Wednesday, January 10, 2001 Edition: #1966
TODDLER PROPERTY LAWS:
• If I like it, it’s mine.
• If it’s in my hands, it’s mine.
• If I can take it from you, it’s mine.
• If I’m building something, all the pieces are mine.
• If it looks just like mine, it’s mine.
• If I think it’s mine, it’s mine.
• If it’s near me, it’s mine.
• If it’s broccoli, it’s yours.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT FOX-TV’s latest tacky game show ”Temptation Island” debuts, a 6 week series (on a tropical island, of course) in which absurdly attractive babes and stud muffins try to house-wreck the relationships of 4 contestant couples . . . The Jackson 5 are planning a reunion album and tour for THIS SUMMER — with Michael joining his brothers for the project (seems a recent marketing study found that there’s a huge demand for light-weight retro pop fluff sung by a middle-aged dysfunctional family led by an androgynous freak) . . . The Consumer Electronics Association projects DVD player sales will reach nearly 30 million units by the end of the year (just before the next technology comes along to make them outmoded) . . . Ex-pat Canadian producer David Foster has been asked by the Salt Lake City Olympic Committee to write the theme song for the 2002 Winter Games and he, in turn, plans to ask Christina Aguilera to record it (the song’s called ‘Winter Girl Wants’) . . . And just a personal note here – Faith Hill, PLEASE, fix your freakin’ hair!
21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘Silicon Valley’ . . . A new euphemism for ‘breast implants’. While hosting a radio show in Florida recently, Backstreet Boys’ Nick Carter phoned Britney Spears at home and asked questions about hers. Word is she’s planning revenge.
• ‘Pink Slip Party’ . . . A new type of social event that’s evolved from the recent rash of hi-tech layoffs. It’s a combination goodbye bash and job fair, where laid-off workers mix with employment recruiters. Hundreds are expected for one of these in San Francisco TODAY.
DID YOU KNOW?
• Narrow-faced people are more likely to be shy. Harvard University researchers say the growth of facial bones may be influenced by the same genes that produce shyness. (Constantly being called ‘pinhead’ doesn’t help.)
• The most unproductive time of day for working parents is 3pm. Research shows that’s the time they start worrying about the kids getting home from school safely. (Quit worrying! They’re safe and sound down at the pool hall, scoring some ecstasy for the all-night rave they’re sneaking out to Saturday night.)
• Almost a third of us are too smart for our jobs! Seems too many get arts diplomas rather than business or science degrees which are more in demand these days. As a result, arts majors end up in lower level jobs for which they are overeducated. (As Thoreau once said, “You want fries with that?”)
• Business experts say the idea for any new venture is likely to be unsound if it can’t be put into a single coherent sentence. (Example: “So we get people to PAY for ‘satellite radio’, eh? And there won’t be any commercials, or at least less. And they can listen to their favorite music, like all polka all the time . . .”)
THE BULL SHEET 01.10.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935  Ronnie Hawkins, Huntsville AR, Canadian rock icon who assembled The Band
1938  Frank Mahovlich (“The Big M”), Timmins ON, Canadian Senator/Hall of Fame NHL player
1945  Rod Stewart, Glasgow SCOT, wrinkle-rock singer (“Maggie May”, “Do You Think I’m Sexy”)
1948  Donald Fagen, Passaic NJ, classic rock singer (Steely Dan-“Reeling in the Years”)
1953  Pat Benatar (Andrzejewski), Brooklyn NY, classic rocker (“Hit Me with Your Best Shot”)
1958  Shawn Colvin, Vermillion SD, pop singer (“Sunny Came Home”)/ex-London ON resident
1964  Brad Roberts, Winnipeg MB, rock singer (Crash Test Dummies-“Ghosts That Haunt Me”)/driver of the year
1982  Josh Ryan Evans, Hayward CA, 3′-2″ actor (8-year-old ‘Grinch’-“How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, child lawyer ‘Oren Koolie’-“Ally McBeal”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Egg Balancing Day”, when you can take your average egg, place it on it’s fat end and it stands. It takes a little practice, but once standing your egg will stay erect all day long. (Truth be told, it works any day. But hey, it’s a long cold winter and any distraction is welcome.)
TODAY is “Peculiar People Day”, a good day to have listeners call in with stories about the weird habits of people they know.
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 America Online announces it will buy Time Warner in biggest corporate merger ever
2000 Melissa Etheridge and partner Julie Cypher reveal David Crosby is father of their 2 children by artificial insemination (shoulda known – their combined birth weight was 357 lbs)
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1863  World’s 1st ‘subway’ opens (the ‘Metropolitan’ in London, aka the ‘tube’)
1999  Critically acclaimed TV drama series “The Sopranos” premieres on HBO
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2000 Tisdale SK bakery achieves record of 76 eggs standing for annual BS “Egg Balancing Day”
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Sir John A Macdonald’s Birthday (why isn’t this a holiday?)
[Fri] Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day
[Tues] Canadian Figure Skating Championships begin (Winnipeg)
[Tues] Hot and Spicy Food International Day
International ‘Get Over It’ Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
• What was the most common occupation in Canada 100 years ago? (Farming)
• May Irwin of Whitby ON was the 1st to do THIS in a movie. (In the 1896 film “The Kiss”, she and actor James Rice became the first to swap saliva on-screen.)
• What word do we now use to describe the archaic term ‘hurley-on-ice’? (Hockey)
• What is Canada’s TALLEST bird? (The Whooping Crane, declared an endangered species in 1978.)
(Source for all: “All Canadian Trivia: Millennium Edition”)
BS TAG LINE:
Never hit a man while he’s down. It’s much easier to kick him.