Thursday, September 29, 2011        Edition: #4597
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has unveiled the long list of nominees for the class of 2012, which includes Beastie Boys, The Cure, Guns ‘N Roses, Heart, Joan Jett & The Blackhearts, Red Hot Chili Peppers and 9 others (5 finalists will be inducted April 14th in Cleveland OH) . . . Acting couple Javier Bardem & Penelope Cruz have been photographed setting sail to the Croatian island of Korcula on their private yacht (oh to be rich and famous!) . . . Actor Ryan Gosling tells Jay Leno a specialist who works for his agent thinks he is ‘trying too hard to be cool’ on talk shows, and has advised him to just ‘sit there and not talk’ (uh, it’s a talk show?!?!?!) . . . The state of New Jersey is no longer offering “Jersey Shore” producers a tax credit because they ‘perpetuate misconceptions about the state’ (like all its residents are orange?) . . . “Saturday Night Live’s” Fred Armisen & Abby Elliott have called it quits – but don’t worry – their  reps insist the former pair is still ‘good friends’ (aren’t they all?) . . . 30-year-old Anna Kournikova says she’s now formally retired from pro tennis and wants to focus on her role as the new fitness trainer on NBC-TV’s “The Biggest Loser” (so tennis is off, but it’s still unclear if Enrique Iglesias is on or off) . . . A woman accusing Jesse James of cheating on former fiancée Kat Von D with her has posted a rant about him on that says, in part: “You’re beyond an a–hole, you’re a sick predator who doesn’t respect women” (well then, reconciliation odds seem slim) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie has taken daughters Zahara (6) and Shiloh (5) to get their ears pierced in London, but Shiloh begged off after her big sister cried from the pain of the piercing gun (what age is too young for ear-piercing?) . . . And 51-year-old Nancy Grace insists she did NOT suffer a ‘nip slip’ while dancing on this week’s performance edition of ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars” (an Internet full of blurry screen-grabs seems to suggest otherwise).

• Canada’s Walk of Fame Festival (Toronto ON) – Through Sunday, the annual salute to homegrown achievers includes performances by Bedouin Soundclash, Chantal Kreviazuk, Jully Black, K’naan, Steppenwolf, and more. Saturday’s star unveilings and tribute show honor this year’s inductees: Burton Cummings (Guess Who), Ryan Reynolds (“The Proposal”), Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”), comedian Russell Peters, and late author Mordecai Richler (“Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz”). The recorded awards air later in October on Global/Slice.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Portugal. The Man (“In the Mountain In the Cloud”).
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Tony Bennett (“Duets II”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – LeAnn Rimes (“Lady & Gentlemen”, her new album of covers of tunes made famous by men).
• “How To Be a Gentlemen (CBS/Global) – Series debut of a new comedy series about an uptight columnist (David Hornsby) and his freewheeling trainer (Kevin Dillon, “Entourage”).
• International Bluegrass Awards (Nashville TN) – Sam Bush hosts the 44th annual honors at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Givers (“In Light”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – As ‘Floyd Week’ continues, country singer Dierks Bentley performs his version of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Codes & Keys”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jason Derulo (“Future History”).
• “Private Practice” (ABC/CityTV) – Kate Walsh, Tim Daly & company are back with the season 5 debut.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – TV On the Radio (“Nine Types of Light”).

• Elton John – A bio-pic about his life & career entitled “Rocketman” is in the works, which he’ll executive produce himself. Word has it the film will be ‘unconventional’, ‘non-linear’, and ‘hyper visual’. Alright-y then.
• Lady Gaga – She says she’s already planning her next video, her next album, and her next tour. Workaholic, are we?
• Luke Bryan – Tonight his 3rd annual “Farm Tour” gets underway in Clemson SC. Proceeds from the concerts fund a college scholarship for a student from each community where the shows take place. Most are in smaller communities in his home state of Georgia.
• Nelly Furtado – As part of “WE Day”, an online initiative of Free The Children, she’s pledged to donate $1 million to the cause.
• Rascal Flatts – During a performance at Nashville’s Grand Ole Opry this week, surprise guest Vince Gill formally invited them to become Opry members.
• Shania Twain – Today 51-year-old Ottawa doctor John Palumbo is scheduled to go on trial in Toronto for allegedly stalking her, specifically charged with violating a court order to stay at least 500 meters away. Twain will testify via video.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … it’s impossible to pay attention to more than one electronic device at a time.
In a Boston College trial where volunteers were put in a room with a computer and TV for a half-hour, the average focus time on each lasted only seconds. Tested teens changed attention most, switching back-and-forth an average 120 times. (Like we’ve been saying for years, multi-tasking isn’t efficient.)
• Scientists say … we’re closer to siblings we look like. A new study has found facial resemblance is associated with greater emotional closeness and willingness to help one’s sibling. Similar-looking siblings also report less conflict during the time they were growing up. (Well yeah, you’re not going to punch someone in the face if it’s like looking in the mirror.)
– “Boston Globe”
• Scientists say … turning things clockwise really turns our crank. A recent study out of Germany shows that moving things – or even just watching them move – in a clockwise direction increases our fondness for the activity, while counter-clockwise rotation has the opposite effect. (Whatever, we’re more concerned about the fact you keep putting the toilet paper roll on upside down!)
• Scientists say … we spend more when we’re relaxed. In fact, feeling relaxed even increases our willingness to buy into seemingly risky activities, such as bungee-jumping. Researchers say that’s because when we feel safe, we focus on potential rewards instead of worrying about the price. (Apparently the wife is totally chill and feeling safe every time she goes to the mall.)
– “Wired Magazine”

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Pride & Prejudice and Zombies” – Blake Lively (“Gossip Girl”) has been offered the lead in this tale of a young woman looking for love at the same time as a zombie plague erupts in England. The film is an adaptation of the book by Seth Graeme-Smith, who also wrote the screenplay. So far, Natalie Portman, Emma Stone, and Scarlett Johansson have all passed on the gig.
• “RoboCop” – Michael Fassbender (“X-Men: First Class”) tops director Jose Padilha’s wish-list to star in a planned remake of the 25-year-old film about a murdered cop who’s re-created as a super-human cyborg. A total of 3 RoboCop movies were made between 1987 and 1993. It’s hoped that filming will begin on the new version in February or March of next year.
• “Scarface” – This 1983 film, which starred Al Pacino as Cuban gangster ‘Tony Montana’, is set to be remade, but veteran actor Robert Loggia, who played drug lord ‘Frank Lopez’ in the film, says the idea should be scrapped because it’s ‘a classic that should rest in peace’. What he’s forgetting is, the 1980s version was also a remake … of Howard Hawks’ 1932 picture.
• “Spinning Gold” – Justin Timberlake will star in this bio-pic about 1970s record producer Neil Bogart, co-founder of Casablanca Records, the label that launched the careers of Donna Summer, KISS, Village People, and many more. Bogart died of cancer in 1982 at age 39. Production is scheduled to begin in 2012.

Earlier this month the Ikea outlet in Sydney, Australia ran a 4-day trial of ‘Manland’, an in-house temporary daycare center that keeps men occupied with snacks and pinball machines while their women shop. The idea is to leave the missus unfettered by the unfortunate modern syndrome of ‘male whining’. Something like a G-rated man cave, ‘Manland’ is stocked with issues of “GQ” magazine, free hot dogs, Xboxes, and gaming tables both electronic and analog. (Sorry, guys, but your next shopping trip may take a lot longer than you think.)

Researchers from the University of Geneva have successfully used lasers to create water droplets in the air, a development which could eventually lead to man-made weather systems. Although the technique, known as ‘laser-assisted water condensation’, does not work in dry air, scientists were able to generate the droplets in humid conditions. The method works by firing laser beams into the air, creating nitric acid particles which draw water molecules together and stop them from evaporating. (Now if they could just figure out a way to make it STOP raining …)

The most recent attempt to break the record for the ‘World’s Largest Lightsaber Fight’ has taken place in NYC’s Washington Square Park. At least 1,000 “Star Wars” fans took part, flashing their lights fantastic after dark. While the record hasn’t been confirmed as yet, it sounds like the battle has a good chance of making it into the record books.

• The legal drinking age and purchasing age of alcohol in Portugal is 16. Portugal also has decriminalized all drugs. (What does this mean? “Mom, Dad, can we please go to Portugal?”)
• When they met their future spouse, 86% of men say it was love at first sight. Only 41% of women say they felt that way. (Kind of depends on your definition of ‘love’, no?)
• Cities take up just 2% of Earth’s surface but now hold 50% of the world’s population and consume 75% of the world’s energy. (If we all went back to farming, the world would be a better place.)


1935 [76] Jerry Lee Lewis, Ferriday LA, oldies rock ‘n roll singer (“Great Balls of Fire”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1989)

1948 [63] Bryant Gumbel, New Orleans LA, TV personality (“Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel [HBO] since 2005, “The Early Show” [CBS] 1999-2002, “Today” [NBC] 1982-97)

1964 [47] Tom Sizemore, Detroit MI, oft-troubled movie actor (“Saving Private Ryan”, “Black Hawk Down”)  COMING UP: The soon-to-shoot “The Expendables 2”.

1980 [31] Dallas Green, St Catharines ON, alt-rock singer/songwriter (City & Colour-“Fragile Bird”, “Save Your Scissors”, ex-Alexisonfire-“Old Crows/Young Cardinals”)

• “Make a List Of the Top 10 Happiest Days in Your Life Day”, when we’re encouraged to jot down details … while we can still remember.

• “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.” In the Middle Ages it celebrated the end of harvest, when laborers were paid for their work with meat, ale, fish, ale, good bread … and ale.

• “World Heart Day”, when the World Heart Federation organizes awareness events in more than 100 countries. Cardiovascular diseases are the world’s largest killers, claiming 17.3 million lives a year.

1996 [15] “Nintendo 64” videogame system is released and sells 500,000 units the first day

2001 [10] Jennifer Lopez marries her 2nd husband, Chris Judd, in Los Angeles (they separate 8 months later)

2010 [01] Movie star Tony Curtis (“Some Like It Hot”, “The Boston Strangler”) dies in Henderson NV at age 85

1963 [48] Rolling Stones open their 1st-ever tour, in London (as opening act for Bo Diddley and the Everly Bros)

1987 [24] Compaq introduces its leading edge ‘Laptop Computer’, using an Intel 386 processor, weighing 20 lbs, and costing $10,000

2003 [08] Adventurer David Hempleman-Adams becomes first to cross the Atlantic Ocean solo in an open wicker-basket balloon (travels from New Brunswick, Canada to England in 84 hours)

2008 [03] Following the bankruptcies of Lehman Bros and Washington Mutual, the Dow Jones Industrial Average falls 777.68 points, the largest single-day point-loss in its history

[Fri] Ask a Stupid Question Day
[Fri] “Courageous”; “Dream House”; “50/50”; “What’s Your Number?” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Fall Astronomy Day
[Sat] International Day of Older Persons
[Sat] World Vegetarian Day
This Week Is … World Dairy Week
This Month Is … Children’s Good Manners Month


• Rear window fogger.
• Passenger airbag in trunk.
• Hyper-heated steering wheel.
• Drifter in the back who says, “Your door is open.”
• Hydraulic roadkill scoop.
• Ceiling fan.
• Backseat GPS by mother-in-law.
• Digital armrests.
• Intermittent brakes.

Which food do you wish was banished from the Earth?

This handy infographic from the Mother Nature Network ranks the hidden cost of household appliances and gadgets, based on the electricity they suck up annually. Check out the figures in red for each device’s average annual power cost. (Afterward, you may want to consider a clothesline.)

The average person has about 500,000 of THESE in a lifetime.
a. Burps
b. Laughs [CORRECT, around 18 a day.]
c. Yawns
– “New Body Magazine”

There was an old lady ahead of me at the ATM yesterday. She turned around and asked if I could check her balance for her. So I pushed her over.

Question: In a recent poll, the biggest complaint high school students have about their teachers is THIS.
Answer: They won’t allow texting in class.

Everything has a purpose … except possibly cockroaches and ukeleles.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “BS”!

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