Friday, February 23, 2001 Edition: #1998
BS HIGHLIGHTS OF LAST NIGHT’S “SURVIVOR II” EPISODE:
• Overwrought vegetarian Kimmi burst into tears as team mates feasted on coconut meat.
• Elizabeth tried to trade sexual favors with camera crew in exchange for their pizza crusts.
• Thanks to Jerri, Ogakor tribe’s only knife went missing, but was later found buried — in Keith’s back.
• After fishing hook accident, Michael screamed, “My God! I’m bleeding like a stuck pig!” Team mates cheered.
• After winning reward challenge, Tina asked for Weed Whacker to cut underarm hair.
• Ogakor campfire sing-along included rousing rendition of “We’re Off to Eat the Lizard”.
• Kucha women refused to buy into Colby’s repeated assertions that semen protects against snakebite.
• Jeff illustrated how to wipe butt — with a rock.
• Nick infuriated Michael by constantly referring to him as ‘the other white meat’.
• Just before tribal council, Keith legally changed name to ‘Zbiegniew Vladigmovski’, then relaxed as team mates attempted to write out their votes.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW 15-year-old “Malcolm in the Middle” star Frankie Muniz is celebrity grand marshal of the ‘Endymion Parade’, one of the largest of New Orleans’ “Mardi Gras” parades (Britney Spears had the gig last year) . . . SUNDAY Lee Ann Womack performs at the first White House black-tie dinner thrown by the son-of-a-Bush administration (“I Hope You Dance”, Dubya) . . . Just a few weeks after the birth of their baby, former “Baywatch” babe Donna D’Errico and Motley Crue rocker Niki Sixx have separated (she discovered that ‘Sixx’ isn’t just a nickname) . . . Jennifer Lopez has given the pink slip to that bodyguard caught by the RCMP carrying dope in his socks at Toronto airport February 11 (it’s the only kind of ‘slip’ she owns) . . . And J-Lo is now available to make personal appearances — at an hourly rate — reported to be $750,000 per (remember that old joke, “We’ve already established what you are, now we’re just quibbling over the price”?).
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Brendan Fraser & Bridget Fonda star in “Monkey Bone”, a comedy about a cartoonist who goes into a coma and ends up in his own animated creation from which he must escape within 24 hours (sounds dumb, but it sure is fun to say “Monkey Bone”) . . . A gang of ex-cons robs a casino during ‘Elvis Convention Week’ in Vegas in the crime thriller “3000 Miles to Graceland”, starring Kevin Costner, Kurt Russell, Christian Slater and Courteney Cox (Costner makes a good Elvis Impersonator because ‘The King’s’ facial expressions don’t move anymore either).
WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• As far as medical scams go, this guy sucks! A young man purporting to be a ‘healer’ has been arrested in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for claiming he could cure women of any illness — by sucking their breasts. Three women each paid him about $18 for the service. (Amazing, I didn’t know they had blondes in Ethiopia.)
• International Olympic Committee officials have arrived in Beijing to check the progress of China’s bid to host the 2008 Games. (The running tracks haven’t been built yet, but their shooting facilities are top notch!)
THE BULL SHEET 02.23.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1939  Peter Fonda, NYC, film actor (“Ulee’s Gold”, “Easy Rider”)/father of Bridget Fonda
1949  Marc Garneau, Quebec City PQ, Canada’s first astronaut (Space Shuttle Mission 13)/just named Executive Vice-President of the Canadian Space Agency
1952  Brad Whitford, Winchester MA, rock guitarist (Aerosmith-“Jaded”, “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”)
SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1932  John Vernon, Montreal PQ, movie actor (“Ernest Goes to Camp”, “Animal House”)
1946  Barry Bostwick, San Mateo CA, TV actor (Mayor Randall Winston-“Spin City”)
1951  Helen Shaver, St Thomas ON, film actress (2001 Genie Award-“We All Fall Down”, “The Color of Money”)
1958  Sammy Kershaw, Kaplan LA, country singer (“Love of My Life”, “Cadillac Style”)
1963  Mike Vernon, Calgary AB, NHL goalie (Florida Panthers)
1965  Kristin Davis, Boulder CO, TV actress (Charlotte York McDougal-“Sex and the City”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day”. OK fine, but what’s the proper wine to serve?
SUNDAY the first-ever “Madonna Convention” will he held in Hollywood, which will include dance, look-alike and lip-synching contests, memorabilia displays, and an auction of ‘authentic collectibles’. While supported by her record label, Madonna isn’t expected to attend.
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 Carlos Santana ties Grammy Awards record by picking up 8 trophies for his multi-platinum album “Supernatural” and his first #1 single, “Smooth”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1886  World’s 1st ‘classified ad’, in “Times of London” (“Single White Victorian wishes . . .”)
1894  1st ‘Stanley Cup’ (Ottawa refuses to travel to Toronto to play, so the Cup is eventually awarded to Montreal AAA)
1997  Scientists in Scotland announce first successful cloning of an adult mammal, “Dolly” the sheep
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] National Tortilla Chip Day
[Tues] Pancake Day/Mardi Gras
[Wed] Lent begins
[Apr 26] “Survivor II” finale
Eating Disorders Awareness Week
National Wild Bird Feeding Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
Q: Next to humans, what animal is the greatest contributor to the destruction of the ozone layer?
A: Cows. Yes, cows. It’s estimated they produce some 100 million tons of hydrocarbon a year by releasing their intestinal gas — through burping.
BS TAG LINE:
Why don’t women blink during foreplay? They don’t have time.