BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” is off for a beach week February 15-19 inclusive. Subscribers will receive account credits for missed service days.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Tonight Kendall & Kylie Jenner are scheduled to launch their new clothing line with a lavish party in NYC. The reality TV stars are no strangers to fashion, having previously teamed up with PacSun and Topshop on collections; and with Kendall already a world famous model. The new line, called Kendall + Kylie, marks the first time they’ve had total control of the design process. The timing is no coincidence, as New York Fashion Week kicks off on Wednesday.
– WWD.com
★ Rihanna’s father Ronald Fenty says he almost hired a biker gang to beat up Chris Brown. Back in 2009, Brown pleaded guilty to committing felony assault against his then-girlfriend, and Rihanna’s dad was furious when he first learned about it. In a new interview, Fenty says one of his daughter’s old security guards told him about a plan to exact revenge on Brown and Fenty planned to join in. Quote: “When I called him the next day to arrange everything I cooled down and put a stop to it.”
– Mirror.co.uk
★ And Hilary Duff has gone on vacation with her ex-husband just days after finalizing their divorce. The singer-actress and her ex-hockey player/ex-husband Mike Comrie are on hiatus in Maui, Hawaii with their 3-year-old son Luca. The 28-year-old “So Yesterday” singer officially regained her single status last week after a judge signed off on her legal papers, formally putting an end to their 2010 marriage. The former couple, who split in early 2014, have long maintained the break-up is amicable.
– WENN.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Elton John (“Wonderful Crazy Night”).
• “Full Frontal With Samantha Bee” (TBS/TNT) – Series debut. The former “Daily Show” becomes TV’s only female late-night host.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Mash-up Monday with Neon Squeeze (Neon Trees and Squeeze).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Wavves (“V”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Charlie Puth (“Nine Track Mind”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Parson James (“Stole the Show”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (“This Unruly Mess I’ve Made”, out February 26th).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – LA Reid (“Sing to Me: My Story of Making Music, Finding Magic, and Searching for Who’s Next”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncê – She unleashed her surprise new single “Formation” a day ahead of last night’s Super Bowl performance. It’s her first new solo material in over a year. The song was released on Saturday night.
• Blake Shelton – He says he’s tired of reading ‘bull crap’ about his personal life and it’s time for media gossip mongers to ‘move on to someone else’. He says there’s good reason for a recent photo of him and girlfriend Gwen Stefani looking glum. Quote: “I looked unhappy because there is always a herd of complete dipsh–ts chasing us around taking pictures.”
• Johnny Cash – The late music icon is the namesake of a newly discovered species of … Black Tarantula Spider. The species has been found near California’s Folsom Prison which Cash immortalized in his 1955 song “Folsom Prison Blues” and where he recorded a live album in 1968.
• Meek Mill – The “Ima Boss” rapper (real name Robert Rihmeek Williams) has been found guilty of parole violation after repeatedly changing his court-approved travel schedule and accompanying his girlfriend Nicki Minaj to the American Music Awards in LA. He’s now been sentenced to 90 days house arrest. It’s his 4th parole violation in 8 years.
• Richard Marx – The singer-songwriter and his new  wife Daisy Fuentes have hosted an Aspen-themed wedding reception to celebrate their recent nuptials with friends. The couple exchanged vows in an intimate ceremony in Aspen CO in December and decided to celebrate the event again with a larger party at The London Hotel in Los Angeles. Cuban model Fuentes appeared in Marx’s video for “Beautiful Goodbye” at the end of 2014.
• Rihanna – She’s the latest performer to be added to the Grammy Awards. Her new album “Anti” has just been released and is expected to hit #1 on the new ‘Billboard 200’ listing. The Grammys air a week tonight on CBS-TV.
• Rita Ora – “Us Weekly” reports that she and actor Gerard Butler enjoyed a romantic
night together at a 4 star hotel in late January. Only a 4 star? What a fall from dating $200-million DJ Calvin Harris.
• Scotty McCreery – He returned to his roots last week when he taped an episode of the final  season of “American Idol.” For 3 days, the Season 10 winner mentored 2 of the top 24 contestants and shared lessons learned from both his “Idol” experience and his career.
• Stone Temple Pilots – The surviving members are looking for a new singer following the death of Scott Weiland. A message on the official STP website says: “No one will ever ‘replace’ Scott, that was never the intent. The intent is for STP to continue on, to evolve, and to do what we do … make music!”
• Zayn – The former One Direction singer, who’s now going by a single name, has scored his 1st solo #1 in the UK with his debut single release “Pillowtalk”.

LOVE & ROMANCE DOs & DON’Ts:
Just in time for Valentines Day, a few tips from our occasional contributor Robyn Bentley on feng shui in the bedroom to add zip to your love life.
DOs …
✓ Sleep in Your ‘Love Luck’ Direction – Find your feng shui position and always sleep that way.
✓ Display Symbols of Love & Pairs of Things – A sculpture or painting of a couple, 2 hearts, flowers, candles, etc.
✓ Display Your Happy Couple Photos – Make sure you both like them and they’re from happy moments.
✓ A Bed for 2 With 2 Bedside Tables & Lamps – Set up your bedroom for 2 even if you’re single.
✓ Scents for Romance – Make sure you both like the way your bedroom smells, whether it’s vanilla, cinnamon, lavender, or another favorite.
DON’TS …
✗ No Water Fountains – Moving water in a bedroom will cause relationship breakups.
✗ No Family Photos – Your kids, parents, in-laws, or friends don’t belong in your bedroom.
✗ No TVs, Computers, or Exercise Equipment – Couples with TVs in their bedroom make love less often.
✗ No Baggage from Past Relationships – Keeping things from the past keeps you anchored to the past.
✗ No Mirrors – Mirrors bounce energy and keep the room ‘awake’ … not very relaxing for lovemaking.
– FengShuiDiva.com

ACCIDENTAL HOROSCOPE:
A study of some 160,000 car accident insurance claims finds the most accident-prone zodiac  signs are …
5. Cancer [June 22-July 22]
4. Virgo [Aug 23-Sept 22]
3. Pisces [Feb 19-Mar 20]
2. Taurus [Apr 20-May 20]
1. Gemini [May 21-June 21]
– Suncorp Metway

BS AMAZING MEDICAL FACTS:
• People’s blind spots can be reduced with training.
– “International Business Times”
• The average American has 7.31 missing teeth, while the average English person lacks 6.97.
– “British Medical Journal”
• Like late singer David Bowie, his dog also had different-colored eyes … a condition known as ‘heterochromia’.

BS CHRONOMETER 02.08.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [61] John Grisham, Jonesboro AR, lawyer-turned-novelist (“Rogue Lawyer”, “The Firm”)   BS FACTOID: Movies made from his books include “The Pelican Brief” (1993), “A Time to Kill” (1996), “Runaway Jury” (2003), and “Christmas With the Kranks” (2004).

1961 [55] Vince Neil (Wharton), Hollywood CA, rock vocalist (Motley Crue-“If I Die Tomorrow”, “Girls Girls Girls”)

1969 [47] Keith Nelson, Pittsburgh PA, rock guitarist (Buckcherry-“Sorry”, “Lit Up”)

1977 [39] Dave ‘Phoenix’ Farrell, Plymouth MA, rock musician (Linkin Park-“The Catalyst”, “In the End”)

1985 [31] Jeremy Davis, North Little Rock AR, rock bassist (Paramore-“Decode”, “Crushcrushcrush”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chinese New Year”, aka “Spring Festival”, a festive holiday celebrated by Chinese worldwide on the 2nd New Moon after the Winter Solstice. The 4,714th Chinese year is a ‘Year Of the Monkey’ (‘Hou’) on the Chinese zodiac. Chinese are expected to take 2.8 billion flights, train trips, and bus rides during China’s most important holiday period, the 40-day New Year celebration. ‘Happy New Year’ is ‘Gong Xi Fa Cai’ in Mandarin and ‘Gong Hey Fat Choy’ in Cantonese.

• “Clean out Your Computer Day”, an annual event on the 2nd Monday of the month when we’re encouraged to delete all the digital chaff we’ve collected over the past year.

• “Family Day” in BC, an annual excuse for a long weekend in Winter on the 2nd Monday of February. (Jumping the gun on Alberta, Manitoba, Ontario, and Saskatchewan by 1 week.)

• “Laugh & Get Rich Day”, in recognition of laughter’s power to add to the bottom line. It’s claimed that people who laugh are more effective and tend to remember things better.

• “Opera Day”, for those who like listening to every word of a story being sung. (Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.) A few facts …
– The first ‘modern’ opera was written in 1597.
– The longest opera ever written was Wagner’s “The Ring Cycle” at a gruelling 15½ hours.
– For all the attention and publicity that it gets, only 3% of us have ever attended an opera.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2007 [09] 39-year-old wannabe actress, model, and million-heir Anna Nicole Smith is found dead in room #607 of the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Florida

2012 [04] Late screen actress Elizabeth Taylor’s collection of artwork by Vincent Van Gogh, Camille Pissarro, and Edgar Degas sells for over $20 million at Christie’s in London UK

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2009 [07] Chris Brown is questioned by police in Los Angeles after a complaint of assault from an unspecified woman (who turns out to be Rihanna).

2015 [01] Beck wins ‘Album Of the Year’ and Sam Smith wins both ‘Song’ and ‘Record Of the Year’ at the 57th Grammy Awards

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1816 [200] 1st ‘Police Dog’ used to make an arrest (a Bull Terrier in Britain)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2004 [12] Beyoncé wins 5 trophies at the Grammy Awards, tying the record for female artists co-held by Alicia Keys, Lauryn Hill, and Norah Jones

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Mardi Gras
[Tues] Stop Bullying Day
[Tues] Read In the Bathtub Day
[Tues] Extraterrestrial Visitor Day
[Tues] International Pancake Day
[Wed] Ash Wednesday
[Wed] All the News That’s Fit to Print Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Burn Awareness Week / Celebration of Love Week / Children of Alcoholics Week / Children’s Authors & Illustrators Week / Congenital Heart Defect Awareness Week / Dump Your Significant Jerk Week / Freelance Writers Appreciation Week / Have a Heart For a Chained Dog Week / International Coaching Week / Jell-O Week / Just Say No to PowerPoint Week / Risk Awareness Week / School Counseling Week / Secondhand Wardrobe Week / Women’s Heart Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
IF GUYS WERE REALLY IN CHARGE:
• Valentines Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
• On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day off to go drinking.
• Birth control would come in ale or lager.
• The only TV show opposite “The Super Bowl” would be “The Super Bowl From a Different Camera Angle”.
• Instead of ‘beer belly’, you’d get ‘beer biceps’.
• People would never talk about how ‘fresh’ they felt in TV ads.
• The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
• Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.
– First published in “BS” 2000.

PARENTAL PARDONS:
Things moms & dads of wee ones are required to do that they shouldn’t feel guilty about …
• Pretending to be asleep.
• Pretending to be deaf.
• Lying about what day it is.
• Claiming it’s nighttime when it’s only 4:30 pm.
• Convincing tots that it will be nap time when the microwave beeps.
• Taking the batteries out of an annoying toy and saying it’s broken.
• Giving a kid a hot dog that fell on the floor.
• Faking a shoulder injury so you don’t have to carry anyone.
• Hiding an ‘Amelia Bedelia’ book in the gross part of the basement.
– First published in “BS” 2013.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Tell us 3 unlikely things you did on the weekend.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of
the closet.

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You’re in Ancient Rome celebrating the pagan fertility festival Lupercalia, the predecessor of Valentines Day. Which should you sacrifice?
a. Your goat. [CORRECT. According to ancient tradition, goats and dogs were sacrificed.]
b. Your spouse.
c. Your virginity.
– Wikipedia.org

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average person has 19 of THESE in their lifetime.
Answer: Doctors.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A consultant is a guy who knows 99 ways to make love but doesn’t know any women.

LOOK WHO’S BS-ING NOW!
Jill Willoughby @ Spirit FM [KCVO] Kansas City MO; Tonya Cherry @ GX94 [CJGX] Yorkton SK; Ant Sykes @ Gravity Bradford, Bradford UK; Nina O’Neill @ Energy 94.1 [KTFM] San Antonio TX; Michael J Bailey @ 4CC Gladstone QLD, Australia; Robin Elliott @ Oasis FM Tenerife, Canary Islands; Mark Blazor @ 700 WLW Cincinnati OH; and Jaylen Baxter @ KCOV-FM Gillette WY.