Monday, September 9, 2013                   Edition: #5064

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

✶ After signing with Birdman’s Cash Money Records earlier this year, famous-for-nothing Paris Hilton is drawing nearer to the debut of her sophomore album’s lead single, “Good Time” f/Lil Wayne, exactly as she first hinted on Twitter back in May. Joining the hip-hop superstar-filled record label is part of the 32-year-old heiress’ strategy to revive her music career after her disappointing 2006 self-titled debut album. And so, here’s the word: Paris Hilton’s new single will officially be launched on – ta-da! – October 1st. (Just a warning.)
✶ 67-year-old actress Liza Minnelli says she can’t wait to see 32-year-old Michelle Williams recreate her role as ‘Sally Bowles’ in “Cabaret” when a new Broadway production opens next March. Minnelli won an Oscar for the role in the 1972 movie version and says she’s looking forward to seeing how Williams recreates it alongside co-star Alan Cumming. The new production will be helmed by director Sam Mendes and choreographer Rob Marshall. (They were also involved in a 1994 revival.)
– E! News
✶ Sylvester Stallone is celebrating after more than $250,000 has been raised on Kickstarter to make his new movie “Reach Me”. Director John Herzfeld set up a crowdsourcing page in August in hope of generating a quarter-million by September 19th, but the target has already been surpassed. The drama will star Stallone as a retired sports coach who writes a self-help book. The cast also includes Kelsey Grammar, Kyra Sedgwick, and rapper Nelly. (To the dismay of studios, crowdsourcing is changing the power dynamics in movie-making.)
✶ And 55-year-old actor Alec Baldwin is getting his own TV talk show. “Up Late With Alec Baldwin” debuts in October on MSNBC, airing at 10 pm on Fridays. He’s been getting plenty of interview practice on his “Here’s the Thing” podcast for NYC radio station WNYC. Over 2 seasons, he’s hosted the likes of comedian Chris Rock and “Girls” creator Lena Dunham. (You know you’re getting old when your 10 pm show is called “Up Late With …”)

• “Arsenio” (CW/syndicated) – Debut of a new late-night talk show hosted by 57-year-old comedian/actor Arsenio Hall, who hosted a similar program 1989-94. First week guests include Angela Bassett, Ice Cube, Paula Patton, Russell Simmons; with musical guests Big Sean, Earth, Wind & Fire, Nas, and 2 Chainz.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Lady Gaga (“ARTPOP”), out November 11th.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Goldfrapp (“Tales of Us”, out today in the UK).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Janelle Monae (“The Electric Lady”, out Tuesday).
• “Monday Night Football” (ESPN/TSN) – An NFL double-header on “MNF’s” season debut: Philadelphia Eagles @ Washington Redskins; Houston Texans @ San Diego Chargers.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Backstreet Boys (“In a World Like This”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Brandy Norwood (“Two Eleven”). Rerun.

• Arcade Fire – Teaser ads in NYC and LA promoting a new release called “Reflektor” give today as the date for the big reveal. We should find out whether it’s their new album or a song title.
• Brad Paisley – He’s been writing a movie script based on his latest single, “I Can Change the World”. He says the message of the song has compelled him to pursue the idea.
• Carrie Underwood – She’s apparently recovered from an injured foot suffered last Thursday when she tripped and fell during her show in Corpus Christi TX. She’s since blamed the fall on her high-heeled boots (5-inch), and tweets that she now has ‘new footwear’.
• Elton John – The new biography “Tin Pan Alley: The Rise of Elton John” by Keith Hayward traces Elton’s rise from Reginald Dwight, the £5-a-week office boy at Mills Music Co, to pop music star in 1960s London.
• Grouplove – Tonight in Seattle WA they kick off their headlining “Seesaw Tour” which features 2-night stands in 11 cities. The 1st night is electric; the 2nd night stripped-down acoustic. Their new album, “Spreading Rumors”, is due September 17th.
• Justin Bieber – Over the past week, he’s been spotted traveling around Southern California in a luxury Mercedes SUV with a posse. One member of the entourage has been snapped dumping water out of a window from what appears to be … a bong pipe.
• Katy Perry – Her new single “Roar” now tops the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ list, finally dethroning Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” after a 12-week run at #1.
• Ke$ha – She’s appealing to fans to adopt pets from the Kern County Animal Control facility in Bakersfield CA as the shelter is permanently closing at the end of this month and still has over 700 dogs and cats that need to be adopted.
• Kings of Leon – They now say their 6-month break following their Australia tour in 2011 was a good thing. One of the results was a daughter each for Caleb Followill and his drummer-brother Nathan. Caleb tells “The Sun”: “Having babies has saved our band.”
• Metallica – Tonight is the world premiere of “Metallica: Through the Never” at the Toronto International Film Festival. The IMAX movie follows the adventures of a young roadie named ‘Trip’, sewn together with concert footage. The band will be on hand to introduce the film.
• The Pixies – The influential alt-rockers are set for a run of shows in LA and NYC. Tonight a 3-night stand begins at LA’s El Rey Theatre; they’ll then head to NYC September 17-20 to play the Bowery Ballroom.
• Rihanna – “Daily Star” claims she pays a ‘sky scanner’ to give her info on UFO sightings. A source who’s purportedly in the know says RiRi is convinced extra-terrestrials exist and gets regular reports from the Nevada desert.

Starting today, the world’s biggest fast-food chain begins offering a limited-time menu addition that it’s calling ‘Mighty Wings’. McDonald’s hopes to complete a nationwide roll-out by September 24th. The bone-in wings, breaded and seasoned with cayenne and chili pepper, will be sold through November in packs of 3, 5, and 10. Customers can choose from 9 different sauces. So what’s a burger joint doing selling wings? By some estimates, chicken wings are one of the fastest-growing categories for food-on-the-run restaurants, with sales topping $8 billion last year alone. (Yeah, but where are you gonna find a hen with 3 wings?)
– “USA Today”

Did you know? Even when your cellphone is off, it’s still sending out signals. If you’re worried about being tracked via your phone, look no further than the ‘OFF Pocket’. This small sleeve made of special metal fabric not only blocks all 3G & 4G phone signals, but also Bluetooth, WiFi, and GPS. The ‘OFF Pocket’ had a successful fund-raising campaign on Kickstarter and the first batch of the so-called ‘privacy cases’ will be shipped toward the end of September. Privacy doesn’t come cheap anymore … MSRP for one these gizmos is around $85.

A new study suggests that a glass of wine a day could chase the blues away for seniors. People aged 55-to-80 who have 2-to-7 small glasses of wine per week appear less depressed than their teetotaling peers, researchers at Spain’s University of Navarra have found. Previous studies have indicated that non-alcoholic ingredients in wine, such as resveratrol and other phenolic compounds, may have protective effects on certain areas of the brain. (Explains the reason many retirement homes now hold ‘Happy Hour’ every day or so.)

Marijuana, the world’s drug of choice, is also the least dangerous according to a new study from the University of Washington. The new research has found that pot wasn’t responsible for ANY of the estimated 78,000 deaths from illegal drugs in 2010. More than half have been attributed to painkillers. But while this study might seem to score another point for pot proponents, there’s still plenty of haze surrounding the drug, chiefly the question of whether weed should be deemed a medicine. (Well of course it is … it cures people with Snack Food Deficiency!)
– “Men’s Health”

Is your weight getting out of control? Blame the NFL. Science is now telling us that fans of lousy NFL teams are fatter than fans of winning teams. A new study concludes that fans of winning teams eat healthier the day after their teams win. Meanwhile, fans of losing teams eat more saturated fat and sugars. Why? Because winning makes you feel in control, while losing causes a threat to your identity, which – purportedly – leads to eating. (How ironic. When your team doesn’t cover the spread, you develop a spread.)
– “Psychological Science”

THE ‘80s LIFE:
A family of 4 in Guelph, Ontario has banished all form of modern technology from the household for a year. The parents have somehow convinced their 2 young sons they’re playing an elaborate game of make-believe in which it’s 1986 all over again. The throwback theme includes a “Magnum PI”-style mustache for the pop, mullets for the kids, and vintage clothing for everyone. All tablets, cellphones, tablets, computers, and flat-screen TVs have been placed in storage. And the results? The family now eats meals together and – how shocking! – the kids play in the backyard after school. (If you’re going off the grid, might as well go all the way!)

• According to a new study by the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, 7% of students in grades 6-through-12 tried an e-cigarette in 2012, compared to just 3% the year before.
• Seem like there are a lot of sandwich shops in your neighborhood? New stats show that new Subway restaurant locations are opening at a rate of 2.6 per day.


1952 [61] Dave Stewart, Sunderland UK, record producer/classic rock musician (Eurythmics-“Sweet Dreams”, “Here Comes the Rain Again”)

1960 [53] Hugh Grant, London UK, movie actor (“About a Boy”, “Bridget Jones” films)

1966 [47] Adam Sandler, Brooklyn NY, movie actor-producer (“Grown Ups” movies, “The Wedding Singer”)

1971 [42] Eric Stonestreet, Kansas City KS, TV actor (‘Cameron Tucker’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1975 [38] Michael Bublé, Burnaby BC, pop/jazz singer (“It’s a Beautiful Day”, “Haven’t Met You Yet”)

1980 [33] Michelle Williams, Kalispell MT, movie actress (“My Week with Marilyn”, “Brokeback Mountain”)/former TV actress (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)/Heath Ledger’s baby mama

1987 [26] Afrojack (Nick van de Wall), Spijkenisse, Netherlands, music DJ-producer (w/Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo & Nayer-“Give Me Everything”, w/Beyoncé-“Run the World Girls”)

1991 [22] Hunter Hayes, Breaux Bridge LA, country singer-songwriter (“I Want Crazy”, “Wanted”)

• “Boss/Employee Exchange Day, an annual event on the 1st Monday after Labor Day when employers & employees are encouraged to trade places to develop better understanding of one another.

• “Ganesh Chaturthi”, the annual Indian festival that celebrates the Hindu elephant god ‘Ganesh’. Traditionally, idols decorated with tinsel, paint, and garlands are carried to a large body of water and sunk. Environmentalists are encouraging adherents to move from plaster-of-Paris statuary to biodegradable clay … a suggestion that doesn’t sit well with many.

• “Teddy Bear Day”, honoring the 1st and most popular plush animal toy that was inspired by the helpless cub US president Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot while hunting in 1902. Morris & Rose Mitchom, owners of a Brooklyn NY candy store, took credit for creating the 1st ‘Teddy Bear’, but it may be that renowned German toymaker Steiff was already making bears by then.

• “Wonderful Weirdos Day”, saluting all people who are … well, kinda quirky. Know any?

1926 [87] RCA launches the National Broadcasting Company (NBC)

1978 [35] World’s 1st ‘Chicken Museum’ is opened by KFC founder Colonel Harland Sanders to celebrate his 88th birthday (Louisville, Kentucky)

1995 [18] 1st ‘Sony PlayStation’ goes on sale (PS4 is coming this November 15th)

1998 [15] Publishing mogul Conrad Black announces his new national newspaper in Canada will be called “The National Post” (later goes to jail for fraud and obstruction of justice)

1999 [14] Nicholas Stephen Wadle is born in Beloit, Wisconsin at 9:09 am on the 9th day of the 9th month of 1999; his weight … 9 lbs, 9 oz (c’mon, what are the odds?)

[Tues] Swap Ideas Day
[Tues] Make Your Bed Day
[Wed] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Wed] No News is Good News Day
[Thurs] Day Of the Working Parent
[Fri] Friday the 13th

Assisted Living Week / International Housekeepers Week / Line Dance Week / Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week / Suicide Prevention Week


Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
● Enjoy being a freshman … it’ll be the best 3 years of your life.
● If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
● Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
● Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong-water stain remover.
● Only allocate half your weekly budget for cheap draft and chicken wings.
● In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.
● Clever margin re-sizing can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page essay.
● Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor … think of it as ‘acing Biology’.
– First published in “BS” 1998.

● “Illiterate? Write today for free help!”
● “Dog for sale: Eats anything and is fond of children.”
● “It’s our semi-annual after-Christmas sale!”
● “Our bikinis are exciting! They are simply the tops.”
● “Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.”
● “Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home!”
– First published in “BS” 1997.

There are 16 different sizes of champagne bottle. What’s the largest called?
a. A ‘Magnum’.
b. A ‘Melchizedek’. [CORRECT. A magnum holds 1.5 litres; this one holds 30 litres.]
c. An ‘Extra Large’.
– “Weird Fact of the Day”

Where do the likes of ‘Billy Bob Culpepper’, ‘Bubba Adams’, ‘Toots Jenkins’ and ‘Ricky Bobby’ go to find their NASCAR names? Likely here …

What’s the best thing about smoking meth? Only one more sleep ‘til Christmas.

Question: Women do THIS almost twice as much as men.
Answer: Donate to charities.

Don’t boast of tomorrow, for you know not what a day will bring.

Chandler Pearce @ 107.9 LeoFM La Verne CA; Richard Kershaw @, London, England; Antony Collins @ CFM Carlisle, England; Stephanie Landers @ 96.3 KRIM FM Payson, AZ; Nick Walton @ County Linx Radio, Skegness UK; and Nickolai @ GWP-FM Durban, South Africa.

“The Bull Sheet” will be on hiatus September 16-27 inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

Printer Friendly Version