Friday, January 14, 2000 Edition: #1721
Happy birthday, ‘Bart’! “The Simpsons” began as a series of interstitials (also called ‘bumpers’ or ‘shorts’) for “The Tracey Ullman Show” on April 19, 1987, and premiered as a series on December 17, 1989. Regular broadcasts began on Sunday, January 14, 1990, the reason the show’s 10th anniversary is being celebrated.
GOOFIEST LINES ‘BART’ HAS WRITTEN ON THE BLACKBOARD AS PUNISHMENT:
• “I did not see Elvis.”
• “I will not trade pants with others.”
• “Nobody likes sunburn slappers.”
• “Underwear should be worn on the inside.”
• “The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee.”
• “I will return the seeing-eye dog.”
• “A burp is not an answer.”
• “I will not call my teacher ‘Hot Cakes’.”
• “This punishment is not boring and pointless.”
• “I will not waste chalk.”
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
FOX-TV has instigated an intensive search for money-hungry women for its upcoming game show “Who Wants to MARRY a Multi-millionaire?” (guess we can count on Anna Nicole Smith as a contestant) . . . A syndicated TV show is being developed for radio talker Dr Laura Schlessinger (now she can get those nude pics of her off the Web and onto TV where they belong) . . . Michael Jackson’s former manager, Frank Dileo, is writing a tell-all book in which he promises to reveal several secrets (maybe he can explain why the freak isn’t in jail?).
OPENING AT THE MOVIES TODAY:
“Girl, Interrupted”, a drama starring Winona Ryder as a troubled detainee in a psychiatric ward and Angelina Jolie as the fellow patient she bonds with . . . “The Hurricane” opens wide, with Denzel Washington playing Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, the real-life boxer wrongly convicted of murder . . . Angela Bassett and Lou Diamond Phillips in “Supernova”, a sci-fi feature set in the 22nd century, when ambulance spacecraft ‘Nightingale 229′ is dispatched to a distress signal from a distant comet.
REAL CYBERLOVE IS SPARSE:
Romance publisher Harlequin has just released a new poll showing that just 3% of women surveyed have ever dated a guy they met online. 83% say they’d never even consider it. But 80% of the women under age 34 do believe they will find ‘Mr Right’. (the old fashioned way – newspaper ads.)
BUT DOES IT HAVE ‘CUP HOLDERS’?
The “2000 North American International Auto Show”, one of the world’s largest, opens to the public tomorrow in Detroit. Ford is debuting its diesel-electric hybrid car, the ‘Prodigy’ which gets 78 mpg and is expected to be on the street by 2003. Side-view mirrors have been replaced with cameras and the body weight is half that of conventional cars. Not to be outdone, GM is unveiling a competing vehicle with 80 mpg capability called the ‘Precept’. (Trouble is, by 2003 fuel will be 8 bucks a liter.)
LOTS OF SAX, NO VIOLINS:
China is organizing a concert which will put 1,000 saxophone players atop the Great Wall on May 1st in a weird attempt to show the rest of us they’ve joined the 21st century. First, however, they must find 1,000 saxophone players. (Hey, let’s send them Kenny G!)
THE BULL SHEET 01.14.00
TODAY’S CELEB BIRTHDAYS . . .
1919 [81] Andy Rooney, Albany NY, TV commentator (60 Minutes, since 1978)
1941 [59] Faye Dunaway, Bascom FL, aging film diva (The Messenger, Oscar-Network)
1967 [33] Emily Watson, London ENG, film actress (Angela’s Ashes, Breaking the Waves)
1968 [32] LL Cool J (James Smith), NYC, movie actor (Any Given Sunday, Deep Blue Sea)/rap artist
1969 [31] Dave Grohl, VA, rock drummer (Foo Fighters, Nirvana-Smells Like Teen Spirit)
1972 [28] Kyle Brady, New Cumberland PA, NFL TE (Jacksonville Jaguars)
SATURDAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [53] Andrea Martin, Portland ME, film actress (Rugrats Movie, Wag the Dog)/ TV comedian (Edith Prickley-SCTV)
1948 [52] Dini Petty, ENG, TV talk show host (The Dini Show-CTV)
1975 [25] Mary Pierce, Montréal PQ, pro tennis player (France)
SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1974 [26] Kate Moss, Croydon ENG, fashion model famous for ‘waif look’
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
By tradition, today is the “Coldest Day of the Year’, likely because the coldest temp of all-time was recorded January 14, 1734 in Siberia. At -120 F, smoke would not rise and birds dropped frozen to the ground. (A record that will likely never be broken, unless it’s in Winnipeg.)
Tomorrow is “Hug Your Cat Day”, a day to disclaim the common belief that cats don’t like affection. So ignore the hisses and scratches and pet your puss!
ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993 CBS announces David Letterman will host new “Late Show”
1998 NBC-TV agrees to pay a record $13 million per episode for the TV medical drama “ER”
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1690 [310] 1st ‘clarinet’ (Nürnberg, Germany)
1794 [206] Dr Jesse Bennet performs 1st successful ‘Cesarean section’ on his wife in Edom VA
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Hat Day
[Sun] National Work at Home With Your Spouse Day
[Sun] Hot & Spicy Food International Day
[Mon] Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Mon] American Music Awards
National Be On-Purpose Month
BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:
Q: Canadian Daniel David Palmer was the first person anywhere to take up THIS profession. What was it? (Hint – his work was a pain in the neck.)
A: Born in 1845 in Port Perry ON, he went on to become the world’s first ‘chiropractor’.
(Source: “More Canada Firsts” by Duff Conacher)
THE LAST WORD:
You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
