Monday, April 11, 2005        Edition: #3009
Bully For You!

BS LOOK AT THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• There was at least 1 uninvited guest who tried to crash Prince Charles’ & Camilla’s wedding SATURDAY – a streaker. He didn’t make it inside to the reception. Others who did included Andrew Parker Bowles (Camilla’s ex, who lay down his wife for his country), Rowan Atkinson (otherwise known as ‘Mr Bean’), Sting’s wife Trudi Styler (Sting didn’t go – had something better to do?), and Joan Rivers (need we say more?). [“Daily News”]
• Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen are launching 2 signature sets of bedroom furniture: ‘City Style’ and ‘Country Chic’. The solid-birch and birch-veneer designs contain a personalized nameplate and will be priced from $700-$800. [“Teen Hollywood”]
• George Lucas will be re-releasing all 6 of his “Star Wars” movies in 3-D. He’s teamed up with “Titanic” director James Cameron to turn the entire series into 3-D spectacles scheduled for release by 2007. [“The Sun”]
• Anna Nicole Smith has begun a new gig as a gossip column for the “National Enquirer” in THIS WEEK’s edition. Meanwhile, she’s cancelled a planned trip to Newfoundland to protest the annual seal hunt on behalf of PETA, due to ‘safety concerns’. [“Enquirer”]
• P Diddy will pay the mother of his 11-year-old son Justin about $21,700 a month (over a quarter-million a year) in child support; a lot of moolah but less than the monthly $35,000 payments he was originally ordered to dole out. [E! Online]
• ‘Cookie Monster’ from “Sesame Street” is no longer praising the glorious snack he’s named after. Instead of spinning “C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me,” he’s now singing “A cookie is a sometimes food” to teach kids how to eat healthier. [“New Kerala”]

“WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:
• “Tree Hugger Fried Alive When Lightning Strikes Big Oak!”
• “Dwarf Slays Bigfoot!”
• “Schools Order Teachers to Dress Sexy!”
• “Dinosaur Found Alive!”
• “Shocking Steroid Scandal … at Dog Show!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Elton John – His company reportedly has an overdraft circa $50 million, thanks in no small part to his extravagant spending. For instance, over $70,000 for flowers in 2004 – per month!
• Fantasia Barrino – TONIGHT she’s on “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Gwen Stefani – She’ll launch a new line of footwear THIS FALL aimed at high-end boutiques and department stores. Her LAMB trainers will range in price from $100 to $200 a pair.
• Jack Johnson – The “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” singer started playing guitar at age 14 while growing up on the North Shore of Oahu, Hawaii.
• Jennifer Lopez – Reports say she now wants to be known as ‘Jennifer Anthony’ after deciding the time is right to use her husband’s name professionally. Word has it hubby Marc always thought the whole ‘J-Lo’ thing lacked class.
• Kelly Clarkson – For sale on eBay: ‘Kelly Clarkson’s Used Bottled Water from Omaha Concert’.
• The Killers – Frontman Brandon Flowers is reportedly set to wed longtime girlfriend Tana Mundkowsky later THIS YEAR.
• Ludacris – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Shakira – She’ll release 2 new albums THIS YEAR, one in English, one in Spanish. She wrote or co-wrote all the tunes on both.
• Trillville – The “Some Cut” crew first hooked up in 1997 while attending an Atlanta high school where ‘Dirty Mouth’ was leader of the drum line.
• Vanessa Williams – She’s starring in the UPN drama pilot “South Beach”, about the lives of 3 very different people living in Miami. She last acted in the movie “Johnson Family Vacation”.

2005 CMT MUSIC AWARDS:
TONIGHT comedian Jeff Foxworthy hosts the fan-voted country music awards from Nashville TN at 8pm EST/PST. A few highlights …
• Kenny Chesney, Tim McGraw, Big & Rich, Toby Keith and Gretchen Wilson lead nominations.
• Performers include Kenny Chesney, Toby Keith, Big & Rich, Gretchen Wilson, Alan Jackson, Brad Paisley, Keith Urban and Reba McEntire.
• There’s also a reunion of the original “Dukes of Hazzard” cast members from the TV show that ran 1979-1985.

EXTREME OPEN HOUSES:
There was a time real estate brokers could simply put a ‘For Sale’ sign in front of a house in a good neighborhood and wait for an offer. But these days some agents don’t just show the house, they put on a show. These so-called ‘Extreme Open Houses’ can revolve around an appearance by a best-selling author, a garage sale, or perhaps even a fashion show. At a Manhattan penthouse being sold by Donald Trump, a so-called ‘psychic psychiatrist’ performed what she called ‘energy healings’. The Donald also made an appearance at the invitation-only affair.
– “Boston Globe”

MALE CELEBS WITH THE BEST CHEST:
5. Brad Pitt
4. Will Smith
3. George Clooney
2. Josh Duhamel
1. Matthew McConaughey
– “In Touch Weekly”

POPE APPARENT?
As the conclave of cardinals goes behind closed doors THIS WEEK to elect a new Catholic pope, the church’s #2 man, 77-year-old Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany is considered a front-runner to be the next to don the funny hat. Pope John Paul II’s right-hand man has spent 20 years in Rome and is the dean of the College of Cardinals as well as head of the Vatican’s Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. In his book “Cardinal Ratzinger: The Vatican’s Enforcer of the Faith”, biographer John L Allen Jr describes him as a ‘rigid totalitarian’. In fact, Ratzinger is referred to by some as the ‘Panzer Cardinal’.
– “Catholic World News”

BUFFEST BABES IN SHOW BIZ:
5. Teri Hatcher
4. Sheryl Crow
3. Jennifer Garner
2. Jessica Simpson
1. Hilary Swank
– “Celebrity”

FAKING IT:
Scotland Yard detectives, investigating the deaths of almost 170 Brits in the Asian tsunami, believe that as many as 10% may have used the disaster to fake their deaths. Fraud artists, bankrupts and people facing criminal charges could be exploiting the tragedy just as more than 40 people used the 9/11 attacks in America to try to fake their deaths.
– “Sunday Times of London”

ALL-TIME TOP TV THEME SONGS:
5. “Mission: Impossible” (1966)
4. “The Jeffersons” (1975)
3. “Batman” (1966)
2. [TIE] “The Brady Bunch” (1969)/”Gilligan’s Island” (1964)
1. “Sanford & Son” (1973)
Download any of the top 100 themes here …
NET: http://www.retrocrush.com/tvthemes/1-25.html
– retroCrush

THE BUTT PILL:
The race is on between pharmaceutical companies in the US, the UK and France to develop a pill that can help stop the addictive effects of nicotine. It’s expected to be the next hugely lucrative product in the industry. Various approaches are being developed from creating drugs which mimic or block nicotine’s chemical reactions within the body to creating a drug which occupies the pleasure receptors in the brain so the pleasure created by cigarettes cannot be felt, thereby eliminating the cravings when a person stops smoking.
– AP / “Curious Times”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• After finally marrying Prince Charles SATURDAY, Camilla Parker Bowles (now ‘Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cornwall’) becomes the most senior female member of Britain’s royal family after the Queen. [“The Sun”]
• Canada’s official wedding gift to Prince Charles & Camilla is – a park bench. [“Daily News”]

THE BULL SHEET 04.11.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1964 [41] Steve Azar, Greenville MS, country singer (“Waitin’ On Joe”, “I Don’t Have To Be Me [‘Til Monday]”)

1987 [18] Joss Stone (Joscelyn Stoker), Dover UK, pop/soul singer (“Right To Be Wrong”, “You Had Me”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “8-Track Tape Day”, a time for nostalgic memories of the old cartridge tape format of the 1970s. Get listeners to flip through their dusty tapes and call in some of the weirder titles.

TODAY is “Barbershop Quartet Day”, honoring the 1938 founding of SPEBSQSA (“Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America”, in Tulsa OK. So altogether now – hummmm.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1989 [16] Cher wins ‘Best Actress’ Academy Award for “Moonstruck”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1961 [44] Bob Dylan makes his professional singing debut at Folk City in Greenwich Village, NYC

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1882 [123] 1st ‘Block Clock’, an alarm clock mounted over the bed that, at a set time, drops 2 dozen wood blocks on the sleeper (funny, it never catches on!)

1989 [16] 1st NHL playoff goal by a goaltender (Ron Hextall-Philadelphia Flyers)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1996 [09] Greg Norman shoots 63 at Masters Golf Championship to tie lowest-ever round in a major tournament

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] National Licorice Day
[Tues] Vote Lawyers Out of Office Day
[Tues] “Canadian Idol” auditions (St John’s NL)
[Wed] Scrabble Day
[Wed] “2005 Dove Awards”
[Fri] Tax Day USA
[Fri] Prince Rainier of Monaco’s funeral

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Be Kind to Animals Week / Harmony Week / Library Week / National Folding Road Maps Week / Building Safety Week / Garden Week / Guitar Week / Home Safety Week / Medical Laboratory Week / Private Property Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
YOUR SLEEP POSITION REVEALS YOUR PERSONALITY!
According to new research from Britain’s Sleep Assessment & Advisory Service, here are the 6 basic sleeping positions and the personality traits they show …
• Crouched in the fetal position – Shy and sensitive.
• Soldier position flat on the back with arms at the sides – Quiet and reserved.
• On the side with legs outstretched and arms down – Social and easy-going.
• On the side with legs outstretched and arms outstretched – Suspicious.
• Flat on the tummy with hands at the sides of the head – Brash and gregarious.
• On the back with outstretched arms and legs – Unassuming and a good listener.
– Reuters

BS SFX THEATER:
You read the story line-by-line while a caller or studio guest provides appropriate sound effects as best they can (works best if you pre-record their part so there’s no pauses or humming and hawing when you play them back). Today’s story is … “Tee Time!”
The morning crew held our annual ‘Morning Show Masters’ golf tourney over the weekend. It was a beauty day – the birds were singing [SFX], a stiff breeze was blowing [SFX], and you could hear the gentle call of duffers as they teed off [SFX]. [Crew Member 1] stepped up to the first tee and said, “This hole not only has a dogleg, it has the entire dog … and he’s chewing on my left leg!” [SFX]. [Crew Member 2] took a couple of practice swings [SFX], then unloaded a monster drive 300 yards down the fairway [SFX]. [Crew Member 1] said “Your ‘Big Bertha’ driver’s pretty impressive but I brought along my mother-in-law ‘Old Battle Ax’; she’s a back-seat driver [SFX]. [Crew Member 2] took his second shot from the fairway [SFX], it went up, up, up [SFX], then bounced twice on the green [SFX], and rolled into the hole [SFX]. “Sweet, a deuce on the first hole,” he said then tossed his club in the air and cheered [SFX]. Over in the woods [Crew Member 1] was muttering, I shot a birdie, too … and I think I might have winged a squirrel. I’ll just reload and try again! [SFX]. Just as we arrived at the green the beverage cart showed up and [Crew Member 2] said, “Gimme a brew, no actually make it two. How about you, [Crew Member 1]? He just hauled off and yelled [set your SFX person up to yell] “FOUR!!!!”

BS WEB GOODIE:
Find out who the superhero is lurking inside you! Just plug in your first and last name and your gender into this Web generator and out whips your secret identity, your superpower, your costume and your nemesis. For example, it turns out that “BS” subscriber Kid Carson is really ‘Red Man’, who uses his special ‘Kinetic Gaze’ and ‘X-Ray Blunderbuss’ to fight crime in his ‘Silk Suit’. Styling, dude!
NET: http://www.humorscope.com/hero.html

B-MAIL:
“Thanks for helping get my sheet together each day. You are the best!” – Chuck LaTour @
WTRV [The River] Grand Rapids MI. [Thanks for the kind words, Chuck. And thanks for re-upping your subscription for a 4th year!]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Sorry [co-host], but whatever kind of look you were going for … you missed.
• Camilla Parker Bowles looks old enough to be Prince Charles’ father. (Howard Stern)
• Michael Jackson’s been late for court a lot because he can’t figure out how to set his alarm clock. He always has trouble with the little hand. (Craig Ferguson)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Before 1850, THESE were made of leather and stuffed with feathers.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Golf balls.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.

NEW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Brent Glasgow @ KCMQ [The Rocker] Columbia MO is back on board for another month; and we welcome samplers this week that include Randy Jones @ KRTY [Hot Country] San Jose CA; Lindsey Young @ CKUE [The Rock] Windsor ON; Rod Rodriguez @ Killer Bee 89.1 Davao City, Philippines; Tina Lester @ WXYC [University of North Carolina] Chapel Hill NC; and Rob MacNamara @ CIGO [The Hawk] Port Hawkesbury NS. Remember BS-ers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each and every new “BS” subscriber you refer!