Monday, April 16, 2001 Edition: #2034
TODAY is “Stress Awareness Day”, to highlight one of the most prevalent maladies affecting us and a good time to check the . . .
BS SIGNS YOU’RE TOO STRESSED:
• You can achieve a ‘runners high’ by standing up.
• You have a ‘to do list’ that includes lunch and bathroom breaks and they’re the only ones that never get crossed off.
• You find you need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
• Antacid tablets have become your sole source of nutrition.
• You refer to your dining room table as ‘the flat filing cabinet’.
• You think a ‘half-day’ means leaving at 5pm.
• You keep yelling “Stop touching me!” — when you’re alone.
• You just love espresso — through an IV.
• Your dog doesn’t recognize you.
BS TABLOID TRASH:
• ”Star” claims Julia Roberts & George Clooney have been acting like honeymooners in Las Vegas while filming the casino caper flick “Oceans Eleven”. They’ve been spotted partying after hours and acting flirtatious on the set. (How unusual – Julia getting chummy with a male co-star.)
• After 2 break-ins in 10 months, Madonna is so afraid of home invasion she’s reportedly spending over $700,000 to turn her $8.5-million London home into a fortress. UK’s “Sun” says she wants bars over the windows, an elaborate network of cameras, and a modified garage that allows limos to drop off passengers inside. (If she gets permission from the local council to make the alterations, she’s considering renaming her estate ‘Quebec City’.)
• “E! Online” reports Sean Puffy Combs, aka Puff Daddy, aka P Diddy, was arrested again SATURDAY and charged with driving a motorized scooter in Miami Beach with a suspended license. (He goes from assault and concealed weapons charges to illegal scootering? Wow, is his career on the skids!)
• “Us Weekly” says U2’s Bono has been asked to give away Christy Turlington at her wedding to actor Ed Burns later this year. She needs a stand-in since her father died in ‘98, but there’s no word yet if Bono will do the duty. (Hey, she’s a model — he’s waiting to find out if there’s actually going to be a meal afterward.)
• “Mr Showbiz” says at least one theater chain is fed up with Potter-crazy patrons who come to see the trailer for “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”, then leave before the main feature and ask for their money back. From now on everybody pays! (I can see trailers for free, every time I’m invited over to [your co-host’s] house.)
BIRDS DO IT:
Adultery is rampant among birds according to a new study on animal mating habits. Scientists used to think birds were loyal to one mate, but new research shows that at least 30% of the baby birds in a nest are not fathered by the resident male. (No wonder so many sports teams are named after birds.)
ROYAL PAIN:
A new poll published on the weekend in the UK’s “Daily Mail” amazingly shows that 70% of Brits still support the royal family. However, almost as many, 60%, think it’s time the monarchy was modernized to reflect changes in British life. (Things like ‘getting a job’.)THE BULL SHEET 04.16.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [47] Ellen Barkin, Bronx NY, movie actress (“Someone Like You“, “Sea of Love”)/Mrs Ron Perelman (billionaire owner of the Revlon company)
1965 [36] Martin Lawrence, Frankfurt GER, movie actor (“Big Momma’s House”, “Blue Streak”) NEXT FILM: Co-stars with Danny DeVito in “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”, opening JUNE 1ST
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY at 12 noon ET the 105th “Boston Marathon” gets underway, one of the oldest and most prestigious annual marathon events. NET: http://www.bostonmarathon.org/
TODAY is “National Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate – poached eggs topped with back bacon (what Americans insist on calling ‘Canadian bacon’) served on English muffins and slathered in Hollandaise sauce, made of more egg-yolks and butter.
ON THIS DAY . . .
1997 [04] “Maclean’s” magazine ranks William Lyon Mackenzie King Canada’s all-time greatest PM (Jean Chrétien ranks 9th BEHIND Brian Mulroney)
1999 [02] Wayne Gretzky announces retirement after 20 NHL seasons (all-time scoring leader is inducted into Hockey Hall of Fame 7 months later and his famous #99 is retired by ALL NHL teams)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1863 [138] ‘Lacrosse’ 1st named Canada’s national sport (now shares designation with hockey)
1989 [12] 1st Toronto Blue Jay to ‘hit for the cycle’ (Kelly Gruber, vs KC)
1999 [02] Shania Twain becomes 1st woman named as songwriter/artist of the year by Nashville Songwriters Association International
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996 [05] Chicago Bulls win NBA-record 70th regular season game
1999 [02] 4,000th performance of the Toronto production of “Phantom Of The Opera”, surpassing Broadway runs of “42nd Street”, “Grease” and “Fiddler On The Roof
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] International Jugglers Day (honoring bookkeepers?)
[Thurs] Garlic Day (aka ‘No Nookie Day’)
[Fri-Sun] Summit of the Americas (in the walled fortress of Quebec City)
National Bubblegum Week (see an exhibition under a bus seat near you)
Home Improvement Safety Month (careful you don’t fall into the ‘money pit’!)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
• 167 years ago TODAY (1834) inventor John Marck introduced the ‘Locofoco’. Was it — a self-lighting cigar, a train engine powered by vegetable oil, or a wild new dance? [A self-lighting cigar, which didn’t catch on because the enclosed match gave it a burnt sulphur taste.]
• What’s more embarrassing for a young woman – being nude in front of a lover or another woman? [A “Mademoiselle” poll of women 18-20 finds a full 71% are more at ease being seen naked by a lover. That’s because women compare their bodies with other women and often end up depressed.]
BS TAG LINE: It’s not hard to meet expenses — they’re everywhere!
