Thursday, April 20, 2000                                               Edition:  #1790

Mariah Carey’s publicist says a tell-all book called “Mariah & Me” that her older sister Alison is threatening to publish may not even exist (and won’t for sure as soon as a financial arrangement is reached). But look! We’ve managed to get hold of some . . .
BS SHOCKING REVELATIONS IN THE MARIAH BOOK:
• Older sister’s work as a hooker to support Mariah in the early years inspired her to dress like one ever since.
• Tommy Mottola left her because he was tired of windows shattering when she hit high notes during screams of passion.
• Between the high heels and breast implants, she tends to tip over.
• During recording session for hit single “One Sweet Day”, Boyz became Men.
• Hasn’t dated much since her marriage because she’s saving herself for Puff Daddy.
• Often sings “Thank God I Found You” around the house — in the mirror.
• Her opulent mansion features solid gold toilets — with Whitney Houston targets.
• Voice spans seven octaves. Eight when she’s pissed at you..
• Mother always referred to her as the ‘bad oyster’ of the family.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The Spice Girls are worried bootleggers will distribute their new album before it’s released after Victoria Beckham’s luggage containing a demo tape was lost on a Miami-London flight (at this point in their career, they should worry more about a bootlegger bulk-erasing the tape to use for something else) . . . Next month FOX-TV will air the 1-hour special “Britney in Hawaii” featuring Britney Spears not only singing, but swimming and hula dancing too (in pants?) . . . Rumor is they’ll soon ‘kill Kenny’ for the final time as “South Park” is getting set to wind up (it’ll be’‘Smaller, Shorter and Chopped’ – blame Canada).

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
Now in production in Toronto – the 10th “Friday The 13th” film, tentatively titled “Jason X”, in which the hockey-masked ‘Jason’ runs wild in outer space (aka ‘The Alexei Yashin Story’) . . . Ewan McGregor is in talks to play a womanizing rocker in “Snap”, a Mick Jagger production which he also wrote (and lived) . . . Word is George Lucas will soon have more money to weigh down his pockets as he’s finally working on a DVD version of “The Phantom Menace” — complete with extra footage (seems the battle with Ewoks over royalties is resolved).

“I’LL USE A LIFELINE AND CALL MY COW”
Hindi movie star Amitabh Bachchan will host a version of  “Who Wants to be A Millionaire?” in India starting in June. Contestants will try to win 10 million rupees, about $230,000. If that sounds cheap, keep in mind the annual per capita income is $370. (The Italian version will be called “Who Wants to Win $16 Trillion Lira?”)

THEY ALWAYS GET THEIR BOY:
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police have arrested a 15-year-old Montreal-based hacker known as ‘Mafiaboy’ who managed to shut down several of the most popular Websites a few months back, including Yahoo and CNN. (Authorities say he’ll likely be sentenced to 5 years in the Silicon Valley as president of an Internet start-up.)

THE BULL SHEET 04.20.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1949     [51] Jessica Lange, Cloquet MN, movie actress (A Thousand Acres, Oscars-Blue Sky, Tootsie)
1951     [49] Luther Vandross, NYC, R&B singer (Here & Now, Power of Love/Love Power)
1972    [28] Carmen Electra, Cincinnati OH, ex-TV actress (ex-Hyperion Bay, ex-Baywatch)/ex-Mrs Dennis Rodman

BS REASONS TO PARTY  . . .
[Christian] Maundy Thursday
[Jewish] 1st day of Passover

This is “National Organize Your Files Week”, dedicated to purging and reorganizing files, removing the frustration of not being able to find things. (Make it easy – file all your stuff under ‘S’.)

Today is the “First Day of Summer” in Iceland, a national holiday celebrated with parades and street dancing. (Unfortunately, tomorrow is the LAST day of summer in Iceland.)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
    1991     Bruce McNall signs Raghib “Rocket” Ismael to CFL’s Toronto Argonauts for an unheard of $26.2 million (now with NFL’s Dallas Cowboys)
1992    World record ‘house of cards’ is 75 feet high (ironically, same height as the radio station)
1999    Deadliest school massacre in US history as 15 die in “Columbine High School Shootings” in Colorado (There are well over 30,000 gunshot deaths per year in the USA, and more than 60,000 injuries. But as the NRA might say — guns don’t kill people, bullets do!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
    1973    [27] Canada’s “ANIK A2″ becomes world’s 1st ‘commercial satellite’ (Earth orbit is now home to over 500 satellites and it’s estimated another 1,000 will be launched within the next decade)
1993    [07] Shania Twain’s self-titled 1st album released (with not a single hit, but it caused Nashville to note her considerable vocal abilities, leading to breakthrough album “The Woman In Me”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] NBA playoffs begin
[Sat] Earth Day
[Mon] TV-Turnoff Week
National Infants Immunization Week
National Lawn and Garden Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:
“Which TV personality do you HATE the most?” (A new Internet poll finds “The Early Show’s” Bryant Gumbel is TV’s ‘Most Despised Personality’ — he’s such a jerk he’s probably proud!)

Q: Who’s the oldest player in the NHL?
A: 40-year-old Guy Carbonneau of the Dallas Stars. (Not a really popular ‘guy’ in Edmonton.)

Q: What year was the Internet invented?
A: It was created by the US Department of Defense as an alternative communications system in the event of nuclear war back in 1969.  

THE LAST WORD: The average person thinks he isn’t.