Thursday, September 5, 2013        Edition: #5062

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

✶ At last night’s 10th annual “Style Awards” that kick off New York Fashion Week, Kate Upton was named ‘Model Of the Year’. The 21-year-old has graced the covers of “Elle”, “Vogue”, and most recently “Vanity Fair’s” 100th anniversary issue. She’s been criticized among fashionistas in the past for being ‘too buxom’, ‘too blonde’, and having ‘the kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy’. Seems she got her revenge.
– “Los Angeles Times”
✶ The “American Idol” judges table is now full, as Jennifer Lopez has officially agreed to return to the show and Harry Connick Jr has signed on as a 3rd judge. They join returning panel member Keith Urban. While Randy Jackson is leaving the judges’ table, he is taking on the role of mentor, replacing Jimmy Iovine. Season 13 of “American Idol” is set to debut in January on FOX-TV.
✶ HBO has announced the upcoming 7th season of “True Blood” will be the last. It first aired in 2008, based on a set of novels called “The Southern Vampire Diaries” by Charlaine Harris, which features vampires, werewolves and other supernatural subjects in a fictional Louisiana town. It stars Anna Paquin as ‘Sookie Stackhouse’, who works opposite her real-life husband, actor Stephen Moyer. The final season airs next Summer.
✶ 56-year-old TV personality Katie Couric has become engaged to her long-time banker-boyfriend John Molner, whom she’s been seeing for 2 years. Word has it he proposed while they were celebrating the long weekend in East Hampton NY. It will be the 2nd marriage for both. 8 years ago today (2005), Couric made her debut as the 1st solo female network news anchor on the “CBS Evening News With Katie Couric”.
– E! News
✶ And hair-trigger actor Alec Baldwin claims he’s finally learned to … shut-up. The notoriously hot-tempered 55-year-old has blown his top with autograph seekers, photographers, and even co-stars, including Shia LaBeouf, whom he refused to work with in the Broadway play “Orphans”. But now, after 30 years in show biz, he says he will hold his tongue. Quote: “It’s best to say things in your head rather than out loud.” Aw shaddup.

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Folk singer-songwriter John Prine.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Delta Rae (“Carry the Fire”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“Red”). Rerun.
• Interlockn’ Music Festival (Arrington VA) – Opening night of this new, eco-friendly fest that runs through Sunday at Oak Ridge Farm. It features 2 main stages with many acts playing sets on multiple days. Performers include Black Crowes, John Fogerty, Widespread Panic, and Zac Brown.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – 2 Chainz (“Based On a TRU Story”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Grimes (“Visions”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – TV On the Radio (“Nine Types of Light”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (ABC/CTV) – Ariana Grande f/Mac Miller (“Daydreamin’”); Jennifer Hudson (“I Remember Me”).
• “NFL Kickoff 2013” (NBC) – The 94th season gets underway with a music special featuring Keith Urban performing live from a stage floating in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor. “The Voice” winner Danielle Bradbery sings the anthem ahead of the opening game: Baltimore Ravens @ Denver Broncos.
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – R&B icons Earth, Wind & Fire.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Vintage Trouble (“The Bomb Shelter Sessions”).
• Toronto International Film Festival (Toronto ON) – The 38th annual 11-day fest gets underway with 366 films from 70 countries on the agenda, including 146 world premieres. Opening night features the premiere of the Wikileaks thriller “The Fifth Estate” as well as a 30th anniversary reunion of the cast of “The Big Chill”, which premiered at TIFF’s opening night in 1983.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Michael Franti (“All People”). Rerun.

• Elton John – In a new interview with “The Telegraph”, he says his recent illness was a wake-up call and he’s decided to cut back on touring in order to concentrate on raising his children with David Furnish.
• Fall Out Boy – Tonight in  Uncasville CT they head out on a North American arena tour playing tracks from “Save Rock & Roll”, their 1st album since 2008. The tour runs through September 29th in Tampa FL. Panic! At the Disco is also on the bill.
• Jay Z – “NY Post” reports he’s selling his minority share in the NBA’s Brooklyn Nets to team coach Jason Kidd for $500,000. He was required to unload his share after starting his own sports agency, Roc Nation, in order to avoid conflict of interest issues.
• Lady Gaga – She’s asking fans to choose the next single from her upcoming album “ARTPOP”. It likely to be “Sex Dreams”, which she debuted live at the iTunes Festival in London on Sunday.
• No Doubt – At the age of 43 Gwen Stefani is reportedly pregnant with her 3rd child via Bush singer-husband Gavin Rossdale. They already have sons Kingston (7) and Zuma (5). “In Touch” magazine quotes an insider as saying, “She and Gavin couldn’t be happier.”
• Toby Keith – He’s set to head Down Under for the first time, headlining the “CMC Rocks the Hunter 2014” festival at Australia’s Hope Estate next March. Promoter Rob Potts says: “We can’t wait to see him blow the punters away with his 20 years of incredible hits. It’ll be a ripper!”
• 2 Chainz – According to documents filed in Oklahoma County District Court this week, his tour bus was loaded with guns and drugs when Oklahoma City cops pulled it over for a busted taillight last month. The 35-year-old rapper and 10 others are currently free on bail.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Fast & Furious 7” – 62-year-old Kurt Russell is in talks for a role in this upcoming James Wan-directed sequel. Vin Diesel (‘Dominic Toretto’) & Paul Walker (‘Brian O’Conner’) will be reprising their roles in the new instalment, joined by martial arts star Tony Jaa and Brit action film actor Jason Statham playing the villain.
• “A Foreigner” – Actor Matt Damon is following best pal Ben Affleck to the directors chair after signing on to make his directorial debut with this thriller adapted from David Grann’s “New Yorker” article titled “A Murder Foretold”. The movie star will team up with screenwriter Chris Terrio, who penned the script for Affleck’s Oscar-winning best film “Argo”.
• “The Good House” – Robert De Niro & Meryl Streep are set to act together for the first time in 17 years in this bigscreen adaptation of Ann Leary’s novel. The darkly comic tale is told through the eyes of NYC realtor and recovering alcoholic whose life begins to fall apart when she forms a new friendship. The heavyweight actors last worked together in 1996’s “Marvin Room”.
• “Guardians Of the Galaxy” – Bradley Cooper is set to make his voice-acting debut with an animated role in Marvel Comics’ new superhero movie. He’ll play machine-gun toting ‘Rocket Raccoon’ in the ensemble film that also includes Benicio del Toro, Glenn Close, and Zoe Saldana. Production is underway in London, with the film scheduled to open next August.
• “Unbound Captives” – Hugh Jackman says he can’t wait to get back in the saddle for this Western adventure that serves as actress Madeleine Stowe’s directorial debut. Jackman will play a frontiersman who comes to the aid of a woman kidnapped by Comanches. Rachel Weisz is in talks for the female lead.

Lack of sleep makes us look sad and old, according to a new study from Sweden’s Stockholm University. In experiments, people who stayed up for a day-and-a-half looked sadder and had more apparent wrinkles than when they were well-rested. Typically, sleep-deprived people look more worn-out, with redder, more swollen eyes, darker under-eye circles, more wrinkles, and droopier eyelids and mouths than their well-rested selves. Why? For healthy functioning, face-softening fat cells, you need to get enough shut-eye every night. (Seems ‘getting your beauty sleep’ isn’t just a saying.)

Occupations that have exhibited extreme job growth in the past few years …
10. Skin Care Specialists
9. Personal Care Aides
8. Personal Financial Advisors
7. Sports Coaches & Scouts
6. Human Resources Specialists
5. Massage Therapists
4. Interpreters & Translators
3. Music Conductors, Directors, and Composers
2. Petroleum Engineers
1. Oil, Gas, and Mining Service Unit Operators

A new study says it is possible to be overweight but not at-risk. German researchers have called for the concept to be further explored so doctors can ensure the patients with the highest health risks get the treatment they need. To that end, the term ‘Metabolically Healthy Obesity’ has been developed to refer to a heavier person who does not appear to have an increased risk of complications associated with being overweight, such as heart disease and diabetes. However, the team points out that more research needs to be done before this new concept can be applied effectively. (“I don’t need to lose 20 lbs, doc. I’ve got MHO.”)
– CBC News

A poll of 1,000 fitness club members finds that fully 35% of gym time is wasted not working out. That’s 21 minutes an hour or 69 hours a year doing something other than what they went there to do. A few time-wasters (and what to do about them) …
• 55% waste time fiddling with an iPod or music device (create your playlists beforehand).
• 30% blow 10 minutes messing with headphones (buy a case to keep them intact and untangled).
• 32% chat with other gym-goers (train with a personal trainer once a week, the perfect solution for chatterboxes).
– “Men’s Health”

• Texters who send messages to a driver may be held liable in the event of a crash in New Jersey.
• Wearing camouflage clothing is an offence in Barbados.
– BBC News


1951 [62] Michael Keaton (Douglas), Coraopolis PA, movie actor (“Cars”, “Beetle Juice”)

1968 [45] Brad Wilk, Portland OR, rock drummer (Rage Against the Machine-“Renegades of Funk”, Audioslave-“Be Yourself”)

1973 [40] Rose McGowan, Florence, Italy, movie actress (“Machete”, “The Black Dahlia”)/TV actress (“Charmed” 2001-06)

1989 [24] Katerina Graham, Geneva, Switzerland, TV actress (‘Bonnie Bennett’ on “The Vampire Diaries” since 2009)

• “Be Late For Something Day”, sponsored by the Procrastinators’ Club. In retaliation, tomorrow is “National Do-It! Day”, aka “Fight Procrastination Day”.

• “Cheese Pizza Day”, celebrating the favorite order of cheapskates everywhere.

1991 [22] Actor John Travolta & actress Kelly Preston are married at midnight at the hotel De Crillon in Paris (John seems more interested in the best man)

1998 [15] Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” (from the movie”Armageddon”) debuts at #1 and remains there throughout the entire month of September

1923 [90] Flyweight boxers Gene LaRue and Kid Pancho KO each other … simultaneously

1963 [50] “Clifford the Big Red Dog”, the 1st book of the popular children’s series, is published

1989 [24] World’s ‘Longest Zipper’ at 9,353 ft and with 2,565,900 teeth is produced by the Yoshida Co of Sneek, Netherlands (later leads to the world’s longest ‘OOOUUUUCH!!!!!’)

[Fri] “Riddick” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Lazy Moms Day
[Sat] Salami Day
[Sun] “Sunday Night Football” debuts (NBC)
[Sun] CCMA Awards (Edmonton AB)
[Sun] Grandparents Day
This Week Is … Self-University Week
This Month Is … Cholesterol Education & Awareness Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You need to be a bit more brusque to cut down on your interruptions. But stay just this side of gruff, and make sure you don’t stray into crustiness.
• Taurus – Congrats! Your plans for a do-it-yourself replica medieval catapult will arrive today. Soon your neighbors will become very, very nervous.
• Gemini – Today you’ll discover that cat hair is an excellent source of breathing problems.
• Cancer – Between now and the Vernal Equinox, trust anyone with freckles. After that, trust no one.
• Leo – Remember today that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. However, it’s totally OK to throw mashed potatoes.
• Virgo – Today you will receive a gift horse and look it in the mouth. Unfortunately, it will have a horrendous case of gingivitis.
• Libra – Nobody will notice your new haircut today which you will find intensely irritating. It’s not as if you’ve always had an iridescent green mohawk, right?
• Scorpio – You’re as transparent as a blast of canned air. Try to be more complex by wearing hats that are clearly too small for your head.
• Sagittarius –  Football isn’t traditionally known for bringing people together. Today proves the exception to that rule as you’ll fall in love with someone whose head looks very similar to a football.
• Capricorn – Sorry, not much news for you. Looking into your future is like looking into a blocked pipe on a waste disposal machine.
• Aquarius – Your resolve to ‘wait until you are married’ is very creditable. It also provides a handy excuse for your crappy love-life.
• Pisces – Be careful! You are about to have an unfortunate episode involving grape Kool-Aid, a toilet plunger, and a revolving door. Not necessarily in that order.

When you turn on the microwave my pacemaker skips a beat. And that’s what passes for love around here.

☎ Would you rather have a fantastic body or be rich? Why?

Question: Men typically do THIS twice as fast as women.
Answer: Order from a menu.

Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.

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