Wednesday, September 4, 2013        Edition: #5061

Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

✶ Is Pippa Middleton engaged? As her sister Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, settles down to motherhood, Pippa might not be far behind as several reports suggest she’s received a proposal from her stockbroker-boyfriend Nico Jackson. They’ve only been seeing each other for 6 months but apparently got engaged over the Summer and kept it secret.
✶ The tale of Amanda Bynes just keeps getting weirder. An attorney for her family is now claiming that publicist Jonathan Jaxson does NOT represent her and has been spreading bogus info. A recent photo said to be her in a blue wig being escorted to UCLA Medical Center was apparently not Amanda. Where is she? At Hillmont Psychiatric Center in Ventura CA, but is expected to be released from the lockdown facility soon to continue recovery elsewhere. Her parents are hoping to renew their conservatorship when it ends September 30th.
– E! Online
✶ NY Yankees 3rd baseman Alex Rodriguez’s appeal of the 211-game suspension levied on him by Major League Baseball will take the next step this week when a status conference takes place between his attorneys, MLB officials, and an arbitrator. It could take place today at an undisclosed location and will focus on the discovery of evidence. The conference will also give the parties involved an opportunity to set dates for an appeals hearing, which is not expected to take place until November or December.
– “Newsday”
✶ Clint Eastwood’s wife has spoken out to defend the 83-year-old actor-director following news of their separation. Dina Eastwood has confirmed they’ve split after 17 years of marriage but has tweeted a message of support for her estranged husband. Quote: “I don’t like reading negative things about Clint. He is a wonderful, good natured, brilliant person. No matter what, I attest to that.” Dina & Clint married in 1996 and have 1 daughter together, 16-year-old Morgan.

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 6 acts advance to the next round; Fall Out Boy performs; iLuminate performs.
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – John Legend (“Love In the Future”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Spin Doctors (“If The River Was Whiskey”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Justin Timberlake (“The 20/20 Experience”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Alpine (”A Is For Alpine”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Coup (“Sorry to Bother You”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – The Julie Ruin (“Run Fast”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Passion Pit (“Gossamer”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Tamar Braxton (“Love & War”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Backstreet Boys (“In a World Like This”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – White Lies (“Big TV”).

• Drake – He was down to the wire finishing his new album “Nothing Was the Same”. He tells “Rolling Stone” he was literally sleeping in the studio on an air mattress in order to get it done in time for the September 24th release date.
• 50 Cent – He’s scheduled for a pretrial hearing today in regards to domestic violence and vandalism charges stemming from that incident when he allegedly terrorized his former girlfriend and trashed her California condo. Fiddy has already pled not guilty.
• George Strait – The country icon may have said he’s retiring from the stage but he’s not abandoning recording. He’s just signed with his 3-decades-plus label MCA to make 5 more albums.
• Icona Pop – The Swedish duo’s “Iconic Tour” is set to resume tonight in Portland OR after gigs in LA, San Francisco, Seattle, and Vancouver had to be postponed. Aino Jawo was under doctor’s orders to take some down time and rest in order to complete the last leg of the tour.
• Justin Timberlake – A ‘last-minute surprise appearance’ at a club in Hoboken NJ turned out to be a commercial shoot for Target and his upcoming album “The 20/20 Experience Part 2”. The 150 fans who got in witnessed a few performances of his new single “Take Back the Night”.
• Kanye West – He’s come under fire from human rights groups for performing for president Nursultan Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan at a weekend wedding, for which he reportedly netted $3 million. Activists claim the billionaire leader uses acts of torture against his own people.
• Michael Franti & Spearhead – Their 24-city North American “All People Tour” begins tonight in Milwaukee WI. The run will conclude on October 12th in Los Angeles.
• Soundgarden – After months of international tour dates to support last year’s “King Animal”, frontman Chris Cornell is back on the road again with an acoustic solo tour, billed as the “Second Songbook Tour” (the first was in 2011). It begins tonight in Helsinki, Finland.
• Stone Temple Pilots With Chester Bennington – Tonight in Bethlehem PA they kick off a North American tour that runs through September 27th in Las Vegas. Filter opens most dates.
• Taylor Swift – She’s landed a role in Matthew Vaughn’s new spy film “The Secret Service”, which stars Colin Firth & Michael Caine. Word has it she’ll need some heavy-duty martial arts training in order to convincingly kick Samuel L Jackson’s butt onscreen. Filming begins in October in London and the south of France.

Crickets and other insects may be the next big thing in food. Nutritious, protein-packed and sustainable, insects are already consumed by billions around-the-world; now they’re making inroads at restaurants here. Crickets, for instance, are said to be crunchy with a mild, nutty flavor, and are loaded with protein. There are many tasty ways to serve them. The easiest method involves grinding crickets into a fine flour, then adding that to other foods. Proponents say it’s a ‘gentle introduction’. Or you might try ‘crittle’, peanut brittle with chunks of cricket meat embedded in the hardened sugar. (Next: ‘Raspberry Chirpet’?)
– “New York Daily News”

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Compersion’ – A new term to indicate the opposite feeling of jealousy, invented by polyamorous people … those with multiple-partner relationships.
• ‘Eye Broccoli’ – The opposite of ‘eye candy’, a new derogatory term to describe a physically unattractive person.
• ‘Push Ring’ – Nickname for the blingtastic thank-you gift that rich husbands buy their wives for delivering their baby.

The geeky Google Glass has gotten a fashionable update. The wearable computer gizmo will be available to the public next year, but already a backlash has begun over the goofy appearance of the single-lens eyewear. So a new set of frames has been developed that are fashionable and more wearable than earlier prototypes. Designer Isabelle Olsson seemed to have the style-savvy hipster set in mind when she created her new version of the futuristic accessory with tortoise-shell cat eyes. The new design is also available in sunglasses.
– ABC News

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 70% of both women & men admit they’ve spent hours online searching for clothing.
• 50% of Facebook users say they will delete a ‘friend’ due to persistent game requests.
• 40% of us have yelled at a computer at work in the past month.
• 30% of us have begun eating food before paying for it at the supermarket.
• 20% of single guys say they haven’t made a home-cooked meal in over a year.
• 17% of guys say a woman’s clothes don’t matter as long as what she’s wearing is attractive.

Listen to this before you wish away your office cubicle: The drawbacks of open workspaces – desks and workstations set up without walls – trump the benefits, reports a recent survey by global design firm Gensler. Why? Despite the recent trend toward open floor plans, the ideal space seems to be one that offers both offices and collaborative areas, the research found. Workers in these types of environments are 12% more satisfied with their jobs and 22% more productive than those who toil in workplaces that don’t support both. (This study comes just as Facebook is developing the world’s largest open workspace. Oops!)

• Reading, England – A UK woman says she’ll wait about 8 years until her pet chicken dies to … retrieve a diamond earring it swallowed. After ‘Sarah’ the chicken snatched the earring while perched on the 38-year-old’s shoulder, veterinarians determined the ring was trapped in the hen’s stomach and could only be removed via potentially fatal surgery. (Or roasting.)
• Dundee, Scotland – Doctors have diagnosed a Scottish man with ‘Chronic Lateness’, saying his struggle to arrive on time is a medical condition. The 57-year-old has never been punctual for work, dates, even funerals. The docs claim his malady affects the same part of the brain as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. (Which many are now saying doesn’t exist.)
– “The Courier”

10-year-old Keevan Dinkel from Wasilla, Alaska has won $2,000 for his winning entry at the State Fair’s ‘Giant Cabbage Weigh-Off’. His massive cabbage head weighed in at 92 lbs (42 kg). He’s named his vegetable ‘Bob’.

The first known use of the verb ‘to twerk’ (as popularized by Miley Cyrus) was in a 1995 single recording by the rapper Cheeky Blakk.
– “The Independent”


1960 [53] Kim Thayil, Seattle WA, alt-rock guitarist (Soundgarden-“Live to Rise”, “Black Hole Sun”)

1980 [33] Max Greenfield, Dobbs Ferry NY, TV actor (‘Schmidt’ on “New Girl” since 2011)

1981 [32] Beyoncé (Knowles-Carter), Houston TX, pop singer (“Single Ladies”, Destiny’s Child-“Lose My Breath”)/movie actress (“A Star Is Born”, “Dreamgirls”)/wed to Jay Z since 2008

1981 [32] Tom Gossin, Utica NY, country singer-guitarist (Gloriana-“Can’t Shake You”, “Kissed You Good Night”)

1982 [31] Whitney Cummings, Washington DC, stand-up comedian/TV actress (“Whitney” 2011-13)/TV screenwriter (co-creator of “2 Broke Girls”)

1986 [27] Neyla Pekarek, Denver CO, indie music multi-instrumentalist (The Lumineers-“Stubborn Love”, “Ho Hey”)

• “Google Commemoration Day”, honoring the 1998 founding of Google Inc by Sergey Brin & Lawrence Page in a friend’s garage in Menlo Park, California.

• “Macadamia Nut Day”, saluting the yummy nut first found in the rainforests of eastern Australia thousands of years ago by Aborigines. Though they can be toxic to dogs, they are super nutritious for humans.

• “Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 180 years ago in 1833.

• “Rosh Hashanah” (‘Head Of the Year’) begins at sundown, the 2-day celebration of the Jewish New Year. Traditional Jewish foods that accompany the observance include challah bread and  apples dipped in honey. The 10-day period from “Rosh Hashanah” to “Yom Kippur” forms the Jewish ‘High Holy Days’.

• “Take Another Look Day”, a day to survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity or reuse them in another project. In other words, slow the flow to landfills.

2002 [11] The first “American Idol” competition on FOX-TV is won by Kelly Clarkson, a 20-year-old cocktail waitress from Texas

2008 [05] The first Fender Stratocaster guitar that Jimi Hendrix set on fire while performing is auctioned at Sotheby’s in London for the equivalent of a half-million dollars

2008 [05] Michael Jackson’s funeral, a relatively small affair, is held at Forest Lawn in Los Angeles, with attendees including Quincy Jones, Berry Gordy, and ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley

2009 [04] “American Idiot”, the stage musical version of Green Day’s 2004 concept album, debuts at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre in Berkeley, California (later hits Broadway)

1957 [56] Ford Motor Co begins selling its ill-fated ‘Edsel’, which proves so unpopular it’s taken off the market in 1959 (1st car with a wrap-around windshield, electric door locks, cruise control, and 4 headlights)

1982 [31] 8,659 dancers form the world record ‘Longest Conga Line’ in London UK

[Thurs] Toronto International Film Festival opens (Toronto ON)
[Thurs] “NFL Kickoff 2013” (NBC)
[Thurs] Be Late For Something Day
[Thurs] Ganesh Chaturthi (Hindu)
[Fri] “Riddick” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Lazy Moms Day
This Week Is … International Enthusiasm Week
This Month Is … Children’s Good Manners Month


• In biology class, dissect the least popular student.
• Automatic ‘A’ in Spanish if you’ve ever eaten at Taco Bell.
• Every day at 2 pm … school-wide booty call.
• When handing out condoms, throw in a free motel room.
• Give 10 points extra credit for each body piercing.
• New curriculum: Reading, Writing, and Wrecking Stuff.
• Pass a test, win a dirt bike!

☎ What’s your dream food vending machine? A french fries vending machine has just been unveiled at a supermarket in Brussels, Belgium. You give the ‘Corner Chips’ machine €2.50 (about $3.30), select your condiments like ketchup or mayo, and the machine fries up frozen potatoes, spitting them out into a paper container for you. The whole process takes 95 seconds.

People with dogs are cowards who haven’t got the guts to bite people themselves.

A fun new start-up called ‘PiggyMojo’ is designed to encourage you & a buddy to team up and stash away savings. And so you & your spouse, you & your best friend, you & your sister, sign up together and set up a savings goal. And then essentially, the idea is to try and turn ‘impulse spending’ into ‘impulse saving’.

Question: A recent survey finds that THIS is the #1 body feature that guys are insecure about.
Answer: Their arms being too small.

What melts in the mouth bulges in the mirror.

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