Thursday, September 7, 2017 – Edition: #6050

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

★ It might seem hard to imagine, but reportedly, James Bond will get married in the new 007 movie. The much-anticipated new film, which will see Daniel Craig reprise the role of the iconic British agent, is said by a Hollywood insider to feature a surprising plot that sees Bond quit the secret service and marry the woman he loves.
(His most daunting challenge yet!)
★Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx have finally confirmed their romance, it seems.  The two were photographed holding hands as they walked along a beach in Malibu.  38 year-old Katie and Foxx, who is 49, are believed to have taken extraordinary measures to keep their relationship secret in the past due to a clause in Katie Holmes’ 2012 divorce with Tom Cruise banning her from publicly dating for five years.
★ Dean McDermott is once again facing jail time for failing to pay his ex wife.  Tori Spelling’s husband has missed multiple installments in his $1,500-a-month back child support and alimony agreement with ex-wife Mary Jo Eustace.  And this isn’t the first time.  In March, he narrowly avoided jail time for failing to meet his obligations.  He faced eight counts of contempt of court for failing to pay thousands of dollars in support going back to last October.
★ When you think of Duck Dynasty, a few things come to mind, one of which is likely facial hair. But that impression no longer applies for one of the dynasty clan.  Jase Robertson has shaved his famously long beard and cut his scraggly hair.  The family was on a mission to raise $100,000 for their ‘Mia Moo Fund’, named after their daughter who had surgery for her cleft palate.  The foundation that raises awareness and funds for the research and treatment of cleft lip and palate.  Jase said that if they could raise $100,000, he would shave his beard and cut his hair. While it seems they didn’t meet their goal — Korie Robertson posted on Instagram that they raised $35,000 — Jase still went through with it.
(What would we have to pay to get the rest of them to do it?)
★ Meghan Markle has admitted she is ”in love” with Prince Harry.  The ‘Suits’ star has opened up about her royal boyfriend for the first time, admitting the couple – who have been together for more than a year – are ”really happy”, and she insists the only thing that has changed about her is ”people’s perceptions”.
(Oh, yeah…AND that she is dating a Prince.  That too.)
★ Anna Faris is ”really really nervous” about releasing her memoir. The 40-year-old actress is set to release her first book, titled ‘Unqualified’, and admits she is ”scared” about opening up about ”intimate” parts of her life.  She says that when she first signed her book deal, she was excited about what an adventure it would be, but now she feels nervous because up until now, she has always been able to hide behind the character she was playing.
(She might as well spill about her split with Chris Pratt before he does!)
★ Mario is no longer a plumber.  According to a newly revised profile of the beloved video game character posted to Nintendo’s Japanese website, he is a sporty guy who participates in baseball, soccer and car racing.  It goes on to mention that he did work as a plumber “a long time ago”.  By the way, according to Mario’s creator, Shigeru Miyamoto, Mario actually started out as a carpenter to fit with the construction site design of the original ‘Donkey Kong’ video game.
(Brave guy…embarking on a career change after all these years!)
★ Producer Jerry Bruckheimer has teased that ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 6′ could be in the pipeline. He says that he is hoping that Pirates of the Carribean ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales’ is as successful on DVD as the other ones have been, at which point they will “sit down and see where we go.”
(Why do I feel like I’ve just been blackmailed into buying a DVD?)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Christian Slater, Abbi Jacobson, Ilana Glazer, Khalid
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Reese Witherspoon
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sen. Bernie Sanders, Caitriona Balfe, the National
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Seth MacFarlane, Sheryl Crow
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Dana Carvey, Lake Bell, All American Rejects
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Elisabeth Moss, Sarah Paulson
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Elisabeth Moss, Sam Heughan, Caitriona Balfe
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Seth MacFarlane, Caitriona Balfe, Lindsey Stirling
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Susan Bro, Miley Cyrus
• “Battle of the Network Stars” (ABC): Doctors vs. Famous TV Families. Danny Bonaduce; Barry Williams; Beverley Mitchell; Willie Aames; Charlene Tilton; Thomas Calabro.
• “NFL Football” (NBC): The New England Patriots host the Kansas City Chiefs in the NFL’s first game of the 2017 season.

• Avril Lavigne – has notified fans that new music will be out there “before you know it!”  In December, she announced that a new album was coming, but indicates that her recovery from Lyme disease has taken longer than expected.
• Ed Sheeran – dedicated the song ‘Dive’ to a baby in the audience at his Miami show.  Why?  He was alerted to the fact that the one year-old’s middle name is Sheeran.
• Metallica – singer James Hetfield says he’s OK, but his ego is bruised after falling on stage in the Netherlands. Hetfield walked into a hole created when part of the floor on the band’s custom stage was intentionally lowered as part of the Monday’s show.  He fell face-first into the floor and his guitar. A pair of stagehands helped him up.
• Yes – have announced a  50th anniversary tour.  According to guitarist Steve Howe, they plan to play their “best loved work…things we enjoy (and) maybe songs we haven’t done in a while.”
• Madonna – has been ”arguing” with a delivery service because they don’t believe she is Madonna.  She took to Twitter to post a glum-looking selfie and to appeal to FedEx to release her package, hinting the courier company haven’t done so because they weren’t sure she is who she says she is. (Can’t she use I.D. like everyone else?)
• Beyoncé – she and Barbra Streisand will headline a benefit concert to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Harvey. They will both perform at the telethon, called ‘Hand in Hand’ on September 12, alongside Blake Shelton and George Strait.  Oprah Winfrey, Jamie Foxx, Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney and  Julia Roberts will also be on hand for the event, which will be carried live on all major U.S. TV networks and will be streamed online.
• Sam Smith  – has revealed that his new single is called “Too Good At Goodbyes”.  It is scheduled for release tomorrow. It will be the first song from his highly anticipated follow-up to ‘In The Lonely Hour’, which was released in 2014.
• Jordan Davis – has only released one song, but he’s already hooked on that feeling of hearing fans sing his music back to him. According to the “Singles You Up” singer, “It’s kinda weird, but kinda weird in a really awesome way”.
• Florida Georgia Line – turned their CMT Crossroads viewing party last Wednesday into a fundraiser for victims of Hurricane Harvey.  Fans who donated $25 to the American Red Cross  gained entry to a VIP section in the FGL Houses’ basement lounge, ‘Lil Red Corvette’, which celebrates the music and spirit of the 1990s.

What is the maximum age that you can imagine living to?  100?  105?  45 if your kids keep acting like that?  New research shows that the absolute maximum ceiling life span for a female is 115.7 years.  For men it is slightly lower at 114.1, which still isn’t bad.  Researchers in The Netherlands studied data from 75,000 people who have died in the last 30 years, and what they found was that in spite of the fact that in general, people are living longer and longer lives all the time, the age of the very oldest among us has not increased over the last thirty years.  They believe that there is a maximum lifespan for humans, and 115 just might be it.  To be clear, this isn’t about life expectancy but lifespan, which is used to determine how long a single individual can live as long as they look after themselves.  They determined that a person’s maximum lifespan plateaus in their nineties and was unlikely to ever increase beyond 115.  The world record?  France’s Jeanne Calment, who lived to be 122.
(Ah, but time flies once you hit 98 or so!)
(I would have a shot at 115, but bacon.)

⌚ Fill Up On Greens:  Tell yourself that you’re going to have two servings of different vegetables every time you have dinner. It’s a great way to ensure that you’re getting all of your servings of  veggies.  (But I was so busy, I forgot to pick them up…)
⌚ Book Ahead: Schedule your next hair appointment before you leave the salon to avoid the hassle and stress of making last-minute appointments. Ditto for routine car maintenance and medical checkups.  (And good luck ever getting out of the dentist’s office without booking your next appointment!)
⌚ Keep Track Of Special Days:  Use an online calendar with a reminder system to help you keep track of birthdays and anniversaries. Set it to remind you days in advance.  (Great.  Another trip to the mall for a stinkin’ card…)
⌚ Take The Stairs:  Skip elevators and escalators and opt for the stairs-even if you start with just one floor’s worth.  It’s a good way to get a mini-workout.  Every step counts!  (I did that once.  OK really just a ‘stair’…)
⌚ Opt For Online Banking:  Set up online automatic payments for household bills that are the same every month. You’ll avoid late-payment charges and credit-score damage, and you’ll have less paperwork to wade through.  (I DREAM of having one of my bills stay the same for 2 months!)
⌚ Stretch It Out:  Set your watch to beep once an hour during your workday. When it does, take a few seconds to notice where your body feels tight. Change position, stretch, move: You’ll feel better.  (Careful with your timing on this one.  I did it in the cafeteria and got a memo the next day!)
⌚ Create A Master Grocery List:  Keep it on the fridge, and check things off as you run out. Next time you head to the store, you’ll know exactly what you need.  (I have teenagers.  We need everything.  Every week.)
⌚ Stop listening to lists like this and go get something done!

A Belgian hotel is offering to rent lonely guests…a fish.  For just for €3.50 a night (US $4.20).  The 4-star Hotel Charleroi near Brussels Airport caught the imagination of the internet after a woman tweeted a picture of the rental fishbowl containing a common goldfish and captioned it: “My friend is staying in a hotel in Belgium. They’ve offered her the option of renting a fish for the night, in case she’s lonely.”  It has been re-Tweeted more than 10,000 times.  The hotel manager reports that they have offered this particular amenity for several years and they generally rent out “a few fish per week”.
(Finally!  A roommate with the same attention span as me!)
(I’ve seen hotels use fishier ways to get your money…)
(I don’t even WANT to know what your wife is going to think when she sees ‘fish rental’ on your bill!)

Amazon is being sued by a South Carolina couple who claim that the glasses they purchased to view last month’s eclipse did not provide the necessary protection to keep them from harm.  Thomas Payne and Kayla Harris say that since using the glasses on August 21, they have suffered from eye problems, headaches and blurry vision after using the eclipse glasses they bought on Amazon.  About two weeks before the eclipse, Amazon emailed customers about a recall of eclipse glasses that it couldn’t verify as being safe, but the couple claim they never received the notice.
(They saw the eclipse….and a great opportunity for a frivolous lawsuit!)
(At least my eclipse glasses weren’t worthless until AFTER the eclipse!)
(Are they sure they aren’t just hung over?)


1949 [68] Gloria Gaynor, Newark NJ, pop singer (“I Will Survive”)

1950 [67] Julie Kavner, LA CA, really rich TV voice actress (‘Marge Simpson’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1967 [50] Leslie Jones, Memphis TN, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” since 2014)/movie actress (“Ghostbusters”, “Trainwreck”)

1976 [41] Oliver Hudson, LA CA, TV actor (‘Wes’ on “Scream Queens” 2015-2016, “Nashville” 2013-15)/son of actress Goldie Hawn/brother of actress Kate Hudson

1987 [30] Evan Rachel Wood, Raleigh NC, TV actress (“West World” since 2016)/movie actress (“Ides of March”, “The Wrestler”) COMING UP…A Worthy Companion, 2017

• “Salami Day”, started in 2006 by the Salami Appreciation Society to honor the cured Italian sausage that is fermented and air-dried.  NET:

• “Google Commemoration Day”, honoring the 1998 founding of Google Inc by Sergey Brin & Lawrence Page in a friend’s garage in Menlo Park CA. (And exactly when did ‘google’ become a verb, then?)

• “Feel the Love Day”, the perfect day for gift giving. All that needs to happen today is being good to everyone. The world needs to know that today, you are feelin’ it. (I take no responsibility for whatever ‘rebound’ effect occurs tomorrow…)

• “Neither Rain Nor Snow Day”, commemorating the motto of the US Postal Service – “Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds”. Just dogs.

[Fri] Literacy Day
[Fri] Stand up to Cancer Day
[Fri] Pardon Day
[Sat] Teddy Bear Day
[Sat] Aunt’s Day
[Sat] First Aid Day

1986 [31] TV’s “Oprah Winfrey Show” debuts (the beginning of a billionaire)

1996 [21] Tupac Shakur is shot 5 times in Las Vegas while riding in a BMW with Death Row Records founder Marion ‘Suge’ Knight (dies of complications from gunshot wounds 6 days later)

2008 [09] While performing “Morning Glory” at the V Festival in Toronto ON, Noel Gallagher of Oasis suffers a fractured rib when attacked by a concert-goer who rushes the stage and pushes him into his monitor

2010 [07] Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” is named ‘Greatest Lighter-in-the-Air Song of All-Time’ by lighter company Zippo

2007 [10] A new study reveals that rock stars are twice as likely to die early as the rest of us

2013 [04] International Olympic Committee announces Tokyo, Japan has won the bid for the 2020 Summer Olympics

2014 [03] Serena Williams beats Caroline Wozniacki at the US Open, thereby joining Martina Navratilova and Chris Evert with a record 18 Grand Slam singles victories (Serena now has 23 … and counting)


✓ The longest time between two twins being born is 87 days.
✓ Melting glaciers and icebergs make a distinctive fizzing noise known as “bergy seltzer”.
✓ In 2008 scientists discovered a new species of bacteria that lives in hairspray.
✓ Chimps can play rock-paper-scissors at the same level as a 4 year old human child.
✓ Google Maps calculates traffic by tracking how fast Android devices are moving on the road.
✓ The word “weather” originally just meant “wind.”
-WhattheFFacts, Buzzfeed

• Fresh Prince
• Royale With Cheese
• Billy Ray
• Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
• North
• Brexit
• Ivan the Terrible
• McLovin’
• Sir Poopsalot
• Cletus
• Donald

☎ What was your most horrifying ‘back to school week’ experience?

Technically, the condition of any mirror you buy is used.

The average person will consume 35,000 of these over their lifetime.
a. French fries
b. Apples
c. Sodas
d. Cookies [CORRECT]

Question: On average, women have one more of these than men.
Answer:  Pairs of jeans (on average, women own 7 pairs, men 6)

If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.

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