Tuesday, December 6, 2005        Edition: #3174
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY the ashes of “Star Trek’s” ‘Scotty’, late actor James Doohan, were due to lift-off for space but a technical glitch has left the rocket grounded in California for at least a month more (“Dammit captain, I’m an engineer not a magician, there’s noothin’ I ken due!”) . . . TODAY comedian Tom Green launches his “Prepare For Impact” rap album at Hooters downtown Toronto restaurant (should be titled “What I’ve Resorted to Since My Movie Career Tanked”) . . . TONIGHT CBS-TV airs “The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show”, featuring supermodels Adriana Lima,  Naomi Campbell, Gisele Bundchen, Tyra Banks (in her final stroll down the runway), and Heidi Klum, in her first modeling appearance since giving birth to son ‘Henry’ in SEPTEMBER (Sting & Ricky Martin are the musical guests) . . . Finally we’re going to see some actual snow on CTV’s “Corner Gas” when the show’s holiday special airs next MONDAY (the last time Saskatchewan went 2 entire years without snow was during the ‘Big Bang’) . . . “Playbill” magazine reports there are plans to turn Chuck Palahniuk’s novel and movie “Fight Club” into a – Broadway musical (can’t wait for that big finalé number) . . . Good news for anyone who thinks the current “Amazing Race” season has been stuck too close to home – the next season, “Amazing Race 9“, has already been spotted shooting in northern Australia (as far away from the Weaver family as possible) . . . Word has it Justin Timberlake has missed out on 2 movie roles because casting directors thought he sounded too young, so he’s taking vocal lessons – to sound more ‘manly’ (coincidentally, so is [co-host]!) . . . “Aeon Flux” star Charlize Theron is reportedly British director Martin Campbell’s first choice for the leading lady in the upcoming ‘James Bond’ film “Casino Royale”, but Angelina Jolie & Sienna Miller are also on the shortlist (better make up his mind soon – filming’s scheduled to begin in FEBRUARY!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beach Boys – TONIGHT Brian Wilson guests on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Billy Joel – TODAY he releases “My Lives”, a 5-disc box set containing 23 never-before-heard tunes as well as a live show from Frankfurt, Germany during his “River of Dreams” tour.
• Creed – TONIGHT frontman Scott Stapp appears on a pre-taped episode of Spike TV’s “Casino Cinema”, in which he reportedly created a total ruckus – showing up drunk, cursing, flipping the bird, and slagging the likes of Bono & Dave Grohl. Now this is must-see TV!
• Eminem – TODAY he releases “Curtain Call”, a greatest-hits collection that contains 13 of his  biggest tunes plus 3 new songs, including the single “When I’m Gone”. It comes in 2 versions: ‘Parental Advisory’ and ‘Non-Parental Advisory’.
• James Blunt – TONIGHT the “You’re Beautiful” singer does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Jamie Foxx – TODAY the Oscar-winning actor releases “Unpredictable”, his first album on J Records which features guest appearances by Kanye West, Mary J Blige & Ludacris.
• Madonna/Melissa Etheridge – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Mary J Blige – TODAY she releases the  retrospective collection, “Reminisce”, featuring a cover of U2’s “One” with Bono joining her on vocals.
• Shakira – TODAY she’s a guest on syndicated TV’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Also in music stores TODAY: Lindsay Lohan’s “A Little More Personal (RAW)”; Korn’s “See You on the Other Side”; “The White Stripes’ “Walking With a Ghost”; and “Our New Orleans: A Benefit Album for the Gulf Coast” by various artists.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Cinderella Man” (Biography/Drama – DVD): Russell Crowe & Renée Zellweger star in the story of Depression-era fighter and folk hero Jim Braddock, who defeated heavyweight champ Max Baer in a 15-round slugfest in 1935. Crowe’s ill-timed phone-tossing antics pretty much killed the critically-acclaimed film at the box office. Filmed in Toronto, including the old Maple Leaf Gardens.
• “The Dukes of Hazzard” (Action/Comedy – DVD): In this bigscreen version of the vintage TV series (1979-85), cousins ‘Bo’ (Seann William Scott) & ‘Luke Duke’ (Johnny Knoxville), with a little help from their cousin ‘Daisy’ (Jessica Simpson) & ‘Uncle Jesse’ (Willie Nelson), egg on the authorities of ‘Hazzard County’, ‘Boss Hogg’ (Burt Reynolds) & ‘Sheriff Coltrane’ (MC Gainey). A total of 26 vintage Dodge Chargers were used, many of them appearing as the famous ‘General Lee’. The movie’s mindless trash but it made over $110 million worldwide.
• “Fantastic Four” (Action/Adventure – DVD): Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans & Michael Chiklis star as a group of astronauts who gain superpowers after cosmic radiation exposure. They use them to oppose the plans of their enemy ‘Doctor Victor Von Doom’ (Julian McMahon). Shot in Vancouver and Surrey BC.   
• Also on DVD TODAY: “24: Season 4″; “Everybody Loves Raymond: The Complete 5th Season”; and “The West Wing: The Complete 5th Season”.

2005 BILLBOARD MUSIC AWARDS:
TONIGHT LL Cool J hosts live on FOX-TV from the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas. A few highlights …
• 50 Cent, Mariah Carey & Green Day lead the pack of chart-topping nominees (all are up for ‘Artist of the Year’ and ‘Album of the Year’).
• Kanye West receives the 2005 ‘Artist Achievement Award’ and veteran rocker Tom Petty the lifetime achievement ‘Century Award’.
• Performances include Carrie Underwood, Ciara, Green Day, R Kelly, and Toby Keith.

BOOZE NEWS:
• New research suggests that drinking a beer a day could help fight – obesity. According to the study, published in the open access journal “BMC Public Health”, consuming a drink or 2 a few times a week reduces the risk of being obese, but 4 or more drinks per day increase the risk of being obese by 46%. (Yeah right, drink beer and you’ll end up with a ‘6-pack’.)
– ANI
• Middle-aged adults who binge-drink may face a heightened risk of dementia later in life, a new Finnish study shows. Over all, people who binge at least once a month – downing, for instance, 5 bottles of beer or a bottle of wine in one sitting – have a 3-times-greater risk of developing dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease. (The study also suggests … um, what was I talking about again?)
– Reuters

CIRCLE SALE:
The world’s leading crop circle expert is flat broke and trying to sell off his massive 20-year-plus collection of crop circle research material. Colin Andrews of Petaluma CA, author of the book “Circular Evidence”, has collected over 35,000 photos, 650 videos, and at least 3,000 books and publications on the subject. He put his entire package up for bid on eBay with a starting price of $250,000, but not too surprisingly … didn’t get a single offer. (He already gave up on there being a sequel to that gawd-awful Mel Gibson movie “Signs”.)
– “Curious Times”

WHAT NOT TO WEAR:
Etiquette expert Susan RoAne offers the following guidelines for women who want to be taken seriously in the workplace …
• Skirts – Length should be no more than one hand-width above the knee.
• Tops – Make sure there is at least 1-inch of room between body and fabric and that it is long enough to conceal the midriff. Fabric should not be overly sheer and a bra should be worn.
• Dresses – No halter tops or cleavage-baring necklines. Avoid overly snug fits.
• Pants – Shun overly tight or hip-hugger pants that expose the midriff. Stick with neutral colors.
• Shoes – Heels should be no higher than 2 inches; toe should be closed. Avoid strappy styles, bright colors and patterns.
• Hair – Keep hair sleek and off the face. Avoid the teased, over-processed look.
• Makeup – Keep it clean and natural. Avoid heavy eyeliner or evening lipsticks.
RoAne says the point of all this is to be noticed for your business skills, not your suggestive appearance.
– CareerBuilder.com

FACE OFF:
38-year-old Isabelle Dinoire, the French woman who received the world’s first partial face transplant a week ago is reportedly recovering well and grateful that the 15-hour procedure seems to have worked. Her face had been severely disfigured when she was mauled by her pet Labrador. But now further news about the donor has emerged – it seems her new nose, lips and chin came from a woman who had – hanged herself, committing suicide just hours before the operation. (Unfortunately when you’re waiting for this operation, you can’t pick your nose.)
– “The Independent”

HIS GIGGLE IS BETTER THAN HIS BITE:
Researcher Patricia Simonet of Sierra Nevada College in Lake Tahoe claims that dogs at play make a distinctive, breathy exhalation that can trigger playfulness in other dogs. Yep, it might just be the dog version of – a laugh. To an untrained human ear, it may sound much like a pant, but analysis of recordings reveals ‘laughter’ bursts into a broader range of frequencies. (And as Alan Sherman once said, when they pant and pant – that is a pair of pants.)
– “Science News”

WHITE CHRISTMAS ODDS:
According to Environment Canada stats, the following places have a 100% probability of a ‘white Christmas’ in 2005 – Québec City QC, Goose Bay NL, Timmins ON, Thunder Bay ON, Whitehorse YT, Yellowknife NT and, of course, the North Pole. Victoria and Vancouver BC have the lowest odds of a white Christmas in Canada, with a probability of just 11%.
– CP

WAYS TO LOWER YOUR ENERGY BILL:
• Open south-facing window shades and drapes during the day and close them at night.
• Set your water heater no higher than 120 F/49 C. Replace your water heater if it’s more than 10-years-old.
• Turn off lights when not in use.
• Keep your fireplace damper closed when not in use.
• Check your dryer vent cap to be sure it closes tightly when not in use.
• Install foam insulators behind faceplates for light switches and electrical outlets.
• Replace or clean your furnace filter ever 1-to-3 months.
• Seal gaps and cracks, especially around windows and doors, with caulk and weather stripping.
• Replace standard light bulbs with energy-efficient bulbs.
• Choose ‘Energy Star’-designated appliances and products.
• Install and use a programmable thermostat.
• Add insulation to the attic.
• Replace your refrigerator if it’s more than 10-years-old.
• Replace your heating and cooling system if it’s old and inefficient.
• Replace windows and doors if they’re too cold to be near in the winter.
(All of this will cost you about 20-grand, but you’ll be saving about $4.98 per winter!)
– “Better Homes & Gardens”

THE BULL SHEET 12.06.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [50] Steven Wright, NYC, droll stand-up comedian
A sampling of his weird work ….
• I saw a sign on a post. It said: “Lost – $50. If found, just keep it.”
• I just received my degree in my major of ‘Calcium Anthropology’. It’s the study of milkmen.
• I saw a bird outside and I said, “Do you want some breakfast? I’m having eggs, oh, sorry.”
• I saw a sign at a gas station. It said “Help Wanted”. There was another sign below it that said “Self Service”. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

1956 [49] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, rock guitarist (REM-“Losing My Religion”)

TODAY’S BS OBSERVANCES . . .
• “Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women”, established by Parliament in 1991 to recognize and denounce violence against women in our society. The day coincides with the anniversary of the 1989 ‘Montréal Massacre’ when 14 young women were tragically killed at l’École Polytechnique.

• “Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. (To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant and then blow on it to cool it down.)

• “Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.

• “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awake today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad – a piece of coal. The name ‘Santa Claus’ evolved from St Nicholas via the Dutch form of the name – ‘Sinte Klaas’ or ‘Sinterklaas’. According to Dutch tradition, naughty children are whisked away to Spain by St Nick’s helper, ‘Black Pete’. (Hey buddy, pick me!!)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1988 [17] Legendary singer Roy Orbison dies of a massive heart attack at age 52

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1960 [45] 1st ‘Domino’s Pizza’ opens

1963 [42] 1st automobile ‘Cruise Control’ introduced

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [22] World record for ‘Continuous Whistling’ set at 45 hours, 20 minutes

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Grammy Awards nominees announced
[Wed] National Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Thurs] Bad Hair Day
[Fri] “The Chronicles of Narnia”, “Brokeback Mountain” and “Syriana” open in movie theaters
[Sat] International Human Rights Day
[Sat] Nobel Prize Awards Ceremonies
[Sun] “Survivor: Guatemala” finalé
[Sun] 2005 Nobel Peace Prize Concert (Oslo, Norway)
This Week Is … Human Rights Week
This Month Is … Identity Theft Prevention & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS

HOW DUMB ARE THEY?
• The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead.
• She’s about 3 wheels short of a Honda.
• There’s too much yardage between the goal posts.
• He’s about 2 sheep short of a sweater.
• He’s 1 sock short of a pair.
• Types 120 words a minute but her keyboard isn’t plugged in.
• He’s solid concrete from the eyebrows backwards.
• Somebody lend her a quarter to buy a clue.
• Someone blew out his pilot light.
• The cheese has slid off his cracker.
• She’s about as smart as bait.
• He’s about as useful as a concrete canoe.
• She talks to plants … on their own level.

BS PHONE STARTER:
• What is the most important thing that ever happened to you … in 10 words or less?
• What is absolutely the best tune to sing along with while driving?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: $6 million is spent every day trying to get Americans to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Join the military.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which one you need more.