Prime Suspect” (NBC); “Charlie’s Angels” (ABC); “A Gifted Man” (CBS); “The Playboy Club” (NBC); “Free Agents (NBC); and “H8R” (CW).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Daryl Hall (“Laughing Down Crying”); Kid Cudi (“Man On the Moon III”, coming 2012).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Luke Bryan (“Tailgates & Tanlines”).
• “Happy Endings” (ABC/CityTV) – The 2nd season debut finds ‘Penny’ buying her first home.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kylesa (“Spiral Shadow”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – ‘Floyd Week’ continues with MGMT covering the early Pink Floyd track “Lucifer Sam”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Knux (“Remind Me in 3 Days”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Allstar Weekend (“All the Way”).
• “Suburgatory” (ABC/CityTV) – Series debut of a new comedy about a teenage girl who moves from the city to the suburbs. Stars Alan Tudyk, Carly Chaikin, and Allie Grant.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Lisa Hannigan (“Sea Sew”).

• Carrie Underwood – She says she & NHL player-hubby Mike Fisher (Nashville Predators) are too busy for kids right now, but when the time is right they’ll be talking about how many to have. So far, she wants 2; he wants 4.
• Dierks Bentley – His new single “Home” comes from his upcoming 7th studio album, due in early 2012.
• Elton John – His follow up show to the highly successful 5-year residency “The Red Piano” at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, “The Million Dollar Piano”, debuts tonight.
• Jay-Z – Once the NBA’s New Jersey Nets, of whom he’s part-owner, move into their new arena in Brooklyn NY in the fall of 2012, he’s going to christen the venue with a series of concerts. The team will officially change its name to the Brooklyn Nets.
• Lady Gaga – She & 65-year-old show biz veteran Cher duet on the upcoming single “The Greatest Thing”, though a release date has yet to be confirmed. It’s a redo of a tune Gaga originally recorded several years ago.
• Radiohead – Tonight & tomorrow night they play NYC’s Roseland Ballroom, their first North American concerts since a benefit in Los Angeles in January 2010.
• Sly & The Family Stone – During the height of his career in the 1960s, eccentric funk legend Sly Stone owned a sprawling mansion in Beverly Hills CA. Now he’s living in a small camper. A retired couple provides him with a warm meal each day and the use of a shower.
• Sting – The long-time environmentalist admits in “Observer” that his carbon footprint is ‘massive’ due to air travel, but says the largest contribution to global warming by a long shot is deforestation. So until that’s rectified, he’ll just carry on. Passing the buck, are we?

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Gazundering’ – As a house buyer, attempting to reduce a previously agreed-upon price for a property just prior to signing the contract.
• ‘Pity Friend’ – On a social networking site, a person whose friend request you accept out of pity.
• ‘Technology Butler’ – A hotel staff member who performs computer-related tasks and helps guests with software and hardware problems.

Inventor Arch West of Dallas, Texas has passed away at age 97. The former Frito-Lay marketing executive is credited with creating the iconic snack chip Doritos after coming across fried tortilla chips during a family trip to San Diego, California in 1961. The inventor of the super-cheesy tortilla chips will get a memorable send-off. A graveside service is planned for this Saturday during which Doritos will be sprinkled over his funeral urn before it’s interred. (Don’t forget the salsa!)
– “Dallas Morning News”

• Eating Chocolate Gives You Zits – There’s no good data that support that theory. We do know food is perhaps one of a number of factors, including genetics, that lead to acne.
• An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away – While apples are full of antioxidants, it doesn’t have to be an apple; it’s symbolic of fruit in general. So the gist of it is quite sound: moderate amounts of fruit as part of a balanced diet are an important factor in improving longevity.
• Eating Carrots Improves Your Eyesight – It won’t prevent or fix problems such as being short- or long-sighted, but eating even a single carrot every few days can be enough to prevent certain kinds of night-blindness. That’s because it’s sometimes caused by a lack of vitamin A.
• Spicy Food Gives You Ulcers – Untrue. A bacteria called Helicobacter pylori is the cause of almost all ulcers, except those caused by arthritis medication and aspirin.
• Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever – This is absolutely wrong as people with a fever need their nutrition. They might find it harder to eat, but it’s important they have small amounts regularly.
– Condensed from

Samsung has announced it plans to release bendy-screened smartphones in the second quarter of 2012. The flexible new Galaxy smartphone can roll up like a sheet of paper. The screen measures 4.5 inches (11.4 cm) across but just 1-one-hundredth of an inch (0.3 mm) thick. The technology relies on layers of ‘graphene’ – sheets of carbon atoms – sandwiched together, protecting a layer of liquid crystal ‘screen’. That allows for ultra-flexibility and toughness. It’s said the phone can survive hammer blows. (You can still lose it in 4 minutes.)

New research shows that the more coffee women drink, the lower their risk of depression. Published this week in the “Archives of Internal Medicine”, it’s the first major study to examine the link. The analysis of data tracking over 50,000 women for 20-plus years has found that those who drank the most coffee (4+ cups per day) had a 20% decreased risk of depression compared to those who drank the least (a single cup a week). No such association has been found for decaffeinated coffee, tea, soft drinks, nor (dammit!) chocolate. (It’s hard to be depressed when your heart is palpitating 300 times per minute.)
– “Washington Post”

Publishers hope to exploit the growing success of e-books by releasing versions with … musical accompaniment. Works by Shakespeare and Jane Austen have already been embellished with music and background noise so that, for example, readers can hear china cups clinking in the garden as they read “Pride & Prejudice”. Supporters say sound effects and music are the next logical development for e-books and will add excitement for younger readers. Critics, however, argue that the noises will ruin the simple pleasure of having the imagination stimulated by reading. (Here’s a wild idea … why not add video, too!!!!! Oh yeah, that’d be a movie.)
– “Times of London”

• Makeup/Nail Polish (Because even poor people like looking their best.)
• Meat (Do yourself a favor and don’t ask Bruce how he got the Italian sausage.)
• Booze (“Nice one, Stu, you went for the Milwaukee’s Best!”)
• Razor Blades (Gillette & Schick, take notice … you’ve priced these things to be lifted.)
• Baby Formula (This stuff might as well be called China white.)

Harold Hackett does what might be called ‘old-school social networking’ from his home in Atlantic Canada. Since 1996, he’s tossed some 4,800 bottles into the Atlantic Ocean off Prince Edward Island. The currents have carried some of them to Africa, the Caribbean, Europe, and the USA. He knows that because he’s received more than 3,100 letters from people who’ve found them. He says he purposely doesn’t put his phone number on the notes because he likes to hold on to people’s responses.
– BBC News Magazine

• Assuming stable fuel, heat and oxygen levels, a typical house fire will double in size every minute.
– “Discover Magazine”
• There are nearly 1,000 research chimpanzees in the United States, the only country other than Gabon to conduct medical research on chimps.
– “New Scientist”


1967 [44] Mira Sorvino, Tenafly NJ, movie actress (“Reservation Road”, 1996 Oscar-“Mighty Aphrodite”)/TV actress (“The Last Templar”)

1968 [43] Naomi Watts, Shoreham UK (raised Australia), movie actress (“The Ring” movies, “King Kong”)  COMING UP: “J Edgar”, opening November 9th.

1977 [34] Young Jeezy (Jay Jenkins), Columbia SC, rapper (w/Usher-“Love In This Club”, w/Kanye West-“Put On”)

1978 [33] Peter Cambor, Houston TX, TV actor (‘Nate Getz’ on “NCIS: Los Angeles” since 2009)

1987 [24] Hilary Duff, Houston TX, movie actress (“Cheaper By the Dozen” films, “A Cinderella Story”)/pop singer (“Reach Out”, “So Yesterday”)/married to NHL player Mike Comrie (Pittsburgh Penguins) since 2010

• “Fish Tank Floorshow Night”, a day to gather family & friends around your aquarium to dance and sing. Why? All through the rest of the year the fish are under the spotlight keeping us entertained.

• “Read a Child a Book You Like Day”. So which one would that be?

• “Rosh Hashanah” (‘Head Of the Year’) begins at sundown, the 2-day celebration of the Jewish New Year. Traditional Jewish foods that accompany the observance include challah bread, apples dipped in honey, and tzimmes (TZIM’-ess), a mixture of carrots, cinnamon, yams, prunes & honey. The 10-day period from “Rosh Hashanah” to “Yom Kippur” forms the Jewish ‘High Holy Days’.

• “Teacher’s Day” in Chinese communities worldwide, celebrating the birth date of the most venerated of all teachers, Confucius (Kung-futzu), born in 551 BC. You might remember him as the great philosopher who never once said …
– A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
– It’s OK to let a fool kiss you, but don’t let a kiss fool you.
– A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.
– The best way to save face, is to keep the lower part shut.
– To make a long story short, don’t tell it.

• “Women’s Health & Fitness Day”, held annually on the last Wednesday in September to focus attention on the importance of regular physical activity and health awareness for women.

• “World Rabies Day”, observed annually to raise awareness about the continuing burden of rabies and how the disease can be prevented.

2001 [10] Ben Stiller’s fashion model comedy “Zoolander” opens in movie theaters

1991 [20] Garth Brooks’ “Ropin’ the Wind” becomes the first country music album to debut at #1 on “Billboard” magazine’s pop album chart

2004 [07] The price of oil exceeds $50-a-barrel for the first time (today it’s over $80)

1941 [70] Ted Williams of the Boston Red Sox finishes the baseball season with a batting average of .400, the last major leaguer to accomplish that

[Thurs] World Heart Day
[Thurs] Coffee Day
[Thurs] 44th International Bluegrass Awards (Nashville TN)
[Fri] Ask a Stupid Question Day
[Fri] “Courageous”; “Dream House”; “50/50”; “What’s Your Number?” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Banned Books Week
This Month Is … Alcohol & Drug Addiction Recovery Month


• What our mother and her fiancé are doing tonight.
• What aliens actually learn from all those anal probes.
• How many nanoseconds it takes Warren Buffet to earn our annual salary.
• Whether Grandma is a moaner or a screamer.
• What kind of hair that is in our cappuccino.
• What Donald Trump looks like when he wakes up.
• How porcupines mate.
• How many movies Madonna could possibly make before she dies.
– Adapted from

Which historical sporting event would you like to witness?

He’s on the ‘Tequila Diet’ … he’s lost 3 days already!

Question: Men spend 3 times as much money on THIS as women.
Answer: Tips.

Our faults irritate us most when we see them in others.

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