April 23 2019

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Tuesday, April 23, 2019 Edition: #6436

Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

We’re back! And as promised, all “Bull Sheet” subscribers have received account credits for missed service days.  Now, on with the Sheet…

★ The usually very private Charlize Theron has revealed that her eldest child is transgender. Theron says that 7-year-old Jackson was assigned male at birth but told her four years ago that she was actually a girl.  Thereon says, “So there you go! I have two beautiful daughters who, just like any parent, I want to protect and I want to see thrive.” Theron adopted Jackson in 2012 and daughter, August, in 2015.
★ When Felicity Huffman announced she would plead guilty to charges related to the college admissions scandal, she expressed unwavering remorse for her actions. Now, some lawyers with experience in such cases say there is a strong chance that she will get electronic monitoring and not have to serve actual prison time. Federal defense attorney Louis Shapiro says “She was first out the gate to take responsibility and will be handsomely rewarded for it, especially if the other defendants drag their feet, which [we’re] beginning to see.”
★ About a year after the Academy expelled Roman Polanski, citing “ethical standards,” the Oscar winner has sued the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences and is demanding his reinstatement. In 1977, Polanski pleaded guilty to unlawful sexual intercourse with a minor and fled the country after serving 42 days, when it seemed as though he could be sent back to prison. Despite this criminal record, Academy voters celebrated Polanski in 2003, when he won an Oscar for directing “The Pianist”. He received a standing ovation at the Academy Awards ceremony, which he did not attend.
★ Oscar-nominated director John Singleton is in intensive care after suffering a stroke. The 51-year-old filmmaker – who is best known for helming 1991 crime drama “Boyz n the Hood” was already at hospital after complaining of “weakness” in his leg after flying home from Costa Rica when he suffered the stroke.
★ “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane will be honored with the 2,661st star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame this afternoon.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jeremy Renner, Camila Mendes, Alice Merton (R)
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Dr. Phil McGraw, Sophia Bush, Tyler “Ninja” Blevins, Maggie Rogers
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Tony Hale (R)
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Timothy Olyphant, Diane Von Furstenberg (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Mahershala Ali, Aaron Sorkin, Julia Michaels & Niall Horan (R)
• “Conan” (TBS): Vir Das
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Teddi Mellencamp, Jackie Hoffman
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Melinda Gates
• “The Talk” (CBS): Sebastian Maniscalco, Lorena Garcia, guest co-host Brooke Shields
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Uma Thurman, Pitbull, Myron Mixon
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Scarlett Johansson, Brie Larson, Toro Y Moi
• “1969” (ABC): Premiere. First up in the documentary series about the year 1969: The moon landing is recalled by the unsung women who helped make it possible.
• “The Voice” (NBC): The cross-battle winners are revealed via America’s vote.

• Beyoncé — has reportedly signed a three-project deal with Netflix worth $60 million. In addition to the now-streaming “Homecoming”, which is centered on her acclaimed Coachella comeback show in 2018, sources say she has signed up for two additional projects, said to be worth around $20 million each.
• Kanye West – Some Twitter users are questioning the fact that he launched some official merchandise to coincide with his “Sunday Service at Coachella” appearance on Easter Sunday. Swag included two pairs of socks for $50.
• Adam Lambert – the “American Idol” season 8 runner-up will come full circle as he steps into the mentor role beginning this Sunday.  The Queen + Adam Lambert vocalist will guide the top eight “Idol” finalists as they each perform a song from the group’s catalog.
• The Black Keys – Drummer Patrick Carney married singer Michelle Branch in New Orleans on Saturday. They tied the knot in front of an intimate group, including her 13-year-old daughter Owen and their 7-month old son Rhys.
• Kiss – In an interview with Dan Rather that will air on AXS TV tonight, he discusses his microtia, a physical deformity which he describes as “basically not having an ear”, and how his insecurities pushed him to became part of one of the loudest bands in history. He says that was his way “to push it in people’s faces and say, ‘You see, you should have been nice to me!'”
• Blake Shelton — will headline the 20th anniversary celebration for “Musicians On Call”, a nonprofit organization that brings live and recorded music to the bedsides of hospital patients. The celebration will take place at Nashville’s CMA Theater on May 31. Lauren Alaina will be honored with the Music Heals Award.
• Brandi Carlile — surprised a crowd at Seattle’s Pike Place Market by giving an impromptu show alongside the Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl. They played for around 20 minutes, including the Beatles’ ‘Let It Be’ and the Foo Fighters’ ‘Times Like These’.  No word on exactly why, but Carlisle is known for having launched her career by busking in the city before signing her first record deal.

• “Escape Room” (PG-13, Mystery/Suspense):  Six strangers find themselves in a maze of deadly mystery rooms, and must use their wits to survive. (Taylor Russell, Logan Miller)
• “Destroyer” (R-Rated, Mystery/Suspense):  A police detective reconnects with people from an undercover assignment in her distant past in order to make peace. (Nicole Kidman, Toby Kebbell)
• “Bisbee ’17” (Not Rated, Documentary): An old mining town on the Arizona-Mexico border finally reckons with its darkest day: the deportation of 1200 immigrant miners 100 years ago. Locals collaborate to stage recreations of their controversial past. (Mike Anderson, Charles Bethea)

Think about your family when you were growing up.  Which kid was the funniest?  According to science, the youngest sibling is most likely to be the funniest kid.  Or at least they THINK they are funniest.  A survey asked adults to rank themselves among their siblings in a number of categories, and found that the youngest child in a family was most likely to rank him or herself as the funniest.  The youngest also claimed to be most favored by parents, and most easy-going.  The oldest sibling claimed to be most responsible, self-confident, family oriented…and most successful.
(But not as successful in making people laugh…)
(And as usual, nobody cared what the middle kid thought…)
(Because when you’re wearing clothes that have been passed through 3 family members, you have to draw attention to something other than what you’re wearing!)

With the final season of “Game of Thrones” underway, tourism website “Unforgettable Croatia” is offering a pretty awesome prize to a lucky fan who can correctly predict how the series ends.  The lucky winner will be treated to a seven-night private, custom journey for two around Croatia, including guided tours of some of the show’s most notable landmarks and locations — including King’s Landing, Qarth, Braavos and the Westeros Riverlands. They will also enjoy a speed boat trip to the idyllic islands of Hvar and Vis. Travelers will spend three nights in Split and four nights in Dubrovnik in five-star hotel accommodations. Fans can enter their prediction at UnforgettableCroatia.com. If no one correctly predicts the ending, the tour operator will pick their favorite fan theory and that person will win.
(Does your room have an Iron Throne?)
-MSN, UnforgettableCroatia

➢Escape artist: If he can lift the gate handle, open the crate door lock, or even turn the handle and open the back door, any dog who masterminds his own escape is very smart.
➢ Remembers commands without practice: If you can go months or even years without saying, “Roll over!” and your dog still remembers how to do it, then you probably have an intelligent canine. (I have a hound.  He runs through “sit”, “speak”, “shake”, and “roll over” before the meat’s off the BBQ!)
➢ Knows you’re leaving:  Maybe she starts acting more hyper and needier when you start packing your suitcase. This proves that she’s observant and recognizes a change is happening.
➢ Tries to communicate:  Dogs that make an effort to communicate with humans, such as telling you when she needs to go outside or picking up the leash to ask for a walk, may be more intelligent than other dogs.
➢ Recognizes his surroundings:  Does HE get excited during a drive to the park but cower in fear while traveling to the vet? Smart dogs will recognize landmarks or mannerisms you have on trips to the vet that are different from going someplace fun.
(Well, he was a “HE” on the way TO the vet!)
➢ Snuggles you when you’re upset:  Smart dogs really do understand your moods and seek to comfort you when you’re sad.
(I thought my dog was stupid, until I realized that he’s just playing dumb so he doesn’t have to do tricks…pretty smart!)

In the future, biotechnology could be used to make it seem to prisoners as though they are serving a 20 or 50 or even a 100-year sentence in as little as eight hours.  Drugs could be developed to distort prisoners’ minds into thinking time is passing much more slowly that it actually is.
(We already have this.  It’s called “Monday”!)


1954 [65] Michael Moore, Flint MI, documentary filmmaker (“Fahrenheit 9/11”, “Bowling For Columbine”, “Fahrenheit 11/9”)

1960 [59] Valerie Bertinelli, Wilmington DE, TV actress (“Hot in Cleveland” 2010-2015, “One Day at a Time” 1975-1984/ married to Eddie Van Halen 1981-2007

1977 [42] John Cena, West Newbury MA, pro wrestler (25 WWE championships)/movie actor (“Blockers”, “Trainwreck”) COMING UP…”Project X-Traction”, 2019

1977 [42] John Oliver, Birmingham UK, TV personality (“Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” since 2014, “The Daily Show” 2006-13)/TV actor (“Community” 2009-11, 2014)

1977 [42] Kal Penn (Modi), Montclair NJ, movie actor (“Harold & Kumar” films)/former TV actor (“House MD”)/former White House aide (Associate Director of the Office of Public Liaison)

1985 [34] Taio Cruz, London UK, pop/hip hop singer-songwriter (‘Dynamite’, ‘Break Your Heart’)

1990 [29] Dev Patel, London England, movie actor (“Slumdog Millionaire”, “Chappie”) COMING UP…”The Personal History of David Copperfield”, 2019

• “Cherry Cheesecake Day”, because you’ve been adhering to that strict diet for far too long.

• “Lost Dog Awareness Day”, focusing on the huge number of lost dogs around-the-world and the efforts undertaken by organizations to help reunite pets with owners.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/nftesr6

• “Take a Chance Day”. Some things you want won’t happen without a little risk. Today is as good a day as any to take that risk. Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?

• “Talk Like Shakespeare Day”, observed on the anniversary of the bard’s birth (and death at age 52).
BS FUN FACT: Shakespeare gave us many memorable phrases, such as “wild goose chase”, “foregone conclusion” and “in a pickle”

• “World Book & Copyright Day”, declared annually by UNESCO to promote reading and books on the death anniversary of both William Shakespeare, and Miguel de Cervantes in 1616.

• “World Laboratory Day”, celebrating the place where great discoveries, inventions, and medical cures are born. (And where mad scientists dwell.)

• “English Language Day”, celebrating the date in 1362 when the Chancellor of the United Kingdom opened Parliament with a speech in English for the first time, a landmark in its development as a world language. English is now considered by many to be THE world language, and is often the second language of choice in non-English countries. (Ever notice how some of us think that all foreigners will understand it if we just speak it loudly enough.)

[Wed] Denim Day
[Wed] Guide Dog Day
[Thurs] Hairstylists Appreciation Day
[Thurs] National Crayola Day
This Week Is…National Princess Week
This Month Is…National Autism Awareness Month

1896 [123] 1st ‘Motion Picture’ shown to the general public (a Vitascope system is used to project a film onto a screen in a demonstration at Koster & Bials Music Hall in NYC)

1988 [31] After spending a record total of 741 consecutive weeks (over 14 years) on the ‘Billboard 200’, Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” album finally exits the chart (it has been back on the chart several times since, clocking a total of almost 950 weeks…)

1964 [55] 1st MLB no-hitter pitched for a loss (Cincinnati Reds beat Astros’ pitcher Ken Johnson 1-0 on 2 costly Houston errors)

1985 [34] ‘New Coke’ makes its debut; Coca-Cola’s famous faux-pas when they changed the secret flavor formula

2005 [14] YouTube is launched.  The first video uploaded is titled, “Me at the Zoo,” consisting of 18 seconds of co-founder Jawed Karim standing in front of an elephant enclosure at the San Diego Zoo.


✓ Most airlines require their pilots and co-pilots to eat different meals on the plane, in case one is tainted.
✓ A man once wore 70 items of clothing in a Chinese airport to avoid a baggage charge.
✓ It is impossible to lock yourself inside an airplane washroom.
✓ In the 1990s, a man spent two years eating a Cessna 150. He consumed the entire aircraft bit by bit by bit.
✓ The low budget airline Ryanair wanted to charge passengers £1 to use the onboard toilets. The policy was never implemented because it violated EU regulations.
✓ Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

• Wikipedia was down.
• Had to attend my gardener’s sister’s friend’s neighbour’s aunt’s co-worker’s hair stylist’s yoga teacher’s goldfish’s funeral.
• I was totes planning on a snow day.
• I prefer to keep what I do on my own time private…
• My parents got a new shredder and we had to test it out.
• My Aunt died again.
• The dog ate my…iPad.
• I accidentally stuck my fingers into a bowling ball with glue on them. Everything was fine until I tried to scratch my head and I knocked myself unconscious. When I woke up, my little sister had scribbled all over my homework, and wrote “kick me” on my back. Swear to God.
• My Mom already paid the $500,000 to get me into college, so…
• I gave up homework for Lent.

Best of BS . . .

• Need a siren sound for your new hip-hop recording
• You love a man in uniform
• Someone put baby in a corner
• You are being arrested and need help
• Overwhelming need to hear ‘Every Breath You Take’
• You really need your mugshot updated
• You meant to call the Fashion Police
• That hooker stole all your meth
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

What products do you still use that your mother (father) did when you were growing up?

A good pun is its own reword.

Question:  13% of people say they would rather do THIS than their taxes. What is it?
Answer:  Spend a night in jail

Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small.


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