Monday, April 23, 2001                                                            Edition: #2039

THIS WEEK is the 7th annual “TV Turn Off Week” when we’re encouraged to turn off the tube and pursue alternative activities. Based on AC Nielsen figures, by age 65 the average person spends nearly 9 years glued to the tube and watches about 2 million TV commercials.
COOL THINGS ABOUT TURNING OFF TV:
• Seven full days without searching for the damn remote.
• Less chance you’ll hurl a brick through your screen when that Brit witch snarls, “YOU are the Weakest Link. G’bye!”
• By the end of the week, you may have read something besides “TV Guide”.
• Great opportunity to meet other people — who live in your home.
• You get a whole week without hearing the comment, “This is crap, what else is on?”

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• “Billboard Magazine” reports Nelly Furtado has been added to the lineup of techno-star Moby’s “Area One” travelling festival that’s set to tour this summer. Details will be announced TODAY at a NYC press conference.
• According to “Playbill”, a planned London stage revival of “The Philadelphia Story” starring Calista Flockhart has been shelved indefinitely due to problems ranging from casting disagreements to Britain’s foot-and-mouth outbreak. (The real story – Calista thought it was an outbreak of ‘food-in-mouth’.)
• “Star” reports Julia Roberts got lucky playing a casino slot machine during a break in filming “Ocean’s Eleven” in Las Vegas. After borrowing $20 from a crew member, she won $500 on her first pull! And here’s why it’s hard not to like her – she gave the entire jackpot to the guy who lent her the money!
• “Mr Showbiz” reveals “Freddy Got Fingered” star Tom Green has been up to his old tricks. Seems when he told Jay Leno on the “Tonight Show” LAST WEEK that wife Drew Barrymore was preggers, he was lying — again.
• “Sun” claims actor Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley have been dating for a month after meeting at her 33rd birthday party. An insider says, “They were both a bit lonely.”
• Madonna’s spokeswoman Liz Rosenberg tells NYC’s “Daily News” the boss now likes to be called ‘Mrs Ritchie’ and is using ‘Mrs Madonna Louise Ciccone Ritchie’ as her legal name. (But will it fit on a CD cover?)

THE RETURN OF 15¢ BURGERS?
“Advertising Age” reports that McDonald’s is planning a return to basics, dumping most of its 36 menu items and size options in favor of its core food items in order to improve profitability. (So we’re back to, “Do you want cholesterol with that?”)

SPIKE FRIGHT:
High-heel shoes kill at least 2000 women a year in Japan. Whether it’s falling on stairs or twisting an ankle while crossing a street and getting hit, a Japanese official says Asian women just seem to have a harder time mastering the footwear than those in the West.

FAKE TEARS:
Oxford University scientists say they’ve created ‘synthetic human tears’ in a laboratory. The researchers found a unique combination of proteins and lipids which they hope to bottle and sell over-the-counter to people with dry-eye disorders. (You want to see human tears? Check in on their investors in about 2 years.)THE BULL SHEET 04.23.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
    1960    [41] Valerie Bertinelli, Wilmington DE, former TV actress (“One Day at a Time”)/Mrs Eddie Van Halen since 1981
1967    [34] Melina Kanakaredes, Akron OH, TV actress (Dr Sydney Hansen-“Providence”)
1968    [33] Tim Womack, Brownwood TX, country musician (Sons of the Desert-“What About You”)
1974    [27] Barry Watson, Traverse City MI, TV actor (Matt Camden-“7th Heaven”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[England] “St George’s Day”
[Int’l] “World Laboratory Animals Day”

TODAY is the 6th annual “Canada Book Day”, a day to celebrate national literary achievements. There are now some 42,000 Canadian book titles in print (38,000 of them by Margaret Atwood).
PHONER: 416-504-8222 (Writers’ Trust of Canada-Toronto ON)
NET: http://www.canadabookday.com/

TODAY is the anniversary of both William Shakespeare’s birth and his death (1564-1616), the bard of Stratford-on-Avon ENG who composed 37 plays and 154 sonnets. For sooth! The annual “Bard’s Birthday Celebration” will be held in the home of Canada’s annual Shakespearean Festival, Stratford ON.
PHONER: 519-393-5877

ON THIS DAY . . .
    1995    [06] Public uproar as “For Better or Worse” comic strip creator Lynn Johnston (North Bay ON) kills off ‘Farley’ the dog

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1851    [150] 1st Canadian postage stamps

AND REMEMBER . . .
[1 week today] Revenue Canada filing deadline
[Wed] Administrative Professionals Day (formerly Secretaries Day)
Canada-United States Goodwill Week
National Lingerie Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
• What’s the oldest breakfast cereal still on the market? [Nabisco’s Shredded Wheat, which first hit kitchen tables in 1892.]
• QEII turned 75 on SATURDAY. Besides England, how many other European countries have royalty as head of state — 3, 5 or 10? [10, and they are Andorra, Belgium, Denmark, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Monaco, Holland, Norway, Sweden and Spain.]
• At the “Summit of the Americas”, who did George W Bush introduce as his “good friend, a strong advocate of free trade and the first leader invited to the White House for a state dinner”? [Nope, not Chretien. It’s Mexican President Vicente Fox.]

BS TAG LINE:
Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes.