Monday, August 11, 2003 Edition: #2598
Sweet Sheet!
TRASHY TABLOID BS:
• “Hollywood Reporter” notes that TNN cable channel will finally officially become ‘Spike TV’ TODAY (‘the first network for men’) after a long delay caused by filmmaker Spike Lee’s silly lawsuit to ‘protect’ his name. TONIGHT’S premiere night programs include a Playboy Mansion party featuring Pamela Anderson and a 2-hour “World Wrestling Entertainment” special.
• A source supposedly in the know tells “Daily Sport” that 40-year-old Demi Moore and her 25-year-old toy-boy Ashton Kutcher are a lot more serious about their relationship than people think. In fact, the pal claims, “They’ve talked about the ‘M-word’.” (Money?)
• In answer to Sugar Ray’s musical question, “Is She Really Going Out With Him?”, the answer is – not anymore! According to “Daily Dish”, 35-year-old frontman Mark McGrath is a single man after splitting with his live-in girlfriend of almost a decade, 30-year-old esthetician Carin Kingsland. As consolation, McGrath gets to keep their 3 dogs, ‘Lola’, ‘Ruby’ & ‘Chopper’.
• The UK’s “Sun” tabloid claims Gwyneth Paltrow & Colplay singer Chris Martin are secretly planning to wed NEXT MONTH. They’ve reportedly told close pals to be on standby to fly off for a hush-hush ceremony. (Next to ‘Bennifer’, are they not the most sickening celeb couple?)
• “E! Online” reports that the latest celebrity to enter the California governor’s race is stand-up comedian Gallagher, famous for throwing and smashing things on-stage. One of his campaign promises – the use of military-style, heavy-lift helicopters at accident sites to remove wrecked vehicles and ease gridlock. (Hey, makes more sense than anything Ah-nold’s said so far!)
• According to “E! Online”, Paula Abdul may be asking for more money to return as an “American Idol” judge than FOX-TV is willing to pay. (Apparently she’s threatening to return to her previous occupation – obscurity.)
• Meantime, “Star” magazine says 32-year-old former teen singer Deborah Gibson’s wedding has been called off because of reported dates with “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest. They met on this summer’s “Idol” spin-off, “American Juniors”, where she serves as a judge.
• “Daily Dish” says former Motown diva and noted tippler Diana Ross was dining at Ashton Kutcher’s West Hollywood restaurant Dolce when her hair caught on fire. Luckily, a friend smothered the blaze, apparently started by a table candle. (Good thing she didn’t breathe on it!)
• And here are the week’s breaking stories from “Weekly World News” – “Archaeologist Discovers Lost Arms of Venus De Milo!”, “Give Your Computer a Human Brain!”, “Siamese Tragedy – My Twin Made Me a Drunk!”, “Fishing Fleets Are Wiping Out Our Mermaids!” and – funny that no other media outlet stumbled on this story – “The Pope Is Missing!”.
HOW TO GET ORGANIZED:
Is your desk so full of paper that it could double as a recycling center? Do fellow employees actually discard some of their papers on your desk, thinking you won’t notice? Here are a few tips on how to reduce the amount of paper –
• Sort your paper every day. Try to decide what you need and what you don’t the first time you touch it. Set up a trash can or recycling box near the spot where you sort it. Toss what you don’t need – it’s that easy!
• Flag any items that require immediate attention with a red sticker and put it into a file marked ‘Urgent’.
• Bring in several new files and label them according to what they are – ‘Bills’, ‘To read’, ‘To follow up on’, etc. Keep files that require some sort of action separate from those that are merely being used as reference.
• Set up ‘tickler’ files that have the dates of the month on them and pay attention to what has to be done on or by any given day.
Source: Adapted from Online Organizing.com
SURE, NOW YOU TELL US:
Psychologists in a “Health” magazine study say it’s common to feel anxious, disoriented, and fatigued the first day back at work after a vacation. The solution? Spend your final vacation day at home, tying up loose ends and resting.
DINING WITHOUT GLUTTONY:
With ‘super-sizing’ and restaurants serving larger portions, here are some tips for keeping consumption in check when dining out –
• Choose foods that are steamed, broiled, baked, roasted, poached or stir-fried.
• Share food, such as an entree or dessert.
• Take part of the food home with you. In fact, ask for a ‘to-go box’ when you receive your food, then put half of it inside. That way you won’t eat the whole meal on the spot.
• Avoid gravy, sauces, butter or margarine.
• Ask for salad dressing on the side and use only small amounts of full-fat dressings.
Source: Condensed from the Center for Food Safety & Applied Nutrition Website
FOR THE RECORD:
The highest-ever temperature in Britain was recorded over the weekend … 37.4 C (99.3 F) at London’s Heathrow Airport.
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• On their “Top Of The World Tour”, the Dixie Chicks have made nearly $60 million in gross revenues, or an average of $980,337 for each performance!
• Estimates are that up to 80% of all discount coupons inserted in newspapers end up in the trash. (These days you have to eviscerate 10 lbs of advertising before you find any news!)
THE BULL SHEET 08.11.2K3
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1933 [70] Jerry Falwell, Lynchburg VA, ultra-right wing televangelist
1950 [53] Steve Wozniak, Santa Clara CA, inventor of 1st commercially viable personal computer/Apple Computer co-founder (with Steve Jobs in 1976)/CEO of Wheels of Zeus Organization (wOz)/philanthropist/Inventors Hall of Fame (2000)
1967 [36] Joe Rogan, Newark NJ, TV personality (“The Man Show”, “Fear Factor”, “Last Comic Standing” judge)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Daughter’s Day”, a day to pay special tribute to female offspring. (And they’ll no doubt respond, “Yeah right … whatever.”)
TODAY is the end of the “Dog Days of Summer”, traditionally the hottest days of the year in the Northern Hemisphere. That’s cause for celebration in places like Phoenix and Houston, and this summer – London and Paris too!
TOMORROW is “Middle Children’s Day”, to salute middle-born children whose childhood activity was limited by always being ‘too young’ or ‘too old’. Ask for middle kid sob stories on your recording line, then edit out the best to play back. (With lots of ‘awwwww!’ SFX.)
THIS WEEK is “Elvis Week 2003” as his Memphis mansion Graceland offers a raft of activities to perpetuate the legend. AUGUST 16th will be the 26th anniversary of his death (the King is dead – let’s make money!). TODAY’s events include an ‘Elvis Fan Forum’ and the ‘Elvis Week Fashion Show’.
PHONER: 800-238-2000/901-332-3322
NET: http://www.elvis.com/elvisweek/2003/default.asp
THIS WEEK is “Thanks For All the Gifts Week”, a week for procrastinators (and busy newlyweds) to write all those thank-you notes they’ve been meaning to get to.
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1968 [35] The Beatles launch their new record label – Apple
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1874 [129] Harry Parmelee of New Haven CT receives patent for 1st ‘sprinkler head’
2000 [03] 1st baby named after a Website as Travis & Jessica Thornhil of Hutchinson KS take $5,000 to name daughter ‘Iuma’ [eye-OOM-ah] after an underground music Website
NET: http://www.iuma.com
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1929 [74] 1st MLB player to hit 500 HR (Babe Ruth)
1991 [12] Most tap dancers performing simultaneously (5,622)
1992 [11] USA’s largest shopping mall opens, the Mall of America in Bloomington MN (about 600 stores & services, 75% of West Edmonton Mall)
1998 [05] Meteorologists report that July, 1998 was the hottest month Earth has experienced since records began
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Truck Drivers Day
[Wed] International Left Handers Day
[Thurs] Financial Awareness Day
[Fri] National Relaxation Day
This Week Is . . . Don’t Wait – Celebrate Week
This Month Is . . . Water Quality Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
• Aries – Time to develop a strict budget. That way you’ll at least go broke methodically.
• Taurus – Your lucky number today is 112 billion, 807 million, 520 thousand, 5 hundred and 2 … point 4. Use it whenever possible.
• Gemini – You will develop a fetish over a particularly attractive beach ball but it wont feel the same way about you. Heartbreak ahead.
• Cancer – No need to worry about the black cat that keeps crossing your path. It’s the black Doberman behind you that may cause trouble.
• Leo – Remember, every problem is an opportunity in disguise. So next time you see a problem, try to imagine it without the fake nose and glasses.
• Virgo – Decisive action is called for. This action takes the form of tighter pants and a bag of frozen sweet corn … to be used sparingly.
• Libra – Time to stop dwelling on how old you feel. Age is just a question of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
• Scorpio – Your obsession with green tea takes a turn for the worse today as you begin secretly soaking your undergarments in it. Professional help is indicated.
• Sagittarius – You will remain short but gain even more weight and subsequently be kicked around by a rowdy gang of jocks who mistake you for a big ole soccer ball.
• Capricorn – You have no one to blame for your current mess other than yourself. As your guru once told you, people who live in stone houses shouldn’t throw glasses.
• Aquarius – You will begin to have second thoughts about your newly acquired tattoos. Especially the one on your shoulder that says ‘kick me’.
• Pisces – It’s time to stop agonizing over the way the number 13 seems to keep popping up in your day-to-day life. After all, it’s bad luck to be superstitious.
BS DOUBLE-B GAME:
Each of the 2 words in the answers begins with the letter ‘B’ –
• It’s the highest rank in judo or karate. (Black Belt)
• It’s what a kid’s pellet gun shoots. (BBs)
• It’s the classic book about the life of a horse in 19th-century England. (“Black Beauty”)
• It’s what royals are said to have coursing through their veins. (Blue Blood)
• She’s the aging French movie sex kitten who’s now best known as an animal activist. (Bridget Bardot)
• It’s what you are said to be if others get together and ban you from doing something. (Black-Balled)
• This is the movie that made Will Smith & Martin Lawrence stars. (“Bad Boys”)
• She’s the 1930s cartoon character who was considered scandalous for her ultra-short skirts. (‘Betty Boop’)
• Somehow Whitney Houston has remained married to him since 1992. (Bobby Brown)
• People say you have a lot of this if you show strong resolve. (Back-Bone)
BS PHONE STARTER:
“Do your kids stay up later than you did as a child?” (A “Child” magazine survey shows most kids 1-6 years of age go to bed between 8 and 9pm, but 9% of the li’l rug-rats are still up after 10 pm!)
BS MONDAY MORNING BRAIN BUSTER:
You’re driving a bus. At the first bus stop 6 people get on. At the 2nd, 13 passengers get on. And at the 3rd, 10 people get off. What color are the bus driver’s eyes? (What color are your eyes? You’re the bus driver!)
BS BLATANT JOKE:
The management of this station is not responsible for any loss of dignity suffered while listening to the following program …
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Ancient Romans were the first to do THIS during marriage.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Wear a wedding ring.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Life is like a sewer – you get out of it what you put into it.
LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW!
Welcome aboard to BS samplers this week that include Mary-Anne Wadsworth @ 7 BOD FM St Helens, Australia, Todd Rupe @ WYZB Ft Walton Beach FL, Jonny Ramirez @ KXTN San Antonio TX, Sadia Torrell @ WQYX Clearfield PA, Andrei Maxim @ PRO FM Cluj Napoca, Romania, David Schmidt @ WJEZ Pontiac IL, and Stacy Woodward @ CHBW Rocky Mountain House AB.
