Tuesday, January 9, 2001 Edition: #1965
YOU CAN TELL YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN . . .
• Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”
• ‘Getting a little action’ means ‘I don’t need to take any fiber today’.
• Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
• ‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.
• A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
• An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to pee.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Even though he’s battling illness, aging Hollywood fashion cop Mr Blackwell will release his annual ‘Worst Dressed Women List’ TODAY, an annual staple of sarcasm for over 40 years . . . Hey kids, mark MARCH 12 on your Hogwart School calendar because JK Rowling will release 11 million copies of a pair of special new ‘Harry Potter’ books — “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them’” and “Quidditch Through the Ages’” — with the goal of raising $33 million for deprived children (3 bucks from each sale goes to charity) . . . Backstreet Boys’ upcoming world tour is predicted to gross $350 million, topping the Rolling Stones’ all-time record tour “Bridges To Babylon” . . . London bookmakers are laying 33-1 odds that Madonna’s marriage will end in divorce within 5 years . . . After 8 seasons, Chuck Norris says he’s quitting his CBS-TV show “Walker, Texas Ranger” (this is shocking – that’s still on?)
TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
The show was topic #1 all summer, attracted over 50 million for its finale, and was rerun in its entirety in the fall, so the compilation video “Survivor: Season One — The Greatest And Most Outrageous Moments” has got to be for diehard fans only (we don’t want to ruin it for you, but Richard wins).
STYLE STATEMENT:
The “Wall Street Journal” notes that Bill Gates has become a ‘serious style icon’ in South Korea. These days dressing for success in Seoul includes mimicking Gates’ dweeby tortoise-shell glasses, unpolished shoes and wrinkle-free pants. (And due to the popularity of his hairdo, there’s a serious shortage of rice bowls.)
BS WINTER DRIVING TIP:
Baked potatoes can help get a cold car running! If your car won’t start during a cold snap, try microwaving a few spuds, then smashing them against the engine block. Apparently it provides an ideal heat transfer because baked taters hold their temperature for a long period. (And there’s nothing yummier than that 10W30 gravy!)
THANK GOD SOMEONE’S WORKING ON IT:
Due to zero gravity beer kegs just won’t work in space, so scientists at Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands have developed a sphere that holds beer in a collapsible bladder. When air is pumped in, beer is ejected in a glob about the size of a tennis ball. Astronauts aboard the International Space Station will soon be able to suck the beer-balls out of the air using a straw. (And the morning after a 2-4 of ‘beer balls’, they just repeat the process — in reverse.)
THE BULL SHEET 01.09.01
TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [66] Bob Denver, New Rochelle NY, former TV actor (Gilligan-“Gilligan’s Island”)
1935 [66] Dick Enberg, Mt Clemens MI, CBS-TV sportscaster famous for exclaiming “Oh my!” (did the play-by-play on Sunday’s Baltimore-Tennessee NFL playoff)
1944 [57] Jimmy Page, Heston ENG, classic rock musician (Led Zeppelin-“Stairway to Heaven”) NOTE: His fortune is estimated over $100 million and he owns much of the property around Loch Ness in Scotland
1967 [34] Dave Matthews, Johannesburg SA, rock singer (Dave Matthews Band-“Crash”, Grammy-“So Much To Say”)
1978 [23] AJ (Alexander James) McLean, West Palm Beach FL, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Shape of My Heart”, “One”) whose nicknames include ‘Bone’ and ‘Mr Cool’
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TONIGHT there’s a “Total Lunar Eclipse” of the full moon, visible in the northeast of North America and throughout Europe. NET: http://www.geocities.com/CapeCanaveral/7137/lunecl/jan2001.html
TODAY is “Play God Day”. So what would you do if you were God for a day?
ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 Hit sitcom “Malcolm in the Middle” debuts on FOX-TV
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1941 [60] 1st demonstration of ‘color TV’ (CBS-TV)
1951 [50] 1st ‘X-rated film’ premieres, in London ENG (“La Vie Commence Demain”)
TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1996 [05] Toronto Raptors set dubious NBA record of not making a single free throw in 92-91 loss to Charlotte Hornets
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Egg Balancing Day (we’re expecting a new record for total number of eggs balanced simultaneously at Zoerb’s Bakery in Tisdale SK)
[Wed] Peculiar People Day ([your co-host], for example)
It’s Okay To Be Different Month ([your co-host], for example)
BULL’S BITS . . .
TRUTH OR BS?
• The 1st Canadian to win an Olympic medal in downhill skiing was Israel Asper in 1932. (BS. ‘Izzy’ Asper, born in 1932, is the head of Canadian media conglomerate CanWest Global.)
• The Ottawa Senators once won the Stanley Cup. (True. The original Senators actually won 4 — in 1920, ‘21, ‘23 and ‘27.)
• When a duck mates with a goose, a hybrid bird called a ‘guck’ is produced. (Absolute BS. Ducks and geese normally have absolutely no attraction to one other.)
• There’s a candy bar that’s popular in eastern Russia made of chocolate-covered pork fat. (True! It’s name is unpronounceable, but it should be called a ‘Snorkers’ bar.)
• If odds favorites Oakland and Minnesota make it, it would be their first meeting in the Super Bowl. (BS. 24 years ago TODAY [1977] they met in Super Bowl XI at Pasadena, with the Oakland Raiders coming out on top 32-14. By the way, tickets for that game cost a measly 20 bucks!)
BS TAG LINE: Radio Rule #1 – Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.
