Wednesday, August 20, 2008              Edition: #3840
Don’t You Just Love the Smell of BS in the Morning?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
36-year-old actress Christina Applegate (“Rocker”) says she’s now ‘100% clear’ of cancer after recently revealing she was undergoing treatment for early-stage breast cancer (great news, but it comes at the expense of a double mastectomy) . . . Meantime, 55-year-old actor Patrick Swayze is reportedly defying his docs by continuing to smoke while battling pancreatic cancer (dude, that’s even dumber than your last film) . . . Actors Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell, all of whom filled in for the late Heath Ledger’s final role in Terry Gilliam’s upcoming movie, “The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus” (due 2009), have reportedly donated their pay to Ledger’s daughter, Matilda, because his will failed to include her (for a guy who’s being posthumously worshiped, this guy sure had shortcomings) . . . Rumor has it just-dumped actress Kate Hudson (Lance Armstrong’s latest castoff) has already run back to the comforting arms of her former BF, actor Owen Wilson (do yourself a favor and lock the door!) . . . 19-year-old “Harry Potter” actor Daniel Radcliffe has revealed he suffers from ‘dyspraxia’, a fairly common neurological problem that impairs organized movement such as tying shoelaces, one reason he left school to pursue acting (in return for a $28-million fortune, we’d be happy to wear loafers too!) . . . And actor Laurence Fishburne (“The Matrix” trilogy) has formally signed on to replace outgoing “CSI” star William Petersen as lead investigator, with his character to be introduced in the 9th episode of the new FALL season (no ‘Grissom’, no “CSI” – are we right?).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – The models learn Chinese history and move into their new Beijing home. (It’s the runway Olympics.)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Alanis Morissette performs.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Country singer Trisha Yearwood is a guest.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Britney Spears – Attorney Stacy Phillips, just one member of her legal team, is claiming she’s overdue payment of $400,000-plus for services rendered between MARCH and JUNE. The fee works out to about $700-an-hour. (Can you spell ‘gouge’?)
• Coldplay – They’re doing it again, giving away another free download via their website. This time, it’s “Death Will Never Conquer”, an outtake from the “Viva La Vida” album that features Will Champion on vocals. (Wow, a free tune sung by a drummer … thanks so much.)
• Gary Glitter – The 64-year-old former glam rock star (“Rock & Roll: Pt 2”) has been released from prison in Vietnam after serving most of a 3-year sentence for abusing underage girls. Authorities intended to deport Glitter (real name Paul Gadd) to the UK but he could use his British passport to travel anywhere.
• Neil Young – The 62-year-old classic rocker has announced an 8-week North American tour commencing OCTOBER 14th in St Paul MN and culminating at NYC’s Madison Square Garden DECEMBER 15th. Canadian stops will include Vancouver, Calgary, Regina, Winnipeg, Toronto, Ottawa, Montréal, and Halifax.
• New Kids On the Block – 39-year-old Donnie Wahlberg & his wife of 9 years, Kim Fey, have both filed for divorce, just as the reformed band is preparing to go on tour. (You know you’ve got problems when you can’t even agree on who’s divorcing whom.)
• Phil Collins – The 57-year-old classic rocker has just been ordered to pay 35-year-old ex-wife Orianne Cevey a whopping $46.76 million, breaking Paul McCartney’s recent  record as most expensive celebrity divorce settlement in British history by a couple of mill. Collins has now spent about a third of his $280-million fortune on 3 divorce settlements. (Hey Phil, that last marriage worked out to a little over $760 an hour … worth it?)

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Rocker” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Rainn Wilson (‘Dwight Schrute’ on “The Office”) stars as an over-the-hill 1980s rock drummer who seizes a second chance at fame by horning his way into a garage band fronted by his nephew (Josh Gad of “21“). Christina Applegate co-stars. Mostly shot in Toronto.
NET: http://www.rockermovie.com

BS CUTTING EDGE VOCAB:   
New terms to try on …
• ‘Flightmare’ – A really bad air travel experience. (“I was on an 18-hour flight from Sydney to London and the bar ran dry over South Africa. Man, what a flightmare!”)
• ‘Mega-shed’ – A big box store or distribution warehouse, particularly one with a plain or unattractive exterior. (“We’ve stopped grocery shopping at the mega-shed warehouse. We still have 6 dozen frozen burritos left from last time.”)
• ‘Social Notworking’ –  Surfing a social networking site instead of working. (“Don’t expect that report from Travis today. He looks busy, but he’s actually just social notworking.”)
• ‘Volun-tourist’ – A person who does volunteer work while on vacation. People are actually paying to repair houses in Romania, coach in South Africa, cook in Vietnam, etc. (“I got a great deal on an all-inclusive volun-tour in the Dominican Republic. We’ll be digging ditches.”)

GO EAST, YOUNG SNAIL!
Pacific Ocean shellfish – mussels and snails, clams and cockles – are heading for a mass invasion into the North Atlantic that could alter the ecology of both oceans as sea ice vanishes from the warming high Arctic, according to a pair of California scientists. There’s a fair likelihood the invasion across the northern passage may generate new fisheries due to a dramatic increase in abundance. The researchers say invasions like this can also increase the genetic diversity of many species. (“Put the seal club away, Duff. We’re trawling for cod … in a shell.“)
– “San Francisco Chronicle”

TOP EARNING HIP-HOP STARS:
According to a new ranking these are the rappers that raked in most in the past year, from all sorts of sources besides performing and/or producing music, including clothing lines, colognes, movies, video games, etc …
5. Timbaland … $22 million.
4. Kanye West … $30 million.
3. Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs … $35 million.
2. Shawn ‘Jay-Z’ Carter … $82 million.
1. 50 Cent … $150 million.
– “Forbes Magazine”

TRY SHARK PUKE FOR YOUTHFUL SKIN!
Shark bile could be the next big thing to hit the beauty market. Cashing in on Chinese folklore, Theo Macrides, head of Australia’s RMIT natural products group, has developed a product from shark bile which he claims may cure many skin problems. According to him, the product called ‘Ketsugo’ restores normal balance to oily skin and helps control acne. (Mmm, nice aroma too!)
– ANI Health & Science

OURS IS BETTER THAN YOURS:
A poll of over 1,000 mothers has found that nearly 70% think their child is ‘gifted’. Many moms consider their kids geniuses if they walk and talk early; have a brain like a sponge; scribble magnificently; love to learn; or ask questions that stump their parents. Truth be told, most of these behaviors are simply kids being kids. The vast majority of children are not ‘gifted’ in the sense of having extraordinary brain power. In fact, only 2-to-5% are, depending on how they’re measured. (Actually, they’re all gifted in their own way. [Co-host’s] kid can inhale an entire bag of Cheetos in under 30 seconds, then belch the national anthem.)
– “Parenting Magazine”

BEWARE, THE END IS NEAR!
NYC private eye Tony Delorenzo is the author of a workbook for suspicious husbands and wives called “28 Tell-Tale Signs Of a Cheating Spouse”. Among his observations: mistresses should beware the end of AUGUST, because that’s when married guys wrap up their Summer flings before their girlfriends get serious. (Labor Day: when you put your white shoes away and glom onto a new rich guy.)
– “New York Daily News”

REAL DOMESTIC GROSSES:
What’s the biggest movie of all-time? Perhaps not what you think if ticket prices and total box office are adjusted for inflation. Here’s a new ranking of the flushest films in today’s dollars …
5. “The Ten Commandments” (1956) … $928 million.
4. “ET: The Extra-Terrestrial” (1982) … $1.004 billion.
3. “The Sound of Music” (1965)  … $1.008 billion.
2. “Star Wars” (1977) … $1.26 billion.
1. “Gone With the Wind” (1939) … $1.43 billion.
(“Titanic” ranks 6th and, so far, “The Dark Knight” only manages to make it to #39.)
– Box Office Mojo

GETTING A KICK FROM CHAMPAGNE:
In her book “A Natural History of Love”, author Diane Ackerman notes that when a mistress of France’s Louis XIV became jealous, the king decided only a bold gesture would appease her. He had her lie down with her breasts exposed while his artisans cast a mold from one. They then produced glasses in its exact shape, so he could always sip Champagne from her … er … bosom. Today, Ackerman claims, we still drink Champagne from glasses fashioned after his mistress’ breast. (Unfortunately for Louis, we’re talking about flutes.)
– “Social Studies”

THE NEW DISCRIMINATION:
An experiment at Britain’s University of Liverpool has found that not only do we have negative opinions of overweight folks, the stigma rubs off on their average-sized friends. The study recorded reactions to 2 different prom photos, one with a thin guy standing next to a thin girl; the other showing the same guy next to an overweight girl. According to ratings on the ‘fat phobia scale’, standing next to the large female led to the male being perceived 22% more negatively. He was even described as miserable, passive, depressed, weak, and insecure. Psychologist Jason Halford says the results suggest we project negativity not only on the obese but also on those who associate with them. (How depressing … pass me a sandwich.)
– SFGate.com

PLASTIC POOCHES:
Veterinarian Dr Edgard Brito of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil is offering plastic surgery and Botox injections … for dogs. Among the procedures available: wrinkle-reductions, eyebrow-corrections, ear-straightenings, and full face-lifts. Botox injections start at around $40-a-pop. We all like to associate with someone who looks good, he says, and claims it’s the same for dogs. (What a pile of poop! A dog will sniff anything that passes by … even if it’s coyote ugly.)
– “Las Ultimas Noticias”

FOR THE RECORD:
Since 1997 a guy named Winter has been on a personal mission to drink coffee at every single Starbucks outlet in the world. So far, he’s visited 8,056 North American outlets and 661 international locations in Austria, England, France, Germany, Greece, Hong Kong, Mexico, Spain, Taiwan, Turkey and elsewhere. But there are still 224 stores he’s yet to visit … in North America alone. THIS WEEK he’s in greater Toronto, then it’s on to Ottawa, Québec, New Brunswick, and Nova Scotia.
NET: http://www.starbuckseverywhere.net

DID YOU KNOW?
• Ever noticed? Yawning in front of a dog can cause it to also yawn. Researchers believe this is the first hard evidence that dogs have the capacity to empathize with humans. (Yeah, that’s why they feel it’s necessary to hump your leg.)
– BBC News
• Octopuses do NOT have 8 legs. New research reveals that 6 of their tentacles actually function as arms; only 2 as legs. (Certainly makes it easier to buy pantyhose.)
– Yahoo! News

BS CHRONOMETER 08.20.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [60] Robert Plant, West Bromwich UK, rock singer (w/Allison Krauss-“Raising Sand”, The Honeydrippers-“Sea of Love”, Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1995)

1954 [54] Al Roker, Queens NY, TV weather reporter (“Today Show” since 1996)/TV host (“Celebrity Family Feud” 2008)

1956 [52] Joan Allen, Rochelle IL, movie actress (‘Jason Bourne’ films, “The Upside of Anger”)

1970 [38] Fred Durst, Gastonia NC, rock singer (Limp Bizkit-“My Way”, “Re-Arranged”)/movie director (“The Longshots”, opening FRIDAY)

1992 [16] Demi Lovato, Dallas TX, TV-movie singer-actress (‘Mitchie Torres’ in “Camp Rock”)/currently performing on the “Burning Up Tour” with the Jonas Bros

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Birthday of the Moon”, according to the ancient Aztecs. (The Aztecs had pants?)

• “Radio Day”, for no apparent reason other than someone penciled it in on a calendar years ago. To celebrate, all on-air personalities get a hefty raise, free lunch, and a magnum of Champagne. (In your dreams!)

• “Potato Day”. Don’t know why or what we’re supposed to do … but bet they’re excited in PEI!

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1896 [112] 1st ‘Dial Telephone’ (explain to your grandchildren what this is)

1920 [88] 1st NFL organizational meeting (Ralph Hay’s Hupmobile Agency in Canton OH)

1971 [37] 1st ‘Electronic Pocket Calculator’ is introduced by Texas Instruments, a battery-powered gizmo weighing 2.5 lbs (1.13 kg)

1983 [25] 1st person killed by a ‘Waterbed’ (explain to your grandchildren what this is, too)

1993 [15] ‘Canadian Motorsports Hall of Fame’ opens at Toronto’s Exhibition Place

1998 [10] Supreme Court rules the Province of Québec cannot legally separate from Canada without federal government approval

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] Spumoni Day
[Thurs] Montréal World Film Festival 2008 opens
[Fri] Tooth Fairy Day
[Fri-Sun] Outside Lands Music & Arts Festival (San Francisco CA)
[Fri] “Cirque du Soleil: Delirium”, “Death Race“; “House Bunny”; and “The Longshots” open in movie theaters
[Sun-Mon] George Michael’s “The Final Two” (London UK)
This Week Is … Don’t Wait, Celebrate! Week
This Month Is … Cataract Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS
BS EVENTS AT THE FAT OLYMPICS:
• Bacon Fat Wrestling
• Belly Buck Relay
• Dorito Diving
• 100-Meter Dash for a Snickers
• Freestyle Sleep Apnea
• Quarter-Inch High Jump
• Synchronized Cannonball
• 10-Gallon Gravy Chug
• Spam Toss
• Find the Gold Medal in Your Tummy Rolls

BS RANDOM JOKE:
It’s a good idea to use contraceptives on every conceivable occasion.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What is the most expensive article of clothing you’ve ever purchased? Do you ever wear it?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A restaurant server is 9 times more likely to have THIS than a doctor or lawyer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A nervous breakdown.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what you know.