Thursday, August 14, 2003        Edition: #2601
Eat, Breath Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT WBCN Boston will fill a theater to see the last showing of the Jen n’ Ben bomb “Gigli”, after buying up all the tickets and giving them to listeners as well as ‘I Survived Gigli’ T-shirts to anyone left in their seats when the show ends (this could double the film’s gross!) . . . TONIGHT NBC-TV airs an hour-long episode of the quirky reality show, “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, in which a team of gay fashion experts (the ‘Fab 5′) do a makeover for a straight guy, then the team appears on “The Tonight Show” for the 1st of 2 nights in which they’ll makeover Jay Leno . . . Speaking of Jay, word is that after Arnold Schwarzenegger famously announced his candidacy on the show, California governor Gray Davis requested an appearance – and was told ‘no’ . . . “Rolling Stone” reports 24-year-old “I’m Like a Bird” singer Nelly Furtado is about to be like a mother – she & her boyfriend expecting their 1st child NEXT MONTH . . . An ugly financial war is brewing in the upcoming divorce between actress Sharon Stone & her estranged newspaper editor husband Phil Bronstein, but this one’s a bit different – it’s reportedly SHE who’s refusing to pay out a single penny . . . At the ripe old age of 42, actress Daryl Hannah is finally baring all for “Playboy” in the NOVEMBER issue, and is said to be in the best shape of her life thanks to a rigorous regimen of karate and swordfighting during the making of the upcoming Quentin Tarantino movie, “Kill Bill” . . . Word has it Beyonce Knowles’ church-going mom Tina wants her girl to tone down the sexy image, saying she draws the line at G-strings showing, too much cleavage or body parts ‘hanging out’ . . . And check this out – according to a yet-to-be-released book by psychologist Linda Carroll, DNA tests confirm that she is 79-year-old wacko actor Marlon Brando’s illegitimate daughter, which wouldn’t be too shocking except, HER daughter is none other than rocker Courtney Love (hey Court, you just got a new grandpa!).

FUTURE FLICKS:
“Pirates of the Caribbean” star Johnny Depp is reportedly fascinated by Ozzy Osbourne and desperately wants to play him in a biopic being developed by Sharon Osbourne . . . Cameron Diaz is in talks to star in a comedy about sibling rivalry called “In Her Shoes”, playing a fun-loving party-girl with a serious older sister who’s an ambitious attorney (yet to be cast) . . . He’s becoming the king of sequels – “Bad Boys 2″ star Martin Lawrence will next reprise his role as ‘Big Momma’ in an upcoming sequel to the 2000 hit “Big Momma’s House” . . . Russell Crowe has enlisted the help of former heavyweight contender Joe Bugner to train as a boxer for the upcoming Ron Howard movie “Cinderella Man”, in which Russ will play 1930s champ James J Braddock . . . Filmmaker Kevin Smith says he wants Brad Pitt or Ben Affleck to play a young ‘Fletch’ in the upcoming prequel to the 1980s “Fletch” films that starred Chevy Chase.

BLADE IV:
Gillette has filed a patent infringement lawsuit against rival razor brand Schick in an attempt to stop the release of its new ‘Quattro’ razor in SEPTEMBER. The ‘Quattro’ is a 4-bladed razor that Gillette claims uses the same blade-stacking technique as Gillette’s ‘Mach 3′ 3-bladed razor. (We don’t really care who wins, but we’re getting worried you’ll soon need both hands to lift one of these bastards up to your face.)

YOUR CHEATIN’ HEART:
In her book “Not Just Friends”, psychologist & infidelity expert Shirley Glass says there are many myths about marital affairs that simply aren’t true. Among them –
• A cheating partner usually leave clues.
• A cheating partner will lose interest in spousal sex.
• A cheating partner will find fault with his or her spouse.
The reality, she says, is most affairs are never detected, married sex often improves during an affair, and unfaithful spouses often act quite devoted at home. (For more information, listen to any country song.)

YOUR HURTIN’ HEART:
Duke University researchers have found that unseen deposits of fat located around internal organs accumulate faster than anyone thought, particularly in extremely sedentary people. This type of fat is particularly dangerous because it’s linked strongly to heart disease. The good news is it disappears pretty quickly with vigorous exercise. The bad news is the definition of ‘vigorous’ – about 17 miles of jogging per week!

BEWARE OF ATM’S THAT SAY THANK-YOU:
Hi-tech thieves in Ontario’s Waterloo Region are rigging ATM machines to allow them to make copies of bank customers’ debit cards. The thieves install a false front on an ATM machine for a few hours that’s painted identically to the real machine. When a bank card is inserted, a small electronic device reads all the info on it. The thieves are then able to produce identical cards to steal cash.

WHAT, ME WORRY?
It seems women worry more than men, at least according to new research by the Anxiety Disorders Association. The study shows that just 13% of men admit to worrying during the past week, compared to 25% of women. (Most of them are worrying about where the hell their man is.)

FOR THE RECORD:
• 24-year-old Ma Lihua of Beijing, China has spent 6 weeks setting up dominoes in Singapore for an attempt at the world’s ‘longest solo topple’. She hopes to topple 350,000 dominoes on MONDAY, breaking the record of  281,581 by German Klaus Friedrich in 1984. Her biggest challenge – preventing cockroaches from knocking them down ahead of time. One roach alone knocked over 8,000 dominoes, a full day’s work for poor Ma.
• Dale Muehlmeier has set the Guinness World Record for square-dance calling by yelling out ‘doh-si-doh’ and ‘swing your partner’ for 28 straight hours in Norfolk NE. Then he celebrated his achievement by – square-dancing for 2 hours.
• In Elvington ENG, 41-year-old Mike Newman has set a speed record of 144 mph, driving a Jaguar XRJ. Doesn’t seem very fast? Well, it’s a new land speed record – for the blind. (I think I’ve followed this guy!).

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Phantom of the Opera” has now grossed $2.6 BILLION worldwide. THIS WEEK it marked its 7,000th performance in London.
• According to new stats from the Crayola Crayon Co, the average kid wears down 7,430 crayons by the age of 10.

THE BULL SHEET 08.14.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [62] David Crosby (Van Cortlandt), LA CA, classic rock musician (CS&N-“Suite: Judy Blue Eyes”)/liver recipient/sperm donor father of rocker Melissa Etheridge’s two children

1945 [58] Steve Martin, Waco TX, movie actor (“Bringing Down the House”, “Father of the Bride 1 & 2”)/comedian who’s made most appearances on “Saturday Night Live” (at least 25)/2-time Academy Awards host

1947 [56] Danielle Steel, NYC, trash novelist (“Full Circle”, “No Greater Love”) whose books have appeared on “NY Times” ‘Best Sellers’ list for Guinness Record 381 consecutive weeks

1968 [35] Halle Berry, Cleveland OH, movie actress (Jinx-“Die Another Day”, Storm-“X-Men 1 & 2”, Oscar-“Monster’s Ball”, Emmy Award-“Introducing Dorothy Dandridge”)

1968 [35] Catherine Bell, London ENG, TV actress (Major Sarah ‘Mac’ MacKenzie-“JAG” since 1996)

1970 [33] Kevin Cadogan, Oakland CA, rock musician (Third Eye Blind–“Blinded When I See You”, “Jumper”, “How’s It Gonna Be”)

1983 [20] Mila Kunis, Kiev UKR, TV actress (Jackie Burkhardt-“That ’70s Show” since 1998)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Rochester NY] 85th PGA Championship begins

TODAY is “Financial Awareness Day”, a day to add up all your assets and all your debts in order to get a clear picture of where you stand. (Just before declaring bankruptcy.)

TODAY is “National Husbands in Love Day”. (Where’s my air sickness bag?)

TODAY is “National Creamsicle Day”, celebrating those ooey gooey, orange-flavored Popsicles with ice cream inside.

TODAY-Sunday the 20th annual “Festival Montgolfieres”, Canada’s largest gathering of hot air balloons, floats in St-Jean-sur-Richelieu QC.
PHONER: 450-346-6000 x238 (Marie-Eve Chapdelaine)
NET: http://www.montgolfieres.com/en

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1899 [104] 1st ‘push-button pay phone’ (Montréal)

1936 [67] 1st Olympic basketball game (USA defeats Canada 19-8 in Berlin)

1953 [50] 1st ‘Wiffle Ball’ (ball with holes that’s forerunner of ‘Nerf Ball’)

1958 [45] 1st ‘Canadian Football League’ game is held in Winnipeg as Blue Bombers defeat Edmonton Eskimos 29-21 (CFL is formed when ‘Canadian Football Council’ withdraws from ‘Canadian Rugby Union’ and renames itself)

1982 [21] Bill Neal becomes 1st to paddle a bathtub the 21 miles across the English Channel (in order to avoid being arrested by French authorities, he registers his tub with Lloyds of London as an ‘ocean-going craft’)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1976 [27] World’s ‘longest softball game’ begins in Monticello NY (Gager’s Diner beats Bend’n Elbow Tavern 491-467 in 365 innings over 2 days in charity fundraiser)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[TODAY-Aug 24] 115th Central Canada Exhibition in Ottawa (http://www.the-ex.com)
[Fri-Sept 1] Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto (http://www.theex.com)
[Sat-Sept 1] Pacific National Exhibition in Vancouver (http://www.pne.bc.ca)
[Fri] National Failures Day (my list of failures deserves at least a week, if not its own month!)
[Sun] National Thriftshop Day (give away a $3 shopping spree!)
[Mon] Discovery Day [Yukon]
[Tues] Stay Home With Your Kids Day
[Wed] National Radio Day
This Week Is . . . National Smile Week
This Month Is . . . Peach Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WHYZITS:
• Whyzit we consider outer space as being so far away? It’s only about an hour’s drive if your car could go straight up.
• Whyzit everybody has a different definition of ‘good enough’?
• Whyzit we call the time when traffic hardly moves ‘rush hour’?
• Whyzit every time you lose weight, it finds you again?
• Whyzit we yell for government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a vehicle that will take 5 years to pay off?

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online –
1. Chingy – “Right Thurr”
2. Lil’ Kim – “Magic Stick”
3. Evanescence – “Bring Me to Life”
4. Black Eyed Peas – “Where Is The Love?”
5. 50 Cent – “PIMP”
Source: Big Champagne

WEB GOODIE:
“High Times” magazine has a new feature at its Website – ‘Chef Ra: Ganja Gourmet’ who says the worst part of getting the munchies is deciding what to eat. Voila! Thanks to his ‘Random Munchie Generator’, a few mouse clicks generates all kinds of inventive snacks for stoners such as ‘Sour Toaster-Tarts with Canned Cheese’. Getting baked never tasted so good!
NET: http://www.hightimes.com/htsite/chefra

BS ‘BEAT THE TOASTER’:
Your contestant must come up with words or terms in each category beginning with the specified letter. Time’s up after 60 seconds, as announced by toaster SFX. The prize is based on total valid answers.
GAME #1 –
Using the initial letter ‘C’ name a . . .
• Soup
• Famous Athlete
• Popsicle Flavor
• Excuse for Coming Home Late
• Something That Bends
• TV Show
• Something You Take Camping
• Kitchen Utensil
• Something That is Gooey
• A Nasty Name You Call Someone

GAME #2:
Using the initial letter ‘T’ name a . . .
• Summer Activity
• Movie
• Something in the Weather
• Article of Clothing
• Girl’s Name
• Wild Animal
• Breakfast Food
• Canadian Placename
• Something You Chew
• Highlight of Your Vacation

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 86% of women don’t think they’ll be doing THIS in 2 years.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: The same job.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nobody’s ugly after 2am.