Friday, September 8, 2017 – Edition: #6051

Ah, Some BS to Look Forward to In the Morning!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ It has been rumored for a while, but now we can tell you:  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will welcome a third child in January via surrogate.  A report by TMZ claims the duo paid $45,000 for the surrogate, who is carrying a girl and is apparently doing well as her pregnancy progresses. The surrogate is prohibited from smoking, drinking or doing drugs during the pregnancy. She is also banned from using hot tubs, hair dye and eating raw fish.  Kim and ‘Ye are said to be ‘over the moon’ as they prepare to expand their family.
(And so are the tabloid writers!)
-DailyMail
★ Anna Faris says she never ”bought into” the idea that her husband had to be her best friend. Faris, who split from Chris Pratt after eight years of marriage – confesses that she didn’t believe in the idea that her husband had to be her best friend as well as her partner.  The surprising comments come from an adapted essay from her book ‘Unqualified’, published in Cosmopolitan magazine
-ContactMusic
★ Donald Sutherland will finally get an Oscar.  After a six-decade career in which he’s won two Golden Globes but no Oscar, Canadian actor Donald Sutherland has been announced as an ‘honorary Oscar’ winner.  The award honors “extraordinary distinction in lifetime achievement, exceptional contributions to the state of motion picture arts and sciences, or for outstanding service to the academy.”  The 82 year-old Saint John, N.B., native will be among four recipients of the golden statuette on Nov. 11.
-CTVNews
★ The re-boot adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘It’ might be one of the most hugely anticipated movies of the year, but not everyone is happy about it. In particular, genuine clowns are worried that it’s affecting their chances of getting hired for children’s parties and other events. Pam Moody of the World Clown Association says that some working clowns have had school shows and library shows cancelled due to the resurgence in popularity of ‘bad’ clowns like the ‘Pennywise’ character in ‘It’.  According to her, professional clowns try to deliver positive messages and right now, that’s not getting through.
-ContactMusic
★ Apple and Amazon have joined the race for the distribution rights to the next Bond film, coming out in 2019. While Warner Bros. is believed to have the inside track to secure the rights to the British spy movie franchise whose deal with Sony expired in 2015, a pair of unlikely bidders in Amazon and Apple are competing to land the rights. They are said to be prepared to spend in the same region as Warners, thought to be between $2 billion and $5 billion.
(There are a lot of ‘double -ohs’ in those numbers!)
-ContactMusic

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jason Bateman, Richard Lewis, Jack Johnson
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): James Franco, Kendall Jenner, Pete Townshend, Alfie Boe
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jessica Biel
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Bob Odenkirk, Florida Georgia Line, Roy Mayorga ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Taron Egerton, Damian Lillard
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Toby Keith
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Gwendoline Christie, Fifth Harmony
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Halle Berry, Ryan Adams
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC): “Semi Finals 1” The semifinals begin at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles.
• “EIF Presents: XQ Super School Live” (ABC, CBS, NBC): A rethinking of the future of American high schools; preparing students for their future.

SUNDAY-
• “Big Brother” (CBS): The new head of household moves rooms.
• “The 2018 Miss America Competition” (ABC): Young women from all over the country vie for the crown at Atlantic City’s Boardwalk Hall. Hosted by Chris Harrison.
• “NFL Football” (NBC, CBS, FOX, ESPN, TSN, CTV2): A full slate of week 1 action, including the Sunday nighter, Giants at Cowboys

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• INXS – the trailer for the upcoming documentary about late singer Michael Hutchence has been released.  ‘Michael Hutchence The Last Rockstar’ will air on Aussie TV in November to mark the 20th anniversary of his death on the 22nd.
• David Gilmour – says he had some material left over from most recent solo album, ‘Rattle That Lock’, which he plans to use on a follow-up LP.  He says he hates to tour without new music, and he hopes it doesn’t take him 10 years to put out another album like last time.
• Barenaked Ladies – have announced the release of their fifteenth studio album, ‘Fake Nudes’ on November 17. It will feature fourteen new songs including the first single ‘Bringing it Home.’ Pre-orders start today.
• Pink – the birthday girl joked that her six year-old daughter Willow was “incredibly unimpressed” with the fact that Pink dedicated her empowering speech to her while accepting the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award at the 2017 MTV Video Music Awards last month.
• Mel B — claims her estranged husband Stephen Belafonte engineered a phony marriage for their former nanny Lorraine Gilles so he could continue their longtime affair.  Mel B alleges that the two conspired to take her money, and that the nanny’s marriage to Michael Bleau was a sham to allow her to stay in the country and carry out the affair Belafonte.  (Got all that?)
• Madonna – says that her 5 year-old twins Estere and Stella are not aware of their mother’s international status.  According to Madonna, “They don’t have a clue and it’s a good thing. I’m just their mother”.  She says the twins call her ‘Mambo’.
• Shawn Mendes – is helping MTV’s efforts to return to its heyday with a revival of “MTV Unplugged” tonight.  The show, recorded last month, will be the first new MTV Unplugged show in three years.
• Ed Sheeran – will go head to head against The 1975 and Adele at the Q Awards 2017 to be named ‘Best Act In The World Today’.  Also nominated: Punch, Queens Of The Stone Age and Depeche Mode.  The Q Awards (The UK’s annual music awards) take place on October 18.
• Wu-Tang Clan – Disgraced pharmaceutical executive Martin Shkreli is selling his coveted single copy of the 2015 Wu-Tang album “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.” The double-CD, for which Shkreli paid $2 million for the sole copy in what was considered the most expensive ever purchase of a musical recording, was selling early Thursday for just over $1 Million.
• Dave Matthews Band – is hosting a star-studded event in their hometown called ‘A Concert for Charlottesville: An Evening of Music and Unity’. On the bill: Justin Timberlake, Ariana Grande, Pharrell Williams, Chris Stapleton, Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes, the Roots, and Cage the Elephant.  The show will take place on Sunday, Sept. 24, about six weeks after a driver slammed into a crowd protesting a white nationalist rally on Aug. 12.
• Jo Dee Messina – has been diagnosed with cancer, she announced on Wednesday. She plans to begin cancer treatment this fall, forcing her to cancel her concerts after Oct. 7. Four upcoming dates — including her next show, scheduled for Sept. 12 at the Washington County Fair in Abingdon, Virginia — will go on as planned.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “It” (R-Rated, Drama/Horror):  A group of bullied kids band together when a monster, taking the appearance of a clown, begins hunting children. (Bill Skarsgård, Jaeden Lieberher, Finn Wolfhard, Sophia Lillis)
• “Home Again” (PG-13, Comedy):  Life for a single mom in Los Angeles takes an unexpected turn when she allows three young guys to move in with her. (Nat Wolff, Reese Witherspoon, Lake Bell, Michael Sheen)
• “9/11” (R-Rated, Drama):  A group of 5 people find themselves trapped in an elevator in the World Trade Center’s North Tower on 9/11. They work together, never giving up hope, to try to escape before the unthinkable happens. (Charlie Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, Gina Gershon)
• “Rememory” (PG-13, Drama/Suspense):  The widow of a wise professor stumbles upon one of his inventions that’s able to record and play a person’s memory. (Peter Dinklage, Matt Ellis, Jordana Largy, Martin Donovan)
• “The Good Catholic” (PG-13, Comedy/Drama):  Daniel loved his job as a small town priest more than anything. Then he met Jane. God help him. (Zachary Spicer, Wrenn Schmidt, Danny Glover, John C. McGinley)
• “The Limehouse Golem” (Not Rated/Mystery):  A series of murders has shaken the community to the point where people believe that only a legendary creature from dark times – the mythical so-called Golem – must be responsible. (Olivia Cooke, Bill Nighy, Eddie Marsan)

BEER: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE MOOBS:
(***Preview for content***)
I don’t know if you enjoy the taste of an I.P.A. beer, but if you do, this might turn you right off of it.  It seems India Pale Ale has some wonderful and some not-so wonderful qualities about it, but it seems the good qualities benefit women, and the bad?  Men.  Not many people know this, but all those hops, so plentiful in your favorite IPA, are actually wonderful medicine for both insomnia and menopause, thanks to their high phytoestrogen content. These same phytoestrogens, however, haven been shown to be less desirable for men, because they’ve been determined to cause the common condition known among brewers as ‘brewer’s droop’.  And the one known as ‘man-boobs’.  The standard use of hops in herbal medicine are as a sleep inducer; as a diuretic that  promotes urine flow; and as a natural treatment for menopause. And when it comes to a beer that is high in hops contest, it’s good for women.  For men…not so much.
(Moobs? Well, I can see why not many women drink it!)
(Ah.  Good news.  It’s the hops that are causing my moobs, not my nightly six-pack.  Good to know.)
(They certainly have it right about the ‘promotes urine flow’ part!)
-Vice

OVER MY DEAD BODY:
If you can’t stand the thought of another ‘haunted hayride’ this Halloween, and you’ve pretty much had your fill of Halloween costume parties, here’s the next great idea.  A company is offering the chance to visit the camp which was used as the original setting for the 1980 movie “Friday the 13th”.  Get your tickets now to visit ‘Camp No-Be-Bo-Sco’ in New Jersey, which was called ‘Camp Crystal Lake’ in the film.  I’m not sure what kind of ‘surprises’ are included as part of the tour, but one of the dates you can select to go there is…Friday October 13th!
(You couldn’t get me there in broad daylight in the middle of May!  And not just because it’s in New Jersey…)
(If you can’t make it, I’m sure there will be a sequel tour next year…)
-LADBible

BS CHRONOMETER 09.08.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1971 [46] David Arquette, Winchester VA, LA nightclub owner (Bootsy Bellows)/movie actor (“Scream” movies)/brother of actresses Patricia & Rosanna Arquette

1971 [46] Martin Freeman, Aldershot UK, TV actor (‘Dr John Watson’ on “Sherlock” since 2010, “Fargo” 2014)/movie actor (“Captain America: Civil War”,”The Hobbit” trilogy)

1979 [38] P!nk (Alecia Moore), Doylestown PA, pop singer (“Get the Party Started”-“Just Give Me a Reason” f/Nate Ruess)

1987 [30] Wiz Khalifa (Cameron Thomaz), Minot ND, rap artist (f/Charlie Puth-“See You Again”, “Black & Yellow”)

1989 [28] Avicii (Tim Bergling), Stockholm, Sweden, EDM DJ (“Wake Me Up”, “Levels”)/#11 on “DJ Magazine” Top 100 DJs 2016)

SATURDAY…
1960 [57] Hugh Grant, London UK, movie actor (“Four Weddings and a Funeral”, “Bridget Jones” films)

1966 [51] Adam Sandler, Brooklyn NY, movie actor-producer (“Happy Gilmore”, “Grown Ups” movies)

1971 [46] Eric Stonestreet, Kansas City KS, TV actor (‘Cameron Tucker’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1975 [42] Michael Bublé, Burnaby BC, pop/jazz singer (“It’s a Beautiful Day”, “Haven’t Met You Yet”)

1980 [37] Michelle Williams, Kalispell MT, movie actress (“My Week with Marilyn”, “Brokeback Mountain”)/TV actress (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)/Heath Ledger’s baby mama

1987 [30] Afrojack (Nick van de Wall), Spijkenisse, Netherlands, music DJ-producer (w/Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo & Nayer-”Give Me Everything”, w/Beyoncé-“Run the World Girls”)

1991 [26] Hunter Hayes, Breaux Bridge LA, country singer-songwriter (“I Want Crazy”, “Wanted”)

SUNDAY…
Right-wing conservative TV personality Bill O’Reilly is 68; Rock guitarist Joe Perry (Aerosmith) is 67; UK movie actor Colin Firth (The Kings Speech) is 57; Movie director Guy Ritchie (The Man from UNCLE) is 49; Movie actor Ryan Phillippe is 43

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Ampersand Day”, a celebration of the ‘&’ symbol. The term is believed to have evolved circa 1820-30 as a contraction of ‘and per se’.
• “Nose Hair Maintenance Day”, your annual opportunity to take proper care of nose hair by trimming, styling, brushing, or some such thing.
TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE NOSE HAIR TRIMMING:
☺ Numb the Nostril: This may help to keep eyes from watering. Just put a small piece of ice up the nostril. This should numb it enough so that you could even survive plucking.
☺ Clean it First: This may seem obvious, but it is very important. The last thing you want to do is clog your trimmer with boogers, or pull a long sticky string out on the tip of your tweezers.
☺ Be Gentle: Nostrils can be disgusting, but they do serve a purpose. Their job is to keep those pesky dust particles and other foreign bodies from getting into our bodies.
☺ Light it Up: Make sure you have plenty of light. You don’t want to miss a single stray hair.
☺ Boil Some Water – When you’re finished with the ordeal, there’s nothing like a good steam to open up those pores and restore moisture to your nostrils.

• “International Literacy Day”, established by the UN in 1965 to promote reading & writing programs. Worldwide, 1-in-5 adults are illiterate, and 75 million children are not in school. Millions of young people leave school without a level of literacy adequate for productive and active participation in today’s information society.
• “World Physical Therapy Day”, initiated in 1951 to recognize the work that physical therapists do for their patients and community (when you need ‘em, you love ‘em!)
• “Pediatric Hematology/Oncology Nurses Day”, honoring the special RNs who are dedicated to providing the highest standard of care to patients with cancer and blood disorders.
• “Pardon Day”, an opportunity to seek forgiveness where needed.

SATURDAY-
• “Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day”, to raise awareness about the dangers of drinking during pregnancy and the plight of individuals and families who struggle with FASD. The first “FASDay” was observed on 9/9/99, chosen to signify that a woman should abstain from alcohol during the 9 months of pregnancy.
• “Teddy Bear Day”, honoring the 1st and most popular plush animal toy that was inspired by the helpless cub US president Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot while hunting in 1902. Morris & Rose Mitchom, owners of a Brooklyn NY candy store, took credit for creating the 1st ‘Teddy Bear’, but it may be that renowned German toymaker Steiff was already making bears by then.
• “Wonderful Weirdos Day”, saluting all people who are … well, kinda quirky. Know any? If you’re typically on the prim and proper side, use this day to let loose.

SUNDAY-
• “International Make Up Day”, but it’s nothing to do with face paint. If there’s someone you’re estranged from, this is an excuse to talk to them to see if the relationship can be salvaged.
• “Sewing Machine Day”, on the date that the sewing machine was patented in 1846. The first sewing machines were actually made in France in the 1830s. (What’s the ugliest thing mom ever whipped up on hers for you to wear?)
• “Swap Ideas Day”, because bouncing ideas off people is great for getting those creative juices flowing. Today you’re encouraged to trade ideas with others, to foster a sense of teamwork.
• “Hot Dog Day”, celebrating the tube sandwich that no cookout or baseball game would be complete without. (Watch how wieners are made and you’ll never eat one again.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2014 [03] Prince William & Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, announce they are expecting their 2nd child (Princess Charlotte); baby Prince George had celebrated his 1st birthday just 2 months previously

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1994 [23] Newlyweds Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley (billed as the ‘King of Pop’ and the ‘Princess of Rock and Roll’) open the 11th MTV Video Music Awards…with a kiss!

2006 [11] Country singer Toby Keith makes his bigscreen debut, producing and starring in the movie “Broken Bridges”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2003 [14] To celebrate the release of his latest album ‘Reality’, David Bowie performs the 1st ‘interactive concert’, broadcast to 21 theaters across the UK and allowing the singer to take requests through microphones connected to the Internet

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ ‘Underground’ is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters ‘u-n-d’.
✓ The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.
✓ The word ‘set’ has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
✓ The longest one-syllable word in the English language is ‘screeched’.
✓ The longest English word having only a single vowel is ‘strengths’.
✓ ‘Gruntled’ (the opposite of disgruntled) means pleased, satisfied, and contented.

BS PONDERABLES:
• Part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
• There is great need for a sarcasm font.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories.
-Emmitsburg

BS REASONS TO BECOME A TEACHER:
✓ You didn’t pay much attention the first time through school.
✓ To live up to all those teachers who inspired you … like good old Mrs What’s-Her-Name.
✓ Kids need to know the Moon landing was faked.
✓ You may work long hours, but at least the pay is bad.
✓ If you could make a difference in just one student’s life … actually, that wouldn’t be a very good average.
✓ All Summer long you can watch all the losers going to the office.
✓ The desire to help kids talk good.
✓ The glamour.
-First published in BS in 2016

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s your all-time favorite cover song?  Least favorite?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Smoking will kill you… Bacon will kill you… But smoking bacon will cure it.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: According to a study, there are more fake versions of THESE in the world, than real ones. What is it?
Answer: Flamingos.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
If you aren’t going all the way, why go at all?


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