Wednesday, September 9, 2015          Edition: #5534

Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

★ Victoria’s Secret model Yfke Sturm has reportedly woken up from a medically induced coma but her condition is still critical. The 33-year-old Dutch model was involved in a serious surfing incident last Thursday off the island of Ischia, close to the Bay of Naples, Italy. Reports suggest Strum fell off the jetsurf (a motorized surfboard) she was riding and hit her head. It is reported that she suffered a fractured skull and injured several vertebrae.
– “The Telegraaf”
★ Daytime TV maven Ellen Degeneres is launching her own footwear line. The talk show host is adding to her ED lifestyle collection – which launched in June – with a new collection of casual shoes. The line will feature leather, suede, linen, canvas, and denim footwear. As part of her new deal with the Camuto Group, a capsule collection will launch on September 30th before a full Spring collection is released.
★ And actress Jessica Alba’s lifestyle brand The Honest Company has been slapped with a 2nd lawsuit in less than a week. The billion-dollar business was hit with a class action suit last week that alleges it markets soaps, diapers, and cleaning products as being natural when they contain synthetic ingredients. And now it’s been hit with a $5 million class action suit claiming its sunscreen formula was changed, removing half of its sun protection, thereby causing many consumers to suffer sunburns. Is this company misnamed?

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – 5 acts advance to the finals, rounding out the top 10; Little Mix performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“1989”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Darius Rucker (“Southern Style”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Goldroom (“It’s Like You Never Went Away”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Kendrick Lamar (“To Pimp a Butterfly”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Adam Lambert (“The Original High”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (“The Heist”).

• Chris Brown – A report posted on suggests he scrapped plans to play the Georgia Freight Depot nightclub on Saturday during Atlanta Black Gay Pride Weekend after learning a group of gay men would be in attendance, as well as an estimated 4,000 women.
• Madonna – Tonight the North American leg of her “Rebel Heart” tour finally kicks off at the Bell Centre in Montréal QC. Dates are slotted through January 24th in Miami FL. The trek is starting a week behind schedule due to technical delays.
• Nick Jonas – A source tells that he is going to be Jay Z’s next big project as Jay sees Nick as the next Justin Timberlake. Word has it Jay wants Jonas to record with him and Beyoncé as well.
• Pink Floyd – They’re suing the promoters of a planned exhibition, claiming negotiated fees for the band’s 3 surviving members were never paid. Titled “Their Mortal Remains”, the ‘multi-sensory’ retrospective show was scheduled for Milan, Italy in 2014 before touring Europe. It was cancelled before it ever opened.
• Sam Smith – Sony Pictures Entertainment has now confirmed he’s singing the theme for the next ‘James Bond’ installment, “Spectre”. Smith has co-written “Writing’s On the Wall” with his regular collaborator Jimmy Napes. It will be released September 25th. The pic opens October 26th in UK; November 6th in North America.
• The Weeknd – His album “Beauty Behind the Madness” has had the 2nd-biggest-opening week sales of 2015, with 412,000 units sold. That’s surpassed only by fellow Torontonian Drake’s “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late” (535,000), the largest debut week this year.

By Buckingham Palace calculations, today Queen Elizabeth II laps Queen Victoria as the longest-reigning British monarch ever. Victoria ruled the United Kingdom from 1837-1901. Her great-great-granddaughter Elizabeth became British monarch in 1952, giving her a total of 63 years and 218 days on the throne as of today. Both queens grew up in the shadow of a throne they were never intended to occupy, then went on to carve unique and revered places in British history. They both bucked royal tradition by marrying their cousins for love, raised broods of children, and coped with public criticism about their aloofness and emotional reserve. (Among the many parallels between the two, one looms larger than the rest … longevity.)
– /

California moving company ‘Meathead Movers’, a company founded in 1997 by student athletes, has partnered with the domestic violence-prevention nonprofit Good Shepherd to help move those who are living in domestically abusive partnerships. It’s a weird name for a company helping domestic violence victims and that is sort of the point, according to a spokeswoman. The company works directly with the nonprofit to identify abusive situations and provide moving services at no cost. Not only do these services help the victims of domestic abuse but they directly impact Meathead employees – consisting of predominantly young men who believe that real men don’t hit women, real men help those in need. Being able to get out for free is a huge step toward real freedom for many abused women.
– “LA Weekly”

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 82% of people agree that smartphones can ruin social gatherings.
• 28% of us have shown up late to work because of a hangover.
• 27% of diners have sent a dish back in a restaurant because it was cold.
• 25% of people who have gotten a butterfly tattoo wish they hadn’t.
• 10% of children experience sleepwalking.
• 7% of women won’t allow their guy to wear a hoodie.

Medical mannequins are being ‘brought to life’ with emotions at UK’s Sheffield Hallam University. Mannequins have long been a useful aid for doctors in training but interacting with a dummy can feel unnatural. So the university has augmented reality to ‘turn’ the mannequin into a real person. The app contains various scenarios, recorded by actors, to make the situation feel more realistic. Once the introduction has been made using the app, the mannequin can be remotely controlled to continue reacting in keeping with the simulation. (So realistic that the dummies complain about lousy food and the stupid hospital gown with the slit up the back.)
– BBC Click

5. Bernie Ecclestone & Slavica Ecclestone – After 23 years of marriage and 2 kids the couple divorced in 2009 costing the Brit business magnate and CEO of Formula One Group an estimated $1-to-$1.2 billion.
4. Rupert Murdoch & Anna Maria Torv – Following a 32-year marriage and 3 children, News Corp founder Murdoch and Torv decided to call it quits back in 1998. Their divorce was finalized in 1999, leaving Torv with over $1.5 billion … including $110 million in cash.
3. Rupert Murdoch & Wendi Deng – Murdoch married Deng 17 days after the above divorce was finalized. 14 years later, Murdoch (82) and Deng (44) repeat the scenario due to ‘irreconcilable differences’. The big difference for Deng … a $1.8 billion-settlement.
2. Alec & Jocelyn Wildenstein – In 1997 the NYC socialite, who had multiple plastic surgeries to look like a cat or tiger or something (, received an immediate $2.5 billion settlement from the French businessman, and $100 million-a-year for the next 13 years.
1. Dmitry Rybolovlev & Elena Rybolovleva – Last year the Russian oligarch known as the ‘fertilizer king’, who also owns European soccer club AS Monaco, was ordered by a Swiss judge to pay his former wife a record-breaking divorce settlement … a whopping $4.5 billion.
– List

7-Eleven has announced it will begin delivery service in 5 US cities in an effort to ‘redefine convenience’. So what does redefined convenience look like? For $20, 7-Eleven and new partner DoorDash will bring you a ‘Date Night Pack’ which includes chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, a chocolate bar, a Red Bull, gum … and condoms. Should your date night not involve PJs and Netflix, there’s also a $15 ‘Hangover Pack’ with pain reliever, Gatorade, a pepperoni pizza, and a turkey sandwich. 7-Eleven delivery is available now in Chicago, LA, and NYC, and is coming soon to Boston and Washington DC. (Right, please send junk food directly to the door so we never have to actually roll off the sofa.)
– “Chicago Tribune”

Researchers at the University of Southern Denmark say it can be more efficient if the first person in line is served last. The problem with a regular lineup is people tend to arrive too early, causing an increasingly longer line to form and service to slow down. In experiments, the best system turns out to be last-come-first-served, with the person who arrives last getting served first. That system changes people’s behavior. They tend to arrive at staggered times, resulting in shorter lineups. The researchers admit it’s a difficult system to put into practice. People would keep leaving the line and rejoining from the back in order to get served more quickly. There’s also the issue of fairness … or unfairness. (“Hey, back off buddy! I was here last.”)
– “BBC News Magazine”

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘DIY Urbanism’ – Small-scale do-it-yourself urban improvements such as the installation of street seating outside a café, undertaken by individuals, small local groups, or businesses.
• ‘FOGO’ – First we had ‘FOMO’ (Fear of Missing Out); only for it to be replaced by ‘FOGO’ (Fear of Going Out).
• HEN (‘Happy Empty Nester’) – A parent, particularly a mother, who is enjoying the freedom of having had the children leave home. HENs are happy about having the house to themselves and often say they enjoy the ‘calmer atmosphere’.

A recent California State University study finds that people are more likely to be aroused by a sexy email than they are by a sexy voicemail. This contradicts a previous theory called ‘media naturalness’, which holds that communication is less effective the further you get from face-to-face contact. When writing romantic emails, the researchers contend, senders consciously or subconsciously add more positive content to their messages, perhaps to compensate for the medium’s inability to convey vocal tone. (Or it could be that no one wants to be seduced in between voice messages from their boss and their grandmother.)
– AFP Relaxnews

Tech start-ups valued at $1 billion or more are known as ‘unicorns’.
– “Vanity Fair”

“The Bull Sheet” is on late Summer hiatus September 14-25 inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.


1960 [55] Hugh Grant, London UK, movie actor (“The Man from UNCLE”, “Bridget Jones” films)

1966 [49] Adam Sandler, Brooklyn NY, movie actor-producer (“Pixels”, “Grown Ups” movies)

1971 [44] Eric Stonestreet, Kansas City KS, TV actor (‘Cameron Tucker’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

1975 [40] Michael Bublé, Burnaby BC, pop/jazz singer (“It’s a Beautiful Day”, “Haven’t Met You Yet”)

1980 [35] Michelle Williams, Kalispell MT, movie actress (“My Week with Marilyn”, “Brokeback Mountain”)/former TV actress (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)/Heath Ledger’s baby mama

1987 [28] Afrojack (Nick van de Wall), Spijkenisse, Netherlands, music DJ-producer (w/Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo & Nayer-“Give Me Everything”, w/Beyoncé-“Run the World Girls”)

1991 [24] Hunter Hayes, Breaux Bridge LA, country singer-songwriter (“I Want Crazy”, “Wanted”)

• “Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Day”, to raise awareness about the dangers of drinking during pregnancy and the plight of individuals and families who struggle with FASD. The first “FASDay” was observed on 9/9/99, chosen to signify that a woman should abstain from alcohol during the 9 months of pregnancy.

• “Teddy Bear Day”, honoring the 1st and most popular plush animal toy that was inspired by the helpless cub US president Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot while hunting in 1902. Morris & Rose Mitchom, owners of a Brooklyn NY candy store, took credit for creating the 1st ‘Teddy Bear’, but it may be that renowned German toymaker Steiff was already making bears by then.

• “Wonderful Weirdos Day”, saluting all people who are … well, kinda quirky. Know any? If you’re typically on the prim and proper side, use this day to let loose.

2009 [06] FOX-TV announces that Ellen DeGeneres will replace Paula Abdul as the 4th judge on “American Idol” (she quits after one season)

2005 [10] Despite fan protests, Liverpool, England declares its intention to go ahead and demolish Ringo Starr’s birthplace on Madryn Street, which The Beatles’ drummer lived in until age 5

2014 [01] Apple announces the Apple Watch, the iPhone 6, and the iPhone 6 Plus; all featuring ‘Near Field Communication’ (NFC) to allow instant payments in stores without credit cards

1999 [16] Nicholas Stephen Wadle is born in Beloit, Wisconsin at 9:09 am on the 9th day of the 9th month of 1999; his weight … 9 lbs, 9 oz (c’mon, what are the odds?)

[Thurs] 40th Toronto International Film Festival opens (Toronto ON)
[Fri] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Sat] LouFest opens (St Louis MO)
[Sat] Lollapalooza Berlin begins (Germany)
[Sun] Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day
This Week Is … Line Dance Week
This Month Is … Cholesterol Education Month


• Percival [Knight]
• Monash [University; Melbourne, Australia]
• Bedivere [Knight]
• MacEwan [University; Edmonton, Alberta]
• Baldwin Wallace [University; Berea, Ohio]
• Caradoc [Knight]
• Otago [University; Dunedin, New Zealand]
• Lancaster [University; Bailrigg UK]
• Lionel [Knight]
• Ywain the Bastard [Knight]
– Thanks to an idea from Sid Karger & Tom Coleman

☎ What’s the most unusual school cheer you’ve ever heard?

School is where you always try to do your best … except when your friends are watching.

Question: At the beginning of a marriage THIS lasts about 40 minutes. Later, the average time drops to less than 15 minutes.
Answer: Dinner conversation.

It’s not the bullet that kills you, it’s the hole.

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