Friday, December 13, 2002        Edition: #2442
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT Britney Spears voices the part of ‘Donner’ in the CBS-TV animated holiday special ”Robbie the Reindeer” . . . SUNDAY on TNT country singers Brooks & Dunn, Lee Ann Womack, Alison Krauss & Union Station headline the 21st annual “Christmas in Washington” concert with America’s first family as honored guests . . . SUNDAY “Sopranos” couple Michael Imperioli & Drea de Matteo host the pre-recorded “VH1 Big in 2002 Awards”, which includes a tribute to hip-hop pioneers Run-DMC and the late Jam Master Jay . . . Kelly Osbourne now has an advice column called ‘Ask Kelly’ at her Website (http://kellyosbourne.com/) . . . CTV will air a 2-part “Osbournes”-style reality show NEXT SPRING featuring Canadian rock ‘n’ roll legend Ronnie Hawkins and his family at home on their farm near Peterborough ON . . . The Baz Luhrmann-directed opera “La Bohème” has becoming one of the hottest tickets on Broadway – even at 95 BUCKS a pop! . . . “Die Another Day” has become the top-grossing ‘Bond’ film in the franchise’s 40-year history . . . Contrary to previous rumors, it seems Gwyneth Paltrow & Coldplay singer Chris Martin are far from over, she telling friends that ‘it’s the real thing’ and planning to spend Christmas with his family . . . Chicago’s gigantic but ancient Cook County Hospital, the inspiration for TV’s long-running “ER”, is closing down . . . Russell Crowe has been spotted buying a whopping $100,000-diamond ring – seems he may be getting serious with on-again, off-again girlfriend Danielle Spencer . . . Another celeb couple rumor says 41-year-old Meg Ryan & 36-year-old John Cusack have become an item (Meg you cradle robber!).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
It’s “Cinderella”, NYC-style – the romantic comedy “Maid in Manhattan” features Jennifer Lopez as ‘Marisa Ventura’, a single mom working as a maid at a 4-star Manhattan hotel who is pursued by wealthy heir ‘Christopher Marshall’ (Ralph Fiennes) when he mistakes her for a ritzy hotel guest (according to a new online survey, only 25% think Fiennes is a hunk, compared to 75% who say J-Lo’s real-life guy Ben Affleck is hot) .. . . Patrick Stewart, Jonathan Frakes and the rest of the ‘Next Generation’ crew are back  in “Star Trek Nemesis” and this time the story, rumored to be the last with this ensemble, centers on a creature cloned from ‘Captain Jean-Luc Picard’ who attempts to trash a peace settlement (be still my heart!) . . . While filming Jack Nicholson’s new road movie “About Schmidt”, the director asked Kathy Bates if she’d like to do a hot tub scene with smilin’ Jack, and she answered: “Only if I can be naked” (so she did the scene wearing nothing but a smile) . . . In the comedy “The Hot Chick”, a popular but unpleasant high-school prima donna wakes up to find that she’s become a 30-year-old man – played by Rob Schneider . . . In the comedy “Drumline”, Nick Cannon plays a young hip-hop drummer from Harlem who receives a scholarship to attend an Atlanta university known for its marching band.

IN THE NAME OF ART:
Chilean artist Marco Evaristti’s new Santiago exhibition called “Justice at a Naked Lunch” features a series of paintings done with – heroin, cockroach poison and the blood of victims of terrorist attacks collected from Israeli streets. The Jewish artist says his next project is to have a mutual blood transfusion with an Arab man.

IT AIN’T FAIR:
A Belmont, California couple has hit the lottery jackpot – twice in the same day! 78-year-old retired railway worker Angelo Gallina and wife Maria first won $17 million in the SuperLotto Plus. One hour later they won an additional $126,000 in another game. Lottery officials say the odds of that happening are 1 in 24 trillion. At least this may make you losers feel better about it – the couple estimates they’ve spent $124,000 buying lottery tickets over the years.

KILL ‘BUDDY’:
Need to vent your pent-up anger when some $^*&$#& driver cuts you off in traffic? Hey, most of us need some kind of outlet and that’s the reason for the new ‘Road Rage Buddy’ doll. Its inventors are hoping people will take out their frustrations on the dolls instead of other drivers. The dolls come in several models, including ‘Redneck’, ‘Businessman’ and ‘Punk Kid’. (Voodoo pins extra.)

BIG WHEEL:
The city of Shaghai, China is planning to put a restaurant on what will be the world’s largest Ferris wheel that will open by 2005. The 660-foot wheel will eclipse the London Eye (built for millennium celebrations) as the world’s tallest and will offer diners a revolving view of Shanghai’s waterfront and skyscrapers. “China Daily” says state-of-the-art technology and interior design will prevent both flying dinnerware and diners from feeling ill.

LOVE @ WORK:
A survey of employers by the trade magazine “Employment Review” finds that more than a quarter think romance in the office has a negative impact on the work environment. 20% say office romances are bad for employee performance, and 16% think they’re bad for team efforts. Only 3% of employers think office flings are positive. (‘Cause they’re having one?)

SEASONAL SURVEY:
According to a new poll from the National Confectioners Association, ‘sucking’ is the best way to enjoy a candy cane, selected by 54% of kids. 24% prefer ‘crunching’ them and 19% just like ‘licking’ them. (A frustrated .005% unsuccessfully attempted ‘smoking’ them.)

WHY BUY A MATTRESS ANYWHERE ELSE?
Melbourne, Australia bordello, the Daily Planet, plans to sell shares on the stock market in early 2003. The stock will be advertised as a ‘very busy five-star hotel’. (“ … and DP is a hard sell on the market today as its figures continue to go down …”)

IT HAS THE WEEKS OF THE MONTH SEWN ON:
An inventor in Japan, land of innovation, has come up with underwear that’s supposedly wearable for 6 straight days. The secret is 3 leg holes, allowing for ‘daily rotation’. (10 bucks says he doesn’t have a girlfriend.)

WHAT KIND OF SHOPPER ARE YOU?
 Researchers studying holiday shopping behavior have found that most of us fit into one of 5 categories –
• Pleasers – the most common type, who consider others’ tastes and interests when selecting gifts for them.
• Providers – who buy practical gifts they think recipients need but may not have asked for.
• Compensators – people who try to fill a void or make up a loss through a special gift.
• Socializers – who choose gifts they like themselves and want to share with others.
• Avoiders – people who just can’t get into the spirit, so when they shop they choose generic items for everyone on their list.
Source: new Rider University/University of Illinois-Urbana study.

THE BULL SHEET 12.13.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1925 [77] Dick Van Dyke, West Plains MO, ex-TV actor (Dr Mark Sloan-“Diagnosis Murder” 1993-2001)/movie actor (“Mary Poppins”)

1929 [73] Christopher Plummer, Toronto ON, movie actor (“A Beautiful Mind”, “The Sound of Music”)/stage actor (“Barrymore”)

1943 [59] Ferguson Jenkins, Chatham ON, Canada’s first Hall of Fame MLB player (pitcher with 3,192 career Ks, 1971 Cy Young Award with Chicago Cubs, 20-game winner 7 times, only MLB pitcher to strike out over 3,000 while walking less than 1,000)

1949 [53] Randy Owen, Ft Payne AL, country singer (Alabama-“Say I”, “Close Enough to Perfect”)

1950 [52] Wendie Malick, Buffalo NY, TV actress (Nina Van Horn-“Just Shoot Me” since 1997)

1957 [45] Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Mr Deeds”, “Monsters Inc”, “Fargo”)

1967 [35] Jamie Foxx, Terrell TX, comedian/movie actor (“Ali”, “Any Given Sunday”, ”Booty Call”)

1969 [33] Sergei Fedorov, Pskov RUS, NHL winger (Detroit Red Wings)/1st Russian to win NHL MVP

1975 [27] Tom DeLonge, Poway CA, rock singer (Blink 182-“All the Small Things”, “Boring”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1922 [80] Don Hewitt, NYC, TV show creator/executive producer (“60 Minutes” since 1968)

1971 [31] Chris Therien, Ottawa ON, NHL defenceman (Philadelphia Flyers)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Friday the 13th”, believed by many to be a day of bad luck (and if you believe something strongly, odds are it will be self-perpetuating). Here’s a selection of other oddball superstitions that some people still cling to – 
• A bed changed on Friday will bring bad dreams.
• If 13 people sit down at a table to eat, one of them will die before the year is over.
• The number of Xs in the palm of your right hand is the number of children you will have.
• You sleep best with your head to the north and your feet to the south.
• If you bite your tongue while eating, it is because you have recently told a lie.
• If you drop scissors, it means your lover is being unfaithful to you.
• Salty soup is a sign that the cook is in love.
NOTE: Try the Phobia Quiz in “Bull’s Bits”!

TODAY is “Count the LAs in Deck the Halls Day” (‘Fa-la la-la, la la-la la …’), so you can tell everybody you know how many LAs there are. Be careful – don’t count any FAs!

TODAY is “St Lucy’s Day”, honoring her 304 AD birth. Legend has it that, in order to follow a life of religious devotion, she cut out her eyes and sent them on a plate to a persistent lover who was haunted by them (especially afterward!). Today hotels in Sweden each feature their own ‘Lucia’, a young blond girl in white gown who serves guests coffee and lussekatter (saffron buns) to celebrate.

THIS WEEKEND the annual “Festival of Whirling Dervishes” spins in Konya, Turkey. Traditionally-dressed male dancers present their ‘sena’ or whirling ceremony when they spin in tight circles to achieve mystical union with heaven. This dizzy custom goes back 700 years.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1928 [74] 1st ‘clip-on tie’ (1st person says, “Wow, that almost looks real!”)

1982 [20] Vanna White turns over her 1st letter on “Wheel of Fortune” – it’s a ‘T’ (man, what a soft touch to make a living!)

1985 [17] 1st movie with different endings (murder mystery “Clue” features 3 different finishes)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1983 [19] Detroit Pistons beat Denver Nuggets 186-184 in triple OT after 3 hrs, 11 mins to set NBA records for ‘most points by a team’ and ‘most total points in a game’ (and most numb-bums in the stands)

1988 [14] 3 men end 29-hour, all-466-station subway ride in NYC (and live to tell about it!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] International Shareware Day (wanna swap pants?)
[Sat] National Bouillabaisse Day (a little shellfish, a little wine, a little celery, a little wine, a little onion, a little wine …)
[Sat] Halcyon Days (7 days before & after Winter Solstice)
[Sun] US Bill of Rights Day
[Mon] National Chocolate Covered Anything Day (how about chocolate-covered chocolate?)
[Mon] Eat What You Want Day (get that belly stretched out in time for the holidays)
[Tues] National Maple Syrup Day
This Week Is . . . Human Rights Week
This Month Is . . . National Drunk & Drugged Driving Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS LEAST POPULAR CANADIAN CHRISTMAS TV SPECIALS:
• “A Not as Cold as Usual Christmas”
• “How the Gun Registry Stole Christmas”
• “A Very Chrétien Christmas”
• “Christmas Baking with Celine & Rene”
• “Christine Cushing Spit-Roasts Blitzen Live”
• “Frothy the Runny-Nosed Beaver”
• “A Brief History of Christmas in Canada Before the Arrival of European Settlers”
• “Chrétien, The Reindeer Nobody Liked But Everybody Kept Voting For”
• Discovery Channel Presents: “Elf Autopsy”
• “Another Christmas, Eh?”

BS LEAST POPULAR CHRISTMAS TV SPECIALS:
• “The Grinch Who Stole Grandpa’s Heart Medication”
• “Frothy the Runny-Nosed Snow Monkey”
• “It’s An Even More Wonderful Life If You’re Rich”
• “For The Love Of God And Everything Holy, Change Your Shirt, Charlie Brown”
• “Emeril Lagasse Spit-Roasts Blitzen Live”
• “A Country Holiday with Martha Stewart & a Bunch of Actors Pretending to Be Her Family”
• “Richard Simmons’ Fruitcake Extravaganza”
• “Let’s Biopsy Rudolph’s Nose”
• “Twas 243 Nights Before Christmas”
• “The Christmas That Almost Wasn’t Due To Santa’s Urinary Tract Infection”
• Discovery Channel Presents: “Elf Autopsy”

BS PHOBIA QUIZ:
‘Triskadeckaphobia’ is the fear of the number 13, a common phobia on Friday the 13th. But what are people with these phobias afraid of?
• Dishabiliophobia
a) Fear of undressing in front of someone. [CORRECT]
b) Fear of washing other people’s dishes.
c) Fear of undercooked meat.

• Caligynephobia
a) Fear of pointed objects.
b) Fear of beautiful women. [CORRECT]
c) Fear of ugly co-workers.

• Xanthophobia
a) Fear of the color yellow or the word yellow. [CORRECT]
b) Fear of flying.
c) Fear of festering wounds.

• Genophobia
a) Fear of tight pants.
b) Fear of disease.
c) Fear of sex. [CORRECT]

• Didaskaleinophobia
a) Fear of failure.
b) Fear of going to school. [CORRECT]
c) Fear of Chia pets.
NET: http://www.phobialist.com/

BS INTERVIEW:
A plan by the Rotary Club of Winnipeg to build 10,000 snowmen as a tourist attraction isn’t going so well. As usual in winter it’s darn cold in Winterpeg, but so far no snow has stuck around long enough for building snow-folks. Usually, the ‘Peg has about 5 inches of snow on the ground at this time of year. Whatdya say we all make a contribution? By the way, Winnipeg has recently lost its title as ‘coldest city in the world with more than a half-million people’. Thanks to a population surge, Ulan Bator, Mongolia now claims that distinction.
PHONER: 204-942-2058 (Maria den Oudsten -Rotary Club of Winnipeg)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: It’s estimated that over 600,000 North Americans will be fired in the new year because of this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Something they said or did at their company Christmas party. (One-third of people admit that they have kissed a co-worker at an office Christmas party. I’m no exception and I can tell you that our newscaster is all tongue.)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless you have plenty that needs doing.