BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Famous person Jessica Simpson tells “USA Today” she’s resorting to slow-paced walks in an attempt to shed her baby weight (a requirement as Weight Watchers spokesperson) because her ‘bigger breasts prevent her from running’ (gee, thanks for sharing) . . . Actor James Franco is being sued by Jose Santana, his former NYU film teacher, who’s demanding unspecified damages following comments Franco made (Santana was fired after giving Franco a ‘D’ for missing 12 of 14 classes) . . . Tom Cruise’s longtime lawyer Bert Fields is refuting a new “Vanity Fair” article which suggests Iranian actress Nazanin Boniadi was vetted by Church of Scientology officials as a potential partner for the movie star before he started dating Katie Holmes (they likely auditioned far more famous females) . . . Meantime, Holmes has reportedly signed a deal to become the first face of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics, although reps for both parties have yet to confirm it (this girl’s determined to make it on her own!) . . . Canadian actress and hockey fanatic Elisha Cuthbert & Toronto Maple Leafs captain Dion Phaneuf are now engaged, according to a Facebook post (hope he scores more than his team) . . . DC Comics’ “Green Lantern” has added a new Arab-Muslim to its ranks, ‘Simon Baz’, who’ll likely join the ‘Justice League of America’ (through comics, understanding?) . . . Actor Michael K Williams (‘Chalky White’ on “Boardwalk Empire”) tells “NJ Star Ledger” he was often high on marijuana or cocaine while playing ‘Omar’ on cult-hit show “The Wire” in the mid-2000s (we also know that Felicia ‘Snoop’ Pearson really was a dealer – no wonder the show seemed authentic!) . . . CBS-TV will air the pilot episode of a small-screen adaptation of “Beverly Hills Cop” that will focus on the son of ‘Axel Foley’ (Eddie Murphy plays the pop in the pilot, and maybe the series if it’s picked up) . . . Ratings for Sunday’s season finalé of “Breaking Bad” were up 47% from last year (now we gotta wait a year for the final 8 episodes) . . . And according to the UK’s “Sun”, Brad Pitt is splurging $400,000 on a shooting range & armory for the grounds of his Miraval estate in France – as a wedding gift for Angelina Jolie (how romantic – what, you couldn’t find a vacuum cleaner?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The top 6 acts are revealed; Train (“California 37”) performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Carly Rae Jepsen (“Kiss”, out September 18th); Justin Bieber (“Believe”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Everclear (“Invisible Stars”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jessie Baylin (“Little Spark”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – The Heavy (“The House That Dirt Built”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Jason Aldean (“My Kinda Party”).
• “MTV Video Music Awards” (MTV) – Comedian Kevin Hart hosts from LA’s Staples Center. Nominations are led by Drake and Rihanna with 5 apiece, followed by Katy Perry with 4. Performers include Alicia Keys, Frank Ocean, Green Day, One Direction, P!nk, and Taylor Swift. • “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Billy Ray Cyrus (I”m American”).
• Toronto International Film Festival – The 37th edition reels through September 16th. Among the 289 feature films from 72 countries, including  38 international premieres …
– “On the Road”, the bigscreen adaptation of the Jack Kerouac novel, starring Garrett Hedlund, Kirsten Dunst, and Kristen Stewart.
– The death-row drama “The Paperboy”, starring Matthew McConaughey, Zac Efron, and Nicole Kidman.
– Raunchy comedy “Spring Breakers”, with Vanessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, James Franco.
– Spike Lee’s “Bad”, a tribute to the iconic Michael Jackson album on its 25th anniversary.
– Paul Thomas Anderson’s “The Master”, which may or may not be about Scientology.
– Ben Affleck’s new hostage drama “Argo”.
– Bill Murray-as-FDR in the romance “Hyde Park on Hudson”.
NET: http://tiff.net

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé – This week Jay-Z ensured she had a 31st birthday to remember by taking her on a yacht cruise in the Mediterranean. The luxury vessel was decorated with blue streamers and balloons for the occasion.
• fun. – “Us Weekly” reports drummer-guitarist Jack Antonoff has been secretly dating Lena Dunham, creator & star of HBO-TV show “Girls”. They’ve also collaborated on a video.
• Green Day – Frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has bounced back from an unidentified illness and will perform at tonight’s “MTV Video Music Awards”. He was hospitalized in Italy over the weekend with a mystery illness which prompted the group to axe a gig in Bologna.
• The Hives – Tonight in Vancouver they embark on a North American tour in support of their latest album, “Lex Hives”.
• Michael Jackson – 250 pages of newly-leaked emails between his tour promoters in which he’s described as an ‘emotionally paralyzed mess’ reveal that there were strong concerns about his health prior to the ill-fated 2009 comeback concerts in London.
• Nickelback – Frontman Chad Kroeger says his parents were surprised by his engagement to Avril Lavigne because … they’d never even met her.
• One Direction – They’re about to become the new face of soft drink Pepsi. The ad campaign, which will also feature NFL stars such as Drew Brees, was shot in New Orleans last weekend.
• Queen – The late Freddie Mercury has been made into a character for “Angry Birds” in connection with a fundraiser for AIDS charity Mercury Phoenix Trust. ‘Freddie The Angry Bird’ sports his trademark mustache and white vest. Limited-edition T-shirts emblazoned with the character will also be on sale.
• Rolling Stones – They’re releasing a new greatest hits collection called “Grrr!” on November 12th. A 4-CD ‘Super-Deluxe’ version will include 80 tracks spanning their career, including the new tunes “Gloom & Doom” and “One Last Shot” that were recently recorded in Paris.

ALL THE BULL IN CHINA:
It’s bullfighting season in China and ‘Optimus Prime’, the baddest bull in Yunnan province, is bashing his way to the top of the rankings. There are no matadors in Chinese bullfighting, it’s just bull vs bull, butting heads in a match that ends when the loser runs away. It isn’t a big-money sport, though it’s getting there. A decade ago, bouts were held in fields for beer money. Now bullfights draw thousands and prize money can exceed $7,000. The tiny farming village of Damogu has even built a new bullfighting arena. (A weird story, but hey this is the “Bull Sheet”.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER:
A new study of vision differences between genders suggests that men and women see the world differently. Guys’ eyes are more sensitive to small details and moving objects, while women are more perceptive to color changes. Researchers have found that men require a slightly longer wavelength of a color in order to experience the same shade as women, and men are less able to tell the difference between hues. However, compared with women, guys are better able to identify rapidly changing images. (That’s why when a couple watches football, he spots the pass patterns, she notices ‘the outfits’.)
– LiveScience.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
✗ Canary Islands – Santa Cruz cops stopped to help a man lying in the road who claimed to be the victim of a hit & run, but something seemed amiss when they found a car nearby with a busted window. Turns out the ‘victim’ tried to steal the car, fell down, and it ran over him.
✗ New Zealand – When a husband discovered his wife’s pet pig had damaged his power saw, he allegedly attacked the little woman with … an ostrich egg. The police report does not explain why he actually possessed an ostrich egg, a species not native to the country.
✗ Minnesota – For their daughter’s birthday, her parents rented an entire bar for a princess-themed party. Guests wearing tuxes and formal gowns were picked up in limos. There was live music and champagne for the adults. All this because the birthday girl was turning … 4.

ISLAND RECORDS:
It was once the blue-chip sector of the international property market, but experts say some 600 islands around-the-world are now up for sale … 3 times as many as in 2006. A lot of celebrities are getting out of the island market as quickly as they can, confirms one island broker. One of the big reasons is the cost of maintenance. And with uninhabited islands, the bills are even higher as owners have to bring in their own water, electricity, and irrigation. (Islands are really cheap now … especially the ones in Greece.)
– “Globe & Mail”

BIG BROTHER’S WATCHING:
New Birmingham University research reveals that most illegal file-sharers downloading TV shows, movies, and music releases are being tagged and noted by a monitoring firm … within 3 hours. The 3-year study used dummy software that acts like a BitTorrent file-sharing client and logs all the connections made to it. So who’s watching? Some 10 different monitoring firms were identified, including copyright-enforcement organizations, security firms, and research labs. (Wow, this might make you think twice about stealing entertainment … naw!)
– BBC News

WORDS THAT GIVE AWAY A LIAR:
Janine Driver, author of “You Can’t Lie to Me”, fills us in on signs that your guy is totally fibbing …
• ‘But’ – Liars usually try to downplay what they say after this word, so pay attention when he says something like, “I know this is going to sound strange, but …”
• ‘By the way …’ – Liars use phrases like this to try to minimize what they say next, but usually it’s what’s most important to the story. Pay extra attention to what he says afterward.
• ‘Left’ – When he uses this word (as in: “I left the bar at 6” vs “I went home at 6”), there’s some kind of drama involved. It could be he’s hiding something he did that he shouldn’t have.
• ‘Never’ – When he says ‘never’ when ‘no’ would suffice, it’s a sign he’s overcompensating. For example: “Did you just look at that girl’s butt?” “Never!”
• ‘That’ – When used in front of a noun, like ‘that woman’ or ‘that money’, it’s a subconscious attempt to distance himself from the word. This is a common trick of manipulators.
• ‘Why would I do that?’ – It’s a favorite stalling line of liars, so they can buy a little time to work out what to say next.
• ‘Yes, ma’am’ – Unless your guy is a Southern gentleman, if he suddenly addresses you as “ma’am” out of nowhere, be cautious. It’s a sign that he knows he’s in trouble.
– Condensed from Cosmopolitan.com

BS AMAZING ANIMAL FACTS:
• 46% of dogs begin watching for their owners up-to-an-hour before they return home each day, even when the owners work irregular hours. (Awww, poor Woofie.)
– “Times of London”
• Chimpanzees have a secret handshake. (We’d tell you about it but … it’s a secret. Shhh!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS CHRONOMETER 09.06.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [69] Roger Waters, Cambridge UK, classic rock singer-bassist (Pink Floyd-“Another Brick In the Wall”)

1958 [54] Jeff Foxworthy, Atlanta GA, TV host (“Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” 2007-11)/stand-up comedian (“You Might Be a Redneck”)

1967 [45] William DuVall, Washington DC, alt-rock vocalist-guitarist (Alice in Chains-“Your Decision”, “Check My Brain”)

1967 [45] Macy Gray (Natalie McIntyre), Canton OH, pop singer (“Beauty In the World”, “I Try”)

1971 [41] Dolores O’Riordan, Ballybricken, Ireland, alt-rock singer (The Cranberries-“Linger”)

1972 [40] Idris Elba, London UK, TV actor (“Luther” since 2010, “The Wire” 2002-04)/movie actor (“Prometheus”, “Thor”)  COMING UP: “Thor: The Dark World” (2013).

1983 [29] Pippa (Philippa) Middleton, Reading UK, British socialite/sister of Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge/professional hottie

1988 [24] Max George, Manchester UK, boy-band singer (The Wanted-“Glad You Came”, “All Time Low”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Fight Procrastination Day – Do It! Day”, a backlash to yesterday’s “Be Late For Something Day”.

• “Iguana Awareness Day”, a day promoting proper care of the reptiles as pets. Many are sold to ill-prepared owners who don’t know what they are getting into. Iguanas can grow to a mature size of 5-to-6 feet long.

• “New York Fashion Week” through September 13th in NYC, when we find out what’s hot and what’s not for Spring 2013.
NET: http://www.mbfashionweek.com/newyork/

• “Read a Book Day”, one of the highlights of “International Literacy Week”. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphaghetti?
WORLD’S THINNEST BS BOOKS:
– “The Amish Phone Directory”
– “Bedouin Olympic Swimmers”
– “The Who’s Who of Most Popular Lawyers”
– “The Directory of Irish AA Members”
– “Proud Parents of Rock Musicians”

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1952 [60] Canada’s 1st television station, CBFT Montréal, begins broadcasting (2 days later, CBLT starts up in Toronto)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [15] Some 2.5 billion TV viewers worldwide watch Elton John’s updated rendition of “Candle In the Wind” at Princess Diana’s funeral in London’s Westminster Abbey

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1977 [35] 1st Canadian highway signs go metric (confused Canadians begin driving 100 mph)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [25] Saskatchewan’s Dave Ridgway kicks CFL-record 60-yard field goal

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] “Bachelorette”; “The Cold Light of Day”; “The Words” open in movie theaters
[Fri] “Raiders Of the Lost Ark” Imax re-release
[Fri] 3rd “Stand Up to Cancer Telethon”
[Fri] Salami Day
[Sat] International Drive Your Studebaker Day
[Sun] 2012 CCMA Awards (Saskatoon)
[Sun] London 2012 Festival closes (UK)
This Week Is … Waffle Week
This Month Is … Bed Check Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS YOU’VE GONE TO A BAD CHIROPRACTOR:
• The office furniture is made of old vertebrae.
• There’s a 2-drink minimum.
• He rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his McDonald’s uniform.
• Asks you, “What’s a joint like this doing in a girl like you?”
• Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by, “Uh-oh!”
• Tries to perform an adjustment on your wallet.
• At the end of a session he lies down on the table and says, “OK, my turn!”
• Now when you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Today’s 24/7 information …. does it make you feel empowered or overloaded?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you make something idiot-proof, someone, somewhere, will make a better idiot.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Only 15% of students entering college today still do THIS.
Answer: Write in cursive.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Death is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.