Monday, January 21, 2002 Edition: #2215
The Sweet Smell of BS
BS PERSONALITY TEST:
What a woman likes about a man’s body reveals her personality, according to psychologist Dr Herbert Hoffman. Have a female describe her perfect man, then see if these traits fit —
• Bulging muscles — She’s playful, a bit naive and hangs on to many childhood fantasies.
• Clean, white teeth – She is full of energy, values good health, strives for moderation and likes to be in the mainstream.
• Broad shoulders – She’s a delightful companion, entertaining, amusing, well informed, very feminine and relies on her charm to get others to cater to her.
• Narrow waist & thin hips — She has great drive and energy, but prefers to avoid the limelight and help her man succeed.
• Manicured nails – She is artistic, creative, cultured and constantly seeking self-improvement.
• Dreamy eyes – She is loyal, trustworthy, reliable, intuitive and sensitive and rarely takes things at face value.
• Thick curly hair – She is outgoing, enthusiastic and affectionate and enjoys physical closeness.
• Sensuous mouth & lips – She a terrific conversationalist who believes in communicating her feelings and thoughts and expects other people to do the same.
• Very thin build – She has a self-sacrificing nature and strong maternal instincts.
• Very heavy build – She is a luxury-loving woman who wants to enjoy life to its fullest and is worried about financial security.
• Very tall build – She a decisive woman who’s in command of her own life and isn’t likely to be intimidated by anyone.
• Very short build – She is a very self-confident woman who’s extremely capable of making her own way in the world.
BS TITILLATING TABLOID TIDBITS:
• “Sun” says Jennifer Lopez will make a cameo appearance in the upcoming sequel to the blockbuster hit movie “Men In Black”. J-Lo will appear in a scene at the end of “MIB-2″, playing — herself.
• According to “Star” magazine, Drew Barrymore became so distraught after watching her stuff being moved out of the house she shared with her hubby of 5 months, Tom Green, friends are worried she’ll fall off the wagon and drown her sorrows in booze and drugs. But don’t worry about her being homeless – she’s already rented a $3-million mansion in Hollywood Hills.
• “NY Post” says Kevin Costner is considering a chrome dome because he has lost so much hair. Kev’ tells the tab, “I’m not into plugs, rugs or drugs to correct this problem and would rather just shave it all off!”
• If you believe “National Enquirer”, Michael Jordan’s wife Juanita received a letter last month that revealed the NBA superstar had carried on a 16-year relationship with one Pam Jones-Mercer that began before the Jordan marriage and continued long afterward. Was that the proverbial last straw?
• “Sunday Express” says Rupert Grint, who plays ‘Ron Weasley’ in “Harry Potter”, will star in a bizarre new British film called “Thunderpants”. Yup, it’s the story of a boy who can’t stop breaking wind, so his genius friend invents a special pair of pants to help him become an astronaut.
• Britney Spears has finally admitted she plans to wed boyfriend Justin Timberlake, reports PageSix.com. “It will happen some time in the future, but not this year,” Spears reportedly told a British TV interviewer. At least they have a little love nest where they can hang out and not have sex together – they recently bought a California shack for a reported $3 million.
• And the week’s best headlines come from “Weekly World News” as usual – “Groom Killed By Stripper’s Boobs At His Bachelor Party!”, “Abraham Lincoln Was a Woman!”, “Transylvania Is Running Out of Vampires!”, and e-gad, “There’s An Alien Implant in J-Lo’s Butt!”
GUILT TRIPS:
Did you call your mom on the weekend? Feeling guilty about it? You’ve got plenty of company. According to a study in “Self” magazine, we spend an average of 2 hours a day feeling guilty about the little things in life. Luckily, these mini guilt-trips make us more empathetic to others. (But Mom’s still PO’d.)
MOST TRUSTED OCCUPATIONS:
Nurses and doctors top a Canada-wide poll on which professionals we most trust. Least-trusted professionals include Members of Parliament, who are only slightly more trusted than arms dealers and used car sales reps. (And program directors.)
FUN FOOD FACTS:
• America consumes an average 3.8 cans of Spam every second of the year.
• Americans spend more annually on cat food than on baby food.
• The average American eats 46-and-a-half pounds of potatoes each year.
• About half of all Americans are on a diet on any given day.
PLAYING TAG:
Retail studies show that 10% of us admit that, at least once, we have switched price tags on a product in order to save money. (“I know it looks like a Lexus, but it’s a Ford Escort, honest!”)
SEMI CONSCIOUS:
A 7-year study of truckers in Canada and the USA finds the average truck driver gets just 5 hours sleep daily while on the job. (And that’s interrupted 4 times so they can pee all the coffee they imbibed to stay up 19 hours.)
THE OTHER RED MEAT:
Goat might be the healthiest red meat around. At least, according to goat breeders. Seems goat is low in fat and cholesterol, but high in protein. US Department of Agriculture figures show that goat has half the calories of beef, about a sixth as many fat grams and the same amount of protein. Pound for pound, it has about the same calories as chicken, with a quarter less fat. (OK OK, but as ‘beef’ is to ‘cow’ and ‘pork’ is to ‘pig’, it needs a name to camouflage what it really is before many people will want to eat it. Ideas?)
ARE NAMES YOUR NEMESIS?
Some tips for remembering names, from memory expert Frank Felberbaum of Riverdale NY —
• If possible, handle introductions yourself instead of listening to a host introducing a group of people to each other.
• Don’t concentrate on making a good impression. Instead, focus on letting the other person impress you.
• Associate a person’s name with a physical feature, not a piece of his or her clothing.
• Tackle the person’s last name first. It’s more distinctive.
(Source: “Newhouse News”)
GREAT NEW PICKUP LINE:
A new report in the German edition of ”Glamour” magazine claims that sex helps women avoid getting cellulite. Seems it helps skin renew itself more quickly, becoming firmer and more
elasticized, because it releases an extra dose of estrogen. This helps combat the dimpled ‘orange peel’ effect.
THIS DIET STINKS:
Scientists claim people wanting to lose weight will soon be able to sniff themselves thinner.
Researchers at the Shiseido Company in Japan have discovered certain smells stimulate the brain to discharge elements that burn fat. They say grapefruit, pepper, fennel and tarragon are particularly effective. That’s led to development of a scented body lotion that’s due in Japanese stores by spring. In tests, 20 women who used the scented lotion for just 1 month lost an average of 1.1 kg (2.4 lbs) and became slimmer around the hips and waist.
I CANT’ FIGHT ALIENS IN THESE HEELS:
“Enterprise” star Scott Bakula (‘Captain Jonathan Archer’) was asked about the total lack of gay characters in all 5 “Star Trek” series. In an interview Bakula said, “I’m really not familiar with the history of this particular issue with regards to ‘Star Trek’. I haven’t heard anything coming down the pipeline, but I would be in favor of it. I would hope it would be handled in a great way. It would be wonderful.” (“To boldly go where no man has gone before.”)
THE BULL SHEET 01.21.2K2
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [62] Jack Nicklaus, Columbus OH, golf legend (holds the record for winning the most majors — 18 professional titles, including 4 US Opens, 3 British Opens, 5 PGA and 6 Masters Championships/one of only 2 players to win back-to-back Masters)
1941 [61] Placido Domingo, Madrid SPA, opera tenor (“Perhaps Love”, “Three Tenors”) who appears in “Moulin Rouge!” as ‘Man In The Moon’
1957 [45] Geena Davis, Wareham MA, 6′ movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, Oscar-“The Accidental Tourist”)
1963 [38] Hakeem Olajuwon, Lagos NIG, 7′ NBA center (Toronto Raptors)
1971 [31] Doug Weight, Warren MI, NHL center (St. Louis Blues, formerly Edmonton Oilers)
1978 [24] Emma Bunton, Finchley ENG, pop singer (former ‘Baby Spice’ of Spice Girls-“Goodbye”)
1980 [22] Christopher Kennedy Masterson, NYC, TV actor (Francis-“Malcolm in the Middle”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Squirrel Appreciation Day”. Yeah right, take off the cute little bushy tail and what do have? A rat! PERSONAL NOTE: Hey Jamie and Darren, do you have squirrels in Australia? ‘Cause if not, I’ve got about 700 in the back yard you can have.)
TODAY is “Martin Luther King Jr Day” in the USA, honoring the slain civil rights leader’s 1929 birth date and celebrated annually on the 3rd Monday in January since 1986.
TODAY is “National Hugging Day”. So go ahead, give someone a hug! (Then watch them sue you for sexual harassment.)
TODAY is “St Agnes’ Day”, the patron saint of virgins and Girl Scouts. (Hear about the pregnant Girl Scout? She kept tossing her cookies.)
TOMORROW is “Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day”, a day to concentrate on your feline and answer the questions you think it’s asking. Somewhere here there’s a phone bit, right?
THIS WEEK is “National Non-Smoking Week” in Canada, highlighted by “Weedless Wednesday”, the day when everyone’s encouraged to butt out for 24 hours.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1915 [87] ‘Kiwanis International’ founded in Detroit (now has over 300,000 members in more than 8,000 clubs in 77 countries)
1922 [80] 1st ‘slalom ski race’ run (Murren SWITZ)
1967 [35] 1st ‘microwave oven’ marketed for the home as Amana offers a $495 counter-top unit NOTE: The microwave was invented by accident in 1946, when Raytheon Corp engineer Dr Percy Spencer noticed a candy bar in his pocket melted during tests of a new vacuum tube called a ‘magnetron’
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1993 [09] World’s ‘largest doughnut’ measures 16′ in diameter and weighs 3,739 lbs (Utica NY)
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Tues] Rid the World of Fad Diets Day
[Wed] National Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
[Wed] National Handwriting Day
[Thurs] Women’s Healthy Weight Day
[Fri] Robbie Burns Day
[Fri] Fun At Work Day
Direct Deposit Week (as an alternative to in vitro fertilization?)
Celebrate the Past Month (it’s what you do when you have no future)
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘DOUBLE D’ GAME:
Each of the 2 words in the 2-word answers begins with the letter ‘D’.
• It’s the US equivalent of Canada’s Tim Horton’s. (Dunkin’ Donuts)
• What you put in the water to clean dishes. (Dish Detergent)
• It was the code name for the Allied invasion of Europe in WW2. (D-Day)
• It’s the sound a doorbell makes. (Ding-Dong)
• He’s a colleague of ‘Mickey Mouse’. (‘Donald Duck’)
• It’s a brand of vacuum cleaner. (Dirt Devil)
• It’s a skipping game in which you use 2 skipping ropes. (Double Dutch)
• He’s the 5′-1” actor who has become a big-time Hollywood producer. (Danny Devito)
JENNIFER LOPEZ NAMED SEXIEST:
E! entertainment channel’s new ranking of the ‘Sexiest Women in Entertainment’.
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Halle Berry
3. Angelina Jolie
4. Charlize Theron
5. Britney Spears
6. Liz Hurley
7. Gisele Bundchen
8. Beyoncé Knowles
9. Jennifer Aniston
10. Madonna
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Composer Calixa Lavallee died 111 years ago TODAY (1891) at his home in Boston. What was his most famous composition?
A: “O Canada”.
BS TAG LINE:
The only thing worse than being a bachelor is being a bachelor’s son.
WELCOME NEW BS-ERS!
BS welcomes samplers this week that include: Stacy Bundziak @ CHBW Rocky Mountain House AB, Chris Lajeras @ CKHC Humber College ON, Richard Paul Jones @ EZ Rock Woodstock NB, Lee Adams @ WSYE Tupelo MS, Tory Mosloski @ KYSM North Mankato MN, Theresa Fox @ WJNG Clarion PA, Darren Harding @ 3GG Warragul, Australia, and Dale Collins @ The Falcon FM Oxford ENG.
