Wednesday, April 5, 2006        Edition: #3254
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT movie actor Laurence Fishburne screens his new movie  about a spelling bee champ, “Akeelah & the Bee”, at a special reception to honor the 28 finalists in the “National Final Spelling Bee” at the Canadian Museum of Civilization (also expected are PM Stephen Harper & G-G Michaelle Jean, who’ll attempt to spell her first name correctly) . . . TONIGHT at the “2006 Gospel Music Awards” in Nashville TN, Carrie Underwood, Brad Paisley, Sawyer Brown & Randy Travis are among the artists nominated . . . TONIGHT CBS-TV’s “Amazing Race 9″ switches to WEDNESDAY nights @ 8 pm as Eric & Jeremy and BJ & Tyler continue to duke it out for the lead . . . Actor John Stamos is joining the cast of NBC-TV’s “ER” in the role of paramedic ‘Tony Gates’, starting with the show’s 13th season THIS FALL (isn’t this show due for euthanasia?) . . . NBC-TV’s “Today Show” co-host Katie Couric has now reportedly locked up an agreement with CBS-TV that will see her succeed Bob Schieffer as anchor of the “CBS Evening News” and also become a regular on “60 Minutes” (official announcement could come as soon as TODAY) . . . Reports from Down Under say that actress Nicole Kidman has been told she’ll be granted an annulment of her marriage to Tom Cruise (1990-2001) because it ‘did not conform to the requirements of the Catholic church’ (translation: thanks for your generous donation) . . . 24-year-old “One Tree Hill” actor Chad Michael Murray apparently hasn’t learned his lesson about workplace romances after a failed 5-month marriage to co-star Sophia Bush, as he’s now engaged to 18-year-old castmate Kenzie Dalton – and the word is she’s pregnant! (Chad m’lad, trying thinking above the waist once in awhile) . . . And 24-year-old Scottish singer Sandi Thom has just been signed by RCA/SonyBMG, no mean feat considering she came to the major recording company’s attention after performing in a series of Webcasts from her London living room – impromptu performances that managed to attract online audiences of over 100,000 fans (this is how A&R is done in the 21st century).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Big & Rich – TONIGHT they appear on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• INXS – 9 years after the death of former frontman Michael Hutchence, a movie about his life is being developed. Nick Egan, a close friend who directed several of the band’s videos, is one of the collaborators on the project.
• LL Cool J – TODAY he guests on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Rascal Flatts – TODAY they do ABC-TV’s daytime talk show “The View”.
• Shakira – Away from her sizzling-hot stage persona, she tells “Teen People” she’s really quite modest. Quote: “I want you to know that I wear clothes once in a while! I’m actually shy.”

PANDAS ARE JUST LIKE MEN:
A recent study has found that, just like macho guys, pandas have peeing contests to decide who’s the top bear. San Diego zoologist Angela White claims some males are so intent on establishing their dominance that they do a handstand and urinate upwards. In case you didn’t know, only the strongest pandas can stand on their hands while peeing. (Why am I reminded of the last staff party?)
– “Science”

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Dead Zones’ – The term scientists are using for the growing number of waterways suffering from lack of oxygen. So far, there are close to 150 ‘dead zones’ worldwide. One of the things that’s ‘dead’ in them is fish.

• ‘SOCA’ [‘SOH-cuh’] – The UK’s new ‘Serious Organised Crime Agency’, an FBI-style squad that will focus on drugs, human trafficking, fraud & counterfeiting. Its staff of 4,000 includes experts from Britain’s legendary spy agencies MI-5 and MI-6.
• ‘Social Jet-Lag’ – A condition increasingly suffered by office workers due to long hours in front of computer screens, lack of exposure to daylight, and insufficient sleep. The end result: a permanent feeling of being jet-lagged.

WE NEED MORE Zs:
THIS MONTH is “Sleep Awareness Month”. A few highlights from a National Sleep Foundation poll …
• The average person sleeps slightly less than 7 hours weekdays and about 7.5 weekends.
• 82% of us think people in critical occupations such as doctors, pilots and truck drivers should not be forced to work overtime if they are tired.
• 65% admit they are more likely to make mistakes when not well rested. A similar percentage say it causes them to be grumpy.
• 59% think it’s appropriate to take sick days to overcome excessive lack of sleep.
• 37% of us admit to feeling so sleepy it often interferes with regular activities.

TEENS ON STOGIES:
The latest teen craze is cigar smoking, and the trend isn’t limited to just boys. Plenty of girls are lighting up, too. While cigarette-use among teens has declined by almost 30% in recent years, cigar-use has increased by more than 28%. That may be because many teens mistakenly believe cigars are less harmful than cigarettes. It’s likely also due to trendy marketing of grape, cinnamon and apple-flavored stogies. (Yep, there’s nothing sexier than a young chicky with a half-burner hanging from her lips and breath that smells like a tailpipe.)
– C.Health

HE SAID IT:
“First the baby, then the film (“Mission Impossible 3″). Then, in summer, we want to get married. I won’t let this woman get away.”
– Tom Cruise, telling Germany’s “Bild” magazine the order of things. If you ask us, the last line is kind of creepy.

H20 HYPE:
Bottled water isn’t necessarily any cleaner than what you get from your faucet, according to a study by the Natural Resources Defense Council. In fact, about 25% of bottled water is just prettily packaged tap water. A test of 103 brands of bottled water finds that nearly a third show some sign of contamination. (Is it true that in Italian, ‘Dasani’ means ‘sucker’?)
– AP

BOB-BOB-BOBBING ALONG:
Britain’s Royal Society for the Protection of Birds reports that a red-breasted North American robin has been spotted in a London backyard, something that’s an extremely rare occurrence. It’s thought the bird was likely carried by strong winds over the North Atlantic. A puzzled local spotted the bird and asked for help identifying it. While the robin is Britain’s national bird, it’s the European robin, a different breed with distinctive red face and brown body. (Sounds like [co-host] after a week in the Caribbean.)
– Agence France-Presse

BS SHOCKING FACTS:
• Nearly 750,000 Americans say they now rely on stuff they auction on eBay as a primary or secondary income.
• A new survey shows that the average wedding now costs nearly $28,000, with catering costs accounting for the most spending.

SHEIKH CHIC:
Sheikh Majed al-Sabah, a young member of the Kuwaiti royal family, is launching a fashion magazine that he hopes will spread his brand of Arab culture to the West and eventually rival “Vogue” magazine. “Alef”, which launches THIS FALL, will be aimed at fashion-conscious women in the Middle East, as well as traditional consumer markets in NYC, London and Paris.
– “GQ”

THE BULL SHEET 04.05.2K6

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1937 [69] General Colin Powell, NYC, former US Secretary of State (2001-05)/former Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff (1989-1993)/former National Security Adviser (1987-89)

1950 [56] Agnetha Faltskog, Jonkoping, Sweden, oldies singer (ABBA-“Dancing Queen”, “Mamma Mia”)

1965 [41] Mike McCready, Pensacola FL, rock guitarist (Pearl Jam-“World Wide Suicide“, “Jeremy”)

1967 [39] Troy Gentry, Lexington KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“She Don’t Tell Me To”, “Gone”)

1972 [34] Pat Green, San Antonio TX, country singer (“Wave On Wave”, “Carry On”)

1973 [33] Pharrell Williams, Virginia Beach VA, hip-hop artist (f/Gwen Stefani-“Can I Have It Like That”, w/Snoop Dogg-“Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/music producer (his writing & producing duo The Neptunes have manufactured hits for No Doubt, Usher, Nelly, Jay-Z, Ludacris & others)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Equal Pay Day”, promoting equal pay for equal work. (In which case, [co-host] is WAY overpaid!)

• “Go For Broke Day”, a day to throw caution to the wind and go all out, give it all you’ve got, don’t hold back, all or nothing, start giving 110%, let ‘er rip, balls to the wall!

• “Make Your Children Laugh Day”, because it’s a helluva lot easier than making adults laugh.

• “Road Map Day”, the highlight of “Reading a Road Map Week”, which promotes map reading as an ‘enjoyable pastime’ and survival skill for drivers. The motto for the week is, ‘Happiness is knowing how to read a road map’. (Wow, it’s that simple? Who reads the map or GPS during your family trips?)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1987 [19] FOX-TV debuts with 2 Sunday night programs – “Married … With Children” and “The Tracey Ullman Show”

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2001 [05] Eminem sentenced to 2 years’ probation for carrying a concealed weapon outside a suburban Detroit nightclub

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1970 [36] 1st ‘Nerf Ball’ hits the market
ALTERNATIVE USES FOR A NERF BALL:
• Take 2 for really, really bad indigestion.
• Shotput for weaklings.
• Perfect costume props if you’re dressing up as Pam Anderson.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2000 [06] ‘Loudest Burp’ on record, according to “Guinness Book of Records” (Paul Hunn lets one fly that registers 118.1 decibels, the equivalent of sitting in the front row at a rock concert)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Plan Your Epitaph Day
[Thurs-Sun] The Masters Golf Tournament (Augusta GA)
[Fri] Tartan Day
[Fri] Hug Your Newsman Day
[Fri] No Housework Day
[Fri] World Health Day
[Fri] Walk to Work Day
[Sun] Chicken Little Awareness Day
This Week Is … Testicular Cancer Awareness Week (ouch, did you just get a throb?)
This Month Is … Amateur Radio Month (but not on this show!)

BULL’S BITS

BS THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR IN A TATTOO PARLOR:
• “Damn, I hate it when I get the hiccups.”
• “We’re all out of red … so I used pink.”
• “Anything else you want to say? You’ve got plenty of room back here.”
• “There ARE two O’s in ‘Bob’, right?”
• “I’ll bet you can’t tell I’ve never done this before.”
• “Ooooooops!

BS ‘FINISH LINES’:
Have a phone contestant (kids work great!) attempt to finish the following famous proverbs …
• “No man can serve . . . [two masters.”]
• “There’s no place like . . . [home.”]
• “You never miss the water till . . . [the well runs dry.”]
• “He that would eat the fruit . . . [must climb the tree.”]
• “Keep a thing for 7 years and . . . [you’ll always find a use for it.”]
• “The eyes are the window of . . . [the soul.”]
• “The darkest hour is just before . . . [the dawn.”]
• “The family that prays together . . . [stays together.”]
• “Speech is silver, but . . . [silence is golden.”]
• “A man is known by his . . . [friends.”]

U-PICK TRIVIA:
You’re trying to determine the age of your horse.  Which part should you look at?
a. Its tongue.
b. Its teeth. [CORRECT. The old saying’s true, you look at its teeth to determine its age.]
c. Its tail.

According to a recent study, how long do we keep magazines on average before throwing them out?
a. 4 weeks.
b. 13 weeks.
c. 29 weeks. [CORRECT. Even longer in dentists’ offices.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
What single toiletry item could you never live without? Toothpaste? Shampoo? Axe?

WHICH CAME FIRST?
Luciano Pavarotti or the first Zeppelin? [The 1st Zeppelin was launched in 1900. Pavarotti didn’t show up until 1935.]

BS BLATANT JOKE:
I stick my foot in my mouth so often, I’m beginning to develop a taste for Odor Eaters.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The best time to do THIS is on a Wednesday around lunch time or on the weekend during a major sporting event.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Call customer service.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.