Thursday, April 26, 2001 Edition: #2042
BS SIGNS YOU FORGOT SOMEONE ON ‘ADMINISTRATIVE PROFESSIONALS DAY’ (‘SECRETARIES DAY’) YESTERDAY:
• During your PowerPoint presentation, a nude picture suddenly pops up . . . of Camryn Manheim . . . pregnant.
• In the middle of your monthly sales meeting, FTD delivers an ‘Up Yours Bouquet’.
• Your office line is now answered, “Good morning, Johnson, Adams, McNee & Tightass.”
• Your phone messages are delivered on the end of a spear.
• Your computer mouse has been replaced with an electro-genital shock device.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
In TONIGHT’S episode of “Friends”, titled “The One With Rachel’s Big Kiss”, ‘Rachel’ flashes back to a boozy lesbian encounter in college with a sorority sister played by Winona Ryder (can you tell May sweeps have begun?) . . . Barbra Streisand will be the executive producer of an upcoming VH1 drama series called “Pulling the Strings”, set inside a record company and starring guess who as the head honcho? — James Brolin (well, the title is apt) . . . An anonymous male online bidder has coughed up $13,800 to become the proud owner of a black leather bra-and-panties outfit that Madonna wore in her infamous book “Sex” (the most anyone’s ever had to pay to get into her pants) . . . Eminem has posed naked for JUNE’S UK edition of “Cosmopolitan” with only a stick of red dynamite for cover (actually in previews, it looks more like a firecracker).
BS PURSUITS:
• THIS WEEK WomenQuest, a party of 12 adventurous women attempting to become the first all-female team to reach the North Pole from Russia, had a major setback — they set off in the wrong direction and had to backtrack 50 miles in treacherous weather conditions. (Proving it’s not only men who won’t stop and ask for directions.)
• THIS WEEK Swedish scientist Jan Sundberg and his Global Underwater Research Team began Operation Clean Sweep, an underwater attempt to net Scotland’s infamous ‘Loch Ness Monster’. (What Sean Connery claims you see when he wears a kilt.)
BODY BULL:
• California psychotherapist Jed Diamond, author of the book “Male Menopause”, says there’s mounting evidence that monthly fluctuations in testosterone may produce PMS-like symptoms in men. A recent poll finds many men complain of monthly mood swings similar to those experienced by women. (However men, being who they are, are more likely to call the episodes ‘a visit from my BIG friend’.)
• A new study published in the journal “Lancet” finds that women who have sex at least twice a week look years younger than their actual age. (Try that line out at a bar Friday night.)
• In the medical journal “Family Practice News”, researchers from Israel’s Ben-Gurion University report the “sympathetic stimulus of ejaculation may terminate the reflex arc that causes hiccups”. Yup, you’re hearing it right – sex cures hiccups. And they add, “Under circumstances in which sexual intercourse with a partner is not possible, masturbation might be tried.” (“Hey, why have you been locked in the bathroom a half-hour?” “Just gettin’ rid of the hiccups, Mom.”)THE BULL SHEET 04.26.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [68] Carol Burnett, San Antonio TX, ex-TV comedian (“Carol Burnett Show”)/film actress (“The Four Seasons”)
1963 [38] Jet Li, Beijing CHI, biggest Asian movie star after Jackie Chan (“Romeo Must Die”, “Lethal Weapon IV”)
1965 [36] Kevin James, Stony Brook NY, TV actor (Doug Heffernan-“The King of Queens”)
1970 [31] Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins, Atlanta GA, pop singer (TLC-“Unpretty”, “Scrubs”, “Waterfalls”)
1982 [19] Jon Lee, Croydon ENG, pop singer (S Club 7-“Don’t Stop Movin”, “S Club Party”) recently busted for dope
1996 [05] Jennifer Katherine Gates, Seattle WA, Bill’s daughter/heir to the Microsoft fortune
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[USA] “Take Our Daughters To Work Day”
TODAY is “Hug an Australian Day”, a day to pause and reflect on the contributions of Aussies — by popping open a can of Foster’s.
TODAY is “Richter Scale Day”, saluting the open-ended earthquake scale invented by American seismologist Charles Richter, born 101 years ago today.
THIS WEEK is “TV-Turnoff Week”, an idea first proposed by Marie Winn in her 1977 book “The Plug-In Drug”, then made an international event by Media Foundation of Vancouver.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1921 [80] 1st ‘weather reports’ on radio (still the #1 reason people listen to radio, rating higher than music or news)
1941 [60] Chicago Cubs use 1st organ in a baseball stadium (duh duh duh duh da duh – CHARGE!!)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1975 [26] Longest-ever title for a #1 song (BJ Thomas’ “Hey Won’t You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song”)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] “Survivor II” finale
[4 days] Canadian Income Tax deadline
Consumer Protection Week (always practise safe purchasing)
Month of the Young Child
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
• Which province is named after the Cree word for ‘great spirit’? [Manitoba.]
• What dice game invented by a Canadian couple in the late 1800s was originally known as ‘The Yacht Game’? [‘Yahtzee’.]
• You’re a ‘hooker’ on a sports team. What field sport are you playing? [‘Hooker’ is one of the positions in the sport of rugby.]
• Inventor Alfred Moen has died at age 84. What did he invent? [He invented the single-handle, lever-operated ‘Moen Faucet’ in 1937. An estimated 70% of kitchen faucets are now single-lever types.]
BS TAG LINE:
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
