Friday, April 19, 2002        Edition: #2279
The average person thinks he isn’t.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
YESTERDAY TV sportscasters Marv (‘Yes!’) Albert and Mike Fratello were injured when their limo was involved in a traffic accident near Trenton NJ (Marv apparently flipped his wig but is expected to fully recover) . . . New digital channel MTV Canada will finally allow us to see what all the hype south of the border is about, airing the offbeat reality show “The Osbournes” beginning APRIL 30 . . . “The Osbournes” family pooch ‘Pippi’ has gone missing, causing cable TV’s #1 dysfunctional family to be ‘devastated’ and papa Ozzy to put up a $500 reward . . . After 5 seasons, the final episode of FOX-TV’s “Ally McBeal” will air MAY 20 . . . In the ongoing legal battle over who controls Nirvana’s musical legacy, the surviving members of the group are now asking that Courtney Love be ordered to submit to a psychiatric examination . . . A “Lord Of The Rings” extra who’s character has been nicknamed ‘Figwit’ because he doesn’t even have an official name in the film has become such a cult celebrity on the Web, a site devoted to him keeps crashing (http://www.geocities.com/hobbit_feet_123/index.html) . . . Rumor has it that Michael Jackson is the anonymous bidder who paid $12,700 THIS WEEK for a limited edition ‘art photo’ taken by Yoko Ono of the bloody spectacles removed from John Lennon’s body after he was murdered . . . And Janice Combs, mother of rapper P Diddy, tells “In Style” magazine, “I call him Seanie, his father used to call him Seanie-poo” (wow, what a gangsta!).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The adventure ”The Scorpion King”, a spinoff of “The Mummy Returns”, stars Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson as ‘Mathayus, The Scorpion King’ in his quest to be the next big-time Hollywood action hero . . . Sandra Bullock produced and stars in the crime thriller “Murder by Numbers”, about a pair of gifted high school students who plan the ‘perfect murder’ then run into an FBI profiler working her first case . . . The no-name British crime comedy “Lucky Break” is from “Full Monty” director Peter Cattaneo and set in a prison where the inmates are restless . . . And Tony Goldwyn stars in the drama “Joshua”, the story of a possible second coming of Christ to a small US town.

THE PRICE OF EGGS THESE DAYS:
TODAY the world’s most expensive Easter egg is being sold and experts believe it might crack the $6-million mark! ‘The Winter Egg’, produced by Carl Fabérgé and given by Russian Czar Nicholas II to his mother on Easter, 1913 will go under the hammer at Christie’s New York auction house. No chocolate on this baby – it’s encrusted with more than 3,000 diamonds!

IS ‘CASUAL FRIDAY’ FINISHED?
New stats from NPD Fashionworld, a market-research company that tracks apparel sales, show that the number of men’s suits, jackets and dress pants sold LAST YEAR increased 12% over 2000.

CHECK OUT YOUR MATE:
Window shoppers on London’s tony Oxford Street are getting a shock these days — in the main window of Selfridges department store, there’s a game of ‘strip chess’ going on! In a stunt to publicize a new TV ad for Gordon’s Gin, a man and woman are removing a piece of clothing each time they lose a chess piece. The bad news is — the players are only allowed to strip to their undies.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• The California Energy Commission met this week to discuss banning the use of duct tape — on DUCTS. The proposed ban is due to a report that suggests duct tape leaks when used in heating systems. Duct tape makers are protesting. (Not to mention Red Green.)
• A UK judge has ruled in favor of a man who sued a travel company for ‘intolerable discomfort’ after a flight from Calgary to Manchester ENG. The problem? Not enough leg room! The man has been awarded $1,140 in damages because he developed intense pain in his legs when returning from a ski vacation in Lake Louise. The judge says airlines must provide a minimum 34 inches from the back of one seat to the back of the seat in front. (You can bet this ruling’s going to be challenged by every airline in the world.)
• Add this to the ‘really embarrassing ways to die’ file — an inmate in a Kingman AZ jail died this week after apparently defecating on his cell floor, then slipping in it and whacking his head on the floor. (“I warned you, you’re killing me with this crap!”)
• Add this to the ‘really embarrassing ways to get caught’ file — 5 Ottawa cops and a canine unit raced to the Sarsaparilla Trail, a popular local spot for hikers and dog walkers this week after a witness reported a woman with a noose around her neck was being sexually attacked. The witness led the police to the CONSENTING couple — who had a lot of explaining to do. (Especially about the Lone Ranger mask and the basket of zucchini.)

BS SHOCKING FACT:
Newly-leaked figures show the US government now owns 602,626 vehicles, or 1 vehicle for every 3 federal employees, at a cost to taxpayers of $2.29 billion a year. That’s more cars and trucks than Hertz owns!

THE BULL SHEET 04.19.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [D-3/27/02] Dudley Moore, Dagenham ENG, 5′-3″ movie actor (“10″, “Arthur”) who succumbed to the rare disease progressive supranuclear palsy

1962 [40] Al Unser Jr (“Little Al”), Albuquerque NM, auto racer(2-time CART champion)

1968 [34] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, movie actress (“High Crimes”, “Kiss the Girls”)/daughter of Naomi Judd and sister to Wynonna  NEXT MOVIE: Co-stars with Sandra Bullock in “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, opening JUNE 7

1974 [28] Jose Cruz Jr, Arroyo PR, MLB outfielder (Toronto Blue Jays)

1979 [23] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“Almost Famous”, “Dr T & the Women”)/Goldie Hawn’s daughter/Mrs Chris Robinson (Black Crowes)  NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Heath Ledger in the war adventure “Four Feathers“, opening SEPTEMBER 13

1981 [21] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (won the role of ‘Anakin Skywalker’ in “Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones” [opening MAY 16] over 400 other actors)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [53] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (2 Oscars-“Blue Sky”, “Tootsie”)  NEXT MOVIE: Co-stars with Christina Ricci in the drama “Prozac Nation”, opening JANUARY 2003

1969 [33] Wade Hayes, Bethel Acres OK, country singer (“Highways & Heartaches”, “Old Enough To Know Better”)

1972 [30] Carmen Electra (Tara Leigh Patrick), Cincinnati OH, TV interviewer (“BattleBots”)/movie actress (“Scary Movie”)/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman who’s also dated Prince, Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst, rapper B-Real of Cypress Hill and is now engaged to ex-Red Hot Chili Pepper Dave Navarro (she gets around)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded.
GARLIC FACT OR CRAP?
• In Medieval times, it was believed that garlic worn as a necklace would stop your soul from leaving your body. (TRUE. Apparently this had a permanent impact on white singers.)
• Over 5,000 years ago, Chinese herbalists used garlic to reduce blood pressure. (TRUE. Modern-day studies show they were on to something!)
• In Ancient Rome, garlic was used as a weapon by gladiators. (Uh, BS)
• It’s been said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on their her breath the next morning. (TRUE. Why you’d actually WANT to, no one knows!)
• Garlic paste removes warts. (BS)
• Spraying yourself with garlic oil will repel mosquitoes. (TRUE, and everybody else for that matter.)

TODAY-Sunday is the 17th annual “World Grits Festival” in St George, South Carolina. There’s an old saying — ‘To the Southerner, grits are a matter of loyalty. To those who move or travel to the South, grits are an education.’ Yeah ok, but how do you make ‘em taste like anything? And what’s the diff’ between grits and Cream of Wheat?
PHONER: 843-563-4366

THIS WEEK is “National Organize Your Files Week”, dedicated to purging and reorganizing files, removing the frustration of not being able to find things. (Make it easy – file everything under ‘S’ for ‘stuff’.)

SUNDAY is Kindergarten Day, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837.

MONDAY is the 32nd annual “Earth Day”, the largest environmental event worldwide, when some 500 million people in 164 countries participate in events that address environmental issues.
NET: http://www.earthday.ca
http://www.earthday.net

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield lifts off on Space Shuttle mission to deliver the ‘Space Station Remote Manipulator System’ (SSRMS), the first piece of Canada’s contribution to the International Space Station (later becomes first Canadian to walk in space)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1951 [51] 1st ‘Miss World Contest’ (1st beauty pageant to feature contestants in bikinis)

1960 [42] Major League Baseball uniforms 1st display players’ names on back (the 1st one says ‘SAMPLE’)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Astronomy Day
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
[Sat] Astrology sign Taurus begins
[Mon] National Jelly Bean Day
[Mon] St George’s Day holiday (Newfoundland)
[Tues] World Lab Animal Day
[Tues] Canada Book Day
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretaries Day)
[Wed] International Noise Awareness Day
TV Turn-Off Week
Reading is Fun Week
Customer Loyalty Month
National Prevent Injuries America Month
National Correct Posture Month (hey, sit up!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
• Why is it the bus always runs late UNLESS you are?
• If ‘Dracula’ can’t see his reflection in a mirror, why is his hair always so neatly combed?
• Why do we use the phrase ‘recorded earlier’? Is there any OTHER time to record something?
• How come you never hear about ‘gruntled’ employees?
• How did the ‘Keep Off The Grass’ sign get in the yard?
• If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
• What do they plant to grow ‘seedless grapes’?
• Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What are the most important characteristics in a partner?” (61% of men surveyed for “Details” magazine said “Someone you can talk to.” Honesty and a sense of humor also rated well.)

BS QUICK PICK TRIVIA:
Q: In which year was the Internet invented –
a) 1969
b) 1979
c) 1989
A: It was created by the US Department of Defense as an alternative communications system in the event of nuclear war back in 1969.

Q: According to legend, what did Cleopatra have her mattress stuffed with every night?
a) Roses
b) Camel hair
c) Men
A: Fresh roses.

Q: What exactly is coral?
a) An animal
b) A plant
c) A rock
A: Coral are minute animals called polyps living together in massive colonies. Hard coral is the skeleton of the polyps.

Q: How long did the longest-ever recorded flight of a chicken last?
a) About 1 minute
b) About 15 seconds
c) About 2 seconds during a food fight at KFC
A: The longest recorded flight of a chicken was only 13 seconds.

Q: How much do the ashes of the average cremated person weigh?
a) 3 lbs
b) 6 lbs
c) 9 lbs
A: If you make an ash of yourself, you can expect to weigh about 9 lbs.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The person you trust the most is your partner, yet 90% of married couples don’t trust their spouse to do this.
Answer to Give Out Monday: Wake them up.

BS TAG LINE:
When you have sour cream, every problem looks like a potato.