Thursday, September 30, 2010        Edition: #4354
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

Michael Jackson’s former bodyguard, martial arts expert Matt Fiddes, is claiming he acted as a sperm donor as a favor to MJ in 2001 and he’s therefore likely the father of ‘Blanket’, because the kid is the ‘spitting image’ of him (how touching – the story of sperm and a blanket) . . . Warner Bros reportedly wants to do a 3-D retrofit on “Inception” and is pressuring director Chris Nolan to film the next “Batman” movie in 3-D as well (this fad’s getting run into the ground real fast) . . . Lindsay Lohan is officially back in rehab at a Southern California facility, and the plan is said to be for her to stay at least until her next court hearing on October 22nd (you know what they say – 5th time’s a charm!) . . . “Pretty Wild” reality star Alexis Neiers, who recently spent time behind bars for burglarizing Orlando Bloom, is shopping a book ‘loosely based on her life’ (she’s hired the best – a ghost-writer who worked on a book about ‘Barney’ the dinosaur) . . . TV personality Nick Cannon (“America’s Got Talent”), who is married to Mariah Carey, has sent out a mass email asking corporate sponsors to pay for his 30th birthday bashes in NYC and LA next month in return for ‘tweets and exclusive photos’ (he’s only looking for $25,000 – why not just ask ‘mommy’?) . . . And here’s a screw-up that might make the bloopers’ greatest hits reel – this week “Australia’s Next Top Model” (FOX8) crowned the wrong contestant on live TV – then let her finish off her acceptance speech before telling her a mistake had been made (the loser spent the rest of the show comforting embarrassed host Sarah Murdoch).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Pete Yorn (“Pete Yorn”).
• International Bluegrass Music Awards (Nashville) – Sharon & Cheryl White of The Whites and Dobro player Jerry Douglas co-host the 21st annual honors at the Ryman Auditorium.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Avett Bros (“Live, Volume 3”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Vaselines (“Enter The Vaselines”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tired Pony (“The Place We Ran From”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jason Derulo (“Jason Derulo”).
• Power of Women – “Variety’s” 2nd annual luncheon event at LA’s Beverly Hills Hotel to recognize the philanthropic work of Hollywood women salutes Eva Mendes, Jennifer Garner, and Katie Holmes as ‘Lifetime Impact Honorees’.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Seal (“Seal 6: Commitment”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Rodrigo y Gabriela (“11:11”).

• Alice Cooper/Rob Zombie – Tonight they reunite to co-headline the “Halloween Hootenanny Tour Featuring the Gruesome Twosome” in LA. The trek wraps in Nashville October 20th.
• BoB – Today he’s the featured musical guest at the ‘National Gen44 Summit Kick-Off Concert with President Barack Obama’ in Washington DC. The event celebrates the inaugural ‘Gen44 Summit’, a 3-day gathering created by the Democratic National Committee.
• Brooks & Dunn – After winding up the “Last Rodeo” tour, Ronnie Dunn has been working on a solo album that may be out early next year. He is also producing the project.
• Drake – He tells MTV News he’s recorded a new song with Rihanna for her upcoming project, “Loud”. The album’s due out November 16th.
• Jamey Johnson – Movie star Matthew McConaughey has directed his first music video, “Playing the Part”, the lead single from Johnson’s 25-track double album, “The Guitar Song”. It debuted at #1 last week on “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Country Albums’ chart
• Jonas Bros – First he ditched the purity ring, now he’s leaving his brothers. Joe Jonas is going solo and cultivating a ‘sexier, Justin Timberlake’ vibe for a new album expected in early 2011.
• Lady Antebellum – “Hello World” is slated to become the 4th single from their mega-selling album “Need You Now”.
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor says the long-rumored TV series based on the “Year Zero” album is slowly making progress and is now in ‘pre-production’ with HBO/BBC America as a miniseries.

A new advertisement for the Volkswagen Vento that appeared this week in the newspapers “Times of India” and “The Hindu” features a voice reading the copy aloud, similar to a radio commercial. The ad uses a small device with a chip, a speaker, and batteries with enough power to read the copy for 140 minutes. It certainly captured attention: Police say some people reported hearing ghosts; and others set off bomb scares after they heard the ads playing in trash cans. (We demand justice for this theft! This morning we’re showing comic strips on-air.)

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has announced its 2011 nominees and the list includes first-timers Alice Cooper, Bon Jovi, Donovan, Neil Diamond, and Tom Waits; plus previously nominated acts Beastie Boys, Chic, Chuck Willis, Darlene Love, Donna Summer, Dr John, J Geils Band, Joe Tex, Laura Nyro, and LL Cool J. Artists must have released their first single in 1985 or earlier to be eligible in 2011. The artists who make the cut will be announced in December and then formally enshrined at the 26th annual induction ceremony on March 14, 2011 at the Waldorf Astoria in NYC. (Most likely? Bon Jovi, Neil Diamond.)

10. “Barfly” (1987) – Forget “The Wrestler”, this is Mickey Rourke’s finest hour.
9. “The Hangover” (2009) – A surprisingly good film about a stag night that goes horribly wrong.
8. “Days of Wine & Roses” (1962) – Jack Lemmon in top form.
7. “The Lost Weekend” (1945) – Won Ray Milland a ‘Best Actor’ Oscar.
6. “Sideways” (2004) – Who’d have thought wine-tasting was so much fun?
5. “Arthur” (1981) – Dudley Moore as a rich & happy drunk with no pretensions of any ambition.
4. “The Legend of Drunken Master” (1994) – Jackie Chan kicks butt while hammered.
3. “Leaving Las Vegas” (1995) – Nicolas Cage proves he can actually act.
2. “Old School” (2003) – Beer funnel time!
1. “National Lampoon’s Animal House” (1978) – No one sucks ‘em back like ‘John Blutarsky’.
– Adapted from

A hair-washing robot designed to wash and dry hair using 16 robotic fingers and 2 motorized arms is soon to be unveiled in Japan. The robot, created by scientists at Panasonic Corp, is designed to replicate the hands of a human hair stylist. A pair of robotic arms scan the customer’s head 3-dimensionally as they move, measuring and recording the shape to determine how much pressure to apply. (For extra authenticity, it also gossips.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

When you get up in the dark of the night, what is it that you really need to see? The toilet, off course. The new product ‘LavNav’ lights up only the bowl, so you can see where you are ‘going’. It’s motion-triggered, which saves battery life, and glows red when the seat is up; green when the seat is down. (What will they think of next?)

• According to a new Ipsos OTX poll of online consumers aged 13-to-74, we’re now spending half our waking hours using media, and have increased our consumption by an hour a day over the past 2 years. That’s more than we spend working or sleeping.
• Almost a third of us say we need a cup of coffee to get through the workday, a new survey shows. The poll finds the workers who are most dependent on a daily jolt of caffeine are nurses, followed by doctors, and hotel workers.
– CBS News
• A new survey that measures knowledge of religion has found that atheists and agnostics know more, on average, than followers of most major faiths.
– “Los Angeles Times”


1958 [52] Marty Stuart, Philadelphia MS, country singer (“Now That’s Country”, “Tempted”)

1963 [47] Eddie Montgomery, Danville KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“Roll With Me”, “Back When I Knew It All”)

1964 [46] Robby Takac, Buffalo NY, alt-rock singer/bassist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Slide”, “Iris”)

1975 [35] Marion Cotillard, Caen, France, movie actress (“Inception”, 2008 Academy Award–“La Vie En Rose”)

1984 [26] T-Pain (Faheem Rasheed Najm), Tallahassee FL, hip-hop/R&B singer-songwriter (f/Yung Joc-“Buy U a Drank [Shawty Snappin’]”, w/Flo Rida-“Low”)

• “Chewing Gum Day” , honoring the icky wads you find stuck under your theater seat. The first flavored gum was manufactured in 1870; it was called ‘Black Jack’.

• “Do Something Wacky with a Grandparent Day”. Swap teeth?

• “International Translation Day”, introduced in 1991 by the International Federation of Translators. One of the great things you can do online is use an automated translator like “Babel Fish” to switch from language-to-language instantly.

• “Mud Pack Day”, proving there’s a day to honor just about any damn thing you can think of.

• “St Jerome’s Day”, patron saint of librarians. In order to celebrate … shhhhhhh! Name the patron saint of the following …
– Toothache Sufferers (St Apollonia)
– Motorcyclists (St Columbanus)
– Against Oversleeping (St Vitus)
– Surfers (St Christopher)
– Difficult Marriage (Saint Olaf)
– Against Sneezing (St Quentin)
– Hairdressers (St Martin de Porres)
– Against Bullies (St Kentigern)
– Hemorrhoid Sufferers (St Fiacre)
– Radio Workers (St Gabriel)

1960 [50] The first prime-time cartoon for adults, “The Flintstones”, debuts on ABC-TV

1950 [60] Premiere of the TV version of the “Grand Ole Opry”

2005 [05] A UN health official warns that ‘Bird Flu’ could spread to humans at any time, killing anywhere from 5 million-to-150 million people (almost as dangerous as ‘Swine Flu’)

2002 [08] Chris McAlister of Baltimore Ravens sets record for ‘Longest Play in NFL History’ by returning missed field goal 107 yards for a touchdown

[Oct 1] International Day of Older Persons / Diversity Day / World Smile Day / World Vegetarian Day / “Case 39”; “Let Me In”; “The Social Network” open in movie theaters
[Oct 2] Guardian Angels Day / International Day of Non-Violence / Custodial Workers Day / Techies Day / World Farm Animals Day
[Oct 3] Alternative Fuels Day / Blessing Of the Fishing Fleet / Country Inn, Bed & Breakfast Day / World Communion Day
[Oct 4] Ten-Four Day / Child Health Day / Improve Your Office Day / World Habitat Day
[Oct 5] World Teachers Day
[Oct 6] Balloons Around the World Day / Ecological Debt Day / Mad Hatter Day / German-American Day
[Oct 8] Depression Screening Day / Pirogi Day / Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest begins / “Life As We Know It”; “My Soul to Take”; “Nowhere Boy”; “Secretariat” open in movie theaters
[Oct 9] Leif Erikson Day / Universal Music Day / World Post Day / Grand Ole Opry’s 85th Birthday Celebration (Nashville)
[Oct 10] International Newspaper Carrier Day / Cake Decorating Day / Clergy Appreciation Day / World Mental Health Day
[Oct 11] Thanksgiving Day (Canada) / Columbus Day (USA) / International African Diaspora Day / National Coming Out Day / Kick Butt Day
[Oct 12] International Moment of Frustration Scream Day / Free Thought Day / Face Your Fears Day
[Oct 13] English Language Day / Emergency Nurses Day / International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction / Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
[Oct 14] Be Bald & Be Free Day / World Sight Day
[Oct 15] Bosses Day / International Day of Rural Women / Mammography Day / Grouch Day / White Cane Safety Day / “Jackass 3D”; “Red” open in movie theaters
[Oct 16] Bridge Day / Dictionary Day / World Food Day
[Oct 17] International Day For the Eradication of Poverty / Mulligan Day
[Oct 18] Chocolate Cupcake Day / World Menopause Day
[Oct 19] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Oct 20] Medical Assistants Recognition Day / Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day / MOBO Awards (London)
[Oct 21] Get Smart About Credit Day / International Credit Union Day / International Stuttering Awareness Day
[Oct 22] Full ‘Hunters’ Moon / Caps Lock Day / “Hereafter”; “Paranormal Activity 2”; “The Taqwacores” open in movie theaters
[Oct 23] “Back To the Future” re-release in movie theaters / iPod Day / Make a Difference Day
[Oct 24] United Nations Day / Lung Health Day / Mother-in-Law Day
[Oct 26] Worldwide Howl at The Moon Night / “Nice Guy Johnny” opens in movie theaters
[Oct 27] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Oct 28] Day of International Concern About Young People & Gun Violence
[Oct 29] Frankenstein Friday / Internet Day / World Psoriasis Day / “Night Of the Demons”; “Saw 3D” open in movie theaters
[Oct 30] Create a Great Funeral Day / Devil’s Night / International Bandanna Day / Candy Corn Day
[Oct 31] Halloween / Knock-Knock Jokes Day / Magic Day / UNICEF Day


• iVision, which can only be seen with expensive eye implants offered by the MPAA.
• Coin-operated projectors. Audience has to keep coughing up quarters or the movie stops.
• ‘R-Rating Pass’. Pay a massive fee to get into R-Rated films without a parent or guardian.
• Pay-Per-View service that allows you to watch a film on your smart phone before it’s in theaters for the low, low price of the entire budget of the movie.
• Imbedded coding that makes you violently nauseous when illegally downloading.
• New ‘5-D technology’ that requires viewers to pay a fee for each dimension.
– Adapted from

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

According to recent studies, just an hour of extreme stress can cause …
a. Incontinence.
b. Brain Shrinkage. [CORRECT. Stress kills brain cells, thereby making the brain smaller.]
c. Baldness.
– “New Choices Magazine”

Should ‘smoke breaks’ be deducted from employees’ paid time? (The Breckland UK town council is considering not paying municipal staff for the time they take to have a cigarette.)

Today’s Question: According to a recent poll, THIS is the most overused word in the English language.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: ‘Like’. (

Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.

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